Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Black man here. OP, yes there is something that you can do to be happy like the white folks. Stop worrying about being disrespected. It's such an overused term in AA culture. People lose friendships, jobs, even kill over supposedly being disrespected. Does anyone even know what that means? Yes, people don't always treat you the way you want them to, but it's not usually out of disrespect.

Get to know people that you work with and let them get to know you. Remove the "weight of the world on your shoulders" look from your face. Smile...Sometimes you have to fake it to make it. Most of the white people I know have the same issues that I have. It's not important for me to let the world know.

PP, I love what you said. Thank you. I'm a white woman, and when I first read the subject of this thread, my immediate thought was "because we don't walk around with a chip on our shoulder all the time".

You don't have a chip on your shoulder, but you have antidepressants in your hand, food in the toilet after throwing it up, and a gun ready to put to your head if you really can't handle it all.

Statistically speaking, that is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Black man here. OP, yes there is something that you can do to be happy like the white folks. Stop worrying about being disrespected. It's such an overused term in AA culture. People lose friendships, jobs, even kill over supposedly being disrespected. Does anyone even know what that means? Yes, people don't always treat you the way you want them to, but it's not usually out of disrespect.

Get to know people that you work with and let them get to know you. Remove the "weight of the world on your shoulders" look from your face. Smile...Sometimes you have to fake it to make it. Most of the white people I know have the same issues that I have. It's not important for me to let the world know.

But white people aren't happier, if you take depression rates, suicide rates, and eating disorder rates to mean anything. They just fake it better. So really, the only relevant way for OP to be more like white people is to fake being happy.

Yep. That's my point. Sometimes when you fake being happy, you find out that you don't have anything to be mad about, or you find things to be happy about that you didn't even know. It's a non-vicious cycle.

Anonymous wrote:Anybody watch reality TV? Real Housewives of ATL, Basketball Wives, The Apprentice, etc. I fear that young black women will think that this behavior is the norm. I'm an black man and I remember as a kid, teenager, and in college when black girls would brag about how bad they could "go off" on someone. It was like they were given respect for how angry they could get and how easily they could be brought into a loud confrontation.

That shit needs to change.

How often do you hear this from uneducated black women? Why are you basing your opinions of black women off of TV (which is all about the ratings), underclass black women and teens? Have you never seen a reality show where white women were "going off"? Perhaps your TV doesn't get VH1, MTV, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Black man here. OP, yes there is something that you can do to be happy like the white folks. Stop worrying about being disrespected. It's such an overused term in AA culture. People lose friendships, jobs, even kill over supposedly being disrespected. Does anyone even know what that means? Yes, people don't always treat you the way you want them to, but it's not usually out of disrespect.

Get to know people that you work with and let them get to know you. Remove the "weight of the world on your shoulders" look from your face. Smile...Sometimes you have to fake it to make it. Most of the white people I know have the same issues that I have. It's not important for me to let the world know.

PP, I love what you said. Thank you. I'm a white woman, and when I first read the subject of this thread, my immediate thought was "because we don't walk around with a chip on our shoulder all the time".

I gotta say I thought this too. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:Anybody watch reality TV? Real Housewives of ATL, Basketball Wives, The Apprentice, etc. I fear that young black women will think that this behavior is the norm. I'm an black man and I remember as a kid, teenager, and in college when black girls would brag about how bad they could "go off" on someone. It was like they were given respect for how angry they could get and how easily they could be brought into a loud confrontation.

That shit needs to change.

Have you seen the Real Housewives of New Jersey, The Real World, or Jersey Shore?

The reality shows you've named display awful behavior, but so do the ones that feature all/predominately white people. This is what sells.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a few things to take into account.

The bike wheel was obviously dirty. Who knows where the biker had been riding. The lady kept moving the wheel and the guy kept putting it back touching her. Personal space violation should not be tolerated.

I was always told that if your clothes are dirty, people will think you are dirty and disrespect you. Maybe she was concerned about this. There was a post a back in GP about how minority children are viewed differently when dressed down or having dirt on their clothes than white children http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/192529.page .

We can all agree that what he did was rude and gross. But it's still not a big deal until you throw the feeling of being disrespected into the mix. Maybe she was being disrespected and he wouldn't have done it to a white woman but who knows? She didn't know that and she overreacted.

What in the OP's story makes you think the woman overreacted?

The first time she spoke to the biker she spoke loudly enough to be heard by men across the isle and she threatened to kick the bike.

Yes, I (white woman - late 30s) would CERTAINLY not have reacted this way. I would have been annoyed by the bike being between my legs - DEFINITELY -- but I would have said something along the lines of, "I'm so sorry, but do you think you could move your bike?" And I'd assume he was clueless about how it was in my space. This would annoy me, yes, but I'd NEVER then say, "If it happens again, I am going to kick your bike." Oh my Lord!!! This is way, way, way over the top. Umm, talk about not "turning the other cheek"? Why oh why woulkd anyone say this, thinking that it would that make matters BETTER (?), if someone is bothering you, to then turn around and do something violent to them? On PURPOSE? When the first thing was an ACCIDENT? This seems totally out of line to me, and yes, it seems stereotypically "angry black lady." Good GRACIOUS!!!! I think that is why the other people then sort of tried to be nice to him, to show solidarity like, "Yikes, that crazy lady went all crazy on you. It's not you. It's her."

That is my take on the situation, now having read it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a few things to take into account.

The bike wheel was obviously dirty. Who knows where the biker had been riding. The lady kept moving the wheel and the guy kept putting it back touching her. Personal space violation should not be tolerated.

I was always told that if your clothes are dirty, people will think you are dirty and disrespect you. Maybe she was concerned about this. There was a post a back in GP about how minority children are viewed differently when dressed down or having dirt on their clothes than white children http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/192529.page .

We can all agree that what he did was rude and gross. But it's still not a big deal until you throw the feeling of being disrespected into the mix. Maybe she was being disrespected and he wouldn't have done it to a white woman but who knows? She didn't know that and she overreacted.

What in the OP's story makes you think the woman overreacted?

(Different PP here) A few reasons:

1) She didn't say anything the first couple of times it happened, which, if I had been in her shoes, would have built my own internal anger level, leading to "passive aggressive" behavior (true, I am projecting from my own experience)
2) The language used by the OP to describe her reaction
3) The fact that other passengers chose to display sympathy to the biker. Which is quite rare - most people are often annoyed when people bring in bikes, especially when metro is crowded.

Why don't why we ask OP, who was there?

OP, what do you think would have happened if all races were reversed (black rider, white seating passenger, black passengers around)? and how does this link to your original question?

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are talking about security and comfort, then maybe whites are more comfortable and confident that things will work out.

WRT suicide rates, they jump for elderly whites and some say that it is because this is the first time in their lives that they have to handle being a second class citizen with little control over what happens and loads of discrimination.

You have a point. When Whites find themselves in a position to get a taste of life without "white privilege", they do desperate shit (suicides, mass killings, etc). To some extent, there is an advantage to working against the odds and overcoming. When bad shit happens, you shrug your shoulders and move on to start again.

Anonymous wrote:Black man here. OP, yes there is something that you can do to be happy like the white folks. Stop worrying about being disrespected. It's such an overused term in AA culture. People lose friendships, jobs, even kill over supposedly being disrespected. Does anyone even know what that means? Yes, people don't always treat you the way you want them to, but it's not usually out of disrespect.

Get to know people that you work with and let them get to know you. Remove the "weight of the world on your shoulders" look from your face. Smile...Sometimes you have to fake it to make it. Most of the white people I know have the same issues that I have. It's not important for me to let the world know.

PP, I love what you said. Thank you. I'm a white woman, and when I first read the subject of this thread, my immediate thought was "because we don't walk around with a chip on our shoulder all the time".

Anybody watch reality TV? Real Housewives of ATL, Basketball Wives, The Apprentice, etc. I fear that young black women will think that this behavior is the norm. I'm an black man and I remember as a kid, teenager, and in college when black girls would brag about how bad they could "go off" on someone. It was like they were given respect for how angry they could get and how easily they could be brought into a loud confrontation.

That shit needs to change.

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I think I get what OP was trying to say in 14:16. Its not neccessarily about the incident that occurred but about the white people's response vs. the black lady's response. I think it more speaks to the frame of mind that each of the people were in when they responded the way that they did. The white people in this story seem to be in a more easygoing non chalant frame of mind while the black lady was more tightly wound, if this makes any sense.

Well the white witnesses may have been more agitated if the bike repeatedly bumped them, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a few things to take into account.

The bike wheel was obviously dirty. Who knows where the biker had been riding. The lady kept moving the wheel and the guy kept putting it back touching her. Personal space violation should not be tolerated.

I was always told that if your clothes are dirty, people will think you are dirty and disrespect you. Maybe she was concerned about this. There was a post a back in GP about how minority children are viewed differently when dressed down or having dirt on their clothes than white children http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/192529.page .

We can all agree that what he did was rude and gross. But it's still not a big deal until you throw the feeling of being disrespected into the mix. Maybe she was being disrespected and he wouldn't have done it to a white woman but who knows? She didn't know that and she overreacted.

What in the OP's story makes you think the woman overreacted?

The first time she spoke to the biker she spoke loudly enough to be heard by men across the isle and she threatened to kick the bike.

Are you the OP giving this information, first-hand? Also, speaking loud enough to be heard in the other aisle in Metro is not difficult. It does not constitute yelling. This guy kept positioning the bike in a way that resulted in it hitting the woman. He was being rude and was called on it. Are you equally confused when a kicked dog bites?

OP, if you are talking about security and comfort, then maybe whites are more comfortable and confident that things will work out.

WRT suicide rates, they jump for elderly whites and some say that it is because this is the first time in their lives that they have to handle being a second class citizen with little control over what happens and loads of discrimination.

I am still wondering where you all are encountering these happy white people. What part of the city are you in?

Anonymous wrote:Black man here. OP, yes there is something that you can do to be happy like the white folks. Stop worrying about being disrespected. It's such an overused term in AA culture. People lose friendships, jobs, even kill over supposedly being disrespected. Does anyone even know what that means? Yes, people don't always treat you the way you want them to, but it's not usually out of disrespect.

Get to know people that you work with and let them get to know you. Remove the "weight of the world on your shoulders" look from your face. Smile...Sometimes you have to fake it to make it. Most of the white people I know have the same issues that I have. It's not important for me to let the world know.

But white people aren't happier, if you take depression rates, suicide rates, and eating disorder rates to mean anything. They just fake it better. So really, the only relevant way for OP to be more like white people is to fake being happy.