Anonymous wrote:Given how determined the OP appears to be that there was nothing wrong with the gift, I suspect this DIL is in for a rough ride. I hope her DH can put up appropriate boundaries with OP (which he didn't do here, at all).

Anonymous wrote:I still side with DIL - of course she's hurt - you got your son a gift and you got the dog a gift - an animal you admittedly call your "grand-pet" that you love, but basically didn't get anything at all for DIL.

Note, she didn't mention a thing to you. Your son did. I imagine her feelings would be pretty hurt if she even said something to him.

I would be hurt if my mil bought my husband something for himself and gave me a gift card to buybuybaby to spend on my kids. Now, maybe I don't love them as much as dog people love dogs, but no matter how great a stroller or outfit or backyard toy is, it's not for me.

Anonymous wrote:What did they send you and the newborn,OP?

Anonymous wrote:What did they send you and the newborn,OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP here...in my defense, I did suggest to ds (before Christmas) that I might get a nice Kitchen Aid mixer for her, as mine and my moms also has been the workhorse of our kitchens. Plus I could order it online for them to pickup where they live. Ds informed me they had a mixer, (not a kitchenaid one). In retrospect I should have just got the nice one-but they are going to move after graduating next may and it's one more thing to move.

I guess what I'm feeling is-my MIL has given odd gifts to us for 20 years. Up to and including yesterday Dh and I have always smiled and said Thank You, and never even considered saying anything to her about it. So DS grew up with this example (we taught the kids the same, they got some wierd stuff but handwrote nice thank you notes to her). So what happened? In my family we just don't question others about gifts.

But I'm going to let it go and not mention it again. For safety from now on I'll just get them each the same gift.

OP, don't get me wrong, you sound like a nice person and I think you were very nice in thinking about your DS and DIL. you made a gift and you should get a thank you note no matter what. however: in this situation the big dumb one is your son, I can't believe he told you what the wife said, he really seems to have a lot of growing up to do (every year my MIL gives me a purple sweater, a color that I hate and does not look good on me - I know she likes that color and does not mean this as a slight, although after years of gifts of the same awful color, with a pile of sweaters I never wear I wonder if she ever realized that maybe a plane black one would be better - but I always thank her and genuinely appreciate her because she is a nice person - we live far away and last year, before opening the package she had mailed, I smiled and said "I bet this is a purple sweater" - and it was. my husband was there and laughed too and thought better than telling his mother). Your gave your son a personal gift and your DIL a gift for the household and this was not nice. However, you gave her a gift that was reasonably nice and if she did not thank you she was rude.

I am a little puzzled of your choice of gifts for your DIL. you gave your son a gift certificate for a clothing store where he can get clothes for himself. bur for your new DIL, you got basically a gift for a dog. now you are saying that you were thinking of a kitchen mixer? why do you think that your son deserves clothing for himself, and your DIL a kitchen appliance? I am sure you meant well, but a mixer would be more a gift for both. this is not the 50's anymore where a vacuum cleaner could be considered a personal gift for a woman. would you have given a gift certificate to a clothing store to your DIL and a new mixer to your son?

Anonymous wrote: OP here...in my defense, I did suggest to ds (before Christmas) that I might get a nice Kitchen Aid mixer for her, as mine and my moms also has been the workhorse of our kitchens. Plus I could order it online for them to pickup where they live. Ds informed me they had a mixer, (not a kitchenaid one). In retrospect I should have just got the nice one-but they are going to move after graduating next may and it's one more thing to move.

I guess what I'm feeling is-my MIL has given odd gifts to us for 20 years. Up to and including yesterday Dh and I have always smiled and said Thank You, and never even considered saying anything to her about it. So DS grew up with this example (we taught the kids the same, they got some wierd stuff but handwrote nice thank you notes to her). So what happened? In my family we just don't question others about gifts.

But I'm going to let it go and not mention it again. For safety from now on I'll just get them each the same gift.

Anonymous wrote:You gave her a gift certificate to PETsmart!! I would tell everyone I know and laugh about your rudeness for years. My mother in law was horribly paasive aggresive and she never gave me something that rude. Talk about a message!