This sounds like my kids' stepgrandparent. Way overboard with the gifts and creepy nicknames. They need to get their own life because their interest in the grandkids is unhealthy and toxic. It also bypasses your ability to parent because of the surprise gifts that are not approved. Just try to have clear boundaries and teach your kid how to spot a weirdo and what to do about it.

Just follow your instincts and those of the duranged posters here. Call the police and take her to the hospital now for a rape kit. You people are unbelievable.

Shortly before my stepfather tried to molest me, he started showing an interest in spending all kinds of time with me and buying me special presents. So yeah, this would raise red flags for me.

OP are you still out there? What happened with the creepy Grandpa?

Anonymous wrote:OP, you mentioned being afraid of taking the phone, and you mentioned this case: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/01/31/i-was-being-a-parent-father-found-not-guilty-after-taking-away-daughters-iphone/?tid=sm_fb

However I note that the problem wasn't that the parent confiscated the phone; the problem was that he refused to give it back after his custodial time was over.

I think you can put the phone in time out while your DD is with you, you just have to give it back, either to DD when she leaves your house to be with the ex, or to the person who actually owns the phone if demanded.

I'm not a lawyer but, if you read the article, it seems that's the crux of the issue.

Also, that case is very unlikely to be repeated. The judge ordered the jury to find him not guilty. Keep the phone op. I highly doubt your xh will go to the lengths that mother did. He probably knows that it was a creepy gift, and he sounds non confrontational.

OP, you mentioned being afraid of taking the phone, and you mentioned this case: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/01/31/i-was-being-a-parent-father-found-not-guilty-after-taking-away-daughters-iphone/?tid=sm_fb

However I note that the problem wasn't that the parent confiscated the phone; the problem was that he refused to give it back after his custodial time was over.

I think you can put the phone in time out while your DD is with you, you just have to give it back, either to DD when she leaves your house to be with the ex, or to the person who actually owns the phone if demanded.

I'm not a lawyer but, if you read the article, it seems that's the crux of the issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP - Did your DH stop thinking yet? I hope you guys are on the same page. You're right.

No, her Dad decided I am overreacting. He said his fiancé cried for two days that I think her dad is creepy. We're not fighting, but things are tense.

OMG good grief.
OP I would talk to a counselor who works with kids who have been molested. I'd share everything you've shared here and see what they think. If you and the counselor think it's a good idea, I'd have the counselor teach your child about do's and don'ts with Pap, and all other people really. She doesn't even have to name Pap. Just what's OK and what's not OK for an adult to be doing, and how to handle typical attempts by molesters to isolate you.

I had a similar problem with a creepy guy that lived at my mother in laws for a while. (long story). I talked to my personal counselor, a school counselor, and a child therapist so that I had confidence in my feeling and strategies for coping. They bolstered my determination and faith in myself when I had to stand up to MIL and tell her "no, child will not be visiting your home until creepy guy moves out". She had a total tantrum, crying, etc.

You can't keep your DD away from dad/fiance/paps, but you can teach her to be strong, smart, stand up for herself, keep lines of communication open with you, etc.

Thank God your child has you. Keep up the good work OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP - Did your DH stop thinking yet? I hope you guys are on the same page. You're right.

No, her Dad decided I am overreacting. He said his fiancé cried for two days that I think her dad is creepy[b]. We're not fighting, but things are tense.

I'm laughing at this because WTF. This is just not your problem, at all. Your ex shouldn't have even shared that with you. His crybaby fiance isn't your issue, it's his. He should deal with it. I'm sorry, he just sounds like such a loser.

A woman who's about to marry a man with a daughter "cried for two days" because her mother is concerned about her safety.

My Lord, OP. Sometimes I just don't know.

Big hugs to you for handling such a complex, frustrating situation. Above posters are correct; ignore the noise and drama and follow your instincts. You'll be glad you did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP - Did your DH stop thinking yet? I hope you guys are on the same page. You're right.

No, her Dad decided I am overreacting. He said his fiancé cried for two days that I think her dad is creepy. We're not fighting, but things are tense.

Of course he defended the fiance. Of course she cried.

Don't tell DD, but follow your intuition. Don't leave her alone with the grandparents ever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP - Did your DH stop thinking yet? I hope you guys are on the same page. You're right.

No, her Dad decided I am overreacting. He said his fiancé cried for two days that I think her dad is creepy. We're not fighting, but things are tense.

Wow. Maybe he should put his daughters well being before his fiancé's feelings. The iPhone is an inappropriate gift - that's all he needs to say about it to his fiancé. Have you met Pop or whatever he's called?

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP - Did your DH stop thinking yet? I hope you guys are on the same page. You're right.

No, her Dad decided I am overreacting. He said his fiancé cried for two days that I think her dad is creepy. We're not fighting, but things are tense.