Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Jezebel piece explains why Nice Guys aren't having sex. It doesn't really explain why not nice guys are having sex. I think the answer is that being kind, generous, decent and those sorts of things are mostly independent of sexual attractiveness. They probably aren't actually hurting your chances, but those aren't the sorts of qualities that make a girl hot.

but they aren't! unless, of course, they are attractive, wealthy etc.

Anonymous wrote:We once again almost argue semantics. Who a woman wants for a mate and with whom she wants to mate are not necessarily the same thing.

So, being a cute, smart, funny guy may land you some dates, but it will more likely land you late night phone calls (and not the good ones). After she got done having sex with "that asshole again," you get the later night "shoulder cry."

Sexual chemistry is rarely determined by "nice and funny."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a fucking crazy concept: you're not entitled to sex...ever. It's a mutual decision of chemistry, attraction and other, non-tangible things.

How about instead of worrying if the other guy is getting more action, a guy could take the time to flirt, meet women and be real? Get over your rejection issues and play the numbers game.

I don't disagree with any of this. I think, however, that growing up (at least in my generation, child of the 70s/80s) - guys are given some ambiguous information about what women "want in a guy." Probably this is, at least in part, a communication breakdown. But when I'd see these magazine articles and surveys and whatnot, I'd fill in the blank "want in a guy [with whom they'd have sex]." And you'd get all of these responses about a good sense of humor, treats her with respect, etc. Things like nice ass, big muscles, money, aggressive didn't show up on the lists.

I'd tell young me that everyone -- man and woman alike - will like you better if you are respectful and funny, so try to be those things; but that those characteristics are mostly incidental to an active sex life.

i find it strange that you base your view of what women want on surveys etc. i don't recall reading at 12 that guys cared about looks etc. still kind of figured it out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a fucking crazy concept: you're not entitled to sex...ever. It's a mutual decision of chemistry, attraction and other, non-tangible things.

How about instead of worrying if the other guy is getting more action, a guy could take the time to flirt, meet women and be real? Get over your rejection issues and play the numbers game.

I don't disagree with any of this. I think, however, that growing up (at least in my generation, child of the 70s/80s) - guys are given some ambiguous information about what women "want in a guy." Probably this is, at least in part, a communication breakdown. But when I'd see these magazine articles and surveys and whatnot, I'd fill in the blank "want in a guy [with whom they'd have sex]." And you'd get all of these responses about a good sense of humor, treats her with respect, etc. Things like nice ass, big muscles, money, aggressive didn't show up on the lists.

I'd tell young me that everyone -- man and woman alike - will like you better if you are respectful and funny, so try to be those things; but that those characteristics are mostly incidental to an active sex life.

Anonymous wrote:I know this is a fucking crazy concept: you're not entitled to sex...ever. It's a mutual decision of chemistry, attraction and other, non-tangible things.

How about instead of worrying if the other guy is getting more action, a guy could take the time to flirt, meet women and be real? Get over your rejection issues and play the numbers game.

Anonymous wrote:The Jezebel piece explains why Nice Guys aren't having sex. It doesn't really explain why not nice guys are having sex. I think the answer is that being kind, generous, decent and those sorts of things are mostly independent of sexual attractiveness. They probably aren't actually hurting your chances, but those aren't the sorts of qualities that make a girl hot.

Anonymous wrote:OP: "I'm nice because I want sex, not because it's the right thing to do."

Is that what you really mean?

Maybe skim this. And I generally do NOT like Jezebel, but this is spot-on.

http://jezebel.com/5838994/a-field-guide-to-nice-guys

Anonymous wrote:OP: "I'm nice because I want sex, not because it's the right thing to do."

Is that what you really mean?

Maybe skim this. And I generally do NOT like Jezebel, but this is spot-on.

http://jezebel.com/5838994/a-field-guide-to-nice-guys

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad someone is here to tell me what I want. What would we do without you?

Continue to have little to no sex because we're focused on being courteous and funny and good little chore doers because that's what women mostly say they want in a man. When, what we should be doing is focusing on being buff and wealthy and aggressive, because those are the guys who seem to be having the most sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad someone is here to tell me what I want. What would we do without you?

Continue to have little to no sex because we're focused on being courteous and funny and good little chore doers because that's what women mostly say they want in a man. When, what we should be doing is focusing on being buff and wealthy and aggressive, because those are the guys who seem to be having the most sex.