Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. interesting how the responses changed when the thread was moved to Family Relationships (which is where I thought I had originally posted, oops).

Joint party was never going to happen. Aiden doesn’t care, he’s 3, the party is 7 weeks after his birthday, he’s never going to even connect the two events. Joint party was also never going to happen because DH and I don’t want one, and we get to choose these things. What if Aiden’s friend was having this party instead of his cousin? Should he be automatically included as a birthday kid just because “it’s not fair” otherwise?

Jen never had a party planned, therefore she didn’t cancel a party. She asked around because she was thinking of doing something for Aiden, then latched on to Isabelle’s party. She sent out evites to be passive-aggressive and garner sympathy, then “cancelled” the party so she could blame it on me. Isabelle is not a future Bridezilla (funny, you want to talk about Bridezillas… let me tell you about Jen’s wedding…) Aiden will probably not have an official 3rd birthday "party," and he will be completely happy. As I said, they went on an overnight trip to an event that was specifically for him, and I’m certain they had some kind of immediate-family-only celebration with a cupcake or whatever and sang to him. He had his moment on his birthday, and loved it, and has moved on. No, kids don't NEED brithday parties and if there was an event that Isabelle loved that corresponded with her birthday, we might have made the same choice. But that doesn't mean I would then decide that Aiden's birthday party now has to be a joint party because Isabelle didn't get one.

This is all pretty typical when dealing with Jen—“What, all I asked you to do was completely change your plans to accommodate me. Why are you making it so hard? Why can’t you just do it and keep the peace.” Jen has many, many options that don't include a joint party or having a party on this particular weekend. We're already a month plus out. She has another kid's birthday in August, why not give THEM a joint party?

OP, there is something wrong with hashing this all out on DCUM. Weird. Very, very weird.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.. interesting how the responses changed when the thread was moved to Family Relationships (which is where I thought I had originally posted, oops).

Joint party was never going to happen. Aiden doesn’t care, he’s 3, the party is 7 weeks after his birthday, he’s never going to even connect the two events. Joint party was also never going to happen because DH and I don’t want one, and we get to choose these things. What if Aiden’s friend was having this party instead of his cousin? Should he be automatically included as a birthday kid just because “it’s not fair” otherwise?

Jen never had a party planned, therefore she didn’t cancel a party. She asked around because she was thinking of doing something for Aiden, then latched on to Isabelle’s party. She sent out evites to be passive-aggressive and garner sympathy, then “cancelled” the party so she could blame it on me. Isabelle is not a future Bridezilla (funny, you want to talk about Bridezillas… let me tell you about Jen’s wedding…) Aiden will probably not have an official 3rd birthday "party," and he will be completely happy. As I said, they went on an overnight trip to an event that was specifically for him, and I’m certain they had some kind of immediate-family-only celebration with a cupcake or whatever and sang to him. He had his moment on his birthday, and loved it, and has moved on. No, kids don't NEED brithday parties and if there was an event that Isabelle loved that corresponded with her birthday, we might have made the same choice. But that doesn't mean I would then decide that Aiden's birthday party now has to be a joint party because Isabelle didn't get one.

This is all pretty typical when dealing with Jen—“What, all I asked you to do was completely change your plans to accommodate me. Why are you making it so hard? Why can’t you just do it and keep the peace.” Jen has many, many options that don't include a joint party or having a party on this particular weekend. We're already a month plus out. She has another kid's birthday in August, why not give THEM a joint party?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Joint party—no, DH and I already worked on a theme that our kid chose and created activities for the mixed-age group we planned to have. Yes, my kid is only 3, but she deserves her own day.

There is a lot of drama in these two sentences.

Anonymous wrote:Kim should have agreed to a joint party. Get over yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

I think PP is kidding, but please don't do this. Aiden is 3. Old enough to get it and young enough to be tantrum-y sad about it. I don't know who all these people who swear their children don't need birthday parties are. My almost three year-old TOTALLY gets it and is really really excited for his birthday. Please forget about your annoying sister and think about your nephew.

Anonymous wrote:Jen's wrong. Kim clearly and reasonably wants her kid's bday party to be the weekend after her bday. That makes perfect sense. It makes no sense at all to insist on a specific date for Aiden's party that is now at least a month a way from his actual bday. Jen decided not to have a party for her son and to go on a trip - a perfectly acceptable and reasonably decision. She can't undo that now and expect the rest of the family to deal with her very-belated-bday party scheduling.

I also think the grandparents are making this too difficult by insisting they not be on a sat and sunday.

I'll also say that I'd be furious at my sisters if they were either Kim or Jen. I would hope two sisters would be able to work out details of this without all the drama.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m Kim. The major point that couldn’t originally be disclosed is that Jen is CRAZY and has a history of not bothering to do things until someone else is doing them, then saying “Hey, we’ll do it together.” Then contributing nothing and being shocked when the other person is annoyed. I agree the family drama is ridiculous and I’m certainly doing my part but not agreeing to her “solutions.” I assumed, since she said nothing about a party for Aiden, that the weekend trip was his celebration, and there have been three weekends since his birthday that could have been party dates.

Joint party—no, DH and I already worked on a theme that our kid chose and created activities for the mixed-age group we planned to have. Yes, my kid is only 3, but she deserves her own day. For what it’s worth, my sister also suggested joint baby showers (Aiden is her 3rd kid and 2nd boy). We have a small house and a small yard and are planning a small party with a few children from preschool, a few neighbors, and family. About 20 people total. A joint party, including Aiden’s guests (read: my sister’s friends and their kids), makes it much bigger than we anticipated or can probably handle. I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect that I can say no to a joint birthday party with my nephew whose birthday was more than a month before. I would be fine if relatives came and brought gifts for Aiden, since he didn't have a family party, but this is Isabelle's birthday party.

At this point, I don’t care if I’m being a jerk. Our party is this day at this time, I already printed the invitations. Family can come if they want, or go to Aiden's party. Most of them know how Jen can be. We never got along as kids, and haven’t made much progress since.

You're not a jerk, your sister is.

You need to start sending out the invites earlier, though. End of June is like 2-3 weeks away. If I had a crazy sister like this, I'd send out invites 4-6 weeks in advance! (Heck, I don't have a crazy sister and I do that, because everyone is so freaking busy in DC on summer weekends )

You should accept the joint birthday and then, since she contributes nothing to that sort of thing, it will by default just be Isabella's birthday, with a cake only with her name, etc (I'm guessing she won't have her act together to get a cake, etc, so just do your thing and the act shocked -- SHOCKED -- that she didn't bring Aiden a cake or that you don't have Aiden's name on anything).

Anonymous wrote:Well, Kim should have been flexible with the joint party. The first mistake was on her.

Jen was a bitch to send an evite for Aiden's party without talking to Kim.

Both were wrong, but Kim could have avoided the whole thing by having a joint party. You're family, they are only three. The kids would love it I'm sure.