Anonymous wrote:How old are you? The first wave of divorces come between 35 and 45.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When your kids are in high school or college lots divorce. The men that are the most financially successful are often the first ones to divorce and/or cheat.

I don't think this is correct. Most likely to divorce are those who have already been divorced and those you marry young prior to obtaining a college degree. In my circle of people who are financially successful (and well educated) there are very few divorces. Divorce destroys wealth; there is a lot of incentive to stay married if you are doing well.

My best friend's parents split up senior year of HS. My parents split shortly after my brother started college (I was living at home going to community college). In both cases, it was after 20 years plus of marriage.

This was my scenario too but it doesn't negate the numbers.

50% of 1st marriages do NOT end in divorce, that number is for all marriages and 2nd, 3rd, 4th marriages have a statistically much higher rate of divorce. Also, age at marriage statistically has an effect on divorce, as does education level. It doesn't mean ALL divorces are some ridiculous cartoon stereotypes.

It does, however, mean that OPs assertion that she doesn't have anyone divorced in her circle isn't all that crazy (depending on her circle) nor does it mean that she is surrounded by miserable people who pretend to be perfect and happy. I come from a big, very tight knit extended family, my parents are the only divorce. Is everyone else perfect and faking it, no- they have ups and downs, but its not always going to look like a 50% statistic or mean that 50% really "should" be divorced. That's cartoonish!

Anonymous wrote:I noticed divorces seemed to come in clusters when I was growing up---tons of my friend's parents got divorced when their kids were in 4th-6th grade and then there was a second 'wave' when we left for college/were in our early 20s (including my parents, who had been miserable for 20+ years but my mom didn't want to share custody so they lived separate lives until my mom reconnected with an old boyfriend and left my dad for him).

is your Dad remarried? That situation must have sucked for him.

I noticed divorces seemed to come in clusters when I was growing up---tons of my friend's parents got divorced when their kids were in 4th-6th grade and then there was a second 'wave' when we left for college/were in our early 20s (including my parents, who had been miserable for 20+ years but my mom didn't want to share custody so they lived separate lives until my mom reconnected with an old boyfriend and left my dad for him).

Anonymous wrote:I work for a family law firm. This area is stressful and full of dramas.

Group 1- young twenty early thirties- No kids. Unmatched expectations- check out early to move on- uncontested everyone takes money and split
Group 2- 40-50- contentious. Different expectations of child rearing- complicated custody battles- somewhat affluent- SAHM and workaholic dad, marraige
grows apart
Group 3- affluent 50s- kids grown. Just want to be happy. Usually want to live it up with what's left of life n be happy. Mediated usually. Split nest egg and move on.
Group 4- economicly battered, physically battered, emotionally batter, porn addicts, gambling addicts, financially inept sales folks, swingers with open marraige, acholoics, abusives, cheating spouse, religious zealous-all ages

Good assessment. I'm group 1. Divorced at 32, no kids, I wanted kids and to no longer be a starving student. Ex was mentally locked in his ivory tower. We're both highly educated -- he's a phd and I'm a physician. I got to keep the houses and paid lump sum alimony so avoid having to share my future earnings (best decision ever). I'm happily remarried with 2 kids.

Anonymous wrote:I work for a family law firm. This area is stressful and full of dramas.

Group 1- young twenty early thirties- No kids. Unmatched expectations- check out early to move on- uncontested everyone takes money and split
Group 2- 40-50- contentious. Different expectations of child rearing- complicated custody battles- somewhat affluent- SAHM and workaholic dad, marraige
grows apart
Group 3- affluent 50s- kids grown. Just want to be happy. Usually want to live it up with what's left of life n be happy. Mediated usually. Split nest egg and move on.
Group 4- economicly battered, physically battered, emotionally batter, porn addicts, gambling addicts, financially inept sales folks, swingers with open marraige, acholoics, abusives, cheating spouse, religious zealous-all ages

This seems pretty accurate. So I'm 2 and 4. Winning!
But really happy to finally be freeing myself from loser XH.

I work for a family law firm. This area is stressful and full of dramas.

Group 1- young twenty early thirties- No kids. Unmatched expectations- check out early to move on- uncontested everyone takes money and split
Group 2- 40-50- contentious. Different expectations of child rearing- complicated custody battles- somewhat affluent- SAHM and workaholic dad, marraige
grows apart
Group 3- affluent 50s- kids grown. Just want to be happy. Usually want to live it up with what's left of life n be happy. Mediated usually. Split nest egg and move on.
Group 4- economicly battered, physically battered, emotionally batter, porn addicts, gambling addicts, financially inept sales folks, swingers with open marraige, acholoics, abusives, cheating spouse, religious zealous-all ages

In my case it's because my husband won't stop spending money so everything I make now goes to pay bills, won't stop hoarding crap, and lies to the marriage counselor. Trifecta.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? The first wave of divorces come between 35 and 45.

Yep this. In DC/affluent burbs I'd say 45+. And some of us are highly educated, successful professionals even!

Yes, exactly.

I would think it would happen to these types of people more than others because their expectations are so high.

Or, they stay together for financial and social status reasons. Trixie and Billy Joe Jim Bob have no money or social standing to be concerned about so when Billy has a roll with Trixie's cousin Candi it's pretty easy for Trixie to boot his cheatin' butt out of the single wide. Not much to lose. (A double wide might complicate this and give Trixie pause.)

On the other hand, (let's call them) William and Hillary might stay together despite infidelity and other assorted slights due to the need to maintain a certain acceptable status for, oh, many reasons I guess.

This is an old story - the executive married to the woman who doesn't care what he does as long as it is not thrown in her face.

It's a big NW DC, CC, Bethesda story.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? The first wave of divorces come between 35 and 45.

Yep this. In DC/affluent burbs I'd say 45+. And some of us are highly educated, successful professionals even!

Yes, exactly.

I would think it would happen to these types of people more than others because their expectations are so high.

Or, they stay together for financial and social status reasons. Trixie and Billy Joe Jim Bob have no money or social standing to be concerned about so when Billy has a roll with Trixie's cousin Candi it's pretty easy for Trixie to boot his cheatin' butt out of the single wide. Not much to lose. (A double wide might complicate this and give Trixie pause.)

On the other hand, (let's call them) William and Hillary might stay together despite infidelity and other assorted slights due to the need to maintain a certain acceptable status for, oh, many reasons I guess.

This is an old story - the executive married to the woman who doesn't care what he does as long as it is not thrown in her face.