Anonymous wrote:OP here. The hosting question is interesting way to look at it. I definitely don't feel my role is the same level of hosting as at my house. I also don't think I'm babysitting all of these kids. Some of these scenarios are farfetched because I'm also not going to be taking epipens- I don't know how to administer that and if that's your concern you should probably stay with your child. That's not a conversation to have as you drop off a 8 year old guest! The workers are there to manage the place, provide directions, maintain safety. Only drop off your child of you think he is able to play properly and listen. I see it as kids coming to a party for my kid - which is why I immediately realized you guys were right that birthday boy has to be there. But the adults are just there to facilitate that and, so long as they are responsible , I feel they are kind of fungible.

Also, we have 2.5 months, it's not around the corner.

But - we have a plan that I think is pretty good. I'm glad I read above that recitals are notorious for being late. Back later.

You are just annoying. Just change the venue and/or time of the birthday party. Eat the cancellation fee. You keep making excuses. If you don't want to host the birthday party, cancel it. Lots of good suggestions on this thread about splitting up parents.

This is why kids have two parents. Divide and conquer.

And 2.5 months? Seriously?

You are the host whether you think you are or not. You have some paid help in the form of the staff at the place, but you are the host. You are responsible for the children. If you are not prepared to host or be responsible for the children, do not host a party.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The hosting question is interesting way to look at it. I definitely don't feel my role is the same level of hosting as at my house. I also don't think I'm babysitting all of these kids. Some of these scenarios are farfetched because I'm also not going to be taking epipens- I don't know how to administer that and if that's your concern you should probably stay with your child. That's not a conversation to have as you drop off a 8 year old guest! The workers are there to manage the place, provide directions, maintain safety. Only drop off your child of you think he is able to play properly and listen. I see it as kids coming to a party for my kid - which is why I immediately realized you guys were right that birthday boy has to be there. But the adults are just there to facilitate that and, so long as they are responsible , I feel they are kind of fungible.

Also, we have 2.5 months, it's not around the corner.

But - we have a plan that I think is pretty good. I'm glad I read above that recitals are notorious for being late. Back later.

You are better off thinking of yourself hosting an event at another location or venue. Think of the employees at the venue like a catering company. They are responsible for making sure the facility is running, but they are not specifically responsible for your group or party. Most of them expect the person who made the reservation to show up, provide the staff with decorations, food (if not catered by the venue) and any specifics of setup for the party room/location. They often ask for a confirmation of the final head count of the party, especially for places that have a number included but additional guests cost more. One of you needs to be there at the start of the event to make sure that any last minute details or questions that the venue staff has (even if you gave the information over the phone to another staff member who isn't there) can be answered before they start the event. Some will not start the event until the person who made the reservation is actually on the premises. Finally, it is just rude to not be there to greet your guests. Yes, your child is there to talk to his friends, but as the parental host, you should be there to at least say hello to the parents of the other kids before they parents head out. That's just basic courtesy. Despite your child being the birthday honoree, you are the ones who invited the kids to the party. Even for drop off parties, most parents want to drop their kids off with the birthday kid's parents, e.g. they are transfer parental responsibility to you as the party host. This isn't a camp where you can delegate that responsibility to relative like your sister-in-law. That's just rude. You invited them, you be there to greet them.

At 2.5 months, you have plenty of time to find another date, time or venue for the birthday party that does not conflict with your younger son's recital. And frankly 6pm on a Sunday is not an odd time for a party. You can go in, the kids can play for an hour and then have their pizza at 7pm. It's late, but for 8 year olds, that's not that bad. It's note like they are toddler/preschoolers where they need to eat in the 5:00-6:00pm range. 8 year olds can wait a little longer for dinner. If they get too hungry, get some individual chips or apples and put them aside. Tell the kids they can run into the party room to grab a snack and come back.

My kid has a peanut allergy, and I always mention that as I drop off. I did not drop off at 8, but now that she's 10, she does not want me to stay. So I mention to the host mom, dd is allergic to peanuts, where is the pizza from. And here are the cupcakes that she can have since she can almost never have the cake. I wouldn't want to have that conversation with a random Aunt. I leave an epipen in a bag with dd and a flip phone. So I guess yes since most of the guests are 8, then I would not drop off. But I still need to talk with a responsible adult about what kind of food will be there so that I can tell my dd what she can eat or not eat. I don't want to hover over her and pester her in the party. I like to get that figured out at the start. And yes, lots of times I figure this stuff out before the party, but not every time.

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you from experience that it will be a little awkward for the guests.

My daughter was with my ex before one of her birthday parties and for some reason they ran super late getting there. I was annoyed for two reasons: one, because I didn't have anyone to help me set up for the party, and two, because she was literally the last kid to get there, about 20 minutes late, and my guests could tell that I was very stressed and annoyed by that fact.

To be fair that's a totally different scenario and your guests were probably way more uncomfortable by the fact you were visibly annoyed over your ex. They were witnessing a pretty tense situation between ex spouses over a custody thing. That's way more awkward than just a kid getting there late.

It's kind of crazy you don't think you're "babysitting" these kids. Their parents are leaving them in your care at a drop-off part you are hosting. You are absolutely in charge of their safety and well being during that time.

Is this literally the first recital AND first birthday you've ever done?

I would never hand over my kid to a random "aunt" I've never met before, just because she says she is an aunt. It's creepy.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The hosting question is interesting way to look at it. I definitely don't feel my role is the same level of hosting as at my house. I also don't think I'm babysitting all of these kids. Some of these scenarios are farfetched because I'm also not going to be taking epipens- I don't know how to administer that and if that's your concern you should probably stay with your child. That's not a conversation to have as you drop off a 8 year old guest! The workers are there to manage the place, provide directions, maintain safety. Only drop off your child of you think he is able to play properly and listen. I see it as kids coming to a party for my kid - which is why I immediately realized you guys were right that birthday boy has to be there. But the adults are just there to facilitate that and, so long as they are responsible , I feel they are kind of fungible.

Also, we have 2.5 months, it's not around the corner.

But - we have a plan that I think is pretty good. I'm glad I read above that recitals are notorious for being late. Back later.

You are the only one besides that PP who thinks that hosting responsibilities change because of the venue. A parent must be there.

And don't be a shitty parent to the birthday kid. Be there for the whole party. It's *almost* unbelievable that you think it's OK for BOTH parents to be late your own child's birthday party. I say almost because you simply refuse to put yourself in anyone else's shoes.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The hosting question is interesting way to look at it. I definitely don't feel my role is the same level of hosting as at my house. I also don't think I'm babysitting all of these kids. Some of these scenarios are farfetched because I'm also not going to be taking epipens- I don't know how to administer that and if that's your concern you should probably stay with your child. That's not a conversation to have as you drop off a 8 year old guest! The workers are there to manage the place, provide directions, maintain safety. Only drop off your child of you think he is able to play properly and listen. I see it as kids coming to a party for my kid - which is why I immediately realized you guys were right that birthday boy has to be there. But the adults are just there to facilitate that and, so long as they are responsible , I feel they are kind of fungible.

Also, we have 2.5 months, it's not around the corner.

But - we have a plan that I think is pretty good. I'm glad I read above that recitals are notorious for being late. Back later.

We get it. Nothing has actually changed in your planning. You are going to be operating on a wing and a prayer. It's doubtful that the recital timing is going to work to your advantage here. You really need to reschedule the party to another day and/or another venue, and move the time back to a decent and manageable time.

Don't you worry that your child will be very sad if you are not there for his birthday party?
I have hosted multiple parties at venue type places. These parties are so short- I can't imagine being late.
My kids would be crushed if I valued something for their sibling over their birthday party. My kids think about their birthday parties essentially year round.
It is their special day.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The hosting question is interesting way to look at it. I definitely don't feel my role is the same level of hosting as at my house. I also don't think I'm babysitting all of these kids. Some of these scenarios are farfetched because I'm also not going to be taking epipens- I don't know how to administer that and if that's your concern you should probably stay with your child. That's not a conversation to have as you drop off a 8 year old guest! The workers are there to manage the place, provide directions, maintain safety. Only drop off your child of you think he is able to play properly and listen. I see it as kids coming to a party for my kid - which is why I immediately realized you guys were right that birthday boy has to be there. But the adults are just there to facilitate that and, so long as they are responsible , I feel they are kind of fungible.

Also, we have 2.5 months, it's not around the corner.

But - we have a plan that I think is pretty good. I'm glad I read above that recitals are notorious for being late. Back later.

Wait, you scheduled a birthday party 2 1/2 months in advance? And you can't change the time because it's all booked up? Where on earth is this party venue that is SO popular that it's booked up that far in advance?

Here's another idea - change the entire venue of the party. I guarantee you there are places where you can push the time back an hour and still hold a party. Maybe even places that are similar to the one you've already booked.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The hosting question is interesting way to look at it. I definitely don't feel my role is the same level of hosting as at my house. I also don't think I'm babysitting all of these kids. Some of these scenarios are farfetched because I'm also not going to be taking epipens- I don't know how to administer that and if that's your concern you should probably stay with your child. That's not a conversation to have as you drop off a 8 year old guest! The workers are there to manage the place, provide directions, maintain safety. Only drop off your child of you think he is able to play properly and listen. I see it as kids coming to a party for my kid - which is why I immediately realized you guys were right that birthday boy has to be there. But the adults are just there to facilitate that and, so long as they are responsible , I feel they are kind of fungible.

Also, we have 2.5 months, it's not around the corner.

But - we have a plan that I think is pretty good. I'm glad I read above that recitals are notorious for being late. Back later.

It's exactly the same level of hosting. Only the venue has changed. Kids are coming to a party, which you are hosting. Yes, in this case you have some staff managing parts of the party, but you are still the host, and at least one parent should be there to greet guests.

You might feel that adults are fungible, but as you can see from this thread, not everyone feels that way.

OP here. The hosting question is interesting way to look at it. I definitely don't feel my role is the same level of hosting as at my house. I also don't think I'm babysitting all of these kids. Some of these scenarios are farfetched because I'm also not going to be taking epipens- I don't know how to administer that and if that's your concern you should probably stay with your child. That's not a conversation to have as you drop off a 8 year old guest! The workers are there to manage the place, provide directions, maintain safety. Only drop off your child of you think he is able to play properly and listen. I see it as kids coming to a party for my kid - which is why I immediately realized you guys were right that birthday boy has to be there. But the adults are just there to facilitate that and, so long as they are responsible , I feel they are kind of fungible.

Also, we have 2.5 months, it's not around the corner.

But - we have a plan that I think is pretty good. I'm glad I read above that recitals are notorious for being late. Back later.

I can tell you from experience that it will be a little awkward for the guests.

My daughter was with my ex before one of her birthday parties and for some reason they ran super late getting there. I was annoyed for two reasons: one, because I didn't have anyone to help me set up for the party, and two, because she was literally the last kid to get there, about 20 minutes late, and my guests could tell that I was very stressed and annoyed by that fact.