It isn't fun. It isn't easy. It sucks. It is fun sometimes - definitely has its laughs- and the love is deep and strong. Usually, though, it sucks and if you have a choice be free instead.

For us, the suckiness comes because having kids is so great. Let me explain, because we love them so very much, we willingly choose to make sacrifices (time, money, energy) and put their well-being over our own time and time again. If my goal was just to do a decent job--not the best job possible--my life would undoubtedly be much easier and fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would like to hear from parents of messed up druggies/prison inmates.

I worked for 3 years with prison inmates and one of the programs allowed mothers to keep their infants with them for the first few months while they breast fed.

I assure you, mothers in prison feel the exact same love, fear, exhaustion that you all do in regards to their newborns.

How is this germane to pp's comment?

How is it not?

Because PP wanted to hear from parents whose children are in prison but your information was about parents who are themselves in prison. While interesting information and perhaps important in the context of a wider discussion, surely you can see how this is not actually relevant to what the poster was asking.

It depends on who's writing. Some people are just not meant to be parents. When they have them anyway, they make everybody miserable, especially their poor kids.

Others of us wait until we've found the right person and are ready for the 24/7/365 commitment until you die that it is.

My DH and I love our kids and have great fun with them.

That said, having kids really does suck for people who have them to make their parents happy. These are the same people who probably shouldn't have married in the first place, who never have sex with/conversations with/appreciations of their spouses, who never like anything. To them, everything sucks because they're essentially misanthropic.

Bottom line: OP if you put that in your subject line, you're probably not ready to have kids. You may never be.

Anonymous wrote:I don't have kids, and I'm scared to because I feel like everyone i know who has kids, or writes about having kids, seems to complain constantly about it. It just seems to suck.

Is it really that bad? Or does the good outweigh the bad?

Don't do it! It's fucking misery.

All encompassing, all the time-the love, affection, sense of wonder, tough moments, trying times, seeing yourself in new ways, profoundly changing your marriage (if you're married) experiencing the world as only a child does, the awesome and fearsome responsibility. Nothing compares and as someone who waited a long time to parent, I am grateful, humbled, thrilled and deeply in love with my child.

Not everyone can/wants to do it. On this you have to follow your heart.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a horrible thread. Parenting is not something you wing it at. There are many known methods that are documented and that really work. OP, it's as hard as you make it. To go into being a parent thinking you will just figure it out along the way, that is the hard way. Do some reading. This forum has some great threads on different parenting styles.

Please subscribe me to your newsletter! I need to know the one weird trick that will make me parent correctly.

I don't know if you are being serious or not, but 2 techniques that my mom's group and I have found effective for communication and discipline are love and logic as well as baby signs. Either way, I find it said when people are resentful or regretful of having a child or children. I love my kids and truly enjoy them. The first 6 months were tough from the late nights and lack of sleep, but outside of that, I have really enjoyed and continue to enjoy the experience. Shoot, I actually enjoy cooking and learning new recipes for them, which is a huge change for me because I never cooked before I had children.

Oh you're supposed to use LOVE when parenting?? Eureka!! Your mothers' group is full of fucking geniuses! How have the rest of us not yet figured this out!?

Not the PP.
http://www.loveandlogic.com/

I refuse to click this link on the premise that people who want to have a cutesy label for parenting are not my thang. Like seriously, they are trying to claim "love and logic" is some newfangled concept they came up with that makes them awesome parents? Give me a break! That's like me saying my secret to being a human is air and water and then writing books that are long winded treatises on "NO SHIT" that everyone else does with zero fanfare.

My babies are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Having said that, being a parent is not easy. You lose sleep, you worry, kids will test boundaries and are a huge financial and emotional commitment. Nothing worth doing is easy though

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a horrible thread. Parenting is not something you wing it at. There are many known methods that are documented and that really work. OP, it's as hard as you make it. To go into being a parent thinking you will just figure it out along the way, that is the hard way. Do some reading. This forum has some great threads on different parenting styles.

Please subscribe me to your newsletter! I need to know the one weird trick that will make me parent correctly.

I don't know if you are being serious or not, but 2 techniques that my mom's group and I have found effective for communication and discipline are love and logic as well as baby signs. Either way, I find it said when people are resentful or regretful of having a child or children. I love my kids and truly enjoy them. The first 6 months were tough from the late nights and lack of sleep, but outside of that, I have really enjoyed and continue to enjoy the experience. Shoot, I actually enjoy cooking and learning new recipes for them, which is a huge change for me because I never cooked before I had children.

Oh you're supposed to use LOVE when parenting?? Eureka!! Your mothers' group is full of fucking geniuses! How have the rest of us not yet figured this out!?

Not the PP.
http://www.loveandlogic.com/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a horrible thread. Parenting is not something you wing it at. There are many known methods that are documented and that really work. OP, it's as hard as you make it. To go into being a parent thinking you will just figure it out along the way, that is the hard way. Do some reading. This forum has some great threads on different parenting styles.

Please subscribe me to your newsletter! I need to know the one weird trick that will make me parent correctly.

I don't know if you are being serious or not, but 2 techniques that my mom's group and I have found effective for communication and discipline are love and logic as well as baby signs. Either way, I find it said when people are resentful or regretful of having a child or children. I love my kids and truly enjoy them. The first 6 months were tough from the late nights and lack of sleep, but outside of that, I have really enjoyed and continue to enjoy the experience. Shoot, I actually enjoy cooking and learning new recipes for them, which is a huge change for me because I never cooked before I had children.

Oh you're supposed to use LOVE when parenting?? Eureka!! Your mothers' group is full of fucking geniuses! How have the rest of us not yet figured this out!?

Haha! I love you.

+1. Love you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a horrible thread. Parenting is not something you wing it at. There are many known methods that are documented and that really work. OP, it's as hard as you make it. To go into being a parent thinking you will just figure it out along the way, that is the hard way. Do some reading. This forum has some great threads on different parenting styles.

Please subscribe me to your newsletter! I need to know the one weird trick that will make me parent correctly.

I don't know if you are being serious or not, but 2 techniques that my mom's group and I have found effective for communication and discipline are love and logic as well as baby signs. Either way, I find it said when people are resentful or regretful of having a child or children. I love my kids and truly enjoy them. The first 6 months were tough from the late nights and lack of sleep, but outside of that, I have really enjoyed and continue to enjoy the experience. Shoot, I actually enjoy cooking and learning new recipes for them, which is a huge change for me because I never cooked before I had children.

Oh you're supposed to use LOVE when parenting?? Eureka!! Your mothers' group is full of fucking geniuses! How have the rest of us not yet figured this out!?

Haha! I love you.

Who says it sucks so badly???

Our friends and family didn't sugar coat the tough parts of parenting, but they certainly didn't say it sucked. Most really love being parents and it shows.

As someone who struggled to get pregnant, I am so grateful every single day to have the chance to be a parent. It's truly one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I think DH would say the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a horrible thread. Parenting is not something you wing it at. There are many known methods that are documented and that really work. OP, it's as hard as you make it. To go into being a parent thinking you will just figure it out along the way, that is the hard way. Do some reading. This forum has some great threads on different parenting styles.

Please subscribe me to your newsletter! I need to know the one weird trick that will make me parent correctly.

I don't know if you are being serious or not, but 2 techniques that my mom's group and I have found effective for communication and discipline are love and logic as well as baby signs. Either way, I find it said when people are resentful or regretful of having a child or children. I love my kids and truly enjoy them. The first 6 months were tough from the late nights and lack of sleep, but outside of that, I have really enjoyed and continue to enjoy the experience. Shoot, I actually enjoy cooking and learning new recipes for them, which is a huge change for me because I never cooked before I had children.

Oh you're supposed to use LOVE when parenting?? Eureka!! Your mothers' group is full of fucking geniuses! How have the rest of us not yet figured this out!?

This is a horrible thread. Parenting is not something you wing it at. There are many known methods that are documented and that really work. OP, it's as hard as you make it.

Ugh, you are so annoying. I have read up on many methods that are documented and supposedly really work. None of them have helped with DS's hyperactivity, impulsiveness, oppositional behavior, and low frustration tolerance. Nor have sessions with a child psych. It is not just a question of "well, if you do everything right, things won't be hard." Things are hard, but I still love DS and am glad to be a parent. There is no one magical formula that will make things easy. You don't get to choose the kid you get.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a horrible thread. Parenting is not something you wing it at. There are many known methods that are documented and that really work. OP, it's as hard as you make it. To go into being a parent thinking you will just figure it out along the way, that is the hard way. Do some reading. This forum has some great threads on different parenting styles.

Please subscribe me to your newsletter! I need to know the one weird trick that will make me parent correctly.

I don't know if you are being serious or not, but 2 techniques that my mom's group and I have found effective for communication and discipline are love and logic as well as baby signs. Either way, I find it said when people are resentful or regretful of having a child or children. I love my kids and truly enjoy them. The first 6 months were tough from the late nights and lack of sleep, but outside of that, I have really enjoyed and continue to enjoy the experience. Shoot, I actually enjoy cooking and learning new recipes for them, which is a huge change for me because I never cooked before I had children.