Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^This is getting off track from the original question, but as an adopted person, let me say that knowing who donated the egg and sperm does not "tell me who I am." Don't get me wrong, I am thankful to them that I was not aborted, but knowing who they are or their life story does not tell me who I am. What about their right to privacy or to have moved on? In the above example one person's "right" destroyed multiple lives and from the sound of it, it didn't enhance that person's life either. I think sometimes we need to listen carefully when others don't want to disclose. Why did that grandma's right supersede everyone else's?

Well, maybe if they had told her the truth instead of lying to her and pretending she was someone else's child, she would not have had an insatiable need to find the truth.

Anonymous wrote:^^^This is getting off track from the original question, but as an adopted person, let me say that knowing who donated the egg and sperm does not "tell me who I am." Don't get me wrong, I am thankful to them that I was not aborted, but knowing who they are or their life story does not tell me who I am. What about their right to privacy or to have moved on? In the above example one person's "right" destroyed multiple lives and from the sound of it, it didn't enhance that person's life either. I think sometimes we need to listen carefully when others don't want to disclose. Why did that grandma's right supersede everyone else's?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother always suspected that her conception was the result of an adulterous affair and that she was given up by her birth mother to be raised by her father and his wife. She had good reason to suspect, but she could never get anyone in her family or her alleged birth mother's family to confirm her theory. They would tell her to let the past lie. It was quite sad, because for her, it was an important piece of her history, and she wanted it acknowledged.

To what end. My maternal grandmother's situation was almost identical. She pursued the matter to no end. Her birthmother's fiancé left her after this came to light (she never married) and she still refused to ever acknowledge my grandmother's existence. Dragging it all into the public domain destroyed my great-grandmother, the woman who took her into her heart and her home as her own, and the public scrutiny led to the her parents divorce. Her father disowned her digging into the past and after the divorce, it was her non-bio mother who raised her. A lot of people's lives were destroyed because she "had a right to know." No one was better off, least of all my grandmother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an 87-year old mother in fragile health and I would definitely ask her. I'd rather hear the truth from her than second-hand from a cousin. The older generation is tougher than you think.

But just to satisfy curiosity? Really? The next generation won't care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother always suspected that her conception was the result of an adulterous affair and that she was given up by her birth mother to be raised by her father and his wife. She had good reason to suspect, but she could never get anyone in her family or her alleged birth mother's family to confirm her theory. They would tell her to let the past lie. It was quite sad, because for her, it was an important piece of her history, and she wanted it acknowledged.

To what end. My maternal grandmother's situation was almost identical. She pursued the matter to no end. Her birthmother's fiancé left her after this came to light (she never married) and she still refused to ever acknowledge my grandmother's existence. Dragging it all into the public domain destroyed my great-grandmother, the woman who took her into her heart and her home as her own, and the public scrutiny led to the her parents divorce. Her father disowned her digging into the past and after the divorce, it was her non-bio mother who raised her. A lot of people's lives were destroyed because she "had a right to know." No one was better off, least of all my grandmother.

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother always suspected that her conception was the result of an adulterous affair and that she was given up by her birth mother to be raised by her father and his wife. She had good reason to suspect, but she could never get anyone in her family or her alleged birth mother's family to confirm her theory. They would tell her to let the past lie. It was quite sad, because for her, it was an important piece of her history, and she wanted it acknowledged.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op has wisely already stated that she has decided to let this lie. I think she made the right choice. Unless some "secret" directly impacts your day to day living, it is none of your business. The prior generation has moved on.

Thanks, you've made this point about 800 times now.

Anonymous wrote:Op has wisely already stated that she has decided to let this lie. I think she made the right choice. Unless some "secret" directly impacts your day to day living, it is none of your business. The prior generation has moved on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an 87-year old mother in fragile health and I would definitely ask her. I'd rather hear the truth from her than second-hand from a cousin. The older generation is tougher than you think.

But just to satisfy curiosity? Really? The next generation won't care.

Anonymous wrote:So you would be furious if your child even asked? Again, you have every right not to talk about something that is extremely painful to you. But your blanket statement that nobody has the right to even ask about skeletons in their family is totally not appropriate for every family and every skeleton.

You might need some therapy to deal with your painful past. It sounds like you really have some ongoing issues.

Anonymous wrote:I have an 87-year old mother in fragile health and I would definitely ask her. I'd rather hear the truth from her than second-hand from a cousin. The older generation is tougher than you think.