Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for OP. She lives such an empty shallow life.

- Research Scientist...with bad hair, wrinkled clothing, and often fly open (I don't get embarrassed until the shirt sticks out).

LOL, in a good way.

OP, *if* you do stay with your DH and have kids (which, I agree with other PPs, is a bad idea), you may find that he is an awesome partner and father. If you read some of the posts on this forum about dis-engaged fathers and partners that don't pull their weight at home or with child care, you will note that, after the kids come along, this is one of the biggest areas of frustration for wives.

Then again, he may end up being a crappy, disengaged partner and father. So, I agree with other PPs, divorce him already and let him move on.

BTW, my DH is not a great dresser, often wears tshirts (only thing he really wears) that has deodorant stains in the armpits. I do buy him new shirts, but generally, he doesn't care, it doesn't bother him. He is also not the best conversationalist (I find him frustrating at times). But, here's the thing, I didn't base my feelings for him on how he dresses or how he carries on a conversation in a social setting. He is a wonderful person at heart, and treats me really well. Plus, he can cook and take care of the kids; gets up earlier than me and makes the family breakfast. He is a great catch, even if he is a bad dresser and isn't great in social settings.

Perhaps, since you don't have kids, you are looking at superficial things in a man. Once kids come along, that all goes out the window, and there are more important aspects to a partner than how one dresses or speaks in social settings.

Please don't have children with a man you don't respect. That's cruel to him and unfair to your kids.

Either work on being less shallow and concerned about what other people think, or let this guy go so he can try to find someone who isn't ashamed of him.

and i agree with the PPs who find you not wanting to leave because you would be "first" among your friends to be divorced and dont want to be scrutinized immature.

the fact that this is a concern, shows us at least that you have some awareness that you are full of shit and somewhat shallow. that your friends will ask and wonder what many in here are asking (why did you marry him if he was always like this etc) and so forth.

grow a pair and leave him for your sake and primarily for his. if you want a "worthy" divorce, have one of us contact your husband and have him cheat on you so you dont have the "embarrassment" of telling your friends you divorced for shallow and stupid reasons that you created and knew he couldnt overcome.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poor guy ?

Hardly. He has a good life.

that was supposed to be a sad face, not a ?

I feel really bad for him. I would be heartbroken if my spouse posted/thought this kind of stuff about me.

I know; I have some middle aged pudge and my hair is frequently a mess but I would be crushed if DH described me in this way.

I feel sorry for OP. She lives such an empty shallow life.

- Research Scientist...with bad hair, wrinkled clothing, and often fly open (I don't get embarrassed until the shirt sticks out).

man here.

your reasons for marrying the man were shallow and based on convenience more than anything.

the problem isnt that your husband is a corny person, its that you made a decision to marry said corny person and waste his time fronting like you came into a marriage with him on sound terms.

maybe you read this forum too much or just have a cynical view of the world. either way, folks do get married with someone they are actually in love with, not just because they are nice or just happened to find you at the right time.

your best bet is to leave him now. if hes a cornball, more than likely he'll raise your children that way and youll hate him more for it. again, the problem isnt that hes corny, its that you came into the marriage knowing this and spent 10 years of your life wasting both of your time. i promise you that your corny husband will find someone who like his ways. dont act like you are gods gift to the world and that any man (corny or not) would be honored to be married to you. from all your posts, thats obviously not the case. if you are as desirable as you claim, it shouldnt take long for you to find someone new, get married, and pregnant before age 35. let your corny ass husband be the one roaming the earth forever looking for someone to put up with his corny ways, while you find true happiness with a super cool guy and have a bunch of babies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I hope your husband goes balls deep in a woman who finds him humorous, sexy and interesting. YOU SUCK, OP.

Lol. If she was willing to be a sister wife that would be great. Give me a break. I'm joking.

He wouldn't cheat that's actually one of his good qualities. He's very loyal. We both are. I wouldn't step out on him either.

People keep asking why I married him or what attracted me to him.

Let's see I met him at 22. He was the nicest of the guys I had dated up to that point. His family wasn't a total mess like the families of past boyfriends. He had chosen a good field to work in.
He was nice. He was cute. We had fun together. The sex wasn't bad. We dated for two years. He asked me to marry him. I said yes. We planned a wedding and a year later were married at 25.

If you are asking if I had giggly butterfly feelings for him. I never did. I felt safe and comfortable around him. I still do feel safe around him.

I do think I loved him or thought I did. I think I still love him now, I don't wish ill on him.

But 10 years later he's not who I thought he would be, and if that's terrible I can own that. It's also disappointing.


As for divorce it really isn't that simple, not to mention no one in my circle has been divorced for reasons beyond infidelity, I would be scrutinized. Plus, I'll be 33 in June. I want children. I'm not getting any younger.
Divorcing and starting over would make my small window of time even smaller.

Are you in high school? You are making a life decision. You don't do that on the basis of "what will people say." You shouldn't divorce your husband because you think your peers look down on him. You shouldn't stay with him because you think your peers will look down on you for divorce. You need to get to therapy and grow up.

I was going to highlight the same statement! You dont want a divorce because you are worried about what other ppl think and the social ramifications? Wtf? Agree with pp, you sound like you are in high school. You need to deal with your image problem and own personal lack of self esteem before you have kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I hope your husband goes balls deep in a woman who finds him humorous, sexy and interesting. YOU SUCK, OP.

Lol. If she was willing to be a sister wife that would be great. Give me a break. I'm joking.

He wouldn't cheat that's actually one of his good qualities. He's very loyal. We both are. I wouldn't step out on him either.

People keep asking why I married him or what attracted me to him.

Let's see I met him at 22. He was the nicest of the guys I had dated up to that point. His family wasn't a total mess like the families of past boyfriends. He had chosen a good field to work in.
He was nice. He was cute. We had fun together. The sex wasn't bad. We dated for two years. He asked me to marry him. I said yes. We planned a wedding and a year later were married at 25.

If you are asking if I had giggly butterfly feelings for him. I never did. I felt safe and comfortable around him. I still do feel safe around him.

I do think I loved him or thought I did. I think I still love him now, I don't wish ill on him.

But 10 years later he's not who I thought he would be, and if that's terrible I can own that. It's also disappointing.


As for divorce it really isn't that simple, not to mention no one in my circle has been divorced for reasons beyond infidelity, I would be scrutinized. Plus, I'll be 33 in June. I want children. I'm not getting any younger.
Divorcing and starting over would make my small window of time even smaller.

Are you in high school? You are making a life decision. You don't do that on the basis of "what will people say." You shouldn't divorce your husband because you think your peers look down on him. You shouldn't stay with him because you think your peers will look down on you for divorce. You need to get to therapy and grow up.

This was me. I got a divorce. I was embarassed to tell people what he did. He was broke and horrible with money. Ick

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I mean this to be helpful and don't have time to find the nicer version.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1tCAXVsClw

This is so awesome. How have I never heard of this guy?

Dan Savage. Writes the sex/relationship advice column "Savage Love" and yes, he is awesome!

+1! Savage Love RULES!

Take the video to heart, OP, and grow up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I hope your husband goes balls deep in a woman who finds him humorous, sexy and interesting. YOU SUCK, OP.

Lol. If she was willing to be a sister wife that would be great. Give me a break. I'm joking.

He wouldn't cheat that's actually one of his good qualities. He's very loyal. We both are. I wouldn't step out on him either.

People keep asking why I married him or what attracted me to him.

Let's see I met him at 22. He was the nicest of the guys I had dated up to that point. His family wasn't a total mess like the families of past boyfriends. He had chosen a good field to work in.
He was nice. He was cute. We had fun together. The sex wasn't bad. We dated for two years. He asked me to marry him. I said yes. We planned a wedding and a year later were married at 25.

If you are asking if I had giggly butterfly feelings for him. I never did. I felt safe and comfortable around him. I still do feel safe around him.

I do think I loved him or thought I did. I think I still love him now, I don't wish ill on him.

But 10 years later he's not who I thought he would be, and if that's terrible I can own that. It's also disappointing.


As for divorce it really isn't that simple, not to mention no one in my circle has been divorced for reasons beyond infidelity, I would be scrutinized. Plus, I'll be 33 in June. I want children. I'm not getting any younger.
Divorcing and starting over would make my small window of time even smaller.

Bitch, stop using your DH as a security blanket and get a divorce.

DON'T -- repeat DON'T -- have kids with a man whom you clearly hate. You'll hate his kids too.

You're truly awful. Now leave him already, just like all of the other posters told you.

You're not going to change. You're not going to change him either.

Spare his future kids your wrath. File for divorce today.

OP, you truly have no concept of loyalty if you would think and write such things about the person in the world who you are supposed to be most loyal to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I hope your husband goes balls deep in a woman who finds him humorous, sexy and interesting. YOU SUCK, OP.

Lol. If she was willing to be a sister wife that would be great. Give me a break. I'm joking.

He wouldn't cheat that's actually one of his good qualities. He's very loyal. We both are. I wouldn't step out on him either.

People keep asking why I married him or what attracted me to him.

Let's see I met him at 22. He was the nicest of the guys I had dated up to that point. His family wasn't a total mess like the families of past boyfriends. He had chosen a good field to work in.
He was nice. He was cute. We had fun together. The sex wasn't bad. We dated for two years. He asked me to marry him. I said yes. We planned a wedding and a year later were married at 25.

If you are asking if I had giggly butterfly feelings for him. I never did. I felt safe and comfortable around him. I still do feel safe around him.

I do think I loved him or thought I did. I think I still love him now, I don't wish ill on him.

But 10 years later he's not who I thought he would be, and if that's terrible I can own that. It's also disappointing.


As for divorce it really isn't that simple, not to mention no one in my circle has been divorced for reasons beyond infidelity, I would be scrutinized. Plus, I'll be 33 in June. I want children. I'm not getting any younger.
Divorcing and starting over would make my small window of time even smaller.

I feel for you only in so far that you cannot seem to understand that this is not a healthy relationship for you or for him. You care so much about what people in your "social circle" think that you alienate the one person who is suppose to matter the most, your husband. I really urge you to have a deep conversation with him, lay out everything you have poured out here on DCUM and let him speak his piece.

It sounds like you married him because he asked you to, because you were already together for a while, and he provided what you assumed to be a comfortable feeling for you, unfortunately you missed the mark on how 10 years would change someone. That's why everyone warns against young marriages, but I'm guessing your "social circle" only cared about what kind of engagement ring you'd be sporting and how you would plan your lavish wedding. Who you guys were at 25 and who are you now heading into 35 is very different. Your life ambitions, goals, and end game is no longer the same. Do yourself (and him) the favor of having the discussion to figure out if you truly want to build a family together when it's been this long already. If you're afraid of "starting over" because you're 33 and it'll take time to date, get engaged, and married to have kids again...know that at least you'd be finding someone you WANT to be with for the rest of your life. Someone who makes you happy and you make them happy, presumably. Because right now you sound more like a really awful greedy, self centered bitch so not sure that starting over would be helpful for you until you change your attitude, or until you meet someone who is equally as superficial as you.

Your husband deserves more respect than what you give him, and that's just from a perfect stranger's opinion on a forum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I mean this to be helpful and don't have time to find the nicer version.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1tCAXVsClw

This is so awesome. How have I never heard of this guy?

Dan Savage. Writes the sex/relationship advice column "Savage Love" and yes, he is awesome!

Oh my God, please let this man go free. Do NOT have children with him. How awful for a child to see his father treated with such derision and disrespect from his mother.

You sound SO much like my SIL. She is deeply ashamed of her husband who is awkward, slightly schlumpy, not very ambitious, and a bit socially inept. I like him SO much more than her. He's kind and funny and his awkwardness is disarmingly charming.

We cringe at HER. She is so dismissive and derisive of him. She rarely allows herself to be seen in public with him. She has gone from complaining about him behind his back to openly criticizing him in front of us. Every year she gets worse. And the worst thing is that our niece sees her dad disrespected and treated unlovingly ALL the time. They have separate bedrooms and most of the times, she doesn't even bring him up to us for holidays because she is so embarrassed of him. (We'd rather have him than her, frankly.)

Why doesn't she divorce him and free him from this life of disrespect? Frankly, I think because she's a weak person who likes feeling superior to him and likes having a scapegoat for her unhappiness.

Don't bring a child into the world if you can't be proud of your child's father. That's just disgusting.