I don't think it matters whether it's disrespectful or not, but I really don't think it's normal to daydream about this. If even a small part of you wants your husband dead you should not be married anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, fleeting thoughts and daydreams are not "disgusting" or "shameful." OP has not hired a hitman. She is not fantasizing about what it actually means to be a widow, the sorrow, the heartache, the despair, the piles of paperwork.

OP is asking, in essence, have you ever fantasized in bad times about suddenly being free, no questions asked, without any effort on your part, and no trauma. And I think everyone has. So stop condemning her.

It's very disrespectful to actual widows who didn't fantasize about living that outcome. I don't condemn her for wanting out, but for romanticizing widowhood instead of growing a pair and getting out of a bad marriage if she wants out.

I think EVERYTHING we do is disrespectful to somebody. Stop being so sensitive. It's disrespectful to my dog and all the other dogs who have been abandoned that I wish I could drop her off at the thrift store. But sometimes I still fucking wish it. Let her have her little daydream.

She can have her daydream and I can have my opinion on it. Unless you are too sensitive to hear other points of view...

Why no, I'm not. Keep your comments coming.

I just think the argument that a daydream about becoming a widow is disrespectful to real widows is wrong. Disrespectful would be her telling you that you shouldn't feel sad about being a widow and that you are stupid for doing so. But that didn't happen. Nobody was disrespecting real grief.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, fleeting thoughts and daydreams are not "disgusting" or "shameful." OP has not hired a hitman. She is not fantasizing about what it actually means to be a widow, the sorrow, the heartache, the despair, the piles of paperwork.

OP is asking, in essence, have you ever fantasized in bad times about suddenly being free, no questions asked, without any effort on your part, and no trauma. And I think everyone has. So stop condemning her.

It's very disrespectful to actual widows who didn't fantasize about living that outcome. I don't condemn her for wanting out, but for romanticizing widowhood instead of growing a pair and getting out of a bad marriage if she wants out.

I think EVERYTHING we do is disrespectful to somebody. Stop being so sensitive. It's disrespectful to my dog and all the other dogs who have been abandoned that I wish I could drop her off at the thrift store. But sometimes I still fucking wish it. Let her have her little daydream.

She can have her daydream and I can have my opinion on it. Unless you are too sensitive to hear other points of view...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, fleeting thoughts and daydreams are not "disgusting" or "shameful." OP has not hired a hitman. She is not fantasizing about what it actually means to be a widow, the sorrow, the heartache, the despair, the piles of paperwork.

OP is asking, in essence, have you ever fantasized in bad times about suddenly being free, no questions asked, without any effort on your part, and no trauma. And I think everyone has. So stop condemning her.

It's very disrespectful to actual widows who didn't fantasize about living that outcome. I don't condemn her for wanting out, but for romanticizing widowhood instead of growing a pair and getting out of a bad marriage if she wants out.

I think EVERYTHING we do is disrespectful to somebody. Stop being so sensitive. It's disrespectful to my dog and all the other dogs who have been abandoned that I wish I could drop her off at the thrift store. But sometimes I still fucking wish it. Let her have her little daydream.

Anonymous wrote:Look, fleeting thoughts and daydreams are not "disgusting" or "shameful." OP has not hired a hitman. She is not fantasizing about what it actually means to be a widow, the sorrow, the heartache, the despair, the piles of paperwork.

OP is asking, in essence, have you ever fantasized in bad times about suddenly being free, no questions asked, without any effort on your part, and no trauma. And I think everyone has. So stop condemning her.

It's very disrespectful to actual widows who didn't fantasize about living that outcome. I don't condemn her for wanting out, but for romanticizing widowhood instead of growing a pair and getting out of a bad marriage if she wants out.

I am a widow. My marriage was terrible. My husband was a bully, workaholic, huge traveler, and just turned into a not kind person (yeller). The man put himself in an incredibly stressful field (big law) and wouldn't leave (I work, make a decent living and we would have been fine on a smaller lifestyle that he would down size to). I managed three kids(1, 3, 5) and a busy career (I'm a nurse practitioner) alone. I was looking into leaving and weighing options, including therapy, which he refused to attend.

He had a heart attack. It was horrible and yes, at first, I felt like all of my dreams and hopes were smashed. I think deep down, he was that amazing person I married, but his career turned him into something that was awful. I think it killed him (sedentary lifestyle, excessive drinking, weight gain, and stress were all contributing factors).

I left NY (where we were living) and moved back to DC closer to my parents and siblings. And slowly rebuilt my life. It's a small life, but it's fine.

My life is a million times better. My children, however, miss their father or wish they had more time with them. I grieve for them.

Anonymous wrote:I am a recent widow and it's awful. It's heart breaking. He was the love of my life and an incredible dad. Fucking cancer took him. Also, FYI, it's not easier than divorce. The hoops I am jumping through to move on with our lives are insane and take me about three hours a day to slog through. I would give anything to have him back.

My job is to do paperwork, so I'm used to it. He's an ok dad, nothing to write home about, and he's certainly not the love of my life. See? Everyone's marriages are different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Death is easier than divorce.

Not true at all for those who truly love their spouses.

Sure, but a lot of us don't. My spouse doesn't provide much emotional support, and is like a third child for me to pick up after. I should have married an adult, not a man child.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is away for work for the next few months. While our marriage isn't ideal, I have to say this is far harder than I even imagined. Doesn't help that none of my regular babysitters were available this week, and my kids were home two extra days when I have work projects I need to get done. Solo parenting sucks.

I find my life runs much more smoothly if DH is gone, and it's not any more work. I do all of it whether he's around or not.

Anonymous wrote:OMG of course

+1

If you hate your husband, you aren't likely to experience a lifetime of grief and pain at his demise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, fleeting thoughts and daydreams are not "disgusting" or "shameful." OP has not hired a hitman. She is not fantasizing about what it actually means to be a widow, the sorrow, the heartache, the despair, the piles of paperwork.

OP is asking, in essence, have you ever fantasized in bad times about suddenly being free, no questions asked, without any effort on your part, and no trauma. And I think everyone has. So stop condemning her.

No trauma? WTF. Come back when you're a widow and post if you think this is fine.

It's her daydream, not your reality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a recent widow and it's awful. It's heart breaking. He was the love of my life and an incredible dad. Fucking cancer took him. Also, FYI, it's not easier than divorce. The hoops I am jumping through to move on with our lives are insane and take me about three hours a day to slog through. I would give anything to have him back.

I'm so sorry. I hope everyone who's posted on this thread sees this and is filled with the shame they deserve.

Wishing you peace <3

Thank you.

Good luck pp. almost everyday I wish I was the one taken instead of my s/o. I miss him so much it's ridiculous

I'm a widow, too, and I get it. Hugs to you!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Death is easier than divorce.

Not true at all for those who truly love their spouses.

It would probably be worse to be truly in love and have your spouse divorce you than for them to die accidentally and you mourne with family and friends. You have to share your kids.. Constantly see.. See with a new partner.. Maybe the kids secretly like the new partner better than you.. Half of your assets gone.

Or accidental death, beautiful funeral , sympathy all around, remember the love, none of the lifetime pain or difficulty .

I've had several friends who were widowed at a young age. Your description doesn't match theirs.

You have NO IDEA what the grief is like. Lifetime of pain sounds about right.

Anonymous wrote:Look, fleeting thoughts and daydreams are not "disgusting" or "shameful." OP has not hired a hitman. She is not fantasizing about what it actually means to be a widow, the sorrow, the heartache, the despair, the piles of paperwork.

OP is asking, in essence, have you ever fantasized in bad times about suddenly being free, no questions asked, without any effort on your part, and no trauma. And I think everyone has. So stop condemning her.

No trauma? WTF. Come back when you're a widow and post if you think this is fine.