hey there OP - people like you are the ones who make me glad I am an only child. Which is not often, but its your type that does it.

Congrats, micro-managing, sibling-judging bridezilla. Get over yourself and have a nice wedding and let your guests have a good time too.

PP' here -- we invited all of our friends with plus one. One of dh's friends showed up with a date he had met a week before and hadn't RSVP'ed for. The caterer pulled up an extra chair and I was miffed for about 15 minutes. It really didn't affect the wedding in any material way except that he probably had more fun than if he came alone.

Anonymous wrote:The only real pertinent issue, OP, is that you told him he could bring a +1. He is being a +1. End of story.

--His relationship with this person is none of your business.
--Who he gets an allowance from is not your business and irrelevant.
--The price of the one meal you will you have to add is irrelevant because you already told us the money isn't the issue.
--How well you do or don't know her is irrelevant because you told him he could bring a +1. You didn't give him rules about who he could bring.
--Your judgment about him and gossiping with your family about him and his +1 is pretty mean.

You're being unreasonable, OP. Get over and get over it quick so you can be gracious to your brother, his guest, and everyone else who is going to spend time and money to celebrate you and your fiancé.

OP here- I didn't make the allowance my business. I mentioned it b/c someone asked if there were other underlying issues. When fiance and i got engaged, my brother told my parents "i hope this doesn't mean you are going to cut me off to pay for her wedding." HE said that. He has never called to congratulate us, wish us well, or ask if he could help in any way. His primary concern is making sure he did not get cut off. It's clear that I have regarded him as a freeloader in other aspects of life, which, in my opinion, once again manifested here. I didn't assume my parents would give anything, and unlike my brother, I don't feel a sense of ownership over my parents' money.

I find him unreasonable re: many things, but he is family. Like I said before, his +1 will be a welcomed guest at all the events of the weekend. I was just coming here to see what other people thought and get other opinions. I plan to have a lovely weekend with my family and a long, happy marriage with my DH to be.

My now SIL (DH's sister) was single at the time and just brought a female friend. I thought it was silly, and I was annoyed at having to add to the head count, but she was 22 and insecure and wanted a friend there. Not really a big deal. Roll your eyes once and move on.

Haven't read all the posts. Op, just calm down. What are you really worried about? So, she'll be in the table picture, big deal. Just tell your brother that she isn't going to be in any of the family portraits and I'm sure that she and he will understand. Or if he throws a fit take a couple with her in them and only buy the ones without her in them. She'll NEVER know because she'll NEVER see your album. I invited every single person to my wedding with a +1 and many brought random people, including some very close friends and my SIL. My kids occasionally pull my wedding album out of the closet (where it is stuffed away) and ask who these people are (at the table pictures) and I cheerfully say that I have no idea but they were so and so's date. But I have a few pictures of my family displayed in my house (more when we first got married, less 15+ years out) and those random people are of course no where to be found. Let your brother bring his friend and welcome her as a generous host.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we hear a little more about the plus 1? I am curious what your brother said about her.

Op here- she's a 22 yr old intern and from Texas. Just graduated college.

You all can call my parents, sister, and fiance cheap bridezilla bitches since all of us are wondering what kind of meaningful connection a 30 yr old could have possibly found with a 22 yr old he's known for a few months.

I will call you all bitches. Your brother has a new friend. Instead of just being happy for him, you're being pissy. If he told you this 22-year-old intern was his girlfriend, you would have been fine with him bringing her to the wedding. You told your brother he could bring a +1. He took you up on the offer and informed you a month in advance of the wedding, which is plenty of time for RSVP purposes. You're just annoyed because, frankly, it sounds like you like to judge your brother--you think he's not as good as your sister, you look down on him because he gets an allowance from your parents, etc. Maybe he's a PITA generally, but I'm not seeing it in this example.

She could be a super-fun person who will tear up the dance floor and help make your wedding reception lively and fun, but you're going to be tweaked that you have to buy her some grilled chicken and a slice of cake.

Correction...he is *bringing* a +1.

Not *being* a +1.

End of story.

The only real pertinent issue, OP, is that you told him he could bring a +1. He is being a +1. End of story.

--His relationship with this person is none of your business.
--Who he gets an allowance from is not your business and irrelevant.
--The price of the one meal you will you have to add is irrelevant because you already told us the money isn't the issue.
--How well you do or don't know her is irrelevant because you told him he could bring a +1. You didn't give him rules about who he could bring.
--Your judgment about him and gossiping with your family about him and his +1 is pretty mean.

You're being unreasonable, OP. Get over and get over it quick so you can be gracious to your brother, his guest, and everyone else who is going to spend time and money to celebrate you and your fiancé.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we hear a little more about the plus 1? I am curious what your brother said about her.

Op here- she's a 22 yr old intern and from Texas. Just graduated college.

You all can call my parents, sister, and fiance cheap bridezilla bitches since all of us are wondering what kind of meaningful connection a 30 yr old could have possibly found with a 22 yr old he's known for a few months.

Wow, you guys are all talking about your brother and his date with one another? That seems a little catty, to me. I am starting to feel a little sorry for your brother, to be honest. I can understand that you're not crazy about his choice of this guest, but I really think you should try to be generous and a bigger person, and just put this whole thing behind you. No talking about him behind his back!

OP ~ you extended the invite.

Anonymous wrote:Having a wedding in your hometown a few states away is not a destination wedding. I'm guessing you wrote you were having a destination wedding in your OP so people would agree with you about the expense of his plus one.

I called it a destination wedding bc 99% of our friends will take a 2 hr flight to get there, and it's a popular vacation location...but is that really relevant?

Having a wedding in your hometown a few states away is not a destination wedding. I'm guessing you wrote you were having a destination wedding in your OP so people would agree with you about the expense of his plus one.

1 month out is usually about when RSVP's are due. I think it's inconsiderate that you want him to go to a destination wedding alone. People generally plan vacations around the destination. I think it's normal that he would want to bring a friend. If you have a problem with the cost then you should not have said +1's were welcome.

Anonymous wrote:Try and hook up on your own time, not at your sister's wedding on her and your family's dime!

Oh please -- if he had given you no info besides a name, you would have assumed a new girlfriend and you would have been fine with any hook ups happening on your dime.

Try and hook up on your own time, not at your sister's wedding on her and your family's dime!