Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some good traits have correlated bad traits.

A kind gentle man may not have the ruthlessness and killer ambition needed to be very financially successful. The lack of competitiveness might be a part of what makes him kind.

Completely disagree. Kindness does not equal lack of competitiveness. One can be competitive but ethical, moral, and kind. My exceptionally kind husband is a top-notch attorney, has worked a grueling political campaign, and does very well for himself and our family in every sense. When we first met he was (and is) so nice that I thought something similar to you - then I saw him in court. He has an approach that is very matter-of-fact but not in your face and he uses this to his advantage. He is a quiet pirana. People don't expect what comes out of his mouth because the delivery is so cool, calm, and collected. It's awesome.

OK, except turns out we're married to the same guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm, I know kind and respectful people who have cheated. Anyone can have weakness or clouded judgment during a rough patch in a marriage.

A good point is made about the importance of chemistry. I think it's more emotional chemistry than just physical. My ex was wonderful in every way as a person and friend, but emotionally something was missing, so I discovered after many years of trying to make it work, that at least for me, everything else without passion was not enough.

I'm sorry but a respectful person does not cheat on their spouse. They may play the respectful role real well, but deep down they don't respect someone by cheating on them. I don't care if it is a rough patch or a drunken night. If you respect your spouse, you don't cheat. Ever. Period. There is no hall passes for being respectful.

Nobody is perfect. But when it comes down to infidelity, you are not a respectful person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some good traits have correlated bad traits.

A kind gentle man may not have the ruthlessness and killer ambition needed to be very financially successful. The lack of competitiveness might be a part of what makes him kind.

Completely disagree. Kindness does not equal lack of competitiveness. One can be competitive but ethical, moral, and kind. My exceptionally kind husband is a top-notch attorney, has worked a grueling political campaign, and does very well for himself and our family in every sense. When we first met he was (and is) so nice that I thought something similar to you - then I saw him in court. He has an approach that is very matter-of-fact but not in your face and he uses this to his advantage. He is a quiet pirana. People don't expect what comes out of his mouth because the delivery is so cool, calm, and collected. It's awesome.

Anonymous wrote:a long tongue...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm single and dating and trying to figure it all out. I am torn between kindness, generosity and integrity but, damn, if the sex is bad can you stand to stay married?

Don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. Sexual compatibility is critical.

Kindness, generosity, and integrity are basics. What separates your best friend from your lover is sexual compatibility. Too many peopls here bitching about their sexless marriages. Don't ever ever waste a single secomd dating someone who cannot sexually please you. Lover first...don't fall into the best friend trap. Thats what gay guys are for. Go get a friend.

This. This. This. This. This.

I wonder how many people who use the cliche line of "marrying their best friend" actually married their LOVER.
If sexual compatibility is not there, you will be miserable and/or be one of the people who finally understands WHY some people cheat.

As for the other person who said she and her husband love receiving oral but hate giving it (so now they don't do it), just seems like a sad loss (to me). Just be sure you're both actually happy with that arrangement versus one of you being told by the other that you're "happy" with it.