She has great social skills and she loves to be around people. I assume that people like her also? Well, that is easily 90% of how people do well in consulting, corp. Am., govt. jobs, really, anywhere. It's often that people that are liked that get ahead, a.k.a. networking. Just encourage her to go into a field that 1) she loves and 2) is practical and 3) she can use her social skills and 4)isn't too hard academically --> really if she only needs undergrad then she can get C's and up. Don't worry so much! She will likely do better then people that are super smart but aren't likeable. In school = intelligence rules. In most work places = social skills rule.

Car salesperson.

Allied Health Fields (nurse, nursing assistant, Physical Therapy assistant, etc).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she misses so much school because of her illness, how is she going to work with her chronic condition?

You need to consider whether she will be able to work at all, or whether she will need to start collecting SSDI as an adult. If she is unable to work because of a condition that started in her childhood, she can draw against your SSI contributions as an adult. You need to begin documenting this now, though, and you probably need to talk to a Social Security attorney.

We cant know that she will be able to work, but we can only move forward. We know the deal with SSI already, we aren't ignorant to that possibility.

She's on some pretty hard core drugs that if we can get juggled correctly, might make her number of days in the hospital fewer. Just no telling really. We are cautiously optimistic. We do know from the area organization for this illness that plenty of adults are able to work.

I think this is a very good question, actually. It sounds to me like a chronic disease is much more of an issue than her aptitude. I would also think that the first order of business when she turns 18 is to get her SSDI, as well as setting up some kind of trust fund for her if you have the means. Even a small amount -- the equivalent of what you would have spent for college, will provide her with some security. Thankfully with the new ACA she probably will always have access to healthcare. But i would plan for the worst case scenario financially, to make sure she's well taken care of.

I have a stepsister who has an IQ in the range you describe and also has ADHD, although she is able to take medication. She loves kids and is getting an AA degree in early childhood development with the goal of working in a nursery school or childcare center. Her community college has supports for kids with learning differences, and she takes a reduced courseload. It's tough for her but not like a four year degree. She's building on her strengths and will most likely have rewarding work doing something she loves, but she will always need the extra help and support of family.

Once you have these supports in place, it will probably be easier to accept what she's going to be capable of and help her find something that will make her happy and build on her considerable people skills.

PP again -- another thought. Make sure you have designated a group of adults who can support her and be her trustee in the event something happens to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she misses so much school because of her illness, how is she going to work with her chronic condition?

You need to consider whether she will be able to work at all, or whether she will need to start collecting SSDI as an adult. If she is unable to work because of a condition that started in her childhood, she can draw against your SSI contributions as an adult. You need to begin documenting this now, though, and you probably need to talk to a Social Security attorney.

We cant know that she will be able to work, but we can only move forward. We know the deal with SSI already, we aren't ignorant to that possibility.

She's on some pretty hard core drugs that if we can get juggled correctly, might make her number of days in the hospital fewer. Just no telling really. We are cautiously optimistic. We do know from the area organization for this illness that plenty of adults are able to work.

I think this is a very good question, actually. It sounds to me like a chronic disease is much more of an issue than her aptitude. I would also think that the first order of business when she turns 18 is to get her SSDI, as well as setting up some kind of trust fund for her if you have the means. Even a small amount -- the equivalent of what you would have spent for college, will provide her with some security. Thankfully with the new ACA she probably will always have access to healthcare. But i would plan for the worst case scenario financially, to make sure she's well taken care of.

I have a stepsister who has an IQ in the range you describe and also has ADHD, although she is able to take medication. She loves kids and is getting an AA degree in early childhood development with the goal of working in a nursery school or childcare center. Her community college has supports for kids with learning differences, and she takes a reduced courseload. It's tough for her but not like a four year degree. She's building on her strengths and will most likely have rewarding work doing something she loves, but she will always need the extra help and support of family.

Once you have these supports in place, it will probably be easier to accept what she's going to be capable of and help her find something that will make her happy and build on her considerable people skills.

Anonymous wrote:If she misses so much school because of her illness, how is she going to work with her chronic condition?

You need to consider whether she will be able to work at all, or whether she will need to start collecting SSDI as an adult. If she is unable to work because of a condition that started in her childhood, she can draw against your SSI contributions as an adult. You need to begin documenting this now, though, and you probably need to talk to a Social Security attorney.

We cant know that she will be able to work, but we can only move forward. We know the deal with SSI already, we aren't ignorant to that possibility.

She's on some pretty hard core drugs that if we can get juggled correctly, might make her number of days in the hospital fewer. Just no telling really. We are cautiously optimistic. We do know from the area organization for this illness that plenty of adults are able to work.

Anonymous wrote:Lots of sales people I know are not that intelligent and make lots of money. My friend, who is an intellectual snob, refered to them as the "I don't understand what it does but I sell it anyway" crew. Sales for an IT firm, for example, can be quite lucrative, and it wouldn't take much for her to re-enter the job after her big divorce. And honestly I know some IT sales people who have told me they get by mostly on their looks, since IT departments are not generally stocked with sweet, pretty girls. She'd need a 4-year degree but it wouldn't really matter where she gets it b/c her sales numbers would speak for themselves. I know sales people who went to small colleges you've never heard of that make easily over $100K.

sales actually not a bad idea, thanks!

If she misses so much school because of her illness, how is she going to work with her chronic condition?

You need to consider whether she will be able to work at all, or whether she will need to start collecting SSDI as an adult. If she is unable to work because of a condition that started in her childhood, she can draw against your SSI contributions as an adult. You need to begin documenting this now, though, and you probably need to talk to a Social Security attorney.

^^ referred. Sorry. I thought my phone corrects spelling mistakes.

Lots of sales people I know are not that intelligent and make lots of money. My friend, who is an intellectual snob, refered to them as the "I don't understand what it does but I sell it anyway" crew. Sales for an IT firm, for example, can be quite lucrative, and it wouldn't take much for her to re-enter the job after her big divorce. And honestly I know some IT sales people who have told me they get by mostly on their looks, since IT departments are not generally stocked with sweet, pretty girls. She'd need a 4-year degree but it wouldn't really matter where she gets it b/c her sales numbers would speak for themselves. I know sales people who went to small colleges you've never heard of that make easily over $100K.

Anonymous wrote:It seems weird that she is at an online high school - how can that be a good setting for a student with learning challenges?

If you have a better option for us, we are all ears. its not a good option. But its all we have.

She misses a ton of school due to her illness. When she misses school, she falls behind. School systems are not willing to record classes, so she is left to basically piece together what she missed. MUCH harder than it sounds. We as her parents turn into her tutors. We try to learn geometry and chemistry all over again, so we can teach it to her. We fail. She fails. (it was a LOT easier for us to be her "teachers" when she was in elementary school!)

Any good suggestions? Because the school systems aren't going to budge on allowing us access to recordings of lectures. what they are willing to give us is "notes" either a teacher takes or a student takes for every class she misses.

Imagine you just missed a 90 minute chemistry lecture. The way you are expected to keep up is to use notes which consist of one side of one sheet of paper, in bullet point note format phrases of thoughts with no context. How successful would you be in understanding what happened in class that day? Now picture that during the school year, you miss an average of 30 days a year.

We have tried absolutely everything, and there are no good solutions. in fact, one of the last conversations we had with the school system, was them telling us "you have two options, and frankly neither one of them is very good".

In her online school, everything is available to her 24/7. She can see classes from her hospital bed, or, if she is too sick, she can replay the recordings. Her school is made up of kids in various circumstances (learning disabilities, health issues, and kids who can't go to school because they are actors/Olympic athletes etc). The school is used to special circumstances. flexibility is the norm and learning styles are appreciated and accommodated. Its an incredible school with a great reputation, and has been amazing academically.
The big issue is social. Horrible for a high school kid to be out of school. Awful.

Anonymous wrote:I don't mean this in a snarky way but I think you would benefit from some education counseling to help you develop a more realistic understanding of life and not worry so much. I understand your DD is treading a totally different path than what you're accustomed to - one that you have very little insight to and that worries you. You need some help understanding it. $50K a year is absolutely enough to live on especially if it's only you you're supporting. I gently suggest you re-think your ideas about the need for college in order to have a good life. There's absolutely nothing wrong with blue collar or service jobs. It's honest work and even in the worst economy, people need plumbers and hair stylists.

I think it's unrealistic for you to think that your DD will do well in college - not because she is of low average intelligence but because she hates school so much now and isn't interested in academics. College is far harder than high school. Even people of low average intelligence can do well in the subjects they're interested in. It doesn't seem as if your DD has found a passion. Also, if your DD isn't physically well enough to attend high school what makes you think she'd be able to move away to attend college? Why insist on college immediately after high school? Why not a gap year? Let her get a job for a while and see how that works out. See if she stays healthy enough to keep a job. How about taking a class or two locally? It'd be far cheaper, would give you both a better idea of how college might be for her and would make the transition to living on a campus easier. Having some work/volunteer experience might give her a better idea of what she'd like to do in her life.

I agree, thanks, and that's what I am doing. I am re-thinking my understanding of both what it takes to support oneself, as well as my own ideas about college being an absolute requirement. That's why I posted!
I'm open to every idea, including gap years as well as part time college. Or no college, I don't know. that's why I am asking...I don't know what I don't know.
I can totally see how making 45/50k annually would be enough to support yourself. But assumedly, someday, she is going to have a family. And like PP said, no one plans on getting divorced. So I am wondering, what does one do when they have made 45k a year, have kids, are divorced, and suddenly on their own? I have many friends in that position (some have worked full time jobs making lower salaries, some have only worked part time) and they are completely and totally devastated. one has just gone on welfare. I want my daughter to be fully self sufficient, always. Married and happy, hopefully! But always self sufficient. (and no, I am not divorced and feeling jilted or anything, I am married and I am the breadwinner in the family. This is just from seeing many women in really horrible circumstances because they don't have self sufficient income).

It seems weird that she is at an online high school - how can that be a good setting for a student with learning challenges?

I don't mean this in a snarky way but I think you would benefit from some education counseling to help you develop a more realistic understanding of life and not worry so much. I understand your DD is treading a totally different path than what you're accustomed to - one that you have very little insight to and that worries you. You need some help understanding it. $50K a year is absolutely enough to live on especially if it's only you you're supporting. I gently suggest you re-think your ideas about the need for college in order to have a good life. There's absolutely nothing wrong with blue collar or service jobs. It's honest work and even in the worst economy, people need plumbers and hair stylists.

I think it's unrealistic for you to think that your DD will do well in college - not because she is of low average intelligence but because she hates school so much now and isn't interested in academics. College is far harder than high school. Even people of low average intelligence can do well in the subjects they're interested in. It doesn't seem as if your DD has found a passion. Also, if your DD isn't physically well enough to attend high school what makes you think she'd be able to move away to attend college? Why insist on college immediately after high school? Why not a gap year? Let her get a job for a while and see how that works out. See if she stays healthy enough to keep a job. How about taking a class or two locally? It'd be far cheaper, would give you both a better idea of how college might be for her and would make the transition to living on a campus easier. Having some work/volunteer experience might give her a better idea of what she'd like to do in her life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Community college is good because the class sizes are small. Many good kids go there for financial reasons.

Also, your daughter is smart, but she is not intelligent. There is a difference.

well yeah, but intelligence is a measure of how able you are to become smarter. so although they are different things, they are linked.

I think her daughter is gaining smarts like sympathy, how to deal with people, etc through her experiences in life and her struggles. That can't be taught in a classroom and may end up being her greatest strength being successful. She may end up smarter in these areas than most.