Anonymous wrote:10:04 - you missed my point. I don't care when you had kids. I don't care IF you have kids. I was responding to a few nasty posters who were leveling nasty accusations about career women who waited too long to have kids. Those accusations get tired and silly. There are plenty of young moms out there, and that's great, but for a lot of us, that just wasn't how things turned out. It's fine if you chose to have kids early - or didn't choose and had kids early anyway - but a lot of us didn't meet the guy in our 20's, or at all. I just think it's a silly myth that women should be blamed for their infertility because they "chose to wait" for too long - in most of the cases I know, it wasn't a choice, but a circumstance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:such a weird area we live in (McLean), we're younger in our 30s with toddlers, besides the the obvious trophy wives or second wives with the original kids all the moms are old as shit.

LMAO tell me about it. I go to Mom's Group meetups and show up seeing a bunch of women MY mother's age. I mean good for them, but seriously, what do I have in common with these women besides our kids' ages.

I am 27, one toddler, done. I realize that's extremely young for this area and I'm sure people look at me like I'm a Teen Mom. I am glad that I got it out of the way and went through pregnancy when I was young and fit and bounced right back. I do have lots of energy for my DC. But I also worry that, unlike a lot of older moms, I don't have the patience that would really benefit my DC that I'd have if I were a late 30s mom. Those women really just don't give a shit. They'll sit there for hours waiting for their DC to quit dawdling. I'm too impatient.

Had I known *just how dramatic* the shift in life would be upon having a kid (I know people tell you but come on, there's just no way to know until you have one) I definitely might have waited longer. I do like the idea of my DC being graduated and out of my house when I'm only in my early 40s. It's possible I missed out on some life experiences and selfishness by having a child in my mid 20s, so maybe I'll just use that time to catch up.

Anonymous wrote:Dear god, no. I was focused on graduate school, establishing my career, and establishing seniority in my field. So glad I did because that's how you establish both a satisfying career and work-life balance. I think that when you have children younger, you tend to drop out of the work force because you haven't earned enough seniority to take time off for child-related events that inevitably crop up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it gets a little old hearing people talk about how they needed to live their lives before having a kid at 40. You will likely die before your child is finished needing you, and not really get to have much of an experience with grandchildren. Kinda selfish to keep saying me, me, me, I traveled!! Think it, fine, but no one is impressed. You should be less worried about your energy level than the fact that you will probably miss out on a lot of DC's life, and may saddle the kid with an aging parent while he/she has young children. Just sayin', save the "I lived, and that's what's important" crap.

Wow - what a "mature" response from a young parent!

LOL!

Get over yourself.

Shit happens, fool, and you deal. Not everyone gets knocked up at 23 (or 15, according to the PP). I had no interventions - had both as one-shot deals at 37 and 41. Do you think I should regret having them so "late" in life? They're great kids who are happy and have everything they need. They attend private, which we can afford b/c we're so goddamn old, according to you, and they have activities and friends to keep them occupied. And even I have energy to take them to the park!! Imagine that! I'm 45!

I don't understand the venom, PP. Are you jealous? I work PT, have a nanny, and and OLD mother (75 - God forbid she should still drive) who steps in when there's a conflict in our schedules, as we both work.

And guess what? I have my summers off! So I'm with my children - no need for camp!!!!!

I have a good life for an old gal, no? I'm healthy, in pretty good shape (despite some urinary incontinence), and energetic.

And b/c we're so fucking old, we invested in long-term healthcare. Does that make you happy? At least my kids won't be wiping my ass and changing my diapers in the next few years.

You make me laugh, PP. You must be incredibly insecure to post such inane comments.

yawn . . . Get some rest; tomorrow is another day.

You are a great mom, we get it, you have an awesome job-yay on you.

You do realize that you will never be your mom though-she was a young mom, having you at 30? If your children follow your lead, you will not even meet your first grandchild until you are 74 and then 78. All i can say is eat healthy, keep slim, and exercise a lot. Your could be 92 when your oldest grand child graduates high school. Or maybe you will get lucky and your kids will settle down early, giving you a gift of 10 12 extra years...and even a graduation or two.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:such a weird area we live in (McLean), we're younger in our 30s with toddlers, besides the the obvious trophy wives or second wives with the original kids all the moms are old as shit.

LMAO tell me about it. I go to Mom's Group meetups and show up seeing a bunch of women MY mother's age. I mean good for them, but seriously, what do I have in common with these women besides our kids' ages.

I am 27, one toddler, done. I realize that's extremely young for this area and I'm sure people look at me like I'm a Teen Mom. I am glad that I got it out of the way and went through pregnancy when I was young and fit and bounced right back. I do have lots of energy for my DC. But I also worry that, unlike a lot of older moms, I don't have the patience that would really benefit my DC that I'd have if I were a late 30s mom. Those women really just don't give a shit. They'll sit there for hours waiting for their DC to quit dawdling. I'm too impatient.

Had I known *just how dramatic* the shift in life would be upon having a kid (I know people tell you but come on, there's just no way to know until you have one) I definitely might have waited longer. I do like the idea of my DC being graduated and out of my house when I'm only in my early 40s. It's possible I missed out on some life experiences and selfishness by having a child in my mid 20s, so maybe I'll just use that time to catch up.

Anonymous wrote:
starting past 40 is too late

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't actually know anyone who "chose" to wait more than a couple of years after marrying to have kids, and most of them didn't wait more than a couple years to marry once they found the guy. So let's drop that BS right now about choosing our careers over kids in our child-bearing years. Most of us had babies late because we had to, not because we chose to. The alternative would have been to have babies as single moms (which sets off the smug married types) or marry the wrong guy just to have kids, which drives the "should I divorce my asshole hubby?" posts. Instead we chose to make the best of the reality we're in, and we are looking at the positives of having kids late. What the hell good does it do to sit around saying, "oh, i should have had kids at 25 so I can be a grandma by 55." ugh.

Look, having kids young is no guarantee you'll ever see your grandkids. My mother met my father at 18 or 19 and married him at 21. He was her first and only lover, and she had me at 25. And she died at 41, when I was 16. She never saw her grandkids. I might meet my grandkids or not. I could follow my mom's lead and die at 41, there's no way of knowing. Or I could live to be 86, like most of the women in my family, and see my daughter have kids or not. (she'd be 50 at that point.) "living to see my grandkids" is kind of a weird reason to have kids young or to criticize someone for not having kids young. (and frankly, that puts a lot of pressure on your kids to have their own kids. that should be a decision they make independently of you.)

Well then, let me introduce myself:
I was 26 when I met DH--he was almost 25. We married at 28 and 27. We partied, traveled, partied, lived abroad, became incredibly successfully career-wise, totally fulfilled...then when I hit 34 this was no longer everything. I had my first child at 35 and second the month after I turned 38. SO- yes we purposely waited 7 years to have kids after we were married. Luckily- I got knocked up on the first try both times.

My best friend got married at 24 and had her first at 34. My neighbors were dating since HS, married 15 years before they had their first at 37, second at 39.
There are many of us out there. The common theme amongst all of us---we are deliriously happy parents. We were all ready emotionally and financially and don't feel like we miss out on a thing. I also think none of us look our age..I am always placed in my early 30s. We run marathons, etc. My grandparents were all around into their 90s--and active. My own parents look like they are 50 at 70. They are very active with the grandkids.

DO what works for you. My siblings had their kids in their 20s and are looking forward to an empty nest soon. We kid each otehr--but I like the support of somebody that's been there, done that. I don't care when you had your kids--why do you care when I had mine.

starting past 40 is too late

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't actually know anyone who "chose" to wait more than a couple of years after marrying to have kids, and most of them didn't wait more than a couple years to marry once they found the guy. So let's drop that BS right now about choosing our careers over kids in our child-bearing years. Most of us had babies late because we had to, not because we chose to. The alternative would have been to have babies as single moms (which sets off the smug married types) or marry the wrong guy just to have kids, which drives the "should I divorce my asshole hubby?" posts. Instead we chose to make the best of the reality we're in, and we are looking at the positives of having kids late. What the hell good does it do to sit around saying, "oh, i should have had kids at 25 so I can be a grandma by 55." ugh.

Look, having kids young is no guarantee you'll ever see your grandkids. My mother met my father at 18 or 19 and married him at 21. He was her first and only lover, and she had me at 25. And she died at 41, when I was 16. She never saw her grandkids. I might meet my grandkids or not. I could follow my mom's lead and die at 41, there's no way of knowing. Or I could live to be 86, like most of the women in my family, and see my daughter have kids or not. (she'd be 50 at that point.) "living to see my grandkids" is kind of a weird reason to have kids young or to criticize someone for not having kids young. (and frankly, that puts a lot of pressure on your kids to have their own kids. that should be a decision they make independently of you.)

Well then, let me introduce myself:
I was 26 when I met DH--he was almost 25. We married at 28 and 27. We partied, traveled, partied, lived abroad, became incredibly successfully career-wise, totally fulfilled...then when I hit 34 this was no longer everything. I had my first child at 35 and second the month after I turned 38. SO- yes we purposely waited 7 years to have kids after we were married. Luckily- I got knocked up on the first try both times.

My best friend got married at 24 and had her first at 34. My neighbors were dating since HS, married 15 years before they had their first at 37, second at 39.
There are many of us out there. The common theme amongst all of us---we are deliriously happy parents. We were all ready emotionally and financially and don't feel like we miss out on a thing. I also think none of us look our age..I am always placed in my early 30s. We run marathons, etc. My grandparents were all around into their 90s--and active. My own parents look like they are 50 at 70. They are very active with the grandkids.

DO what works for you. My siblings had their kids in their 20s and are looking forward to an empty nest soon. We kid each otehr--but I like the support of somebody that's been there, done that. I don't care when you had your kids--why do you care when I had mine.

Anonymous wrote:10:04 - you missed my point. I don't care when you had kids. I don't care IF you have kids. I was responding to a few nasty posters who were leveling nasty accusations about career women who waited too long to have kids. Those accusations get tired and silly. There are plenty of young moms out there, and that's great, but for a lot of us, that just wasn't how things turned out. It's fine if you chose to have kids early - or didn't choose and had kids early anyway - but a lot of us didn't meet the guy in our 20's, or at all. I just think it's a silly myth that women should be blamed for their infertility because they "chose to wait" for too long - in most of the cases I know, it wasn't a choice, but a circumstance.

Anonymous wrote:10:04 - you missed my point. I don't care when you had kids. I don't care IF you have kids. I was responding to a few nasty posters who were leveling nasty accusations about career women who waited too long to have kids. Those accusations get tired and silly. There are plenty of young moms out there, and that's great, but for a lot of us, that just wasn't how things turned out. It's fine if you chose to have kids early - or didn't choose and had kids early anyway - but a lot of us didn't meet the guy in our 20's, or at all. I just think it's a silly myth that women should be blamed for their infertility because they "chose to wait" for too long - in most of the cases I know, it wasn't a choice, but a circumstance.

Anonymous wrote:I don't actually know anyone who "chose" to wait more than a couple of years after marrying to have kids, and most of them didn't wait more than a couple years to marry once they found the guy. So let's drop that BS right now about choosing our careers over kids in our child-bearing years. Most of us had babies late because we had to, not because we chose to. The alternative would have been to have babies as single moms (which sets off the smug married types) or marry the wrong guy just to have kids, which drives the "should I divorce my asshole hubby?" posts. Instead we chose to make the best of the reality we're in, and we are looking at the positives of having kids late. What the hell good does it do to sit around saying, "oh, i should have had kids at 25 so I can be a grandma by 55." ugh.

Look, having kids young is no guarantee you'll ever see your grandkids. My mother met my father at 18 or 19 and married him at 21. He was her first and only lover, and she had me at 25. And she died at 41, when I was 16. She never saw her grandkids. I might meet my grandkids or not. I could follow my mom's lead and die at 41, there's no way of knowing. Or I could live to be 86, like most of the women in my family, and see my daughter have kids or not. (she'd be 50 at that point.) "living to see my grandkids" is kind of a weird reason to have kids young or to criticize someone for not having kids young. (and frankly, that puts a lot of pressure on your kids to have their own kids. that should be a decision they make independently of you.)