Anonymous
11/12/2019 16:14
Subject: Re:Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I disagree - I let my DS 12 go on "dates". He has gone with a girl for frozen yogurt, bowling and also ice skating once. I dropped them off and picked them up. I OKd it with the mom. I want him to learn how to do while I still have some control. He offers to pay, opens doors, asks what she wants to do (where to go or whatever) and learns how to ask a girl out, make plans and carry out those plans - all good skills. I would let him do it with his guy friends and I let him do it with a girl in controlled situations and that is how he will learn how to behave in those situations. He walks her to her door when the date is over.
This sounds a little old fashioned (I don't want my daughter to think that she needs to wait for a guy to open a door for her!), but generally I agree with this. I'm encouraged by the thought that 12 yr olds actually want to go on dates! When I was in middle and more so high school, "going out" mainly meant talking on the phone and hooking up at parties. Dating sounds a lot better.
Please don't tell your daughter this. Some of us are actually trying to teach our sons to be gentlement. Girls like your daughter are a real problem in that regard.
I'd be irritated if my daughter thought she was entitled to some sort of old-fashioned BS. I'll teacher her to pay for her own meal. Do you have a problem with that?
If someone asks my kid on a date than they pay. IF my kid asks than she pays. Otherwise it is NOT a date. Not pp
Anonymous
11/12/2019 16:09
Subject: Re:Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I disagree - I let my DS 12 go on "dates". He has gone with a girl for frozen yogurt, bowling and also ice skating once. I dropped them off and picked them up. I OKd it with the mom. I want him to learn how to do while I still have some control. He offers to pay, opens doors, asks what she wants to do (where to go or whatever) and learns how to ask a girl out, make plans and carry out those plans - all good skills. I would let him do it with his guy friends and I let him do it with a girl in controlled situations and that is how he will learn how to behave in those situations. He walks her to her door when the date is over.
This sounds a little old fashioned (I don't want my daughter to think that she needs to wait for a guy to open a door for her!), but generally I agree with this. I'm encouraged by the thought that 12 yr olds actually want to go on dates! When I was in middle and more so high school, "going out" mainly meant talking on the phone and hooking up at parties. Dating sounds a lot better.
Please don't tell your daughter this. Some of us are actually trying to teach our sons to be gentlement. Girls like your daughter are a real problem in that regard.
I'd be irritated if my daughter thought she was entitled to some sort of old-fashioned BS. I'll teacher her to pay for her own meal. Do you have a problem with that?
Anonymous
11/12/2019 15:56
Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Our kids can go to school dances with a "date" starting in 8th grade, but other than that the rule is no dating until you're 16. We're not religious or particularly conservative at all, but I've seen the difference in kids who start dating young and kids who wait until they are more mature to start dating. It makes a huge difference, particularly with girls. It draws the line very clearly for them, so mom/dad get to be the "bad guy" and the kid doesn't even have to think about it - so much more of their focus stays on school and activities. Now of COURSE they are still boy/girl crazy, talk about it all the time, etc... but it is on a level much different than those who actually are allowed to date.
I'm a firm believer in picking an age, whatever is right for your family (although I think anything younger than 14 is ill-advised), and stick to it. Just take the debate off the table for your kids until it's an appropriate time.
Not dating until 16 is one of the parenting things I have the strongest feelings about. It just really sets kids up to focus on what is most important. By the time they are 16 they are generally making a lot different decisions about who is worth spending time with (you see this with friends too!) than they do when they are younger. Usually much better judgment. Not perfect by any means, but better.
I have an almost 13 year old who isn't interested in dating - or at least, has never raised it to my attention.
She's pretty shy and not advanced in that area so I feel like we'll be "safe" in not having this dating tension between what she wants to do and my ideal of what she'd like to do, but I do wonder about her younger sister.
I'm a believer in the idea if you make something forbidden it becomes a bigger deal to the kid and they will figure out a way to make it happen potentially anyway.
How would you handle that?
Anonymous
11/12/2019 15:51
Subject: Re:Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I disagree - I let my DS 12 go on "dates". He has gone with a girl for frozen yogurt, bowling and also ice skating once. I dropped them off and picked them up. I OKd it with the mom. I want him to learn how to do while I still have some control. He offers to pay, opens doors, asks what she wants to do (where to go or whatever) and learns how to ask a girl out, make plans and carry out those plans - all good skills. I would let him do it with his guy friends and I let him do it with a girl in controlled situations and that is how he will learn how to behave in those situations. He walks her to her door when the date is over.
This sounds a little old fashioned (I don't want my daughter to think that she needs to wait for a guy to open a door for her!), but generally I agree with this. I'm encouraged by the thought that 12 yr olds actually want to go on dates! When I was in middle and more so high school, "going out" mainly meant talking on the phone and hooking up at parties. Dating sounds a lot better.
Please don't tell your daughter this. Some of us are actually trying to teach our sons to be gentlement. Girls like your daughter are a real problem in that regard.
Np. Sorry but you are problem and your son is in this world, not your generation.
Being a gentleman should be about being considerate of others. Girls are not a problem in this regard, they are just other people. If your son meets a girl who does not like having doors held for her, then he should respect her and not force his door-holding on her. That would be gentlemanly because he is respecting and caring for another person by paying attention to their preferences and desires.
NP. I think if my son met a girl who didn't like having doors held open for her, I hope he'd have the sense to run the other way.
If my dd gets there first in your world she is supposed to stand there until your son opens it? That is crazy! I fear you are teaching him subtlety that women/girls are weak and can't do simple things for themselves. Sure, don't slam the door in her face but, you are going way overboard. Your son will learn the hard way. There are more girls who are independent than the old fashioned girls waiting for boys to open doors.
Prepare for him being single because he is going to run away from the majority of girls. ( and vice versa)
Anonymous
11/12/2019 15:41
Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Our kids can go to school dances with a "date" starting in 8th grade, but other than that the rule is no dating until you're 16. We're not religious or particularly conservative at all, but I've seen the difference in kids who start dating young and kids who wait until they are more mature to start dating. It makes a huge difference, particularly with girls. It draws the line very clearly for them, so mom/dad get to be the "bad guy" and the kid doesn't even have to think about it - so much more of their focus stays on school and activities. Now of COURSE they are still boy/girl crazy, talk about it all the time, etc... but it is on a level much different than those who actually are allowed to date.
I'm a firm believer in picking an age, whatever is right for your family (although I think anything younger than 14 is ill-advised), and stick to it. Just take the debate off the table for your kids until it's an appropriate time.
Not dating until 16 is one of the parenting things I have the strongest feelings about. It just really sets kids up to focus on what is most important. By the time they are 16 they are generally making a lot different decisions about who is worth spending time with (you see this with friends too!) than they do when they are younger. Usually much better judgment. Not perfect by any means, but better.
Thank you.
Totally agree with all of this. Well said.
OP, of course they are "interested" in girls at 12. That is normal and fun. It does not mean that it has to be further pursued by starting them down a path that is more appropriately traveled at a later age.
+1
Anonymous
11/12/2019 14:55
Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No, there are also two pregnantgirls at my daughter's middle school. I don't let her slutit up either
You're trash.
I hope you're not a woman because you just set the women's moment back about 100 years.
Stop referring to women (and even worse, little girls!) as sluts, or they "slutit up".
If you can't trust your child to go to the movies at 12 because you're afraid she's going to "slutit up", then that says a lot about your parenting (or lack there of).
+1
Anonymous
11/12/2019 14:19
Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
No no no. Late high school. Those girls are tramps.
Anonymous
11/12/2019 10:01
Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:No, there are also two pregnantgirls at my daughter's middle school. I don't let her slutit up either
You're trash.
I hope you're not a woman because you just set the women's moment back about 100 years.
Stop referring to women (and even worse, little girls!) as sluts, or they "slutit up".
If you can't trust your child to go to the movies at 12 because you're afraid she's going to "slutit up", then that says a lot about your parenting (or lack there of).
Anonymous
11/12/2019 09:56
Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
High school is the time for this stuff, not middle school.
I agree with gradually giving kids more independence and responsibility, but you do this stuff in high school. These parents doing this with phones and dating in middle school are starting too soon. Middle school kids are going to "like" someone and want to hang out with them at school and that's fine. The crushes will come and go quickly in lots of cases. But why do parents put the "dating" label on it and all the more adult expectations that come with that? Middle school kids should not be thinking about exclusivity or physical relationships yet.
I agree with gradually giving kids more independence and responsibility, but you do this stuff in high school. These parents doing this with phones and dating in middle school are starting too soon. Middle school kids are going to "like" someone and want to hang out with them at school and that's fine. The crushes will come and go quickly in lots of cases. But why do parents put the "dating" label on it and all the more adult expectations that come with that? Middle school kids should not be thinking about exclusivity or physical relationships yet.
Anonymous
11/12/2019 09:14
Subject: Re:Does your 12 year old "date"
OP, I let my DS "date" when he was 12 and I do regret it. It quickly got into all kinds of drama, jealousy, other kids involved and taking sides, and screwed up his social life for a while.
My DD is 12 now and she has friends who "date", although I'm not sure if any actual dates, like group movie going, may be involved, but I'm discouraging her from all of it. I think she may feel a little left out, esp. now that her BFF has a "boyfriend" (and by boyfriend I mean all she does is occasionally wear his hoodie, and often make cringe-y videos about him that she posts and DD shares with me), but she also remembers her brother's experience. I tell her there's plenty of time for that later in high school, and I hope that sticks.
Good luck!
My DD is 12 now and she has friends who "date", although I'm not sure if any actual dates, like group movie going, may be involved, but I'm discouraging her from all of it. I think she may feel a little left out, esp. now that her BFF has a "boyfriend" (and by boyfriend I mean all she does is occasionally wear his hoodie, and often make cringe-y videos about him that she posts and DD shares with me), but she also remembers her brother's experience. I tell her there's plenty of time for that later in high school, and I hope that sticks.
Good luck!
Anonymous
11/11/2019 22:07
Subject: Re:Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I disagree - I let my DS 12 go on "dates". He has gone with a girl for frozen yogurt, bowling and also ice skating once. I dropped them off and picked them up. I OKd it with the mom. I want him to learn how to do while I still have some control. He offers to pay, opens doors, asks what she wants to do (where to go or whatever) and learns how to ask a girl out, make plans and carry out those plans - all good skills. I would let him do it with his guy friends and I let him do it with a girl in controlled situations and that is how he will learn how to behave in those situations. He walks her to her door when the date is over.
This sounds a little old fashioned (I don't want my daughter to think that she needs to wait for a guy to open a door for her!), but generally I agree with this. I'm encouraged by the thought that 12 yr olds actually want to go on dates! When I was in middle and more so high school, "going out" mainly meant talking on the phone and hooking up at parties. Dating sounds a lot better.
Please don't tell your daughter this. Some of us are actually trying to teach our sons to be gentlement. Girls like your daughter are a real problem in that regard.
Np. Sorry but you are problem and your son is in this world, not your generation.
Being a gentleman should be about being considerate of others. Girls are not a problem in this regard, they are just other people. If your son meets a girl who does not like having doors held for her, then he should respect her and not force his door-holding on her. That would be gentlemanly because he is respecting and caring for another person by paying attention to their preferences and desires.
NP. I think if my son met a girl who didn't like having doors held open for her, I hope he'd have the sense to run the other way.
Anonymous
11/11/2019 21:54
Subject: Re:Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I disagree - I let my DS 12 go on "dates". He has gone with a girl for frozen yogurt, bowling and also ice skating once. I dropped them off and picked them up. I OKd it with the mom. I want him to learn how to do while I still have some control. He offers to pay, opens doors, asks what she wants to do (where to go or whatever) and learns how to ask a girl out, make plans and carry out those plans - all good skills. I would let him do it with his guy friends and I let him do it with a girl in controlled situations and that is how he will learn how to behave in those situations. He walks her to her door when the date is over.
This sounds a little old fashioned (I don't want my daughter to think that she needs to wait for a guy to open a door for her!), but generally I agree with this. I'm encouraged by the thought that 12 yr olds actually want to go on dates! When I was in middle and more so high school, "going out" mainly meant talking on the phone and hooking up at parties. Dating sounds a lot better.
Please don't tell your daughter this. Some of us are actually trying to teach our sons to be gentlement. Girls like your daughter are a real problem in that regard.
Np. Sorry but you are problem and your son is in this world, not your generation.
Being a gentleman should be about being considerate of others. Girls are not a problem in this regard, they are just other people. If your son meets a girl who does not like having doors held for her, then he should respect her and not force his door-holding on her. That would be gentlemanly because he is respecting and caring for another person by paying attention to their preferences and desires.
Anonymous
11/11/2019 21:10
Subject: Re:Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I disagree - I let my DS 12 go on "dates". He has gone with a girl for frozen yogurt, bowling and also ice skating once. I dropped them off and picked them up. I OKd it with the mom. I want him to learn how to do while I still have some control. He offers to pay, opens doors, asks what she wants to do (where to go or whatever) and learns how to ask a girl out, make plans and carry out those plans - all good skills. I would let him do it with his guy friends and I let him do it with a girl in controlled situations and that is how he will learn how to behave in those situations. He walks her to her door when the date is over.
This sounds a little old fashioned (I don't want my daughter to think that she needs to wait for a guy to open a door for her!), but generally I agree with this. I'm encouraged by the thought that 12 yr olds actually want to go on dates! When I was in middle and more so high school, "going out" mainly meant talking on the phone and hooking up at parties. Dating sounds a lot better.
Please don't tell your daughter this. Some of us are actually trying to teach our sons to be gentlement. Girls like your daughter are a real problem in that regard.
Np. Sorry but you are problem and your son is in this world, not your generation.
Anonymous
11/11/2019 20:43
Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
I would let the 2 boys invite the 2 girls but I would drive them and go to the movie and sit a few rows away.