Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 14:21     Subject: Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
There's a lot of overwrought judgement going on here.

He didn't say that he was going to kick the kid to the curb, expecting him to just go on as if nothing happened is unreasonable. He would be an absolute saint to do what some of you are demanding.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 14:03     Subject: Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
red hair is recessive. If you want to know, get a paternity test. Asking this forum for this kind of advice is going to get you nowhere.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 14:01     Subject: Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
Anonymous wrote:This happened to a friend of mine - heartbreaking story. Divorce followed by a sad little boy who don't understand why Daddy only takes his older sister for the weekend now.


OMG this shatters my heart into pieces. That poor child.

OP, please don't do this to your son. He's your son, no matter what. He did nothing wrong here. All he does is love you. You're his dad. You're the center of his world. So, his mom is a cheating liar. You are your son's rock, and you will be for the rest of his life. If his mom is untrustworthy, he needs you even more to be his compass in life.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 13:45     Subject: Re:Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by these responses. OPs love for the child should be conditional on whether or not he's the father. Parenting is a huge investment and it's easy to find out the facts so why not do it?


Sure, if all you love about them is the 50% of their genetics that came from you, and not your actual child. What a narcissistic view of parenting.


I am heartless pp who would want to know. I am also someone whose biological father left when I was 10, and who was raised by a loving stepfather. I am also a father myself. Being a parent is a huge emotional and financial investment, and in many ways a burden (though a very fulfilling one). Raising a child who you were basically tricked into believing was biologically yours would be a huge mind fuck. I would absolutely not emotionally or physically abandon the child, but I would damn sure not want to be the primary financial support for the child when the relationship with the mom terminates. There are all kinds of messy, complicated parenting situations. Having unknown paternity be the elephant in the room imo would be worse than getting it out in the open and dealing with it.


A paternity test wouldn't change your legal and financial obligations to the child. It wouldn't change the fact that the child is legally yours. Any child born to a member of a married couple, during the course of the marriage, is legally the child of and the financial responsibility of both parties.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 13:44     Subject: Re:Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by these responses. OPs love for the child should be conditional on whether or not he's the father. Parenting is a huge investment and it's easy to find out the facts so why not do it?


Sure, if all you love about them is the 50% of their genetics that came from you, and not your actual child. What a narcissistic view of parenting.


I am heartless pp who would want to know. I am also someone whose biological father left when I was 10, and who was raised by a loving stepfather. I am also a father myself. Being a parent is a huge emotional and financial investment, and in many ways a burden (though a very fulfilling one). Raising a child who you were basically tricked into believing was biologically yours would be a huge mind fuck. I would absolutely not emotionally or physically abandon the child, but I would damn sure not want to be the primary financial support for the child when the relationship with the mom terminates. There are all kinds of messy, complicated parenting situations. Having unknown paternity be the elephant in the room imo would be worse than getting it out in the open and dealing with it.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 13:41     Subject: Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would have to know. There is a better than even chance you will end up divorced and, if you don't establish paternity now you could be on the hook financially for a child not genetically yours till he is 18 or more. This happened to a friend of a friend and nearly broke him financially and mentally.



Yeah, someone like you would "have to know" so you could abandon the kid you'd been raising and loving as your own for his entire life. Good for you!


If you can raise a kid for 3-4 years, and then disclaim any responsibility for him because he doesn't share your genes, you are a heartless piece of crap. Seriously. This kid loves you as his father, and doesn't know any other father. The time to jump ship was when the infidelity happened and the kid wasn't alive yet, not years later when an innocent person is going to have to bear the worst of the fallout.


I guess I'm a bit heartless. I would want the sperm donor and cheating bitch to foot the financial responsibility. Yes the child is collateral damage but the op didn't ask for any of this either.


"A bit heartless" ? No, you're a flat out awful person. The person you're CHOOSING to hurt is the kid. If you can't stand being married to someone who cheated on you, fair enough -- divorce. But don't STOP BEING THE KID'S FATHER. Because the ONE person who did NOTHING wrong in this situation is the kid.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 13:40     Subject: Re:Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by these responses. OPs love for the child should be conditional on whether or not he's the father. Parenting is a huge investment and it's easy to find out the facts so why not do it?


Sure, if all you love about them is the 50% of their genetics that came from you, and not your actual child. What a narcissistic view of parenting.


Seriously. That's deeply f'd up.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 13:38     Subject: Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
Op just save yourself the heartache and say no matter what, he is yours. You're the only dad he knows. He IS yours.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 13:30     Subject: Re:Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by these responses. OPs love for the child should be conditional on whether or not he's the father. Parenting is a huge investment and it's easy to find out the facts so why not do it?


Sure, if all you love about them is the 50% of their genetics that came from you, and not your actual child. What a narcissistic view of parenting.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 13:28     Subject: Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would have to know. There is a better than even chance you will end up divorced and, if you don't establish paternity now you could be on the hook financially for a child not genetically yours till he is 18 or more. This happened to a friend of a friend and nearly broke him financially and mentally.



Yeah, someone like you would "have to know" so you could abandon the kid you'd been raising and loving as your own for his entire life. Good for you!


If you can raise a kid for 3-4 years, and then disclaim any responsibility for him because he doesn't share your genes, you are a heartless piece of crap. Seriously. This kid loves you as his father, and doesn't know any other father. The time to jump ship was when the infidelity happened and the kid wasn't alive yet, not years later when an innocent person is going to have to bear the worst of the fallout.


I guess I'm a bit heartless. I would want the sperm donor and cheating bitch to foot the financial responsibility. Yes the child is collateral damage but the op didn't ask for any of this either.


Disgusting.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 13:25     Subject: Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would have to know. There is a better than even chance you will end up divorced and, if you don't establish paternity now you could be on the hook financially for a child not genetically yours till he is 18 or more. This happened to a friend of a friend and nearly broke him financially and mentally.



Yeah, someone like you would "have to know" so you could abandon the kid you'd been raising and loving as your own for his entire life. Good for you!


If you can raise a kid for 3-4 years, and then disclaim any responsibility for him because he doesn't share your genes, you are a heartless piece of crap. Seriously. This kid loves you as his father, and doesn't know any other father. The time to jump ship was when the infidelity happened and the kid wasn't alive yet, not years later when an innocent person is going to have to bear the worst of the fallout.


I guess I'm a bit heartless. I would want the sperm donor and cheating bitch to foot the financial responsibility. Yes the child is collateral damage but the op didn't ask for any of this either.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 13:22     Subject: Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would have to know. There is a better than even chance you will end up divorced and, if you don't establish paternity now you could be on the hook financially for a child not genetically yours till he is 18 or more. This happened to a friend of a friend and nearly broke him financially and mentally.



Yeah, someone like you would "have to know" so you could abandon the kid you'd been raising and loving as your own for his entire life. Good for you!


If you can raise a kid for 3-4 years, and then disclaim any responsibility for him because he doesn't share your genes, you are a heartless piece of crap. Seriously. This kid loves you as his father, and doesn't know any other father. The time to jump ship was when the infidelity happened and the kid wasn't alive yet, not years later when an innocent person is going to have to bear the worst of the fallout.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 13:20     Subject: Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
Anonymous wrote:OP here...

I have decided to get the test done and never, ever reveal the results to anyone (even DCUM!) if its determined that I am not the father.

Thoughts?


So what will you do with that knowledge? Let's say you find out that your son doesn't carry your DNA. What will knowing that mean for you and him? Will he be less your son? Will you love him less?
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 10:52     Subject: Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
I am African American with a red headed daughter. Her father doesn't have red hair nor any immediate relatives but it's obviously in his family somewhere. Not so much in mine. You definitely can't tell from hair color so put that idea to rest.
Anonymous
Post 09/08/2015 10:43     Subject: Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?
Anonymous wrote:I would have to know. There is a better than even chance you will end up divorced and, if you don't establish paternity now you could be on the hook financially for a child not genetically yours till he is 18 or more. This happened to a friend of a friend and nearly broke him financially and mentally.



Yeah, someone like you would "have to know" so you could abandon the kid you'd been raising and loving as your own for his entire life. Good for you!