Anonymous wrote:I do not know how many of you are actually in your 50’s, but something happens around that age. We all start to realize that we are squarely in the second half or last third of our working life. We starting thinking back to the “wind behind our sails” mentality that we had in college or just starting out. That we were going to change the world, have some impact or make a boatload of money. We often think of what we can do in the last 10-15 years to cement our professional legacy. What OP’s DH is feeling is totally natural. Some volunteer for non profit boards while others want to try to hit it big for a few years.

The people that are saying he should suck it up are wrong. Marriage is not a prison sentence. Selfish? This guy has carried the load and has brought in at least 90% of the income for years. He basically allowed himself to be the financial mule of the family. SAH can be tough at times, but it does not compare to having your entire family’s financial well being in your hands. OP is trying to pin this on the kid, but it is her that is insecure. She has this tidy little life and she fears that it will disrupted. His time and energy will not be focused on keeping her little box intact and that scares her as much as the money. I have seen it before. Also, most schools offer online degree programs for professionals. I am working on another degree and I have not set foot in a classroom in over a year. Everything is distance learning. And my kids are tickled pink and LOVE coming to my awards programs and such. They see me, even as a geezer, as someone who is trying to improve myself. My 2 oldest are in college and they say it motivates them.

But I will say this OP and all the other “you are too old, suck it up” wives out there. If OP does not at least attempt to make this work, that man is going to be leaving right after the kid pulls off for college. The resentment will be too much.

Signed,

A 53YO who went back to grad school with a kid in high school and is married to a DH who changed his career at 54.

Anonymous wrote:I confess, I was surprised to see such a split of opinion here. Barring any financial crisis that going back to school would create (and I suspect that if it would, the OP would have mentioned it up front), this seems like a no-brainer to me. This guy wants to spend two years going back to school to train for essentially a lateral move that will allow him to make more money working fewer hours in the long run. Yes, he will probably have less time for your younger son in the next 1 1/2 years, but that's not the same as no time, and their relationship will not be defined by this single period. In fact, I imagine that if your DH can work fewer hours in his second career, he'll be in a even better position to spend time with his kids and develop those relationships than he does now.

On the money front, he's hoping to keep working for another 10-15 years. Given how you described your respective financial contributions, it seems like this would be wonderful for shoring up your retirement. What happens if he ends up completely burned out in five years and want to retire earlier because he can't bear to go into the office anymore? Switching careers seems like it could potentially be a very good move for you guys.

And then on his personal well-being, it sounds like he's pretty bored with his current career. Finding something new and intellectually engaging has been strongly correlated with increased health and vitality, and a longer life span. Assuming you like your husband, this seems like a pretty good deal, doesn't it?

Just my perspective. Of course, I'm a SAHM who has repeatedly told her somewhat professionally burned-out spouse that if he could just find the thing he loved and pursue it, I'd go back to work, sell the house, move to a less expensive area, etc. Because fulfillment matters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is financially supporting himself in this effort, and is still able to continue to contribute to the financial support of the family, then you should be emotionally supportive. I think it is great he is doing this. If he is stuck in a rut and unhappy, then this makes sense. They say you are never too old to go to school. If he finds a career he really enjoys, then he will do really well and you could also reap of the benefits (both financially and emotionally).

You are lucky. My husband has never been involved with his kids - and I have always worked fulltime.

x2
For the life of me I can't figure out what the husband is doing so wrong here with this planned career change that doesn't mention any interruption in finances.

Anonymous wrote:OP: he would be absolutely miserable with a full retirement and says that he doesn't want to be one of those people who retire and then worry for years about running out of money. My concern is how viable a late 50's career change is. He tells me that it is taking his existing skills to a new direction, but he spent years building an education and experience for this? it worries me because he earns 90% of the household income. Our child at home worships him and I don't want to see the last 1 1/2 years at home ruined by a father who is too busy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is an infinite supply of spoiled women on DCUM who lose their shit whenever there is any possible change in their incredibly pampered lives.

Ain't that the fucking truth...

Anonymous wrote:My mom went back for a masters when I was in high school, and went on to LOVE her career in her 50's and 60's. Then she went and got yet another masters at 70. My dad supported it all, and her kids are very proud of her. Your kid might be proud of his/her dad, too, OP.

Anonymous wrote:He too old,, to late for him he made his bed time to sleep in it

Anonymous wrote:This is his one and only life - support him and let him figure it out. My DH made a similar decision at age 47, changed careers and has been successful.