Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless she almost died in childbirth and her baby is seriously ill that email is gross

No.

She wanted a natural vaginal birth. She was in "more pain that most" and had to have an epidural which spiraled into an emergency c-section. The baby was and is fine. She is not coping with healing from the c-section. I had a c-section, I know it's a bitch...

Baby has a tongue tie, the world is over. She took breastfeeding classes so thought it would be easy. Things didn't pan out who she planned, and she can't deal.

Did she have it corrected? It's a very easy fix. Both my babies were tongue tied, and DS2 was also lip tied (which was not as easy of a fix as the tongue ties)

Anonymous wrote:Although I find the email a bit obnoxious, I wish I would have been more vocal with my IL's. 2 weeks fter my DD was born my MIL and FIL came from out of town to visit. I had a c-section and developed mastitis. I was running a high fever and had to be put on an antibiotic. Breast feeding was the most painful experience of my life during these few days. The night before my ILs came they called to tell us that my SIL would also be coming. My DH explained how sick I was and that we were having a hard few days. So, the next day my SIL calls on her way here and asks me if I am preparing lunch for them or if she would need to stop to eat. I told her to call her brother and reiterated that I was having some trouble with pain and feeding the baby and that he was in charge of entertaining them. She shows up with her daughter and her new boyfriend I had met once. Now, we had a house full of people who sat in my dining room or living room having a fun little party for about 8 hours. I was lying in my room with baby. They had the nerve to tell my DH that I was rude for not visiting with all of them and hiding out in my room. I was a mess physically and in a lot of pain. I couldn't even wear a bra and they wanted me to entertain them.

My point with this story is that if I could go back I would totally put restrictions on my IL's. Some people are just plain rude.

DH: "Actually, Wife is in a good deal of pain and we really need to get the house back to ourselves. Thanks so much for visiting. We'll see you next week/next month/next year." (Stand up and start cleaning up and moving toward door.)

I understand some people are clueless and will be offended when boundaries are drawn. I have these relatives too. We all do. My BIL, who I loathe, showed up with Five Guys and wanted to sit around watching an 8pm football game loudly on the TV for several hours when my baby was just weeks old and it was the time of night when I would normally cluster nurse because baby was fussy. My DH told him to eat his burger and go home. What is more important in this situation? Protecting the feelings of an asshole relative or reclaiming your own home when you're not feeling well or you're having a tough time?

I think the answer to this type of dilemma if you have rude people in your life who will show up and expect to be fed a home-cooked meal, sit around your house too long, not get that you need some privacy, etc., is the following:

"We aren't having any visitors right after the baby is born, but we'd love to see you in the Spring!"

That's what I said to my unhelpful, clueless mother who would have sat in my house stressing me out and creating more work for me after my kids were born. Worked great.

Don't send a long email with 47 conditions on how people may visit you and your baby. Then you look like the one with mental health issues.

She just didn't need to email those things broadly. Sown people will visit and will pitch in - a sibling might come and do laundry while a co-worker will pop a head in and say hello and should not feel bad about not running the vacuum!

As for food and gifts - accept it graciously as the gift that it was meant. If you can't eat it, DH can. It's the whole culture of gift registries I guess - only bring me what I want.

Although I find the email a bit obnoxious, I wish I would have been more vocal with my IL's. 2 weeks fter my DD was born my MIL and FIL came from out of town to visit. I had a c-section and developed mastitis. I was running a high fever and had to be put on an antibiotic. Breast feeding was the most painful experience of my life during these few days. The night before my ILs came they called to tell us that my SIL would also be coming. My DH explained how sick I was and that we were having a hard few days. So, the next day my SIL calls on her way here and asks me if I am preparing lunch for them or if she would need to stop to eat. I told her to call her brother and reiterated that I was having some trouble with pain and feeding the baby and that he was in charge of entertaining them. She shows up with her daughter and her new boyfriend I had met once. Now, we had a house full of people who sat in my dining room or living room having a fun little party for about 8 hours. I was lying in my room with baby. They had the nerve to tell my DH that I was rude for not visiting with all of them and hiding out in my room. I was a mess physically and in a lot of pain. I couldn't even wear a bra and they wanted me to entertain them.

My point with this story is that if I could go back I would totally put restrictions on my IL's. Some people are just plain rude.

The email made me laugh and laugh. Thanks! I predict that being a parent will be very, very difficult for them.

There are people who would show up at a new mother's house expecting to be fed a home cooked meal. Ridiculous - yes! But true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like perhaps she knows she's in a family of assholes (people who, you know, would post her private communications on the internet for people to ridicule) and it's setting firm boundaries from the beginning. Can't say I blame her.

Lol, so true.

Yep, which is why I posted this with her name and address.

Regretting that you succumbed to peer pressure from anonymous internet people, OP?

She's probably just overwhelmed by new motherhood, birth complications/recovery and not feeling up for entertaining guests. Her email was cloddish, spoiled princess sounding but she may have some valid reasons for making her expectations known from the get go. I would just schedule a visit and stay a short time, maybe pop a load of laundry in or ask if I could pick up something from the store from them on my way over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like perhaps she knows she's in a family of assholes (people who, you know, would post her private communications on the internet for people to ridicule) and it's setting firm boundaries from the beginning. Can't say I blame her.

Lol, so true.

Yep, which is why I posted this with her name and address.

Hey OP, you do realize that if, for whatever reason, someone decides to google a phrase in that email, then this thread will pop up, right? And unless she has a whole lot of SILs, it's going to be clear who posted it?

If you're cool with that, then just woman up and say this all to her face.

If, on the other hand, you would be mortified if your family found out you posted this… well, there's your answer.

Crappy thing to do, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like perhaps she knows she's in a family of assholes (people who, you know, would post her private communications on the internet for people to ridicule) and it's setting firm boundaries from the beginning. Can't say I blame her.

Lol, so true.

Yep, which is why I posted this with her name and address.

Oh come on, OP. It was a douche move and you know it. At least own it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like perhaps she knows she's in a family of assholes (people who, you know, would post her private communications on the internet for people to ridicule) and it's setting firm boundaries from the beginning. Can't say I blame her.

Lol, so true.

Yep, which is why I posted this with her name and address.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is it with you women wanting to hold other women's babies? Have your own and hold them. Or buy your self a freaky baby-like doll. Just leave my kid alone already!

Um. Really?

Yeah, really.

sIL must be a millenial, have never seen or heard of such entitled behavior. Clear from OP's comments that email is consistent with past behavior. I'd just play sick and offer to come over once they were fully "bonded."

And, yes, unless your baby is extra vulnerable, i.e., a preemie, it is insane to stay home for 2 months.

Remember, some women get baby blues hard those first couple of weeks, and recovering from a csection with a baby with feeding issues is challenging physically and emotionally.

Your SIL isn't exactly her best self, and she is trying to regain her footing and do her best for her new baby.

If you can, go visit. Half an hour it sounds like, not a big deal. Bring whatever you would normally bring in that situation--maybe a small gift card for take out or Amazon. Smile and encourage them and get out the door.

And then you can give her plenty of space to get back to normal.