Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 14:48     Subject: Irritating present from MIL
Every year my ILs buy me flannel sheets in off white. I hate off white and I can barely make it thru a regular night on cotton sheets without sweating thru my clothes. So every year I return the sheets...but I make sure to graciously thank them "oh, these are so soft! How nice. Thank you!"

I wouldn't want some ugly comforter either but you can grin and bear it to be polite. No one says you have to USE the thing.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 14:44     Subject: Irritating present from MIL
Anonymous wrote:I actually feel sorry for OP and everyone dumping on her. My MIL also constantly sends house decorating items which aren't my taste. And we have a small house so I can't just pile it in a guest room. (And by constantly I mean every week). It all ends up at Goodwill. And she is on a fixed income so it troubles me to watch her waste her $$. But I love her dearly, and love that she is so thoughtful. But I totally get the need to vent.
Be an adult. Thank her profusely for all the "wonderful" things she has given you, but tell her you are though decorating and simply do not have room for anything else. It really isn't that hard and if you do it kindly she will be fine.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 14:33     Subject: Irritating present from MIL
I actually feel sorry for OP and everyone dumping on her. My MIL also constantly sends house decorating items which aren't my taste. And we have a small house so I can't just pile it in a guest room. (And by constantly I mean every week). It all ends up at Goodwill. And she is on a fixed income so it troubles me to watch her waste her $$. But I love her dearly, and love that she is so thoughtful. But I totally get the need to vent.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 13:44     Subject: Irritating present from MIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Nothing personal OP but I think of this as one of those things I might have felt strongly about when I was young and had no REAL problems to worry about. Like when my SIL gave me a huge, expensive and (IMHO) ugly painting for a wedding gift, I remember being terribly annoyed. Now I think, well, we have different tastes, but who gives a shit?

None of my kids' grandparents ever got them particularly welcome gifts. But now they are all dead, or have severe dementia or other health issues. Even if they weren't the most wonderful people in the world, it's still sad that they don't get the joy of having grandchildren anymore and that my kids don't have that relationship themselves. Someday OP you'll look back and hate yourself a little for having spent 10 seconds caring about whether your MIL's Xmas comforter was tacky.




Someone always does this in a vent thread. YES, OP KNOWS she is over-reacting and this is all meaningless and petty at the end of the day. That's why to deal with her feelings, she's posting to an anonymous online forum instead of doing something inappropriate IRL like being rude to her MIL about it. People just need to vent a little sometimes, you know? It's not that they don't realize that someday everyone will die, this stuff isn't actually a big deal, blah blah blah. But we still all have feelings/reactions on a daily basis, and we need to process those feelings and reactions in order to move forward.


Where does the OP acknowledge she's overreacting and just venting?

My sense is the "get thee to a bed bath and beyond" remark at the end of her update is an FU to anyone who disagreed with her.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 13:41     Subject: Irritating present from MIL
Anonymous wrote:Nothing personal OP but I think of this as one of those things I might have felt strongly about when I was young and had no REAL problems to worry about. Like when my SIL gave me a huge, expensive and (IMHO) ugly painting for a wedding gift, I remember being terribly annoyed. Now I think, well, we have different tastes, but who gives a shit?

I agree wholeheartedly. It demonstrates an extreme lack of maturity.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 13:40     Subject: Irritating present from MIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How do people like OP even function. I can't imagine how many times a day she's gravely offended.



Lol, so true. I wish my life was so stress free that I had time to get upset about a blanket!


My siblings and I adopted a family a few years ago. They were from a violent section of an inner city, single dad trying to raise 9 year old triplets after their mom suddenly died, destitute conditions (water and power often shut off, food pantry, etc).

The kids only had a couple of requests on their wish lists. One of the items was that they each requested their own blanket.

It seems like a little much to get into a power struggle over someone giving you a warm blanket that just happens to have a few characters on it.

If it bothers you so much, I am sure there are communities somewhere in this insanely wealthy DC metro region where a new, warm blanket for a kid will be really appreciated.


That's really not fair. Just because OP's top things on the hierarchies of needs are fulfilled, doesn't mean she's never allowed to be irritated in life. I love my MIL and still get very annoyed when she gives me weird presents - she always buys me clothes, for example, but they are never clothes I actually want to wear (or they don't fit) and then I feel guilty for not liking them and not wearing them, and resentful that she is giving me these things that cost $ that I don't want, etc etc.

Of course, if I were a refugee and had nothing but the shoes on my feet, I would feel differently. But I'm not - I'm a reasonably comfortable adult who still experiences things. And so I get annoyed.

I don't think OP was saying this was the WORST THING EVER. She was saying that she wishes her MIL - who she doesn't get along with, who her husband doesn't get along with - hadn't given them this stupid blanket, that now they have to figure out what to do with. It's a pretty normal frustration.
Actually, anyone who thinks this is "normal" frustration needs to grow up. No one has to give you a gift. Accept it graciously and move on. You don't have to keep it but you have no say in what someone decides to do wilt their money or what gift you are given. Did no one teach you manners and graciousness? Holy moly. This is manufactured outrage.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 13:35     Subject: Irritating present from MIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How do people like OP even function. I can't imagine how many times a day she's gravely offended.



Lol, so true. I wish my life was so stress free that I had time to get upset about a blanket!


My siblings and I adopted a family a few years ago. They were from a violent section of an inner city, single dad trying to raise 9 year old triplets after their mom suddenly died, destitute conditions (water and power often shut off, food pantry, etc).

The kids only had a couple of requests on their wish lists. One of the items was that they each requested their own blanket.

It seems like a little much to get into a power struggle over someone giving you a warm blanket that just happens to have a few characters on it.

If it bothers you so much, I am sure there are communities somewhere in this insanely wealthy DC metro region where a new, warm blanket for a kid will be really appreciated.


That's really not fair. Just because OP's top things on the hierarchies of needs are fulfilled, doesn't mean she's never allowed to be irritated in life. I love my MIL and still get very annoyed when she gives me weird presents - she always buys me clothes, for example, but they are never clothes I actually want to wear (or they don't fit) and then I feel guilty for not liking them and not wearing them, and resentful that she is giving me these things that cost $ that I don't want, etc etc.

Of course, if I were a refugee and had nothing but the shoes on my feet, I would feel differently. But I'm not - I'm a reasonably comfortable adult who still experiences things. And so I get annoyed.

I don't think OP was saying this was the WORST THING EVER. She was saying that she wishes her MIL - who she doesn't get along with, who her husband doesn't get along with - hadn't given them this stupid blanket, that now they have to figure out what to do with. It's a pretty normal frustration.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 13:15     Subject: Irritating present from MIL
Anonymous wrote:Nothing personal OP but I think of this as one of those things I might have felt strongly about when I was young and had no REAL problems to worry about. Like when my SIL gave me a huge, expensive and (IMHO) ugly painting for a wedding gift, I remember being terribly annoyed. Now I think, well, we have different tastes, but who gives a shit?

None of my kids' grandparents ever got them particularly welcome gifts. But now they are all dead, or have severe dementia or other health issues. Even if they weren't the most wonderful people in the world, it's still sad that they don't get the joy of having grandchildren anymore and that my kids don't have that relationship themselves. Someday OP you'll look back and hate yourself a little for having spent 10 seconds caring about whether your MIL's Xmas comforter was tacky.




Someone always does this in a vent thread. YES, OP KNOWS she is over-reacting and this is all meaningless and petty at the end of the day. That's why to deal with her feelings, she's posting to an anonymous online forum instead of doing something inappropriate IRL like being rude to her MIL about it. People just need to vent a little sometimes, you know? It's not that they don't realize that someday everyone will die, this stuff isn't actually a big deal, blah blah blah. But we still all have feelings/reactions on a daily basis, and we need to process those feelings and reactions in order to move forward.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 12:45     Subject: Irritating present from MIL
Nothing personal OP but I think of this as one of those things I might have felt strongly about when I was young and had no REAL problems to worry about. Like when my SIL gave me a huge, expensive and (IMHO) ugly painting for a wedding gift, I remember being terribly annoyed. Now I think, well, we have different tastes, but who gives a shit?

None of my kids' grandparents ever got them particularly welcome gifts. But now they are all dead, or have severe dementia or other health issues. Even if they weren't the most wonderful people in the world, it's still sad that they don't get the joy of having grandchildren anymore and that my kids don't have that relationship themselves. Someday OP you'll look back and hate yourself a little for having spent 10 seconds caring about whether your MIL's Xmas comforter was tacky.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 12:22     Subject: Re:Irritating present from MIL
Anonymous wrote:The nice thing is that she remembered your kid liked that thing and acted on it.

Keep it as a backup. Kids puke, go on car rides, needs something for movie night.
Just don't redecorate with it.

She also, to be fair, didn't ask you to.

It is more about her relationship with your kid than her relationship with you. Let that go, if you can.


I have an aunt who does that (buys my kid character things) and I use them this way. My mom (Grandma) gets mad she did it. "I saw that in the store and was GOING to buy it. I am so mad she always takes my ideas." Then she doesn't do it. My kids think, "Auntie gets us stuff we like. Grandma sends a check after the holiday is over."


It's pretty hard to tell a kid - Sorry sweetie you can't have your favorite Thomas the Tank bedspread that Grammy gave you on your bed, you have to have THIS bedspread that Mommy likes on your bed. Yes, you can MAKE your kid have the damn Pottery Barn bedspread on his bed. But it plain is not worth the battle with your kid and it is not worth butting heads with Grandma over - who knows that Timmy LOVES Thomas the Tank and thinks that Mommy is being silly. And she's right - the kid DOES love Thomas the Tank. Doesn't mean that Mommy appreciates Grandma's gift or doesn't wish that her long coveted Pottery Barn was on that bed instead.

However, in the grand scheme of things - I will say it again - it is a blessing and far better to have that loving grandma in their lives than a stupid bedspread that the kid doesn't care a rat's patootie about.

Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 11:56     Subject: Re:Irritating present from MIL
Anonymous wrote:The nice thing is that she remembered your kid liked that thing and acted on it.

Keep it as a backup. Kids puke, go on car rides, needs something for movie night.
Just don't redecorate with it.

She also, to be fair, didn't ask you to.

It is more about her relationship with your kid than her relationship with you. Let that go, if you can.


I have an aunt who does that (buys my kid character things) and I use them this way. My mom (Grandma) gets mad she did it. "I saw that in the store and was GOING to buy it. I am so mad she always takes my ideas." Then she doesn't do it. My kids think, "Auntie gets us stuff we like. Grandma sends a check after the holiday is over."
It your mother doesn't want your aunt yo "take her ideas" she shouldn't share them with her.simple fix. Yi sounds like your mother enjoys being "outraged" at hour aunt.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 11:24     Subject: Irritating present from MIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:^ I qualified it: "who get irritated by this stuff".

I think you get what I mean. It's okay if you don't agree. But no need to be obtuse.


NP--you honestly sound pretty controlling yourself


I guess that's why I recognize this as an unhealthy impulse and don't think it's just about the abusive MIL.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 11:14     Subject: Re:Irritating present from MIL
The nice thing is that she remembered your kid liked that thing and acted on it.

Keep it as a backup. Kids puke, go on car rides, needs something for movie night.
Just don't redecorate with it.

She also, to be fair, didn't ask you to.

It is more about her relationship with your kid than her relationship with you. Let that go, if you can.


I have an aunt who does that (buys my kid character things) and I use them this way. My mom (Grandma) gets mad she did it. "I saw that in the store and was GOING to buy it. I am so mad she always takes my ideas." Then she doesn't do it. My kids think, "Auntie gets us stuff we like. Grandma sends a check after the holiday is over."
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 11:12     Subject: Irritating present from MIL
Anonymous wrote:^ I qualified it: "who get irritated by this stuff".

I think you get what I mean. It's okay if you don't agree. But no need to be obtuse.


NP--you honestly sound pretty controlling yourself
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2015 10:07     Subject: Irritating present from MIL
I think if this thread was from the opposite viewpoint- (someone who was asking what comforter to buy and if a Star Wars comforter was okay) they'd get told how trashy it is to have character comforters.