Anonymous wrote:It takes longer from the first phone call to the first kiss, than from a kiss to jumping into bed.
Assume that for every rat you see there are fifty others in the closet.
I am terribly sorry. This is painful. The kiss is just as painful as full on sex. The issue is not penetration, but the the person who was supposed to be looking out for your well being and feelings, threw those concerns in the trash.
It can be fixed. Keep the discussion from arguing about what did/didn't happen or how far it went. The kiss was already too far and that event you can agree upon. You want validation that you r been betrayed: you have. The degree is pointless.

+1

He's an immature douche with low self-esteem.

Dont let him turn the tables on you.

Let the whore have him. Misery deserves company. Couple of low life's belong together.

Your husband is trying "but we didn't have sex" to excuse his bad behavior and ,ale it look like it wasn't as bad as it was. Don't get caught in that debate.

What did happen is he lied, betrayed your trust, treated your feelings like they meant nothing.

It is very difficult to move forward without professional guidance, or these red herring conversations dominate. Please consider talking to your pastor or other professional.

Anonymous wrote:It takes mere minutes to do the deed. He had sex,

Make him call her and put the phone on speaker. Decide after you hear the whole story.

I can do it in 2

Anonymous wrote:Who cares if it was kissing or sex. The main thing is he had a wandering eye, and was acting upon it. Even if they did nothing, he snuck around behind you to meet this woman. No need to play Sherlock Holmes and figure out what they did -- point is he met her and hid it from you.

I know some will say get rid of him, but I'd say think of the why. Leave out the physical part too. I'm guessing he felt young again to talk to this woman. and his conversations with her were uplifting and not like your current conversations (you said your marriage is on the rocks). Would some other husband have done the same in the same situation?

Then decide.. do you want to work on whatever the problems are, or move on?

Eh, yes. Most DH's don't cheat.

It takes longer from the first phone call to the first kiss, than from a kiss to jumping into bed.
Assume that for every rat you see there are fifty others in the closet.
I am terribly sorry. This is painful. The kiss is just as painful as full on sex. The issue is not penetration, but the the person who was supposed to be looking out for your well being and feelings, threw those concerns in the trash.
It can be fixed. Keep the discussion from arguing about what did/didn't happen or how far it went. The kiss was already too far and that event you can agree upon. You want validation that you r been betrayed: you have. The degree is pointless.

This thread has gone off the rails but I'm hoping it will get back on track. OP, I suggest you go over to SurvivingInfidelity.com. You'll get a lot of information from people who have been through what you've been through. Your marriage doesn't have to be over. You don't want to make any decisions now. Get a relationship counselor and a counselor for yourself. You DH should get a counselor as well. At this point, you shouldn't believe anything he says and should assume the worse. He's already broken your trust yet you continue to give him the benefit of the doubt. That's foolish, naive and illogical. There are many reasons to assume he's already had sex with this woman and you should assume the worse. Until he is completely truthful, you're marriage has no hope of recovery. I'm sorry.

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. He swears they only kissed. I don't believe anything anymore. He wasn't gone long enough to fuck. But I don't know anymore.

Huh? The gym trip didnt end until after midnight yet he wasnt gone long enough to fuck? Whatever lady.

He didn't leave until 9pm and met her in shirlington. He was back at midnight. So there wasn't much time.

What night of the week was it? Shirlington is kind of dead on week nights at midnight? Which coffee shop was it? Did he have the smell of cheese and bacon on his breath?

Friday night. I didn't smell his breath. I had no reason to believe he didn't go to the gym.

What time does your gym close? His coming home at midnight seems like a reason.

My gym is in a very urban area and closes at 10pm.

The gym is 24hrs.