Anonymous
Post 02/15/2016 15:13     Subject: Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You don't want 30 birthday gifts?

Pp from above here. Fine, then quietly load up your car with all 30 gifts after the party and bring them to any children's hospital or women's shelter. Don't tell all the guests, no grand announcement on the invitation, don't post on FB about it, just do it because you personally want to share your values with your child and teach her.


I don't like this idea. Some people spend time picking a gift for your child. A gift s/he will enjoy. I would be insulted if the family took my gift and donated it.
If you want to do that I would rather you tell me so I can pick an appropriate gift for the charity.

For example I wouldn't give a video game to a charity b/c who knows if the kids have a gaming system. I also wouldn't give a gift that requires batteries.

If you don't need 30 gifts have a no gift party.
Don't be silly! You may give me a gift but you cannot dictate how I use it. I am capable of deciding if I want to give my video game or battery operated item to a shelter. You have a control issue pp!

OP does not need to make political or social issue of her party. She should sent out the invitation indicating no gifts are expected. But if people still send her gifts that she does not want, she should quietly donate them. You don't have to know what she did with her gifts anyway.


No, OP should say no gifts wanted. She and her kids are too good for crappy presents from others.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2016 15:10     Subject: Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed by the number of commenters who are offended by this concept - so much judgement! This is a child's birthday... Maybe it's not a personal affront to you if parents decide to do something outside of the norm.

Maybe the kid already has a bunch of stuff. Maybe they live in a small house and don't have room for more things. Maybe parents and kids are sick of the generic gifts they get from parents who just 'have to bring something.' Maybe the kid legit wants to collect things to donate to the shelter/food bank/animal rescue league/whatever. Maybe it's a value that the parents are trying to make instill.

Regardless - you really have to go out of your way to be offended by this.


I too can't understand how people are offended by this? It's odd that people are more comfortable with the concept of children receiving numerous gifts for material things they don't need than with collecting items for a food pantry?



This is exactly what I am talking about. It's inplicit in the request that you feel that gifts are "material things they don't need" and "numerous", aka "too many" and is precisely the kind of smugness and "better than you" feel of the request that is off putting.
They are 6! They are children! It's their birthday! I am NOT going to feel badly that my 6 year old is really excited to have a birthday party and get little trinkets from their friends because they are KIDS and that is part of a very normal age appropriate and traditional fun of being 6.
And I suggest you think about being 6 and the magic of childhood, the fun, the excitement of a special day and remember these are kids.


Oh my god, so much about YOU and how YOU feel insulted and how YOU interpret this parent's intentions and how YOU think it sucks.

I suggest YOU stop adding a whole bunch of unnecessary insult to someone who is inviting your kid to their kid's birthday party. And chill out and buy some canned goods.


+1000
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2016 19:47     Subject: Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You don't want 30 birthday gifts?

Pp from above here. Fine, then quietly load up your car with all 30 gifts after the party and bring them to any children's hospital or women's shelter. Don't tell all the guests, no grand announcement on the invitation, don't post on FB about it, just do it because you personally want to share your values with your child and teach her.


I don't like this idea. Some people spend time picking a gift for your child. A gift s/he will enjoy. I would be insulted if the family took my gift and donated it.
If you want to do that I would rather you tell me so I can pick an appropriate gift for the charity.

For example I wouldn't give a video game to a charity b/c who knows if the kids have a gaming system. I also wouldn't give a gift that requires batteries.

If you don't need 30 gifts have a no gift party.
Don't be silly! You may give me a gift but you cannot dictate how I use it. I am capable of deciding if I want to give my video game or battery operated item to a shelter. You have a control issue pp!

OP does not need to make political or social issue of her party. She should sent out the invitation indicating no gifts are expected. But if people still send her gifts that she does not want, she should quietly donate them. You don't have to know what she did with her gifts anyway.


The gift was not given to the parent, it was given to the child. I highly doubt that most parents would care to sit on the floor and play with play food for hours, unless they were playing with their child.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2016 13:55     Subject: Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You don't want 30 birthday gifts?

Pp from above here. Fine, then quietly load up your car with all 30 gifts after the party and bring them to any children's hospital or women's shelter. Don't tell all the guests, no grand announcement on the invitation, don't post on FB about it, just do it because you personally want to share your values with your child and teach her.


I don't like this idea. Some people spend time picking a gift for your child. A gift s/he will enjoy. I would be insulted if the family took my gift and donated it.
If you want to do that I would rather you tell me so I can pick an appropriate gift for the charity.

For example I wouldn't give a video game to a charity b/c who knows if the kids have a gaming system. I also wouldn't give a gift that requires batteries.

If you don't need 30 gifts have a no gift party.
Don't be silly! You may give me a gift but you cannot dictate how I use it. I am capable of deciding if I want to give my video game or battery operated item to a shelter. You have a control issue pp!

OP does not need to make political or social issue of her party. She should sent out the invitation indicating no gifts are expected. But if people still send her gifts that she does not want, she should quietly donate them. You don't have to know what she did with her gifts anyway.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2016 11:29     Subject: Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Anonymous wrote:You don't want 30 birthday gifts?

Pp from above here. Fine, then quietly load up your car with all 30 gifts after the party and bring them to any children's hospital or women's shelter. Don't tell all the guests, no grand announcement on the invitation, don't post on FB about it, just do it because you personally want to share your values with your child and teach her.


I don't like this idea. Some people spend time picking a gift for your child. A gift s/he will enjoy. I would be insulted if the family took my gift and donated it.
If you want to do that I would rather you tell me so I can pick an appropriate gift for the charity.

For example I wouldn't give a video game to a charity b/c who knows if the kids have a gaming system. I also wouldn't give a gift that requires batteries.

If you don't need 30 gifts have a no gift party.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2016 11:18     Subject: Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Anonymous wrote:One of my kids wanted to collect diapers for the DC diaper Bank for her 10th birthday. She was so proud to drop off the diapers and any comments from the guest parents were positive. We have gone to other parties where we brought gifts for the local animal shelter. I far prefer to spend money buying a gift like that than on another Target gift card for kids who don't need a thing.


For some reason, this seems really great for a ten year old when it is obviously the kids idea, and so eye roll inducing for a six year old where it is clearly the parents idea.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2016 10:43     Subject: Re:Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Anonymous wrote:Everyone needs to take it down a notch. OP I suspect it is the 2-3 people freaking out about your reasonable and generous idea. Let your kid pick the cause and check the organization to see what they need.

Another idea to combat too much stuff, My 6 yr old dd recently went to a birthday party with a chapter book exchange. Everyone was asked to bring their favorite and everyone left with a new one. It was great.


Generous is thoughtfully buying something yourself and donating it. Find out specific needs or an unmet need (i.e. fresh bread, milk, fruit and veggies) and YOU buying/donating. Asking others to donate to you so you can give it to the charity of your choice is not generous.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2016 10:13     Subject: Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI at the food pantry I volunteer at nobody wants the canned goods. They specifically ask us to not give them and if we do they leave them outside. So if you're going to do this at least ask for something useful like cereal, fruit cups, juice, rice and dry beans. Hispanics are a big portion of the customer base and they do not like peanut butter or boxes Mac and cheese so stay away from that too.


I think I volunteer with you! These one-off canned food drives are generally not helpful if not coordinated with us in advance. We'd very much like to give you a list of our most-needed items (can vary weekly) and our general policies (no glass jars, no Costco-sized packages, no green beans, no pie fillings, no gravy mixes, etc.). Then, we will have to schedule a time for you to deliver your donations, likely after school when it is hectic. You'll want to stop to talk to us, ask a million questions and...sorry to be blunt, but my time is limited and focused on confidentially meeting with food visitors.


I'm just really surprised to hear a volunteer say this. I know that my kids and I have participated in lots of canned food drives over the years and we have always gotten the impression that it was a great help and much appreciated.

When I give cans, they come directly from my own pantry - usually soups, tuna, chili, etc. Stuff my own family does eat. That's what most people do.

I'm PP quoted. Please know that you would be sincerely thanked and your donations would be very much appreciated, but you are a rare exception. Most people in my corner of the world do not think much beyond cream condensed soups and peanut butter and rarely, if ever, ask what are current needs are. The ugly secret in food charities is that there's tremendous waste. We end up throwing away long-expired (crystal light from 1992, for example) and opened foods (yes, opened, which is why volunteers wear aprons and gloves) and bulging, drippy cans.

My charity would really appreciate a quick call or email or a check of our website to find out what we take and when you can drop off. It's a business.

Anonymous
Post 02/14/2016 08:19     Subject: Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI at the food pantry I volunteer at nobody wants the canned goods. They specifically ask us to not give them and if we do they leave them outside. So if you're going to do this at least ask for something useful like cereal, fruit cups, juice, rice and dry beans. Hispanics are a big portion of the customer base and they do not like peanut butter or boxes Mac and cheese so stay away from that too.


I think I volunteer with you! These one-off canned food drives are generally not helpful if not coordinated with us in advance. We'd very much like to give you a list of our most-needed items (can vary weekly) and our general policies (no glass jars, no Costco-sized packages, no green beans, no pie fillings, no gravy mixes, etc.). Then, we will have to schedule a time for you to deliver your donations, likely after school when it is hectic. You'll want to stop to talk to us, ask a million questions and...sorry to be blunt, but my time is limited and focused on confidentially meeting with food visitors.


I'm just really surprised to hear a volunteer say this. I know that my kids and I have participated in lots of canned food drives over the years and we have always gotten the impression that it was a great help and much appreciated.

When I give cans, they come directly from my own pantry - usually soups, tuna, chili, etc. Stuff my own family does eat. That's what most people do.

Anonymous
Post 02/14/2016 06:37     Subject: Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Anonymous wrote:I haven't read every response, but to those asking why not let the kid get gifts then donate them right away: how would your 6 yo react if her friends selected & gave her presents, then she wasn't allowed to keep them? Poorly, I assume. Which just goes to the point that things like "no gifts" at this age are really about what the parent wants-- not about the child.


Exactly, it's not about being generous or supporting a cause. It's about making a statement about being generous or supporting a cause. That's why it turns people off.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2016 00:57     Subject: Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI at the food pantry I volunteer at nobody wants the canned goods. They specifically ask us to not give them and if we do they leave them outside. So if you're going to do this at least ask for something useful like cereal, fruit cups, juice, rice and dry beans. Hispanics are a big portion of the customer base and they do not like peanut butter or boxes Mac and cheese so stay away from that too.


My local food bank's current list is:
pasta (I was told they have enough sauce)
cereal
spam

Staples that they never can have enough:
peanut butter
mac and cheese
canned corn
canned green beans
canned chicken
canned/pouch tuna
soup, both canned and mix
formula
baby food (not toddler, baby)

Taxable (big items they would prefer to know about ahead of time):
toilet paper
2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner
deodorant
bar soap
diapers

Our local food bank serves people who are older or who don't have time to cook, so they don't want dry beans. Many of the people don't know HOW to cook, so rice isn't wanted. Anything with all the ingredients included and directions on the back will be taken... eventually.

The food bank is run out of a local church, and there's no refrigeration and very little freezer space, so anything perishable must come in as donations start coming out, and anything left at the end of the day must go.

Our food bank may have a list for staples and current needs, but they have NEVER told someone not to bring something in (as long as it was usable). We thought it was somewhat strange when someone brought in 100 cans of sardines, but I was working two days later when the old guy came in and saw them. Because we knew that most people in our area wouldn't want them, we put them on the table with items close to expiration or with unknown expiration dates (from which everyone may take up to 5 things without counting them towards their weekly total). He took 5 from the table, and then asked if he could substitute cans of sardines for each item he was allotted for the week, so we let him take them all (much more than his allotment, but we didn't care). It turns out that sardines have been his once a month splurge for the last 15 years, something that reminded him of sitting and talking with his grandfather while fishing. Nobody else is our area had ever expressed an interest in sardines, but we made his day.

It sounds like your food bank doesn't allow any choice if people ask you not to give them certain items and then they leave them? If so, it sounds like the way you distribute needs to change.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2016 00:40     Subject: Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Anonymous wrote:Can someone explain why you can't just quietly donate the gifts to a women's shelter, hospital, etc?

It's been asked 3 times and no one can answer why this is not good enough and takes care of the "problem"


Domestic abuse shelters frequently don't advertise where they are, so that the abusers can't find them as easily. It's not as easy as just pulling up to one and dropping off a load of toys. When I volunteered for one in Wisconsin, there were a slew of rules: Don't acknowledge that you know any person you meet there if you see them on the street; Park at least 2 blocks away, walk a different route each time, and stand in the shadows by the window so that you are visible while waiting to be buzzed in; Don't solicit any supplies specifically for the shelter or advertise a pick up date; Don't advertise that you volunteer at a domestic abuse shelter, etc.

Children's hospitals get tons of toy donations. Is there a reason that toys are more important than food, and a child who would prefer to donate food should not do so? I don't see a reason that a child should feel proud of voluntarily giving up presents for a year so that someone else can have something they need.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2016 00:33     Subject: Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Anonymous wrote:Would a poor person be sending an invite announcing how many things their child has and that they just can't endure any more?
No?
Then it's pretentious and showy, don't do it.

Can you explain why you can't donate the toys? Not getting why that's not the best option, done quietly and not "bring a toy so we can donate it!"


Actually, yes, we did. The first year, I was 9, my sister was 8, and my brother 5. In about a 6 month span, a few kids we knew had houses burn down. The local Red Cross supported them while insurance argued about whether they were going to pay, how much, whether it was arson because it was happening too often, etc. The food bank provided food and hygiene items. Because we talked about it at school, we all knew that the adults were doing what they could, and while we didn't know what was going on with the insurance, we knew that it was a struggle. Nobody wanted to make the families feel worse, so nobody gave to them directly. But several baskets of food or clothes were dropped off at the school or were left at a relative's house. Several kids decided that they were going to say no gifts for birthday parties, and they asked for specific items (my sister requested toothpaste, my brother requested peanut butter and I requested cans of soup). It wasn't at the adults' urging, and the kids didn't take credit for it. Oh, and we weren't wealthy, far from it!

As an adult, if a child told me that they wanted to collect donations instead of receiving presents, I would ask why so that I could help word the invitations. While I'm in complete agreement that kids should learn to give of themselves by watching their parents, sometimes that's not possible, and every child's urge to give should be encouraged. If a child wanted to donate toys, I would be fine with that. But honestly? I would much prefer to collect necessities like diapers and food, so if a child said that's what they wanted to do, I would encourage it.

I don't understand a parent of an invited child thinking it's rude for the birthday child to express that they would prefer to collect donations. Most kids who would think of it are already collecting donations from other sources, so their birthday party seems like a very acceptable venue to me. Most non-profits don't want the liability that comes with allowing a minor to volunteer, so the only that they can do is collect money and/or items and distribute information. How else should children get involved?
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2016 18:16     Subject: Re:Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Everyone needs to take it down a notch. OP I suspect it is the 2-3 people freaking out about your reasonable and generous idea. Let your kid pick the cause and check the organization to see what they need.

Another idea to combat too much stuff, My 6 yr old dd recently went to a birthday party with a chapter book exchange. Everyone was asked to bring their favorite and everyone left with a new one. It was great.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2016 17:08     Subject: Food Bank donations in lieu of gifts
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm amazed by the number of commenters who are offended by this concept - so much judgement! This is a child's birthday... Maybe it's not a personal affront to you if parents decide to do something outside of the norm.

Maybe the kid already has a bunch of stuff. Maybe they live in a small house and don't have room for more things. Maybe parents and kids are sick of the generic gifts they get from parents who just 'have to bring something.' Maybe the kid legit wants to collect things to donate to the shelter/food bank/animal rescue league/whatever. Maybe it's a value that the parents are trying to make instill.

Regardless - you really have to go out of your way to be offended by this.


I too can't understand how people are offended by this? It's odd that people are more comfortable with the concept of children receiving numerous gifts for material things they don't need than with collecting items for a food pantry?



This is exactly what I am talking about. It's inplicit in the request that you feel that gifts are "material things they don't need" and "numerous", aka "too many" and is precisely the kind of smugness and "better than you" feel of the request that is off putting.
They are 6! They are children! It's their birthday! I am NOT going to feel badly that my 6 year old is really excited to have a birthday party and get little trinkets from their friends because they are KIDS and that is part of a very normal age appropriate and traditional fun of being 6.
And I suggest you think about being 6 and the magic of childhood, the fun, the excitement of a special day and remember these are kids.


Oh my god, so much about YOU and how YOU feel insulted and how YOU interpret this parent's intentions and how YOU think it sucks.

I suggest YOU stop adding a whole bunch of unnecessary insult to someone who is inviting your kid to their kid's birthday party. And chill out and buy some canned goods.


But poor people don't want canned goods. According to pp, canned goods are disgusting and they'd rather have frozen TV dinners.


No. I said frozen veggies vs canned. Not once did I say frozen dinners. Those we do not have to give out almost ever.