48 year old dual degree professional WM here, polyglot, well traveled, great sense of humor, fit enough just re-entering the dating pool. Any takers?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This may be true. But I don't hear a lot of men in their 30s and 40s complaining that they can't find a woman. I hear a lot of women in that same age range complaining (such as in this thread).

Ahhh!! Very good point!!
Save for slovenly sociopaths most middle aged men who are, in fact, looking for a long-term relationship don't seem to have much difficulty in securing a significant other. I don't know if it's because there is a larger segment of single women in that middle-age range or if it's because men are less particular about prerequisites than women or what - but you're right...the complaints from men who are unable to find a woman are significantly fewer.

My guess is a mix between the amount of available women and the fact a lot of men are less particular when it comes to the pre-requisites.

Ya know, if you're dating in your 40s them most age-appropriate men will be balding! It drives me crazy when women say that's a deal-breaker. Though to be honest, I've only read about that on here, none of my friends IRL care about that. Most of our partners are balding!

I am a woman with a graduate degree, grew up in a working class family, parents did not go to college. Most men in my family were self-employed, and the women were SAHM unless they were school teachers or nurses or hair stylists.

I would love to meet and marry a man like the men in my family.

Men who don't go to college from high school, usually marry young and have kids and divorce. Or, today, men who don't go to college have kids outside of marriage,mand there is "baby mama drama."

Plus, many men who did not attend college after high school, may not be "intimidated" or even couldn't care less about the woman's level of education or profession. They may not like it that she has a wider vocabulary and starts using "big words" on him. LoL. My sister's ex boyfriend from high school complained about that when she attended college and he went to work on a loading dock. She was crazy about him, and all he was not supportive of her attending college. It did not work out, and she met a man her age with a college degree.

Anonymous wrote:Stop looking, OP. Start living. You and your GFs reek of desperation.

Go have fun. Don't think about meeting anyone.

Every married woman I know met her husband when she wasn't actively looking.

In fact, I met my husband the night I declared I wasn't going to date for a year. I was having the time if my life, no pressure, just fun.

+1

I divorced almost a decade ago and dated a lot, but met the man I've been with over a year on a night when I was determined to just hang out with my female friends and have fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This may be true. But I don't hear a lot of men in their 30s and 40s complaining that they can't find a woman. I hear a lot of women in that same age range complaining (such as in this thread).

Ahhh!! Very good point!!
Save for slovenly sociopaths most middle aged men who are, in fact, looking for a long-term relationship don't seem to have much difficulty in securing a significant other. I don't know if it's because there is a larger segment of single women in that middle-age range or if it's because men are less particular about prerequisites than women or what - but you're right...the complaints from men who are unable to find a woman are significantly fewer.

My guess is a mix between the amount of available women and the fact a lot of men are less particular when it comes to the pre-requisites.

Anonymous wrote:This may be true. But I don't hear a lot of men in their 30s and 40s complaining that they can't find a woman. I hear a lot of women in that same age range complaining (such as in this thread).

Ahhh!! Very good point!!
Save for slovenly sociopaths most middle aged men who are, in fact, looking for a long-term relationship don't seem to have much difficulty in securing a significant other. I don't know if it's because there is a larger segment of single women in that middle-age range or if it's because men are less particular about prerequisites than women or what - but you're right...the complaints from men who are unable to find a woman are significantly fewer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single guy and I've met women just like the OP are talking about.

The problem is they are so focused on 'who they are' or what I do that it turns me off. I don't care if you are a successful lawyer, a doctor, etc. That really doesn't mean much in my eyes. I'm focusing on who you are as a person. Are you loyal, are you fun, are you judgemental, are you materialistic, do you have a lot of friends from different social groups, do you come off as stuffy/boring, do you take yourself too seriously, are you good with kids, etc..

Then I make my decision about the kind of person you are. I don't give a shit about your income, social status, who you know, what school you went to (besides for sports team affiliations), what degree(s) you have, or what position you hold. So when you put all that out there, I just turn away. That shit should be left to the "just out of college with their first real job" people. I'm passed that.

Right. This is the standard male opinion. You "don't care" about who we are. You're focusing on us as a person. Person, meaning, you really better have a nice ass, be age-appropriate, have clear skin, an adorable, symmetrical face, long legs would be great, and excellent hair.

The other part of this is that we all want "nice" girls. That has repeatedly been mentioned here as a male criteria (because we all know that most men are "nice" people too, who never hurt women, disparage women, hurt other people, etc. Men are all really "nice.") By nice, men mean that they want a woman who will respect them as the man in the relationship, have no personal baggage or issues, few insecurities (or if you have them, they should be cute, like you blush), and an agreeable disposition.

The fact is, men are just as demanding, exacting, superficial, and vicious as women when it comes to dating.

This may be true. But I don't hear a lot of men in their 30s and 40s complaining that they can't find a woman.

I hear a lot of women in that same age range complaining (such as in this thread).

Anonymous wrote:

See how the woman flew off the handle and made assumptions about what the guy meant, thus attacking him about what she thought he meant? Didja see it? That's why these successful shrews can't land a man.

Bingo.

You can't even be a 'nice' guy without some woman thinking there is something behind it all.

Yes, there are evil women who come off as bitches and are not approachable. But I also know there are some really good down to earth girls out there that are well worth the chase and my time.

Same goes for guys.

But then we have the women who think EVERY man is exactly the same....especially when a man comments on any woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Also, yes, make sure you're not narrowing your pool too much by wanting a very specific type of guy. So you want a 6'2" guy who makes good money, has good hair and doesn't have baggage? SO DOES EVERYONE. Give the 5'10" balding guy with the kid a chance if he's nice and can carry on a good conversation with you. I'm not saying for someone you find dumb or boring, but to expand your idea of "good catch." a "good catch" is a guy who likes being with you, with whom you enjoy spending time.

Totally agree with this. I never had a laundry list of criteria. Instead of only dating men that had this or that, I dated anyone who did not have my deal-breakers. None of my deal-breakers are monetary, and yes, one is physical. Taller than me, but I'm 5'4", so not being that selective! I created a large dating pool because I'm 40 and divorced with two young kids. This is not everyone's ideal (as evidenced frequently on this board), just like that balding guy with a little belly, may not have been your first choice if you had your pick.

Current BF is not a guy I would have picked on my own, but when he asked me out, I was in a "yes" phase. He won me over from there. Looks wise, he wasn't even close to what I would say is my type. He's still attractive to me, and much, much more so now than on our first date. I was open to the possibilities.

Also, everyone is saying, "nice." I think I'm nice. But I also have a sarcastic sense of humor, have a lot going on and can get stressed. Rather than "be nice," I would suggest being very positive. Not fake, but generally think of something positive rather than a complaint. Restaurant sucks, say "thanks for making the reservations, I still had a great time talking to you." I know you have to nab the guy first, but these are subtle things that are not hard to change. It's really just doing some things differently.

As a man, I want respect more than I want love. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. I want you to at least be superficially interested in some of the same things I am, and if you are not at least allow me the space to enjoy them with other friends or on my own. My parents were married for 45 years, and they said the reason they were so successful is that they each allowed the other to do their own thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Right. This is the standard male opinion. You "don't care" about who we are. You're focusing on us as a person. Person, meaning, you really better have a nice ass, be age-appropriate, have clear skin, an adorable, symmetrical face, long legs would be great, and excellent hair.

Great job putting words in to my mouth. It isn't all about looks for me. We all have our physical flaws and I can look past most of them. But keep on with your crazy banter...

The other part of this is that we all want "nice" girls. That has repeatedly been mentioned here as a male criteria (because we all know that most men are "nice" people too, who never hurt women, disparage women, hurt other people, etc. Men are all really "nice.") By nice, men mean that they want a woman who will respect them as the man in the relationship, have no personal baggage or issues, few insecurities (or if you have them, they should be cute, like you blush), and an agreeable disposition.

The fact is, men are just as demanding, exacting, superficial, and vicious as women when it comes to dating.

Well no shit? You mean it is not just some women? Some men are like that too?

You should start a blog so I can subscribe to these amazing facts nobody knows about.

See how the woman flew off the handle and made assumptions about what the guy meant, thus attacking him about what she thought he meant? Didja see it? That's why these successful shrews can't land a man.

Anonymous wrote:

Right. This is the standard male opinion. You "don't care" about who we are. You're focusing on us as a person. Person, meaning, you really better have a nice ass, be age-appropriate, have clear skin, an adorable, symmetrical face, long legs would be great, and excellent hair.

Great job putting words in to my mouth. It isn't all about looks for me. We all have our physical flaws and I can look past most of them. But keep on with your crazy banter...

The other part of this is that we all want "nice" girls. That has repeatedly been mentioned here as a male criteria (because we all know that most men are "nice" people too, who never hurt women, disparage women, hurt other people, etc. Men are all really "nice.") By nice, men mean that they want a woman who will respect them as the man in the relationship, have no personal baggage or issues, few insecurities (or if you have them, they should be cute, like you blush), and an agreeable disposition.

The fact is, men are just as demanding, exacting, superficial, and vicious as women when it comes to dating.

Well no shit? You mean it is not just some women? Some men are like that too?

You should start a blog so I can subscribe to these amazing facts nobody knows about.

Anonymous wrote:Right. This is the standard male opinion. You "don't care" about who we are. You're focusing on us as a person. Person, meaning, you really better have a nice ass, be age-appropriate, have clear skin, an adorable, symmetrical face, long legs would be great, and excellent hair.

The other part of this is that we all want "nice" girls. That has repeatedly been mentioned here as a male criteria (because we all know that most men are "nice" people too, who never hurt women, disparage women, hurt other people, etc. Men are all really "nice.") By nice, men mean that they want a woman who will respect them as the man in the relationship, have no personal baggage or issues, few insecurities (or if you have them, they should be cute, like you blush), and an agreeable disposition.

The fact is, men are just as demanding, exacting, superficial, and vicious as women when it comes to dating.

Great points!! So essentially as is constantly chanted on these forums, the shallow superficial demanding douchebag men need to straighten up their act if they wanna get a good lady AND the shallow superficial demanding douchebag women...yeah...they need to do the same and straighten up their act if they wanna get a good man.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single guy and I've met women just like the OP are talking about.

The problem is they are so focused on 'who they are' or what I do that it turns me off. I don't care if you are a successful lawyer, a doctor, etc. That really doesn't mean much in my eyes. I'm focusing on who you are as a person. Are you loyal, are you fun, are you judgemental, are you materialistic, do you have a lot of friends from different social groups, do you come off as stuffy/boring, do you take yourself too seriously, are you good with kids, etc..

Then I make my decision about the kind of person you are. I don't give a shit about your income, social status, who you know, what school you went to (besides for sports team affiliations), what degree(s) you have, or what position you hold. So when you put all that out there, I just turn away. That shit should be left to the "just out of college with their first real job" people. I'm passed that.

Right. This is the standard male opinion. You "don't care" about who we are. You're focusing on us as a person. Person, meaning, you really better have a nice ass, be age-appropriate, have clear skin, an adorable, symmetrical face, long legs would be great, and excellent hair.

The other part of this is that we all want "nice" girls. That has repeatedly been mentioned here as a male criteria (because we all know that most men are "nice" people too, who never hurt women, disparage women, hurt other people, etc. Men are all really "nice.") By nice, men mean that they want a woman who will respect them as the man in the relationship, have no personal baggage or issues, few insecurities (or if you have them, they should be cute, like you blush), and an agreeable disposition.

The fact is, men are just as demanding, exacting, superficial, and vicious as women when it comes to dating.

1:48 has very good advice.

I'm kind of in the same boat (early 40's, don't meet many dateable men but think I'm a pretty good catch) and I think part of the problem is that I run with a pretty big social group. When we go out, there are a lot of us, so it makes it harder to meet new people. It also makes it kind of unnecessary - we're having fun with the people we already know so we don't seek out the ones we don't know. I tell my girlfriends who are looking that they really need to break out of the pack sometimes. (I follow my own advice sometimes.)

Also, yes, make sure you're not narrowing your pool too much by wanting a very specific type of guy. So you want a 6'2" guy who makes good money, has good hair and doesn't have baggage? SO DOES EVERYONE. Give the 5'10" balding guy with the kid a chance if he's nice and can carry on a good conversation with you. I'm not saying for someone you find dumb or boring, but to expand your idea of "good catch." a "good catch" is a guy who likes being with you, with whom you enjoy spending time.