Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 15:23     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:


If cash is the polite gift, then it seems like there is no need to spell it out.

I'll tell you what I'm not doing -- I'm not paying off someone's student loans. Ugh.


No gift is expected, it's IF you would like to give a gift then no boxed gift. Cash, check, gift card, that sort of thing would be better.

As far as not wanting to help a new couple get out of debt, that's fine. But please understand that the cultural mentality is different with South Asians. We would be happy knowing that we helped a young couple start out more financially secure. It would be better than a new set of champagne glasses.

You are in no way obligated to give a cash/check/gift card gift. You don't have to take give a gift at all and the family will be just as happy that you are celebrating the wedding with them. If you really feel the need to take a toaster or whatever, please go ahead and do so. No one will give you the side eye as we know it's not your culture.



Hopefully that post will be more clear.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 15:23     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:As tacky as the request is, cash is easier anyway. Or a gift card.


In communities where cash is thought of as tacky, the ease of giving it is part of the reason. It takes very little thought to write a check. It shows more caring and love toward a couple to spend time thinking about what they might like and then giving that to them. There is no sentiment attached to cash. Cash is what you give to people you don't know very well and with whom you are not close.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 15:23     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The registry is so that people know your china/silver patterns or it's for people who would like a suggestion. People are not required to use it, indeed they are not required to get you a gift at all! So many ungrateful, entitled people here.


Saying cash gifts only, or no boxed gifts is also just giving people an idea of what you'd like. Its not a demand for gifts, just saying if you'd like to give one, this is what we would like. Absolutely no different than a registry. If a registry was just for matching China patterns they'd be a lot shorter.


The problem with "no boxed gifts" is that it's not giving the gifter an option of giving a boxed gift. A registry offers options, but I've yet to see an invitation (or wedding website) that says "No Non-Registry Gifts."


+1. Ultimately, a gift is a gift. The one giving the gift gets to decide what to give -- not the recipient. "No boxed gifts" takes that away. The phrase overall is confusing anyway. Why not just say "Cash or check only"?
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 15:23     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"



If cash is the polite gift, then it seems like there is no need to spell it out.

I'll tell you what I'm not doing -- I'm not paying off someone's student loans. Ugh.


No gift is expected, it's IF you would like to give a gift then no boxed gift. Cash, check, gift card, that sort of thing would be better.

As far as not wanting to help a new couple get out of debt, that's fine. But please understand that the cultural mentality is different with South Asians. We would be happy knowing that we helped a young couple start out more financially secure. It would be better than a new set of champagne glasses.

You are in no way obligated to give a cash/check/gift card gift. You don't have to take give a gift at all and the family will be just as happy that you are celebrating the wedding with them. If you really feel the need to take a toaster or whatever, please go ahead and do so. No one will give you the side eye as we know it's not your culture.

Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 15:19     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The registry is so that people know your china/silver patterns or it's for people who would like a suggestion. People are not required to use it, indeed they are not required to get you a gift at all! So many ungrateful, entitled people here.


Saying cash gifts only, or no boxed gifts is also just giving people an idea of what you'd like. Its not a demand for gifts, just saying if you'd like to give one, this is what we would like. Absolutely no different than a registry. If a registry was just for matching China patterns they'd be a lot shorter.


The problem with "no boxed gifts" is that it's not giving the gifter an option of giving a boxed gift. A registry offers options, but I've yet to see an invitation (or wedding website) that says "No Non-Registry Gifts."
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 15:09     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This thread is not making South Asian cultures look good at all.


Whatever. Take a post off of DCUM and decide that South Asian cultures are horrible from it. Typical. Like your culture is all roses right?



To the OP- If you don't want to give a gift, don't. Stating no boxed gifts simply means that if you want to give the couple a gift then instead of spending on some stupid registry gift, please give them the cash instead and allow them to use it as they need to benefit them.

To you all stating that this is not Asia, I'm sure the couple and their family are aware of that obvious fact. The majority of the attendants to the wedding will be South Asian.

South Asian weddings are LARGE, no one wants 500 boxes of any kind of gift. Cash is the POLITE gift to give to a new couple starting their life together. We don't know their circumstances, we don't know if they need a toaster, if they need money for a downpayment for a house, or if they would like to use their gifts to pay down any student loans so they don't start life together with a debt.

In American culture, gifts are polite. If you like it, keep it, if you don't then donate it. But that is seen as extremely wasteful in India. What holds value is cash and gold. Those are the gifts given to a new couple or at a baby's birth, etc. because they mean a lot more for the well being of the family.


Registries for gifts or towards a honeymoon are TACKY. I mean, really, I've seen some things like " hey help us enjoy our honeymoon by paying for a snorkel trip". Gross. How about I give you some money and you go buy your own snorkel package or your own set of dishes. Why do I have to go shopping around for you when you are perfectly capable of shopping for yourself.

But you can not put nothing at all on the card. Guest want to know what to get, it's a lot more stressful for them to just have to randomly pick up a gift of for a new couple. So either a registry or "no boxed gifts" needs to be listed.

My husband and I are both South Asian, but newsflash DCUM, it's not a monolith. We did two different invitations- for my side and my husband's side. "No boxed gifts" on mine, nothing on his, since "no boxed gifts" would have been taboo in his family and like I said registries are tacky. My MIL was inundated with calls about what to buy us as a gift.

The checks from my side gave us a very nice cushion to start out with- the remainder my student loans paid off, the rest into a Vanguard account that's been growing money for the past 15 years.



If cash is the polite gift, then it seems like there is no need to spell it out.

I'll tell you what I'm not doing -- I'm not paying off someone's student loans. Ugh.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 15:03     Subject: Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:This thread is not making South Asian cultures look good at all.


Whatever. Take a post off of DCUM and decide that South Asian cultures are horrible from it. Typical. Like your culture is all roses right?



To the OP- If you don't want to give a gift, don't. Stating no boxed gifts simply means that if you want to give the couple a gift then instead of spending on some stupid registry gift, please give them the cash instead and allow them to use it as they need to benefit them.

To you all stating that this is not Asia, I'm sure the couple and their family are aware of that obvious fact. The majority of the attendants to the wedding will be South Asian.

South Asian weddings are LARGE, no one wants 500 boxes of any kind of gift. Cash is the POLITE gift to give to a new couple starting their life together. We don't know their circumstances, we don't know if they need a toaster, if they need money for a downpayment for a house, or if they would like to use their gifts to pay down any student loans so they don't start life together with a debt.

In American culture, gifts are polite. If you like it, keep it, if you don't then donate it. But that is seen as extremely wasteful in India. What holds value is cash and gold. Those are the gifts given to a new couple or at a baby's birth, etc. because they mean a lot more for the well being of the family.


Registries for gifts or towards a honeymoon are TACKY. I mean, really, I've seen some things like " hey help us enjoy our honeymoon by paying for a snorkel trip". Gross. How about I give you some money and you go buy your own snorkel package or your own set of dishes. Why do I have to go shopping around for you when you are perfectly capable of shopping for yourself.

But you can not put nothing at all on the card. Guest want to know what to get, it's a lot more stressful for them to just have to randomly pick up a gift of for a new couple. So either a registry or "no boxed gifts" needs to be listed.

My husband and I are both South Asian, but newsflash DCUM, it's not a monolith. We did two different invitations- for my side and my husband's side. "No boxed gifts" on mine, nothing on his, since "no boxed gifts" would have been taboo in his family and like I said registries are tacky. My MIL was inundated with calls about what to buy us as a gift.

The checks from my side gave us a very nice cushion to start out with- the remainder my student loans paid off, the rest into a Vanguard account that's been growing money for the past 15 years.

Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 14:51     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So it has only been tacky in the past 10 years? The internet changed wedding protocols?


No. They used to ask people, the mothers or a bridesmaid. I cannot believe this is so hard for so many people. How lazy have we gotten?


I'm a guy and genuinely interested in this debate over what's tacky and what isn't. Seems like a huge pain in the ass to have a basic question about a wedding repeatedly asked and answered. Its pretty customary to bring a gift if you're invited to a wedding so to me it would be a convenience to let people know where you're registered.

Some PPs just appear to be easily insulted or like finding ways of looking down on others they deem less classy.


Why would you think people are too lazy to answer a question [a question that in this day and age doesn't need to be asked, because of Google]? If we're talking about being easily offended, that attitude seems pretty testy.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 14:47     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Just to put things in context, in the part of India where my family originated, weddings routinely have over 1000 invitees and more.

No gifts are given nor anticipated. It is just a celebratory occasion where people are invited for the happy occasion. Having lived in the US for quite a few years, we recently attended a wedding there - a very elaborate affair - and we are Americanized enough that we felt a gift was appropriate. But everyone including the parents of the bride told us that nothing was expected and we absolutely should not do so. All they wanted was our presence and our good wishes for the couple.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 14:46     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

So it has only been tacky in the past 10 years? The internet changed wedding protocols?


No. They used to ask people, the mothers or a bridesmaid. I cannot believe this is so hard for so many people. How lazy have we gotten?


I'm a guy and genuinely interested in this debate over what's tacky and what isn't. Seems like a huge pain in the ass to have a basic question about a wedding repeatedly asked and answered. Its pretty customary to bring a gift if you're invited to a wedding so to me it would be a convenience to let people know where you're registered.

Some PPs just appear to be easily insulted or like finding ways of looking down on others they deem less classy.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 14:38     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:The last two weddings I have been invited to basically said they didn't want gifts they want their honeymoon funded with links to the honeymoon fund page. I don't want to pay for taxi fare or air fare. I always give cash anyways and it is yours to do as you please but it just seems weird clicking on some taxi fare link and putting money into a website for this.


If you don't want to pay for taxi fare or air fare, then don't!
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 14:34     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
The last two weddings I have been invited to basically said they didn't want gifts they want their honeymoon funded with links to the honeymoon fund page. I don't want to pay for taxi fare or air fare. I always give cash anyways and it is yours to do as you please but it just seems weird clicking on some taxi fare link and putting money into a website for this.


Wow! I must lead a cloistered life. I have never come across this sort of stuff in the invitations I have received?

Whatever is next? Contributions to downpayment for a house? Or if one already has a house, the downpayment for a vacation home?


I should have stayed this is on the wedding page which has the address provided on the invite.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 14:31     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:The last two weddings I have been invited to basically said they didn't want gifts they want their honeymoon funded with links to the honeymoon fund page. I don't want to pay for taxi fare or air fare. I always give cash anyways and it is yours to do as you please but it just seems weird clicking on some taxi fare link and putting money into a website for this.


Wow! I must lead a cloistered life. I have never come across this sort of stuff in the invitations I have received?

Whatever is next? Contributions to downpayment for a house? Or if one already has a house, the downpayment for a vacation home?
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 14:28     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
The last two weddings I have been invited to basically said they didn't want gifts they want their honeymoon funded with links to the honeymoon fund page. I don't want to pay for taxi fare or air fare. I always give cash anyways and it is yours to do as you please but it just seems weird clicking on some taxi fare link and putting money into a website for this.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 14:27     Subject: Re:Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The registry is so that people know your china/silver patterns or it's for people who would like a suggestion. People are not required to use it, indeed they are not required to get you a gift at all! So many ungrateful, entitled people here.


Saying cash gifts only, or no boxed gifts is also just giving people an idea of what you'd like. Its not a demand for gifts, just saying if you'd like to give one, this is what we would like. Absolutely no different than a registry. If a registry was just for matching China patterns they'd be a lot shorter.
m

For the hundredth time, putting registry info on the invitation is ALSO TACKY.



Legit question- how do guests know where you're registered?


They google. "Jane smith wedding registry"

Bam it's there. Same way they figure out baby registries.


So it has only been tacky in the past 10 years? The internet changed wedding protocols?


No. They used to ask people, the mothers or a bridesmaid. I cannot believe this is so hard for so many people. How lazy have we gotten?