An np also trying to understand.
In your experience, most of the time, is it the man or the woman who "close the deal"/ made the actual final suggestion to "hey let's do the affair"?

I am still trying to understand this thread. I see that a lot of people are in a bad way with sex in their marriages.
If you get caught, and you love your spouse the way most of you say you do, why do you lie about it, and turn the tables on your spouse? Why do you accuse them of doing it or wanting it? It seems very selfish and hurtful

Long story short, I have been given tacit permission to cheat so long as I am discrete and (more importantly) it does not take away from my home life as a dad in any way. I work long hours and am home every night with the kids and activities on the weekend, so opportunity is limited.

This understanding was reached after multiple years without sex of any kind followed by 10 months in couples counseling.

I keep in shape and look young for my age (40) and have managed to find partners while traveling, usually for a one night stand though a couple have been more than once. I keep in touch by email with three of these partners occasionally and would meet again if our paths crossed. I was honest about my circumstances every time.

I have not had success meeting someone for an ongoing relationship in the DC area and have, for the most part, stopped trying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need some advice from experienced people please. When you try to attract the potential AP (just for sex, no emotional affairs), do you just flirt, give subtle signals? Will you also give lots of compliments, or text/email him or her on a regular basis?
I am at this point where I am trying to make sure I am attracting her (potential is also married) in the right way where she would be willing to be in a physical affair with me but will not get the wrong impression that I am looking for any emotional attachment. I have many experiences dating before marriage but none in affairs, I figure I shouldn't use the old ways to invite trouble.

I look at my hand, brush against it teasingly. Smile at it. When the time is right, I let the fingertips just peak under my belt. Just the tips, see how it feels. A couple of weeks of this and my hand is insane with lust. No emotional attachment, just the physical one of ligaments and tendons. All too soon, though, the excitement wears off, and one morning I look down to see my hand covered with a mitten. Unwilling, unavailable. And then I realize it. I have fallen in love.

LHP

Serial killer SAHM on dcum. I am going to have a terrible nightmare tonight.

OMG!!! I was actually reading this and saying - what???
I think i need to go to bed...lol

Anonymous wrote:Need some advice from experienced people please. When you try to attract the potential AP (just for sex, no emotional affairs), do you just flirt, give subtle signals? Will you also give lots of compliments, or text/email him or her on a regular basis?
I am at this point where I am trying to make sure I am attracting her (potential is also married) in the right way where she would be willing to be in a physical affair with me but will not get the wrong impression that I am looking for any emotional attachment. I have many experiences dating before marriage but none in affairs, I figure I shouldn't use the old ways to invite trouble.

I look at my hand, brush against it teasingly. Smile at it. When the time is right, I let the fingertips just peak under my belt. Just the tips, see how it feels. A couple of weeks of this and my hand is insane with lust. No emotional attachment, just the physical one of ligaments and tendons. All too soon, though, the excitement wears off, and one morning I look down to see my hand covered with a mitten. Unwilling, unavailable. And then I realize it. I have fallen in love.

LHP

Need some advice from experienced people please. When you try to attract the potential AP (just for sex, no emotional affairs), do you just flirt, give subtle signals? Will you also give lots of compliments, or text/email him or her on a regular basis?
I am at this point where I am trying to make sure I am attracting her (potential is also married) in the right way where she would be willing to be in a physical affair with me but will not get the wrong impression that I am looking for any emotional attachment. I have many experiences dating before marriage but none in affairs, I figure I shouldn't use the old ways to invite trouble.

Anonymous wrote:I am 49 years old, attractive and married. Why would a guy want to go out w me when he can be w a 20 year old?

Cause he just wants sex, not a relationship?

Anonymous wrote:For everyone - Just curious, are most of your APs married or single? Do you think it is easier to start an affair with married or single people? It sounded like for married people, it could be difficult to tell if they are also on the same page with you in terms of being willing to take the risk/get over the guilt or whatever to have an actual affair with you. How do you tell they are over this point? (online affairs excluded)

APs must be married. Not enough to lose if you have an affair with a single guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok - then why do u stay with your spouse?

Cause he doesn't deserve half of our millions and because i kinda like him. And the kids like him too.

Wow. You sound awful, but honest.

I may be awful but I am certainly honest. He brought negative net worth to the marriage, and I do 90% of the household work and child rearing, while working longer hours and making a little bit more than he does. It's not the great love affair I'd hoped it would be but it's not worth divorcing over.

Anonymous wrote:I honestly feel that at 49 i can't compete w these young single girls..

I'm 49 and I'm fabulous! Guys from age 43 to 63 hit on me. Chin up!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 49 years old, attractive and married. Why would a guy want to go out w me when he can be w a 20 year old?

My spouse cheated with someone 10 years older and 50lbs heavier than me, who also has severe financial problems. But the other woman is fun and easy to be around, and way less complicated than me. Spouse could go drinking with this woman and not feel insecure or not smart enough. Some people are looking to trade up when they have an affair, but more people are looking for anyone who can give them exactly what they don't feel they get a home-and that's not necessarily younger/hotter.

DH here. my affair partner is 51, much older than me and my wife, and not nearly as attractive as DW. But she rips my clothes off and is truly hot for me. This is what I miss, and I wouldn't get this from a 20 year old. If DW showed 1/10th the interest, I wouldn't be having an affair.

Anonymous wrote:For those men who have cheated:

(1) Have your wives given birth?
(2) Have the women with whom you are cheating given birth?
(3) Given that men tend to be very visual and since a lot of the prior responses on this thread suggest men cheat for sex (rather than love / intimacy), are there any physical differences between your wives and the other women that draw you to the other women? For example, if they've never been pregnant / given birth, is part of the allure their physique - perkier breasts, no stretch marks, and perhaps most importantly, tighter vaginas? If that wasn't what initially drew you to the other woman (without kids), did you notice that difference while with the other woman (tighter vagina, perkier breasts)?

1) My DW has given birth to 2 kids
2) My AP has given birth to 4 kids... She is he only person that I have "cheated" with...
3) My AP is older has has more stretch marks... But she is better shape than my DW. My AP has a great body compared to my wife, but she is also a nicer person and easier to be close friends with than my DW... I love my AP's body but that is not the only reason that I want her to be my next wife.

Anonymous wrote:I am 49 years old, attractive and married. Why would a guy want to go out w me when he can be w a 20 year old?

My spouse cheated with someone 10 years older and 50lbs heavier than me, who also has severe financial problems. But the other woman is fun and easy to be around, and way less complicated than me. Spouse could go drinking with this woman and not feel insecure or not smart enough. Some people are looking to trade up when they have an affair, but more people are looking for anyone who can give them exactly what they don't feel they get a home-and that's not necessarily younger/hotter.

I honestly feel that at 49 i can't compete w these young single girls..