You don't need to do anything for her. Just worry about yourself. Extricate yourself from this unhealthy relationship and move on now while you are young.

OP here...again: I was going to stop posting but the one or two people who just won't stop are getting really really annoying. Did I used to enjoy and go along with it when he would ask for pics or want to have certain convos? Sure I did. The thought that she clearly wasn't making him happy in certain ways and he had to come to me for it did make me happy for awhile but you know what? I got past that. We are talking about a break up that happened 2 years ago and all of this was happening over 9 months ago...which I did say.

To the PP's who have been in my shoes or who actually offered helpful advice, THANK YOU. Hearing others stories, does really make me think. I can see why this really is unhealthy for me. I was blinded by a 9 year friendship for awhile and didn't want to give that up but I also don't want to just be the person he comes to because he's not happy with her or whatever. I do feel bad for her. She clearly is clueless to all of this and is going to go on and marry him but what do I do? I'm not going to reach out to her and tell her what has happened or what he says. I feel like that is something she needs to figure out on her own. I just don't want to be his "side person" anymore and I am starting to realize that more and more. It sucks to lose a 9 year friendship but I guess that is part of growing up.

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you have with your ex is an emotional affair. No one's really going to consider it one (or care) while he has a girlfriend, but if he were an honest guy, he would have toned his "friendship" with you way down once he got engaged. Calling first thing in the morning, being the person he goes to when he's had a big day - that's taking away from his actual relationship with his fiance. He can't start a marriage like that - or at least, he shouldn't be trying. She's the one who's supposed to share the journey of life with him. The fact that he's coming to you instead, but simultaneously maintaining and advancing in his relationship with her just means that he wants to have his cake & eat it too. He's not an honest guy. You need a break. Back off for a bit, gain some perspective. Once you've re-established your other support systems in life, you'll realize that you didn't need him and that he was holding you back from finding the right guy, because he was half-occupying that role for you. Free up the space.

I say all of this as some one whose "best friend" got engaged and didn't tell me. When I found out, our friendship changed and I mourned what we had, but finally was able to meet the right guy when I let go of the one who was never really mine anyway.

OP Here: Thank you PP. I really do appreciate your advice. The PP's who have actually given helpful advice, have really helped me see some things that I didn't even see before. I do have A LOT to think about. I would love for him and I to remain friends but I am starting to see why this is probably not the healthiest option for me so again, thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you admit you send him pics and said because it's fun, right?

Yeah, OP, you have been proven wrong on that point.

Looking for the admission that you were wrong...

Oh, wait - I bet you are one of those people who can never admit she is wrong. Good luck with therapy. You do need it!

Can you admit that you are a bitch who hides behind her computer being all brave and high and mighty? When you admit to that...... hahahaha

Okay, can the 2 people who are posting repeatedly on this thread with "OMG, you sent him pictures, didn't you? Didn't you!!!!!!!!!!!!!" please stop spamming? Some of us are trying to actually offer up helpful advice and it's hard to sift through pages & pages of your spam.

Anonymous wrote:So you admit you send him pics and said because it's fun, right?

Yeah, OP, you have been proven wrong on that point.

Looking for the admission that you were wrong...

Oh, wait - I bet you are one of those people who can never admit she is wrong. Good luck with therapy. You do need it!

You should totally crash their wedding! Good luck OP!

So you admit you send him pics and said because it's fun, right?

this whole thread is really sad.

OP, please ignore the one poster that is just posting again and again. I think you did get some good advice and it's now up to you to decide what you want to do. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you currently have a boyfriend? Have you had a boyfriend since the two of you broke up?

Op here: no, I don't currently have a boyfriend. I started dating a guy 2 months after my ex and I broke up and we dated for about 6 months but it just wasn't what I wanted. I dated another guy for about 5-6 months after him but found out he didn't want kids ever and that's not something im willing to compromise on. I've been single for the last 9-10 months but by choice. I'm going through some medical things right now so I'm trying to focus on all of that before I even consider dating again.

Psychiatric apparently. GL with your medical issues. Is he there for you while you go through this? Or just bust asking for nude pix of you, which you willingly send b/c it's "fun"?

OP Here: It's really fun to be all big and brave and a bitch online when no one knows who you are huh? Please show me where I said that I send him pics and that it's "fun"? I'd love to see where I posted that.

Page 2. Here is what you wrote:

OP Here: Honestly? No. Did I at some point? Yes. For a year after we broke up and they were together, we talked about us getting back together. We knew that there was a lot we would have to work on but we talked about it A LOT. He wasn't happy with her for awhile. He would sneak outside at 11:00, 12:00 at night and call me from the balcony of their apartment and talk to me for an hour and we would just talk about trying to make it work. That ended though because we just kept getting into arguments about stupid things and the biggest thing was that I wasn't willing to move to where he re located to (Texas) and that was always an issue with us so we just went back to being "friends". However, us being "friends" has always been a flirtatious thing. He STILL to this day texts me asking me to send him "pictures" and he will ask me what I am wearing and things like that. I go along with it because it's fun but I am past the point of wanting us to work out again because we just work out better as friends. As for why it matters to me? Well because we tell eachother every thing and the fact that he would lie to me about something like that, pisses me off to be honest. And also...if he's engaged..he shouldn't be asking me for certain pics and saying certain things. Sure it wasn't okay when he had a gf but if he's really engaged..it's DEFINITELY not okay now.

aww wow someone has nothing to do huh? The shit that you guys fall for on this board is amazing lmao

Says the troll who makes up stories and keeps posting in order to entertain herself....

OP, what you have with your ex is an emotional affair. No one's really going to consider it one (or care) while he has a girlfriend, but if he were an honest guy, he would have toned his "friendship" with you way down once he got engaged. Calling first thing in the morning, being the person he goes to when he's had a big day - that's taking away from his actual relationship with his fiance. He can't start a marriage like that - or at least, he shouldn't be trying. She's the one who's supposed to share the journey of life with him. The fact that he's coming to you instead, but simultaneously maintaining and advancing in his relationship with her just means that he wants to have his cake & eat it too. He's not an honest guy. You need a break. Back off for a bit, gain some perspective. Once you've re-established your other support systems in life, you'll realize that you didn't need him and that he was holding you back from finding the right guy, because he was half-occupying that role for you. Free up the space.

I say all of this as some one whose "best friend" got engaged and didn't tell me. When I found out, our friendship changed and I mourned what we had, but finally was able to meet the right guy when I let go of the one who was never really mine anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you currently have a boyfriend? Have you had a boyfriend since the two of you broke up?

Op here: no, I don't currently have a boyfriend. I started dating a guy 2 months after my ex and I broke up and we dated for about 6 months but it just wasn't what I wanted. I dated another guy for about 5-6 months after him but found out he didn't want kids ever and that's not something im willing to compromise on. I've been single for the last 9-10 months but by choice. I'm going through some medical things right now so I'm trying to focus on all of that before I even consider dating again.

Psychiatric apparently. GL with your medical issues. Is he there for you while you go through this? Or just bust asking for nude pix of you, which you willingly send b/c it's "fun"?

OP Here: It's really fun to be all big and brave and a bitch online when no one knows who you are huh? Please show me where I said that I send him pics and that it's "fun"? I'd love to see where I posted that.

Page 2. Here is what you wrote:

OP Here: Honestly? No. Did I at some point? Yes. For a year after we broke up and they were together, we talked about us getting back together. We knew that there was a lot we would have to work on but we talked about it A LOT. He wasn't happy with her for awhile. He would sneak outside at 11:00, 12:00 at night and call me from the balcony of their apartment and talk to me for an hour and we would just talk about trying to make it work. That ended though because we just kept getting into arguments about stupid things and the biggest thing was that I wasn't willing to move to where he re located to (Texas) and that was always an issue with us so we just went back to being "friends". However, us being "friends" has always been a flirtatious thing. He STILL to this day texts me asking me to send him "pictures" and he will ask me what I am wearing and things like that. I go along with it because it's fun but I am past the point of wanting us to work out again because we just work out better as friends. As for why it matters to me? Well because we tell eachother every thing and the fact that he would lie to me about something like that, pisses me off to be honest. And also...if he's engaged..he shouldn't be asking me for certain pics and saying certain things. Sure it wasn't okay when he had a gf but if he's really engaged..it's DEFINITELY not okay now.

aww wow someone has nothing to do huh? The shit that you guys fall for on this board is amazing lmao

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you currently have a boyfriend? Have you had a boyfriend since the two of you broke up?

Op here: no, I don't currently have a boyfriend. I started dating a guy 2 months after my ex and I broke up and we dated for about 6 months but it just wasn't what I wanted. I dated another guy for about 5-6 months after him but found out he didn't want kids ever and that's not something im willing to compromise on. I've been single for the last 9-10 months but by choice. I'm going through some medical things right now so I'm trying to focus on all of that before I even consider dating again.

Psychiatric apparently. GL with your medical issues. Is he there for you while you go through this? Or just bust asking for nude pix of you, which you willingly send b/c it's "fun"?

OP Here: It's really fun to be all big and brave and a bitch online when no one knows who you are huh? Please show me where I said that I send him pics and that it's "fun"? I'd love to see where I posted that.

Posted above. As you requested. You crazy bitch

All I have to say is hahahahahahahahahaha

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you currently have a boyfriend? Have you had a boyfriend since the two of you broke up?

Op here: no, I don't currently have a boyfriend. I started dating a guy 2 months after my ex and I broke up and we dated for about 6 months but it just wasn't what I wanted. I dated another guy for about 5-6 months after him but found out he didn't want kids ever and that's not something im willing to compromise on. I've been single for the last 9-10 months but by choice. I'm going through some medical things right now so I'm trying to focus on all of that before I even consider dating again.

Psychiatric apparently. GL with your medical issues. Is he there for you while you go through this? Or just bust asking for nude pix of you, which you willingly send b/c it's "fun"?

OP Here: It's really fun to be all big and brave and a bitch online when no one knows who you are huh? Please show me where I said that I send him pics and that it's "fun"? I'd love to see where I posted that.

Page 2. Here is what you wrote:

OP Here: Honestly? No. Did I at some point? Yes. For a year after we broke up and they were together, we talked about us getting back together. We knew that there was a lot we would have to work on but we talked about it A LOT. He wasn't happy with her for awhile. He would sneak outside at 11:00, 12:00 at night and call me from the balcony of their apartment and talk to me for an hour and we would just talk about trying to make it work. That ended though because we just kept getting into arguments about stupid things and the biggest thing was that I wasn't willing to move to where he re located to (Texas) and that was always an issue with us so we just went back to being "friends". However, us being "friends" has always been a flirtatious thing. He STILL to this day texts me asking me to send him "pictures" and he will ask me what I am wearing and things like that. I go along with it because it's fun but I am past the point of wanting us to work out again because we just work out better as friends. As for why it matters to me? Well because we tell eachother every thing and the fact that he would lie to me about something like that, pisses me off to be honest. And also...if he's engaged..he shouldn't be asking me for certain pics and saying certain things. Sure it wasn't okay when he had a gf but if he's really engaged..it's DEFINITELY not okay now.