Very bad judgment on your DD's part.

Don't think you can react, or you can but she won't care. She is an adult, and can make these decisions for herself. You can only offer up advice but i would be careful to not be an overkill, she might resent you.

When I was 26 I dated a 46 year old man. I was admittedly in love, so wise, handsome, distinguished but when my friends were all going to late clubs and cool new restaurants he wanted to grab an early dinner and then coffee on the way home after grabbing a Blockbuster movie and be back in bed by 9.

Eventually the shine lost its luster and I moved onto younger and greener pastures (my husband who was 4 years my senior). Sometimes these situations work out but more often than not, the novelty will wear off more likely on her end than his.

Hang in there OP!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"But if it is a real relationship, she may be able to get mentorship and guidance from him that helps boost her career instead of just hurting it. And if they get married, then it's no problem - much different to marry your prof than date him."

Married or not, there will always be those who assume that the law professor influenced grades, awards, etc., for her.

True, but marriage still legitimizes it. The dean of my Ivy law school had married a student, and one of the mos respected older female professors had married her professor! Plus the marriage to a prof itself will confer a kind of status that can make up for any effect on her reputation. I can see law firm partners finding her much more noteworthy for being married to a prof instead of to some jr associate or investment banker.

I think the partners will also think less of her once they meet her husband and find out that he was a professor at her LS. Remember, the partners also went to LS and will think back how they felt about those students who hooked up with their professors.

SO do not agree. Sounds ridiculous.

Also disagree. Partners at law firms do not give a shit if their associates slept with or married their professors. (Except to the degree that the prof has some prestige, in which case he will be especially welcome at law firm events.)

Anonymous wrote:There isn't much you can do except be there for her when it goes sour.

I know that type of professor. And especially given he's popular, he will likely not settle down when he works at a place with a fresh new batch of young women completely enamored of him every year.I don't care if they're consenting adults, I think it's tacky for a professor to date a student who is in a program where he teaches (even if she doesn't have a class with him). He still has influence with faculty. It is still extremely unprofessional, and frankly, I think colleges should have written policies against it.

Maybe this will be a good learning experience for her. Because when she gets out into the working world, it's really risky dating where you work, even if you don't take a direct supervisor. She needs to learn that lesson now.

The part in bold.

My college roommate started sleeping with a 65 year old writer-professor the summer she went abroad. She was in LOOOVVEE. The following year, she actually managed to get the student union to fly him to come speak during black history month (he was AA and is a pretty well known author). It was unreal.

anyway. carry on.

I would flip out then calm down and tell her my feelings and encourage her to rethink things but if she says she is in love I would obviously support her (not easily though). To me this just seems way too against the odds.

Stay out if it unless ou want your ADULT daughter to hate you.

Wow this is a tough one. On one hand she is an adult on the other she is involved with a professor more than twice her age. I would do my best to talk her out of it but shes dead set on maintaining the relationship I would let it be and give her my full support, knowing very likely it will not last and at some point she will move on (or he will) I wonder how common this is?

Love does not discriminate against age, religion or race. Let it be.

This happened with my sister in the 80's, my parents were not thrilled, but mostly for religious and age differences and never commented, hoping he would go away. Their marriage is going on 27 years, he teaches now and again but mostly made a zillion dollars doing other things and livin the life. My Mom still just tolerates it.

Slutty? Come on people give the girl a break. For all we know she is in love. I think its awfully aggressive to call her slutty. She is an adult as is he and this is not her professor. Very disrespectful to the OP who is likely reading this to call her daughter slutty. Maybe not the best judgement but she is not doing anything illegal and isn't hurting anyone.

Would you say shes slutty if he wasn't a professor but a 44 year old professional who works elsewhere? People are so quick to rush and lash out in a very harsh manner.

OP though I would not be thrilled, I would make myself accept it and just be there for my daughter, that is all you can do at this point. You have more to lose by not supporting her.

I would be so pissed and sad!

Hooking up with the professor is just stupid and slutty.

And for the professor to actually show up to dinner to meet the parents? Is he mad?

If you want to break them up... Invite them to stay with you for a week. Let them sleep together in the basement br... Obstruct the basement toilet. Obstruct all toilets except your master br. Hide the plunger ... When bf inevitably leaves a deuce tell your daughter to be a good host and clean it so he won't be embarrassed . Then tell your daughter that you have hit a financial rough patch and can't afford housing at school. Ask him if its ok for her to move in with him. Be super pro marriage between them... Bring it up constantly.

Anonymous wrote:NP and haven't read all the posts - my law school had a sort of tradition of professors and students dating. Sometimes it worked out well (the student ended up becoming a professor herself) sometimes not so well (in my case, I was pretty traumatized by the whole thing - not cause he was a professor, but because the relationship ended badly).

I'd say she's an adult having an adult relationship with someone who probably seems exciting to her. Let her enjoy her relationship. If it ends, well - most relationships do. If not, then - assuming everyone's happy - fantastic. I'd say that on its face, there's no reason to get overly concerned at this point; wait and see what happens. Be a good and supportive mom if things end badly. Be a good supportive mom if they don't.

Hmmm. . . were we law school classmates? OP, as a parent of college and high school students, I understand where you're coming from. Yes, he's probably done this before and the relationship will probably end badly. Sure, as other posters have noted, sometimes these things work out, but more often they don't. Of course, a broken heart is always a romantic risk, even in a relationship among classmates. Just last week DH and I had dinner with a law school friend who was in town on business. Our son, a college student, joined us at the restaurant. When he arrived, DH went over to show him to our table and to caution him no to mention another classmate of ours whom DS met recently. Back in the day she dated the friend we were meeting that night, but married yet another classmate. These things happen and people do gossip in law school, but only because it's so boring.

In this case, while there's certainly some greater risk to your daughter here because her paramour is in a position of authority (this is the case regardless of whether she has been a student of his) and has an established professional network, keep in mind that his reputation too is at risk, so there's an incentive for him to keep things on the down low as well. In fact, I would not call the dean, not only because it will piss your daughter off mightily, but also because I'm guessing the dean knows this guy's MO. That was certainly the case with my civ pro prof who put the moves on me as a first-year. Years later when I was back on campus interviewing summer associate candidates, I heard from the dean that my prof had been nudged out of his BigLaw partnership after several complaints of sexual harrassment by young female associates. Still, the law school (think top 3 in US News ratings), was thrilled to have him join the faculty. This was pre-Anita Hill, but I was appalled nonetheless. Even today, when law schools and law firm have policies "against" sexual harrassment, I have no doubt that this kind of thing still goes on -- but the firms and schools are covered (they have good lawyers, after all.)

Bottom line: you have told your daughter of your concerns. You were absolutely right to do so. Now you have to pray and be ready to support her with hugs and without recriminations no matter how it plays out. (This is called being the parent of a young adult. Lather, rinse and repeat.) And, who knows, she could end up married to the geezer -- like the antitrust prof at my alma mater, whose midlife crisis yielded not only a trophy wife chosen from among his students, but also a sports car of some sort, which certainly stood out among the Volvos and Subarus in the law school parking lot -- and which is, even these many, many years later, still remembered most vividly by my classmates.

OP sounds like she has her mind made up. But I hope he does not hurt her and I sure hope he is not abusing his power as a professor and taking advantage of what is probably lust on her part. Just offer her your ear and shoulder to cry on if she needs it and tell her you love and support her. All you can really do, and if it is in your mind to do so, maybe get to know him a bit more and maybe he would be less inclined to hurt her down the road if he feels some connection with her family.