Anonymous wrote:Why don't people discuss this premarriage??? We do covered all of this about the 3rd date, including me SAH. It would prevent so many of these issues.

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Anonymous wrote:I find OP's post funny since 70K is coincidentally the threshold above which additional money does not seem to correlate with happiness. It seems like her husband is actually working quite smart.

Please. you have to be a real fool to have collected 2 degrees with honors and still manage to only make as much as an executive secretary.

That's what I mean. He's graduated from really well respected private schools. He was groomed to do so much more.

But based on your own description of him, he's never been the grab life by the balls type, and this was evident in his courtship of you. So why are you surprised now? What did you think would happen?

Well I was young and naive. He talked the talk. Everything I was looking for:

A.good character
B.desire to get married and loved children
C.good relations with his family
D. Very erudite and well educated.
E. Talked of wanting to take care of his family


Etc.
Those talks I found out, aren't bs led up by action. He said he wanted to get married but waiting a long time to propose, etc.

So he has good intentions, he is just so slow and unmotivated to go get what he wants and muses about.

This is one reason it's wise to get married a little later rather than doing everything you can to 'land' a husband in your mid 20's- you'll have time to see more of how they turn out, if they do what they say they will do, if they realize some of that potential you're banking on.
I realize it's too late for you in this regard OP, but something other women should consider.

Please.

I met my DH in college at age 20. BS greduate from a Public school. He was focused and determinded. we purchased our first home at age 23. Being a provider has always been in his DNA. You absolutely can tell when a man is ambitious and acts on his goals. He has even had 3 total career changes in order to grow and learn more and become more valuable in the workforce.

It's hot. Those guys are hot. They can be spotted a mile away.

It's unreal that you don't seem to realize that luck played a huge role in your husband panning out to be who you thought he'd be. If you want to think your 20 year old self was just that astute (and psychic) fine, but no one believes you.

Some of us find drive and ambition attractive. Even at 20, I dated confident men who knew what they wanted.

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Anonymous wrote:OP you lost my respect. Seriously are you living in the 50s? Why do yuo expect fulfillment from your husband? you earn 40K, where is YOUR drive? If money is that important to you get to work.

I am a woman, I earn twice what my husbands make (he earns 60K working for a non profit). Financial stability was much more important to me, so even if I also work in development field I chose the slightly less satisfying but better paid job. I know he wouldn't be happy in my shoes.

In exchange, he is a frugal but happy and professionnally fulfilled husband dedicated to his children (he gets home earlier than me). He wondered at some point if he should go work for big law firms and make more money "for us". I said no, I'd rather have a happy husband.

Same situation here. My husband is a teacher in public school. He has a master's degree from an ivy, had great earning potential, but wanted to work with kids, have the stability of an academic calendar, and give back to the community. I, on the other hand, have focused on moving up in my career to fill the financial gap of what is needed to actually survive financially in the DC metro area. I don't make a huge amount of money, but almost double the pittance that a teacher makes.

Sometime I become wistful about being in a relationship with someone with more drive and ambition. But the honorable characteristics of my husband are perfectly suited to his current profession. He's a good and dedicated father and husband. He has respect in his school amongst his peers and his students. He's a stand-up guy. And it means I have to work harder to get my own salary to what makes me comfortable for our HHI. There are always trade offs. You have to decide what you can live with, OP.

Op here. I understand what you mean. I love my dh. What has always attracted me to him was that he was erudite and a really good guy with a good head on his shoulders. He is incredibly intelligent and kind and generous and works vet very hard in his jobs as he did in his schooling. It's that he never factored in how to maximize his earning potential in the field he chooses to work in. He works in private intelligence and excels at it. And is only bring in $70 at 26 years old. Upon graduation he could've gotten into much more lucrative fields and he just didn't even try. All the while he also says that he wants to earn more so that I can stay home when we have children in about 5 years. We'll see I guess. As others have said, I'll have to up my game.

Men don't realize how much it stresses women out when they opt out of their role as the money maker. We then have to deal with being the primary child care provider AND earning $$$.

Late-20's guy here who makes around 70K:

You sound like a miserable wench. I feel so bad for your husband.

Anonymous wrote:He could be doing so much more with his life! He's smart but shy and has self esteem issues and only brings in 70k.

Anonymous wrote:He could be doing so much more with his life! He's smart but shy and has self esteem issues and only brings in 70k.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are officially THE WORST. Grow up, earn your own money, and cut your husband loose so he can find someone better.

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Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute.....Did OP say she makes $40k...come again now?

Really? You are a piece of work OP. You basically make half of your DH and are complaning? Bahahaha!

That's my favorite part too.

Pretty much sums up my feelings on this as well, particularly since it's been revealed he's only 26. I think you should get a divorce for his sake before you drag him down like an anchor.

He's 26!?!?!? OMG, that makes this even more hilarious. Poor guy.

That's a low salary even for someone in their mid twenties here.

It's not, though. It's a very decent salary for a 26 year old. I'm an accountant, I know what people ACTUALLY make, as opposed to what they pretend to make.

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Anonymous wrote:OP you lost my respect. Seriously are you living in the 50s? Why do yuo expect fulfillment from your husband? you earn 40K, where is YOUR drive? If money is that important to you get to work.

I am a woman, I earn twice what my husbands make (he earns 60K working for a non profit). Financial stability was much more important to me, so even if I also work in development field I chose the slightly less satisfying but better paid job. I know he wouldn't be happy in my shoes.

In exchange, he is a frugal but happy and professionnally fulfilled husband dedicated to his children (he gets home earlier than me). He wondered at some point if he should go work for big law firms and make more money "for us". I said no, I'd rather have a happy husband.

Same situation here. My husband is a teacher in public school. He has a master's degree from an ivy, had great earning potential, but wanted to work with kids, have the stability of an academic calendar, and give back to the community. I, on the other hand, have focused on moving up in my career to fill the financial gap of what is needed to actually survive financially in the DC metro area. I don't make a huge amount of money, but almost double the pittance that a teacher makes.

Sometime I become wistful about being in a relationship with someone with more drive and ambition. But the honorable characteristics of my husband are perfectly suited to his current profession. He's a good and dedicated father and husband. He has respect in his school amongst his peers and his students. He's a stand-up guy. And it means I have to work harder to get my own salary to what makes me comfortable for our HHI. There are always trade offs. You have to decide what you can live with, OP.

Op here. I understand what you mean. I love my dh. What has always attracted me to him was that he was erudite and a really good guy with a good head on his shoulders. He is incredibly intelligent and kind and generous and works vet very hard in his jobs as he did in his schooling. It's that he never factored in how to maximize his earning potential in the field he chooses to work in. He works in private intelligence and excels at it. And is only bring in $70 at 26 years old. Upon graduation he could've gotten into much more lucrative fields and he just didn't even try. All the while he also says that he wants to earn more so that I can stay home when we have children in about 5 years. We'll see I guess. As others have said, I'll have to up my game.

Men don't realize how much it stresses women out when they opt out of their role as the money maker. We then have to deal with being the primary child care provider AND earning $$$.

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Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute.....Did OP say she makes $40k...come again now?

Really? You are a piece of work OP. You basically make half of your DH and are complaning? Bahahaha!

That's my favorite part too.

Pretty much sums up my feelings on this as well, particularly since it's been revealed he's only 26. I think you should get a divorce for his sake before you drag him down like an anchor.

He's 26!?!?!? OMG, that makes this even more hilarious. Poor guy.

That's a low salary even for someone in their mid twenties here.

It's not, though. It's a very decent salary for a 26 year old. I'm an accountant, I know what people ACTUALLY make, as opposed to what they pretend to make.

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Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute.....Did OP say she makes $40k...come again now?

Really? You are a piece of work OP. You basically make half of your DH and are complaning? Bahahaha!

That's my favorite part too.

Pretty much sums up my feelings on this as well, particularly since it's been revealed he's only 26. I think you should get a divorce for his sake before you drag him down like an anchor.

He's 26!?!?!? OMG, that makes this even more hilarious. Poor guy.

That's a low salary even for someone in their mid twenties here.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute.....Did OP say she makes $40k...come again now?

Really? You are a piece of work OP. You basically make half of your DH and are complaning? Bahahaha!

That's my favorite part too.

Pretty much sums up my feelings on this as well, particularly since it's been revealed he's only 26. I think you should get a divorce for his sake before you drag him down like an anchor.

He's 26!?!?!? OMG, that makes this even more hilarious. Poor guy.