Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 15:56     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
OP, you are miles ahead of me! I'm a professional, as is DH. Our oldest is average. I stopped working when he was in middle school, spending all of my time tutoring him and he did well. He struggled in a top private high school and we had him tested. IQ under 100, no learning disabilities nor mental illness . Athletic, pretty popular. He barely made it through high school. DH told me we re not allowed to be disappointed and I try. Love him, he's my favorite, but I will always be sad that he's not more achieving. And, honestly, Im embarrassed
at his college choice and how ignorant he sounds when talking. Tried counseling and therapist shared her own disappoinment w her child. It's more common than you think.
Try try try to not follow this path!
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 15:12     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
In case OP is for real, I just wanted to say that some of the people on this thread may been really mean in how they said it but that their points about not judging your child and keeping your priorities straight are important.

My sister was a late reader and my own Ivy-educated parents panicked and were really disappointed in the early elementary years. Well by 2nd grade she shot up to the top of the class, skipped a grade, was one of those kids who took college math at a local university in high school, and has never looked back. Harvard undergrad, Harvard J.D. We sometimes look back and laugh about my parents' cluelessness but I know she was aware of how my parents felt when she was young and it hurt her a lot.

OP, it's clear you love your child. Now stop worrying about the wrong stuff.

Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 14:48     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
Anonymous wrote:People this is MUD. Stop feeding the troll.


If she is a troll, she sure prompted a lot of people to admit to similar sentiments. I'm from Europe, and I've always found the competitive spirit that pervades everything here to be potentially toxic. It starts with the obsession with milestones, goes on with the private/public school snobbery, the SAHM/WOHM war, the inability to open gifts at a birthday party, and on and on and on. I love many things about America, but this aspect is not one of them (married to a monolingual (but Ivy-educated!) American though, so can't leave, in case anyone wants to suggest that. :wink
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 14:41     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
Anonymous wrote:DH and I are extremely smart. We wished for a smsrt DD. But now I think all that wishing gave us a hard child and we have no space for our brilliance to thrive. So, we are withering.


Do you realize how terrible you sound?
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 14:36     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
People this is MUD. Stop feeding the troll.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 14:33     Subject: Re:I feel bad that my child is not gifted
You will need to adjust your expectations anyway. With so many more people applying worldwide, the chances of getting I to the Ivy league are a crap shoot for anyone now, including "gifted" children. The odds are heavily against you that your son will follow in your footsteps. Better to accept that now.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 14:29     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
DH and I are extremely smart. We wished for a smsrt DD. But now I think all that wishing gave us a hard child and we have no space for our brilliance to thrive. So, we are withering.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 11:55     Subject: Re:I feel bad that my child is not gifted
OP, what have you done to tach your child to read? It doesn't come naturally, we all have to teach kids everything, how to hold a spoon, how to build the blocks, how to add numbers, how to add letters together.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 11:52     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My average child died when he was 7. Make the most of each day, and you will be less concerned with reading ability.


Sorry for your loss, but your condescension is inappropriate.



OMG - You win PP - that is the worst thing anyone has ever written on DCUM. You are a truly scummy human being.


Not pp but there was bo condescension just a statement oc fact.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 11:47     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
Anonymous wrote:My kindergarten son cannot yet read and he is almost 6yo. DH and I are ivy league educated and have always been at the top of our class. We have many friends with very bright children and I've come to realize my child is average. I know this is not the end of the world but I feel sad tonight. I love him so much and don't want him to know my disappointment.


First, and I say this as someone with a high IQ whose career is intellectual, there is more to life than higher intelligence.

Second, have you decided this just because of the reading? My son is already 6 and has just started reading but there's no doubt in my mind or his teachers' that he is extremely bright, and not just on the STEM side. I have brilliant friends who learned to read at 3 and at 7.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 11:40     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
^^ 11;38 *here*
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 11:40     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
11:38 my youngest reads now at grade level. Grade 8. Early on he read way above grade level.. he's evened out. Math wise though he excels. I'm grateful for that because those were skills I could never grasp. He's involved in two invite only bands, nominated by his school band leader.

Give your ds a chance to show you where his strengths truly are.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 11:38     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
This could be a blessing in disguise. I've met a few people in my adult life who may be gifted academically but life outside of that baffles them.

Plus OP in the grand scheme of things this is small potatoes. He isn't suffering from some kind of illness, he isn't struggling to learn. Accept it for what it is.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 11:31     Subject: Re:I feel bad that my child is not gifted
I could point out that intellectual giftedness is not the be-all and end-all of qualities I hope for in a child. But I will also point out that my gifted DS, with a WISC-IV IQ which is astronomical, did not really "get" reading until near the end of second grade. So giftedness does not equal worthiness, but early reading does not equal giftedness.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2015 11:23     Subject: I feel bad that my child is not gifted
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I get what OP is saying and I kind of agree. I busted my a$$ to accomplish certain things in life, which gives me kids advantages, and they damn well are not going to do whatever they want because it "makes them happy." I don't care if they're not brilliant -- I am not either; then they're going to work freaking hard to be at the top of their class bc it will not be acceptable in my home to be middle of the pack and they won't be told "oh we love you anyway because you are so special." Yes I'm Asian.

OP -- 2 thoughts:
(1) Why not go Tiger Mom on them. It does work -- it has worked for generations of Chinese/Korean/Indian fams.
(2) Do you really think that getting into an Ivy is about being gifted? I have 2 Ivy degrees and am no where near gifted. For many it's about killing themselves to be at the top of their class and have the right resume; I think it's the rare kids that strolls into HYP bc he is so gifted that he just cured some disease while taking 27 APs and getting straight As. Point is -- put that fierce work ethic into your kid now.


And that's why the cheaters in my college courses back in California were most often Asian. These kids are under so much pressure to bring home good grades, they don't care how they get there.


Our valedictorian was a cheater too. She could have been 1st legitimately if she believed in herself. It did teach the rest of us cynicism when the teachers urged us all to be more like her.