Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This blizzard and how unhelpful/disinterested our neighbors have been throughout the blizzard has gotten me thinking about how much I dislike our neighborhood/neighbors and how I would love to move (but still stay in NoVA).

We bought our SFH in Herndon 8 years ago pre-kids. We were DINKS, this was our first home purchase, and it took us a year to find this house. It's a beautiful house, in a beautiful neighborhood, in a convenient location. We have 1.5 acres, and a gorgeous yard. We have put over $100,000 in renovations and upgrades into the house after we bought it. My husband also dislikes the neighborhood/neighbors but says we have spent too much money on renovations/have over-improved for the neighborhood and if we sold we would sell at a huge loss. I understand this, but also feel that you can't put a price on neighborliness and sense of community, and I am also very unhappy here.

The problem is that our neighborhood is mostly empty nesters and retirees, there are practically no kids (kids are mainly high school kids), and this is one of the most antisocial, apathetic neighborhoods I've ever heard of. We don't know our neighbors at all, and they are disinterested and rude, the kind who go back into the house if they see you outside, they gossip about us to other neighbors, and in general took a disliking to us the minute we moved in (because we are not in the demographic of the neighborhood).

We didn't really think about the importance of a sense of community/friendly/social neighborhood when we bought the house. Our neighborhood has no social events during the year, no parties, no listserv/Facebook page, and no sense of community spirit whatsoever. People here value their huge yards and keeping to themselves. This wasn't something that bothered me at first, but now that we have kids and I'm a SAHM, I would love to be in a neighborhood with a more family friendly atmosphere. Also, we are on the HOA board, but that has not facilitated meeting other neighbors or improving the unfriendliness situation at all.

We now have a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old, and I'm a SAHM. I feel like we have no sense of community here. The yards are large and people keep to themselves. There is no street life, no kids outside playing, very few people walking, etc. because it's mostly empty nesters. We have no friends at all in this neighborhood and I doubt we ever will. I have introduced myself to a few moms I have met while out walking who have young kids, and they seemed completely disinterested in getting to know me/having playdates. Pretty much they're all full-time working moms who have nannies/au pairs.

Anyhow, just wondering what you would do if you also lived in such an awful neighborhood with awful neighbors. I don't feel happy in this neighborhood anymore, even though I really like our house and the location. I don't feel like it feels like home, or that we have put down any roots here, despite having lived here for 8 years now. I know that we can find community elsewhere other than neighborhood, but that really hasn't happened yet either, not at my toddler's preschool, or in moms groups I have joined, etc.

Dislike. Apathetic, antisocial, disinterested, rude, awful people. Your disdain for your neighbors is evident in your description of them, but you provide no actual examples of having bad neighbors. Loud parties? Not taking care of their property? Being the lawn length police and reporting you to the HOA? Shoveling their snow so it blocks your drive? DCUM has several posts a day from people dealing with neighbors who are jerks. You use really negative language, but your neighbors don't seem like jerks.

In fact, they see m a lot like me--busy people in a different stage of life than you. Introverts, who want to unwind at home, and not have to be "on the go" and entertaining while relaxing at home. I'm a WOHM of older school aged kids. They're busy so I'm busy. I'd be glad to chat with you at the mailbox for a couple minutes, have one of my kids get your mail while you are on vacation & keep an eye on your house, watch your kids in a genuine emergency, etc but I don't have time for, or want, to form a book club or have a play date with our kids (if they are friends, your kids can just come over)

Your neighbors don't like you, because you dislike them. Also, as PPs point out, no friends in neighborhood, no connections at pre-school, no buddies from mom's group. This seems a lot like the problem lies with you. Moving won't fix this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Be aware that elementary school can have much more opportunities to get to know people in your neighborhood. We live in a very compact neighborhood but didn't have any kids right near us and I mostly was friends with people I knew through my kids' out-of-the-neighborhood preschool. Once they started school it was shocking to find out all these kids lived here that we'd never met!

OP here, yes I am looking forward to the elementary school years, they're just so far away right now! Maybe our new preschool next year will be better for socializing and making friends. I did make several friends in my first moms group, but they are all full-time working moms, so I only see them sporadically on the weekends. Would love to make some other SAHM friends.

Playground and mommy and me classes at the rec center. That will at least get you around other moms with kids the same age.

You need to get out and about and stop worrying about the neighbors. Once you get busy and start feeling happy about life you will suddenly be surrounded by people who want to know you. But it might take a few years because your kids are still so young.

Establish a routine for yourself: breakfast, laundry, morning walk, playground time, quiet time at home/lunch, errands, tidying at home, dinner, book reading, bath, bed. Or something like that.

If you can't take a walk down your street without the neighbor's dogs barking at you and menacing your small children - call Animal Control. That is absolutely ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Condos, townhouses, and SFH that are tightly situated are completely different than what OP is describing.

OP, think about it. You are describing a neighbor issue, and your neighbors live about as far away as you can get in this geographical area. How on earth are you going to guarantee more sanity, if you are living *closer* to your neighbors?

Frankly, if you move, you are taking quite a gamble.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have made the decision to move too for pretty much the same reasons and the blizzard is again underscoring what I feel we miss here (my DH would be happy to live at the end of a dirt road reachable by ATV's). The thing is I have lots of friends one neighborhood over but all through the blizzard I had major FOMO, getting text invites that I could not walk the 1/2mile to (in worse part of storm.) It is Halloween too - we are the outer edge of a neighborhood so while there are lots of kids - none on our street (like yours - 75% of houses have 80plus yo and the only people we see are the health care workers. I get so sad to the point of tears that DD lost the gift of close by friends once the one on-the-street family moved away: her truly bff. We don't go to the local ES so that adds to breech. My only regret about moving would be losing our neighborhood pool. We get equity (finally!) this summer and can keep going but it will be just far enough away we probably won't go. FWIW I did live on the 'perfect' block before this house (we were renting and once we were ready to buy we could not afford the 2mil homes esp w/o company housing subsidy) but that magical grouping of friends have almost all moved so those perfect enclaves - especially in the DMV - can change. I will move for the hope of friendly neighbors but underpin it with other attributes I value. We had been looking for our dream house in our desired neighborhoods - now we are looking for our OK This Will Do place. Life is too short to not have at least the possibility of nearby friends. MOVE - I will do ever thing I can to make this happen for myself this year.

+1 Move. Its much better to be around people like yourself. DINK neighborhoods don't change.

Anonymous wrote:We are selling our condo and buying a new place solely because of our neighbors. So, yes.

There are other factors too- but we originally planned to move in a year from now. We have new neighbors downstairs that smoke pot/cigs all the time, show no respect to the community... and yeah. We decided why wait?

Anonymous wrote:I have made the decision to move too for pretty much the same reasons and the blizzard is again underscoring what I feel we miss here (my DH would be happy to live at the end of a dirt road reachable by ATV's). The thing is I have lots of friends one neighborhood over but all through the blizzard I had major FOMO, getting text invites that I could not walk the 1/2mile to (in worse part of storm.) It is Halloween too - we are the outer edge of a neighborhood so while there are lots of kids - none on our street (like yours - 75% of houses have 80plus yo and the only people we see are the health care workers. I get so sad to the point of tears that DD lost the gift of close by friends once the one on-the-street family moved away: her truly bff. We don't go to the local ES so that adds to breech. My only regret about moving would be losing our neighborhood pool. We get equity (finally!) this summer and can keep going but it will be just far enough away we probably won't go. FWIW I did live on the 'perfect' block before this house (we were renting and once we were ready to buy we could not afford the 2mil homes esp w/o company housing subsidy) but that magical grouping of friends have almost all moved so those perfect enclaves - especially in the DMV - can change. I will move for the hope of friendly neighbors but underpin it with other attributes I value. We had been looking for our dream house in our desired neighborhoods - now we are looking for our OK This Will Do place. Life is too short to not have at least the possibility of nearby friends. MOVE - I will do ever thing I can to make this happen for myself this year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me see if I've got this right. A poster responding to the OP, who has suggested that a Herndon neighborhood may not embrace diversity, has suggested Chevy Chase, Bethesda, and Kensington instead?

Thanks for the laugh, as well as for the reminder of the endless capacity of some Maryland residents for self-delusion. Herndon is far more welcoming and diverse than any of these places.

I'll confess to not knowing much about the diversity of NoVa because I avoid it like the plague. What OP describes is what I've always imagined it has been and will be the forseeable future. Gawking neighbors? Vicious dogs on the loose? The only thing that surprises me is the number of people here who seem to think this is perfectly normal and the OP is the problem. Neighborhoods in proximity to NIH, Medical Center, etc. are guaranteed affluent, diverse, and full of families with young kids. Sure, there's an asshole quotient everywhere but it's much less likely to come with a side of kook in MD and DC.

Literally the most retarded thing posted on the internet today. 15:03 is a myopic glue sniffer - enjoy Maryland!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me see if I've got this right. A poster responding to the OP, who has suggested that a Herndon neighborhood may not embrace diversity, has suggested Chevy Chase, Bethesda, and Kensington instead?

Thanks for the laugh, as well as for the reminder of the endless capacity of some Maryland residents for self-delusion. Herndon is far more welcoming and diverse than any of these places.

I'll confess to not knowing much about the diversity of NoVa because I avoid it like the plague. What OP describes is what I've always imagined it has been and will be the forseeable future. Gawking neighbors? Vicious dogs on the loose? The only thing that surprises me is the number of people here who seem to think this is perfectly normal and the OP is the problem. Neighborhoods in proximity to NIH, Medical Center, etc. are guaranteed affluent, diverse, and full of families with young kids. Sure, there's an asshole quotient everywhere but it's much less likely to come with a side of kook in MD and DC.