Anonymous wrote:I think there is a level of deceptiveness and selfishness inherent in cheating that's hard to reconcile with being a deeply loving and involved parent.

+1 it is a huge character flaw that directly impacts the kids. No, i dont think it is possible to be a good parent in a moral sense after that happens

Everything that's been said about a cheating father applies equally to a wife who rejects sex. If you believe a cheating father can't be a good parent, then neither can a wife who rejects sex.

A wife's or husband's infidelity and desire to divorce will hurt the children and demonstrate where their priorities lie. They are choosing an affair partner, and their own happiness, over the stability and happiness of their children.

Anonymous wrote:A man who cheats is not putting his family first. Cheating can lead to betrayal of both the spouse and children. Fighting generally ensues between the parents, and often times divorce follows. Children are severely affected by all of this.

Divorce occurs even without infidelity. Kids have to deal with that. A parent dies. Kids have to deal with that. A parent commits suicide. A parent dies slowly and painfully. A parent runs away.

If you got cheated on, divorce the person and move on. If you ramble about the kids being victimized by this more than anything else that could have happened to them, you’re simply making an argument that the kids would probably be better off with your ex, because you’re behaving crazy.

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Anonymous wrote:It is the very core of their (the children's) sense of stability. Being unfaithful in a marriage is the absolute biggest f*ck-up a parent can do to their children.

I have fostered several children and I can assure you there are much worse things a parent can do than banging that chick in accounts receivable.

Remember, your perspective is very skewed.

Once you see sexual abuse you can't just be like ... everything else is nothing.

- Trauma therapist.

Yes, but my skewed perspective doesn’t make PP’s statement correct.

In an otherwise healthy household, disrupting stability by having an affair can have a major impact on kids. But usually affairs don’t happen in healthy marriages/households.

Trauma can't be ranked. You can't actually know that your foster kids situation is worse, it depends on too many factors.

No. Affairs happen in both stable and unstable marriages. studies show its the stable marriage with a divorce/affair that really messes up kids. 50% of affairs happen in stable marriages.

If someone is having sex outside the marriage, that marriage is by definition not stable.

If somebody decides to have sex outside of the marriage, that person has decided to destroy the stability of their marriage. It does not mean the marriage was unstable before the affair.

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Anonymous wrote:It is the very core of their (the children's) sense of stability. Being unfaithful in a marriage is the absolute biggest f*ck-up a parent can do to their children.

I have fostered several children and I can assure you there are much worse things a parent can do than banging that chick in accounts receivable.

Remember, your perspective is very skewed.

Once you see sexual abuse you can't just be like ... everything else is nothing.

- Trauma therapist.

Yes, but my skewed perspective doesn’t make PP’s statement correct.

In an otherwise healthy household, disrupting stability by having an affair can have a major impact on kids. But usually affairs don’t happen in healthy marriages/households.

Trauma can't be ranked. You can't actually know that your foster kids situation is worse, it depends on too many factors.

No. Affairs happen in both stable and unstable marriages. studies show its the stable marriage with a divorce/affair that really messes up kids. 50% of affairs happen in stable marriages.

If someone is having sex outside the marriage, that marriage is by definition not stable.

A man who cheats is not putting his family first. Cheating can lead to betrayal of both the spouse and children. Fighting generally ensues between the parents, and often times divorce follows. Children are severely affected by all of this.

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Anonymous wrote:It is the very core of their (the children's) sense of stability. Being unfaithful in a marriage is the absolute biggest f*ck-up a parent can do to their children.

I have fostered several children and I can assure you there are much worse things a parent can do than banging that chick in accounts receivable.

Remember, your perspective is very skewed.

Once you see sexual abuse you can't just be like ... everything else is nothing.

- Trauma therapist.

Yes, but my skewed perspective doesn’t make PP’s statement correct.

In an otherwise healthy household, disrupting stability by having an affair can have a major impact on kids. But usually affairs don’t happen in healthy marriages/households.

Trauma can't be ranked. You can't actually know that your foster kids situation is worse, it depends on too many factors.

No. Affairs happen in both stable and unstable marriages. studies show its the stable marriage with a divorce/affair that really messes up kids. 50% of affairs happen in stable marriages.

I suspect your definition of "good father" is different from mine.

Let's aim higher, Ladies.

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Anonymous wrote:I think there is a level of deceptiveness and selfishness inherent in cheating that's hard to reconcile with being a deeply loving and involved parent.

This. Cheaters are with APs when they should be with their kids. Don't imagine that cheaters only cheat between 1 and 5 am. Yet cheaters will say"they love their kids sooooo much." BS.

No, cheaters are with their AP when they should be on dates with their wives or in bed having sex with their wives.

No. It's usually after work when they should be at their kids game or helping with dinner.

Actually, usually it’s during a lunch break at work.

which causes them to work later.

everybody at work knows who is banging, it's not hard to figure out. We see them stay late, goof off at work, piss off their bosses.

This is not true. There are many men who excel at their careers and have extra marital affairs.

They don't excel at work and with their kids, something slips. Either they f up at work or stay late and miss time with their kids. Plus workers will cover for them for a short period but eventually let them fail.

Plus the secretary always takes the fall, we at least up until the Times up/me too movement.

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Anonymous wrote:It is the very core of their (the children's) sense of stability. Being unfaithful in a marriage is the absolute biggest f*ck-up a parent can do to their children.

There are far worse things than cheating. Growing up with a mentally ill mother and narcissistic father did more damage than cheating ever would have.

What you are missing is that most cheaters are mentally ill and/or narcissistic.

Cheating is just a symptom of a much deeper issue within a person.

Anonymous wrote:It is the very core of their (the children's) sense of stability. Being unfaithful in a marriage is the absolute biggest f*ck-up a parent can do to their children.

There are far worse things than cheating. Growing up with a mentally ill mother and narcissistic father did more damage than cheating ever would have.

My son just wrote a paper talking about his dad. He wrote how he would never cheat like his father because he witnessed how it tore apart his family. Not exactly a good role model which a good dad should be.

You know, my DH lied a lot & broke my heart, but I have to say that he was a great parent to our kids. The side question of whether emotionally leveling the mother of your children is in the best interest of those kids is pretty pertinent tho. It's pretty hard to be a good mother with the best of support. I'm pretty sure moms who are cheated on by their DHs face a harder task. So there's that definition of shitty parenting to factor in -- hurting the person your kids love unconditionally.

Anonymous wrote:Some men feel trapped in marriage by our moral laws. The perception that they must provide for the family only within this construct leads to some forms of infidelity. I met a man like this, he lives separately from his spouse and kids and "cheats." He will not get divorced.

And you think that he sounds like a good dad?