Anonymous wrote:I added my DH's last name to mine under pressure from my mother who "would be embarrassed" if I did not change my name. It was a compromise I regret 20 years later although I am still married.
I think about dropping his name legally as I don't use it in informal situations. One day - when I'm not so busy raising kids...
passport, driver's license, social security, frequent flyer programs, insurance, health records... UGH!!!

Good grief! I'm sorry, PP.

I added my DH's last name to mine under pressure from my mother who "would be embarrassed" if I did not change my name. It was a compromise I regret 20 years later although I am still married.
I think about dropping his name legally as I don't use it in informal situations. One day - when I'm not so busy raising kids...
passport, driver's license, social security, frequent flyer programs, insurance, health records... UGH!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused - the consensus on this thread is women should not take DH's last name as a progressive practice to throw off the patriarchal society yet children take the husband's last name? This seems in conflict. She carried them, birthed them, and let's be honest, typically does more of the child care. The kids should have her last name, not his.

What do you find confusing, exactly? That people might do one thing that is untraditional in US society (the wife keeping her name, the husband keeping his name) but another thing that is traditional (giving the child the father's name)? People are complicated. If you expect people to be completely ideologically consistent at all times about everything, you will be disappointed frequently.

Ha. My kid has my husband's last name. It was more important to him that it was to me, I felt plenty connected to the kid, having created her in my body, and I got to pick the first and middle names (which included a family name from my mom's side of the family).

And I didn't keep my name "to throw off the patriarchal society." I kept my name because it was my name and I didn't see any reason to change it.