Anonymous
Post 09/29/2013 01:38     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My sis and I bought my mom a new car last year. Sure, she could've paid for it herself, but just like your parents, my mom is selfless and we wanted to do this for her. My sis and my HHIs are around 100k, and we each kicked in 10k. It can be done, but it's a matter of wanting to. Your sibling clearly doesn't.


You have no idea what other people 'can do'.


Wow. The poor reading comprehension on this thread is simply appalling.

Where did you even quote "can do"?
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2013 01:33     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
OP, let the sib who lives close to parents plus childcare providing parents figure it out. If you send the check your sib will buy your parents a used car without contributing any of their own funds, and you will end up financing the sib's childcare.
Unfortunately that's how it runs in some families. My DH helps his dad and this money is being channeled to the younger useless sib. Luckily it was a couple of occurrences only as there is no consistent help, but still.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2013 23:23     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
Car discussion aside - yes, OP, we could write that check. Our HHI is a little lower than your sibling's, our house a little less expensive, and our childcare costs quite low now that our only is in kindergarten. It wouldn't affect our lives too much except I would want to replenish the funds as soon as possible, so would cut back on discretionary spending until that was achieved.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2013 14:50     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
Why do they need a 20,000 dollar car? Get something cheaper
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2013 14:48     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
OP, can you call up your sibling and ask them what they think is a reasonable solution to this problem? Maybe if you frame it differently, the sibling might be willing to contribute something, just in a different way than you suggested.

Have you had a conversation with your parents about their ability to buy a new car, or are you assuming that they can't afford anything, including a monthly payment?
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2013 12:37     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
Anonymous wrote:Can we focus on the fact that the grandparents already have another car that works? They don't have jobs. Why does an unemployed couple need more than one car?


I'm pretty sure OP said the existing car wore out and was scrapped and now they don't have a car.
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2013 12:23     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
Can we focus on the fact that the grandparents already have another car that works? They don't have jobs. Why does an unemployed couple need more than one car?
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2013 11:55     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
Maybe the siblings don't actually want the grandparents to keep taking care of the kids, and see the "no car situation" as a graceful out without having to do anything.
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2013 09:13     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
Anonymous wrote:My sis and I bought my mom a new car last year. Sure, she could've paid for it herself, but just like your parents, my mom is selfless and we wanted to do this for her. My sis and my HHIs are around 100k, and we each kicked in 10k. It can be done, but it's a matter of wanting to. Your sibling clearly doesn't.


You have no idea what other people 'can do'.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2013 22:58     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would give them as much as you can afford to give them, and let them decide if they want to accept it - don't ask how they are going to use it. They can decide if they want new, used, leased, etc.


oh, and DON"T ask for them to pay you back. I mean for God's sake they put you in private school - and they help with grandkids? Stop being a selfish cheapo! These are your parents! Give til it hurts.


How do you even begin to think she's a selfish cheapo?


Because she has a 200k HHI plus a million dollar house and is not only trying to figure out how much her siblings have at their disposal, but how much everyone on this board has. Who cares? Just give $10k if that's what you can afford to give,tell them it is to put toward a car, and let them figure out what to buy. It could make a good down payment on an inexpensive new car if they can swing a small monthly payment, or maybe the prefer a used car. They can decide!! They are not mentally incompetent, just broke - a situation a lot of retirees are in these days.


You need to learn how to read: the sibling has the income, gets the help, and owns the million dollar house.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2013 20:52     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would give them as much as you can afford to give them, and let them decide if they want to accept it - don't ask how they are going to use it. They can decide if they want new, used, leased, etc.


oh, and DON"T ask for them to pay you back. I mean for God's sake they put you in private school - and they help with grandkids? Stop being a selfish cheapo! These are your parents! Give til it hurts.


How do you even begin to think she's a selfish cheapo?


Because she has a 200k HHI plus a million dollar house and is not only trying to figure out how much her siblings have at their disposal, but how much everyone on this board has. Who cares? Just give $10k if that's what you can afford to give,tell them it is to put toward a car, and let them figure out what to buy. It could make a good down payment on an inexpensive new car if they can swing a small monthly payment, or maybe the prefer a used car. They can decide!! They are not mentally incompetent, just broke - a situation a lot of retirees are in these days.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2013 20:45     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
OP here. To be clear, I am one offering to pay for the car.


It reminds of my SIL "offering" to remodel my MIL's house and then asking everyone to put in a few grand.

If you're offering something, you should be paying for it, not asking other people to cover your offerings.

PS Did they even ask for your help?


+1. If they need money and you have money to give, give it. Done. Stop counting other people's money.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2013 19:24     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not much savings b/c a) both laid off in their 50s. You know the drill. b) paid private school tuition for their daughters. There life has been giving of themselves for their kids; their house is old and not fancy and their car was ten years old.

Only looking at new cars b/c a) used car prices at historic highs b) used cars will have more maintenance and less reliability, and they are older and often driving grand kids, and so reliability is key and c) bigger car like accord to fit 3 car seats in back.

From these reactions, I guess I am in the minority of giving money to family. But do most people have the availability of the money, or am I wrong there too!


If i had the money I would give it freely. The parents have given a lot. I'd be surprised with that income that they wouldn't have 10k available.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2013 18:47     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
Anonymous wrote:I'm sure you could go to Carmax and find lots of decent, reliable cars for 10k. Do they really need to fit 3 carseats across the back or is it 2 seats and a booster?


Is the 3 car seats for the other grand kids? If you have only two, then maybe a car that only fits two across will do.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2013 18:33     Subject: Write a check this week for 10k to help your parents?
My sis and I bought my mom a new car last year. Sure, she could've paid for it herself, but just like your parents, my mom is selfless and we wanted to do this for her. My sis and my HHIs are around 100k, and we each kicked in 10k. It can be done, but it's a matter of wanting to. Your sibling clearly doesn't.