Anonymous wrote:I'm grateful for the changes AA made on my life but there are other ways to sobriety. I honestly have no clue how people attend so many meetings without getting bored out of their minds hearing the same people talk over and over. There are lots of people there that have absolutely nothing to say about life unless it's about alcohol or their alcoholism.

Maybe he can drop the 1 out or 2 meetings on any particular day and see if there's anything else out there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the same wife. Why do I hate that he goes to meetings. Why didn’t I know he needed them. We are not the same anymore and I resent him admitting he needs aa!!! He relates with the people there… wait what about me. It’s ruining us quickly! Only been 2 months in aa. He just decided to quit cold turkey 500+ days ago and I never knew he had a problem. Is this just an attention thing for him? I’m at a loss for us… he talks to me like he’s the counselor and I want to throat punch him. I seriously blame our “new” problems on AA. His new friends. Not mine. His need to go and without me.

I'm sorry.

Obviously I don't know what is going on with your DH. But I can tell you I decided to leave instead of marry a guy who spent too much time at AA meetings and hanging out with AA people -- and I believe he did this in large part because he liked the attention and the status he had there (he had a lot of years sober relatively young). Attention and status he wasn't going to get anywhere else. In that crowd he seemed to be successful and really have it together. In real life, not at all. Everything is relative, I guess.

I finally called it quits after I got a job that started early in the morning and he was constantly coming home around 2am or so because he had been out with his AA friends. In any normal relationship, you could have a normal conversation about this being an issue; but I just got constant blowback about how "This is the fellowship! I need this, I'm not just 'out'!" But you are just out until 2am, dude, even if none of you are drinking anything but soda water.

He married the woman he dated after me. They were divorced within 5 years, two little kids in the mix. Thanks to SM, I know he's had failed ltr after ltr. It doesn't surprise me at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Effing hell, I wish DCUM would NOT let people resurrect old threads like this without there being some kind of automatic tag you can see plainly that "this thread is TEN YEARS OLD." I just wasted time writing a long reply to someone who is long since either doing OK by now or divorced. Sure, sure, it's on me to check the date of a first post every single time, I guess. Pain in the a$$ to do that when one's trying to be helpful, dammit.

I disagree. I think this thread should be resurrected every few years. Fantastic discussion. I never read it before today even though I have been on DCUM since the time the thread was started. Most of the comments on this thread have been heartfelt and insightful even though people have had very different reactions to AA.

Anonymous wrote:I am the same wife. Why do I hate that he goes to meetings. Why didn’t I know he needed them. We are not the same anymore and I resent him admitting he needs aa!!! He relates with the people there… wait what about me. It’s ruining us quickly! Only been 2 months in aa. He just decided to quit cold turkey 500+ days ago and I never knew he had a problem. Is this just an attention thing for him? I’m at a loss for us… he talks to me like he’s the counselor and I want to throat punch him. I seriously blame our “new” problems on AA. His new friends. Not mine. His need to go and without me.

Anonymous wrote:
Effing hell, I wish DCUM would NOT let people resurrect old threads like this without there being some kind of automatic tag you can see plainly that "this thread is TEN YEARS OLD." I just wasted time writing a long reply to someone who is long since either doing OK by now or divorced. Sure, sure, it's on me to check the date of a first post every single time, I guess. Pain in the a$$ to do that when one's trying to be helpful, dammit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm grateful for the changes AA made on my life but there are other ways to sobriety. I honestly have no clue how people attend so many meetings without getting bored out of their minds hearing the same people talk over and over. There are lots of people there that have absolutely nothing to say about life unless it's about alcohol or their alcoholism.

Maybe he can drop the 1 out or 2 meetings on any particular day and see if there's anything else out there.

well that's because sharing in meetings is to talk about alcohol and alcoholism. but I also hear a lot of talk about step work and how they apply to daily life, not just drinking/using. As someone who tried every path to sobriety through the years, except for AA, I'm sticking with AA. Works for me.

Anonymous wrote:I'm grateful for the changes AA made on my life but there are other ways to sobriety. I honestly have no clue how people attend so many meetings without getting bored out of their minds hearing the same people talk over and over. There are lots of people there that have absolutely nothing to say about life unless it's about alcohol or their alcoholism.

Maybe he can drop the 1 out or 2 meetings on any particular day and see if there's anything else out there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently the Biden administration sounded the alarm on the drinking habits of women. In fact shockingly women are neck and neck with men when it comes to alcohol consumption. And the ways they consume alcohol goes beyond couple of glasses we are talking multiple shots and binge drinking. The DHs should pay attention. My DW thinks she is fine and I am overreacting. She is drunk every Friday and Saturday. To me that's alcoholism. But in this country we have made alcohol the central piece of social events that people who don't drink will find themselves out of place at many social gatherings.

I'm sorry this is not true. Women are not even close to the amount of alcohol men consume. Women don't enjoy getting trashed and drunk like men do. You are just an incel who hates women.

Anonymous wrote:Recently the Biden administration sounded the alarm on the drinking habits of women. In fact shockingly women are neck and neck with men when it comes to alcohol consumption. And the ways they consume alcohol goes beyond couple of glasses we are talking multiple shots and binge drinking. The DHs should pay attention. My DW thinks she is fine and I am overreacting. She is drunk every Friday and Saturday. To me that's alcoholism. But in this country we have made alcohol the central piece of social events that people who don't drink will find themselves out of place at many social gatherings.

Anonymous wrote:
My husband nearly died after an alcohol poisoning incident. That was nearly 2 years ago. When he first joined AA, I stopped drinking too. I thought he would be grateful that I was trying to help him be successful in his struggle. He never thanked me & it has caused a serious rift between us. Also, I attended 2 meetings with him as a show of support, but soon realized it just wasn’t right for me. Now I’m feeling like his sponsor has influenced him to the extent that he is condescending & critical toward me. It’s making me miserable.