Anonymous wrote:I don't know, I feel bad for everyone in your brother's family, not just precious nieces. They're all adjusting and I think they should be given as much space as possible to do that. Try to reserve your judgment. Dead SIL isn't coming back and your trying to step in for her is going to get nasty with their new stepmom at some point.

OMG, have you read what she wrote. Grief doesn't give you a free pass to act like an asshole. All. the. time. Those boys sound like a nightmare that has been a long time in the making.

OP: I hope you keep doing what you can for your nieces and ignore PPs like the above. They will need you help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How exactly are the nieces being bullied? This the part of this thread that concerned me the most.

My 10 year old niece (the oldest) told me that they threaten to punch the girls if they don't do their chores for them. That they never get to play wii anymore. She said the boys push them then deny they did it. She also said they get ignored because the boys are always "fighting". I told my BIL this immediately and he sighed and got uncomfortable and said they were just adjusting.

I also know that dinner during the week consists of mac and cheese, french fries or tots and then a main dish which is always nuggets for the boys and sometimes for the girls. Its likely easier that way so there are no meltdowns. People will freak out on me but I don't think that is healthy for the girls at all, since I can't be concerned with what the boys eat apparently. The girls used to do lots of activities on the weekends as well but now they stay home because the boys want to play video games. This is a huge reason why I am not about to just throw my hands up about this. If I exclude the boys, SIL will be upset and none of them will come.

Where is your BIL in all of this? Your nieces are going to need therapy if their dad doesn't start putting his foot down. He has married into an extremely troubling family dynamic with his new wife and stepsons.

And your BIL can't keep making excuses that the new family needs adjustment time. It is time for your BIL to step up.

He is lax about his daughters' safety too--those boys are not just irritatingly rude and arrogant, they are downright abusive to both your nieces and their mom.

I wish I had something nicer to say about these boys. I am sure they do have good qualities, rarely is a person all bad and as I said it isn't their fault, but they haven't given any of us a chance to get to know them.

My DH is going to talk to this with his brother. I originally posted this just vent because I was so frustrated over this. I now realize (thanks to all the good advice) that this is a deeper family dynamic problem and it has to be dealt with and DH agrees.

You are a good and patient person, Op. I think the inclination would be to bring out the 10 foot pole in a situation like this and say "I'm not touching that. Uh, uh. No way." But you are hanging in there for your BIL and your nieces (especially your nieces). And you genuinely want to try to help improve the lives of these boys.

You are so very right that those little girls need the positive influence of your family around them. Their lives have also been turned upside down and it is good of you to recognize that and not allow them to be bullied to the side. Hang in there Op you are doing good.