It’s not worth it. Life is short.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think you would also have stress staying home, just a different kind. Any SAHMs want to chime in on this?

I did not find staying at home stressful as a SAHM. Here are the reasons why -

- My DH was well aware that our life was shit when both of us were working. He knew that his life was better with a SAH wife and he was happy that our kids lives was more relaxed with me at home.

- I did not glamorize working. I have three degrees and I am very well qualified. But, if my money was not needed for my family, I was not really being fulfilled by working in corporate America. I was more fulfilled being a mom. Maybe, if I was a doctor who was saving lives, I would have found some fulfillment in my job. But, my job was a typical job with incompetent people and office politics. Just not worth it.

- We only have two kids. We have no pets. We are not taking care of any elderly relatives. No special needs kids etc.

- My salary was not needed to run the house AND my DH's job is super secure.

- We had a lot of savings, we lived below our means, my entire working salary was saved. We also did not have any debt except for the mortgage.

- We had bought a fairly big new SFH, in an inexpensive neighborhood and locked in a low mortgage rate.

- We continued to outsource the chores and services that we did when both of us were working. I was not going to stay home to clean. I was staying home to focus on raising my kids and having a balanced life style for the entire family.

- We had money for ECs for our kids, our needs and some wants, and also travel internationally once a year.

- We had money for retirement and for college and professional school (medical, law, business, graduate) for both kids.

- We are heavily insured.

- Solid family life. No adultery, addiction, abuse. No pre-nup. No chance of marriage breaking. No mental illness.

Do you live in the DC area? I don't know how people afford to do this. But amazing for you and your family, sincerely!

I would love to stop working. I have a very stressful job with a commute and one of my kids has special needs. It is so much. But I carry our insurance and make more money than DH so it is a no go. If you can afford it, do it.

Anonymous wrote:So you didn't mind spending someone else's money? Did you have to ask him for money like he was your dad, or did you just feel entitled to the fruits of someone else's labor? Neither is flattering.

Are you the person who was going to order meal service just for yourself and not your spouse because he couldn’t afford it? Not everyone keeps separate finances and has to Venmo their partners after each meal.

Anonymous wrote:I would think you would also have stress staying home, just a different kind. Any SAHMs want to chime in on this?

I did not find staying at home stressful as a SAHM. Here are the reasons why -

- My DH was well aware that our life was shit when both of us were working. He knew that his life was better with a SAH wife and he was happy that our kids lives was more relaxed with me at home.

- I did not glamorize working. I have three degrees and I am very well qualified. But, if my money was not needed for my family, I was not really being fulfilled by working in corporate America. I was more fulfilled being a mom. Maybe, if I was a doctor who was saving lives, I would have found some fulfillment in my job. But, my job was a typical job with incompetent people and office politics. Just not worth it.

- We only have two kids. We have no pets. We are not taking care of any elderly relatives. No special needs kids etc.

- My salary was not needed to run the house AND my DH's job is super secure.

- We had a lot of savings, we lived below our means, my entire working salary was saved. We also did not have any debt except for the mortgage.

- We had bought a fairly big new SFH, in an inexpensive neighborhood and locked in a low mortgage rate.

- We continued to outsource the chores and services that we did when both of us were working. I was not going to stay home to clean. I was staying home to focus on raising my kids and having a balanced life style for the entire family.

- We had money for ECs for our kids, our needs and some wants, and also travel internationally once a year.

- We had money for retirement and for college and professional school (medical, law, business, graduate) for both kids.

- We are heavily insured.

- Solid family life. No adultery, addiction, abuse. No pre-nup. No chance of marriage breaking. No mental illness.

Honestly for me, I find that part time works best. (And actually part time where I only work 20 or 30 hours, and am compensated properly if I choose to work beyond that). Previously I worked full time and hated it. Quit and became a SAHM and hated that too eventually. Working part time allows me to have a little bit of both worlds, a great balance for me.

I stayed at home for 10 years, and enjoyed it mostly but started to feel like I needed an identity outside of being a mom. I now work part time (9-12), and I think it is the perfect balance.

The stress is definitely not worth it for me. But I married well and have not held a job...ever.

If you can afford to stay home, why are you stressing about your job? I can understand someone being stressed whose job is their means for survival. For you, this is not the case. So enjoy it, change your attitude towards it.

This did not age well- we’re all out of jobs!

This whole country is nuts about work! They want every kid to start working ASAP because it somehow makes a person more responsible. Hard working person = saint. (Actually, you don't become more responsible by working, you work harder because you are a responsible person. Someone irresponsible would never have a job so having a job teaches you nothing, intention and drive figures into 99% of anything meaningful!) This country is all about working as much as possible and not taking vacations as if a holiday is a sign of weakness.

YES - to your question - "working" as commonly defined is way too stressful and completely idiotic and no, it's not worth working to be that stressed. I had a manager once, who somehow made fun of me because I felt the position I was in didn't make sense for me - it just wasn't giving me enough satisfaction. She felt that I was high maintenance for considering a job could actually offer anyone a degree of satisfaction/happiness because having a job should be enough to be grateful for.

BUT if you like the people you work with, that goes a long way to less stress. In any job. If you actually like what you do - the results of your labor or feel there's any sort of meaning to what your do or if you just are good at what you do - your abilities align with your daily responsibilities - that will also go a long way to taking down stress.

Everyone and every job comes with stress, for sure. But your approach on setting yourself up for the best possible outcome can absolutely take down more stress than you can know.

I have zero - less than zero interest in making money for other people by killing myself at work. I will however work as much as I have to if not more to get something right on a project because I care about the project's success. But no, I have zero loyalty to the concept that work somehow makes me a "better" person and that being focused on growing my career is the end all and be all to happiness. This is significantly different from the attitude that my life's work is meaningful to me and that it's more than just a career. I go on LinkedIn and see all these people writing about how much they love contributing to their company's success and it's a joke. These are the people that I guarantee are stressed about their jobs on a daily basis.

I agree with what so many hugely successful people and business people say - work is never balanced - there is no true work/life balance in life. But the difference between their approach and mine is that I'm not looking at the traditional definition of work as a career - not my title or how much money I make. Rather, how much respect or admiration I receive from a project's success is defined by my business or work. My take is that my work is what I do without knowing it's work. It's who I am, what I do because it's everything I believe in - and on that I would not look at it as work/life because the work becomes my life. From that perspective, the life/work balance is irrelevant. Short of that which it is for like 95% of all of us, yeah, there better be some bigtime life/work balance!!!! If you approach work from this perspective, you won't feel that "stress of working."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember this OP. She is basically lazy and wants to stay home, live off her husband, and pursue her "interests". If a man said he just doesn't have any ambition and wants to be a saty-at-home husband (with no kids), he'd be roundly villified. Flame away, but if my daughter turned out like that, I'd be very disappointed.

OP clearly sees SAHM as a cushy, get out of jail free card. Childcare is hard - she’s in for a rude awakening.

OP’s kid is probably in middle school by now.

This is an old thread. Try working 12-hours shifts for $70-$120 without a break dealing with drunks. The biggest drunk of them all was the boss. He didn't pay the $2.77 hour for over two years. When he finally did pay some, the checks bounced often. We got hit with the $35 fee.
The screaming and throwing glasses around nightly, was the scariest thing. This went on for over a decade til I got my papers.

Why not try for six months to a year to get a sense of whether it’s right for you.

Anonymous wrote:On a recent audit,had three episodes where I felt like a migraine and in one eye, vision was not as good and started seeing amoeba. Partner said it could be stroke warning sign. Yes, I'm getting out due to stress and anxiety. RTO resulted in five extra commuting hours per week in a high traffic area combined with a new boss who has to pepper conversations with "last night I worked until 12:30" remarks. I'm done before my health gets worse.

First, you probably had an ocular migraine.

Second, this thread is 12 yrs old. Twelve.