I really don't understand the incessant criticism of the Alexandria City public system.

We enrolled our child at two very well-known, and I think highly-regarded, private schools. We experienced invasive parents, truly weak academics, and Lord Of The Flies behavior even among the younger kids. We found private school heads to be behaviorally similar to legal recruiters.

We yanked our daughter out, in disgust, and sent her to an ACPS school (Charles Barrett) starting in third grade. It has been more wonderful than I imagined any school could be, especially once her very patient third grade teacher got her up to speed in math after very weak prior instruction. We know several private-school refugees in the ACPS system. We've toured GW, we know many GW parents and kids, and we've been to TC repeatedly. We know many recent grads, all of who have done genuinely well. The ACPS that has been described in these messages is completely unknown to us.

We've heard only a few real ACPS horror stories, and they were molehills compared to what we've directly observed at private schools. And the vast majority of the area private schools basically do not accommodate more academically advanced students.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats! You're an elitist now. You've really made it!

Love it!

How and where did you grow up, PPs? Easy to judge from your childhood perch in Greenwich, I imagine.

Anonymous wrote:I spent six weeks at GW this past fall. I was there every day. I never felt unsafe, never witnessed a fight, and heard profanity rarely. What I did see were 6th, 7th and 8th graders; in other words, kids struggling to navigate the difficult world of early adolescence. I saw (and worked with) amazing teachers who taught as well as the private school teachers I had many years ago. GW is a large school, however, which makes it a better place for self-confident kids who can advocate for themselves. Some kids do better in a smaller more nurturing environment.

Yes, but you were an adult. You are not a child who needs to go to school every day and function and learn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

N. Arlington transplant from ACPS here. We went through this too, which is why we chose Arlington over McLean. McLean weren't really "our people." That said, you're right that many N. Arlington kids aren't "our people" either. But that's a bit easier to control than the influences of the hood.

Non-sequitur of the day. The only difference between McLean and North Arlington is a county line.

Are you the ferocious ACPS defender? How would you know?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all very interesting.

I'm worried about my kids being exposed to rich, entitled kids who have too much money and not enough supervision and get into all the things that may be associated with that (drugs, assuming a car will be provided at age 16, never having to take a crappy job to make some extra money as a teenager, etc.)? I work with these kids in N. Arlington. They're not all like this. But a decent amout of them are. These are not the peers I want for my future teenage children.

So which is better, poor kids who have behavior issues or rich kids that act like entitled a-holes and who think the rules don't apply to them and that mommy and daddy will buy their way out of every problem or make excuses for them at every turn?

And of course, this might not be YOUR kid or how you will raise YOUR kid. But that's the peer group.

This isn't meant to be snarky. This is what I'm currently struggling with as an Alexandria resident with preschool age kids who is pondering a move.

N. Arlington transplant from ACPS here. We went through this too, which is why we chose Arlington over McLean. McLean weren't really "our people." That said, you're right that many N. Arlington kids aren't "our people" either. But that's a bit easier to control than the influences of the hood.

Thanks for responding.

I would actually have guessed that the influences of the hood are easier to control for. We don't live near the hood in practical terms. And in school settings, I think the kids largely self-segregate into separate peer groups, honestly. For better or worse.

But in N. Arlingtion, I worry that my kids will be surrounded by these entitled kids who seem to suffer no consequences in life. And they will aspire to be those kids. Because what 16 year old doesn't think it's great to be rich and get away with whatever you want?

Tough issues.

My experience has been actually that the parents of these N. Arlington kids do a better job of teaching manners and standards of behavior. I've seen a couple of hilarious cases of snowflake entitlement, but to be perfectly honest I saw that in Alexandria too. In Alexandria you actually had both extremes. In N. Arlington you might encounter some of it too but in reality most of the kids are very polite and more humble than you are imaging.

Anonymous wrote:This is all very interesting.

I'm worried about my kids being exposed to rich, entitled kids who have too much money and not enough supervision and get into all the things that may be associated with that (drugs, assuming a car will be provided at age 16, never having to take a crappy job to make some extra money as a teenager, etc.)? I work with these kids in N. Arlington. They're not all like this. But a decent amout of them are. These are not the peers I want for my future teenage children.

So which is better, poor kids who have behavior issues or rich kids that act like entitled a-holes and who think the rules don't apply to them and that mommy and daddy will buy their way out of every problem or make excuses for them at every turn?

And of course, this might not be YOUR kid or how you will raise YOUR kid. But that's the peer group.

This isn't meant to be snarky. This is what I'm currently struggling with as an Alexandria resident with preschool age kids who is pondering a move.

Neither situation is perfect. In Alexandria, it is just more in my face. I've met some super sweet kids on the playground and some nice parents and grandparents. I've also seen some pre-teens go up to a baby in a stroller, point, and then tell the mother "you have one ugly baby," and then run off laughing. Trust me, no one is more annoyed that some kids in public housing are not raised right than the families in public housing that do it right are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

N. Arlington transplant from ACPS here. We went through this too, which is why we chose Arlington over McLean. McLean weren't really "our people." That said, you're right that many N. Arlington kids aren't "our people" either. But that's a bit easier to control than the influences of the hood.

Non-sequitur of the day. The only difference between McLean and North Arlington is a county line.

I think there's a big difference between W-L and Yorktown in Arlington. Different crowds. But I agree Yorktown might as well be McLean.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is all very interesting.

I'm worried about my kids being exposed to rich, entitled kids who have too much money and not enough supervision and get into all the things that may be associated with that (drugs, assuming a car will be provided at age 16, never having to take a crappy job to make some extra money as a teenager, etc.)? I work with these kids in N. Arlington. They're not all like this. But a decent amout of them are. These are not the peers I want for my future teenage children.

So which is better, poor kids who have behavior issues or rich kids that act like entitled a-holes and who think the rules don't apply to them and that mommy and daddy will buy their way out of every problem or make excuses for them at every turn?

And of course, this might not be YOUR kid or how you will raise YOUR kid. But that's the peer group.

This isn't meant to be snarky. This is what I'm currently struggling with as an Alexandria resident with preschool age kids who is pondering a move.

N. Arlington transplant from ACPS here. We went through this too, which is why we chose Arlington over McLean. McLean weren't really "our people." That said, you're right that many N. Arlington kids aren't "our people" either. But that's a bit easier to control than the influences of the hood.

Thanks for responding.

I would actually have guessed that the influences of the hood are easier to control for. We don't live near the hood in practical terms. And in school settings, I think the kids largely self-segregate into separate peer groups, honestly. For better or worse.

But in N. Arlingtion, I worry that my kids will be surrounded by these entitled kids who seem to suffer no consequences in life. And they will aspire to be those kids. Because what 16 year old doesn't think it's great to be rich and get away with whatever you want?

Tough issues.

Anonymous wrote:

N. Arlington transplant from ACPS here. We went through this too, which is why we chose Arlington over McLean. McLean weren't really "our people." That said, you're right that many N. Arlington kids aren't "our people" either. But that's a bit easier to control than the influences of the hood.

Non-sequitur of the day. The only difference between McLean and North Arlington is a county line.

Anonymous wrote:This is all very interesting.

I'm worried about my kids being exposed to rich, entitled kids who have too much money and not enough supervision and get into all the things that may be associated with that (drugs, assuming a car will be provided at age 16, never having to take a crappy job to make some extra money as a teenager, etc.)? I work with these kids in N. Arlington. They're not all like this. But a decent amout of them are. These are not the peers I want for my future teenage children.

So which is better, poor kids who have behavior issues or rich kids that act like entitled a-holes and who think the rules don't apply to them and that mommy and daddy will buy their way out of every problem or make excuses for them at every turn?

And of course, this might not be YOUR kid or how you will raise YOUR kid. But that's the peer group.

This isn't meant to be snarky. This is what I'm currently struggling with as an Alexandria resident with preschool age kids who is pondering a move.

N. Arlington transplant from ACPS here. We went through this too, which is why we chose Arlington over McLean. McLean weren't really "our people." That said, you're right that many N. Arlington kids aren't "our people" either. But that's a bit easier to control than the influences of the hood.

This is all very interesting.

I'm worried about my kids being exposed to rich, entitled kids who have too much money and not enough supervision and get into all the things that may be associated with that (drugs, assuming a car will be provided at age 16, never having to take a crappy job to make some extra money as a teenager, etc.)? I work with these kids in N. Arlington. They're not all like this. But a decent amout of them are. These are not the peers I want for my future teenage children.

So which is better, poor kids who have behavior issues or rich kids that act like entitled a-holes and who think the rules don't apply to them and that mommy and daddy will buy their way out of every problem or make excuses for them at every turn?

And of course, this might not be YOUR kid or how you will raise YOUR kid. But that's the peer group.

This isn't meant to be snarky. This is what I'm currently struggling with as an Alexandria resident with preschool age kids who is pondering a move.

I spent six weeks at GW this past fall. I was there every day. I never felt unsafe, never witnessed a fight, and heard profanity rarely. What I did see were 6th, 7th and 8th graders; in other words, kids struggling to navigate the difficult world of early adolescence. I saw (and worked with) amazing teachers who taught as well as the private school teachers I had many years ago. GW is a large school, however, which makes it a better place for self-confident kids who can advocate for themselves. Some kids do better in a smaller more nurturing environment.

I agree with you, these are tough decisions. But in my day to day life, the only time I encounter aggressive, in-your-face behavior is if I am near a group of kids on the metro or on the street in my neighborhood. I don't find this "constantly" in the grown-up world. If I had a job or commute or something in which I found this, I would try to change jobs or change my personal situation. Kids don't have this luxury. Maybe we only have to face intimidation, profanity or insults superficially or occasionally in our day to day lives (hopefully never, but the Whole Foods parking lot?) and we can move away from it. But our kids do not have that choice if they are placed in proximity to that culture of behavior on a daily basis in school, on the bus, or on the playground. In regular, productive society, in the world of work and community, it is not acceptable to cuss people out or yell in their face or insult them to resolve problems. I don't want my kids to adjust to it or accept it as "another way of communicating" or something they need to learn how to deal with every day. They just need to move away from situations like this, and get back to healthy work and play. Just like I do on the metro or in my community.

Now, passive aggressive behavior, bullying and intimidation certainly exists in the grownup world, and the teen world (online especially). We will have to teach our children to navigate this, and to stand up for themselves. And of course to not behave this way themselves. I agree that some exposure to challenging people or situations is good, and we cannot protect our children from everything, nor should we. They have to be able to stand up for themselves, and to not be totally flipped out when people act out. But it is not conducive to learning to face acting out, from the same people, every day.

Anonymous wrote:I'm an ACPS parent, and I'm torn. I often find myself feeling this way. But then I fear that I'm shortchanging my kids if they AREN'T exposed to kids who "intimidate others and model aggressive, in-your-face, unkind behavior..." Isn't that what they'll find constantly in the grown-up world?

But in the "grown-up world" they'll constantly find pornography, rape, and murder, too, but I don't need my Kindergartner exposed to all that so soon.

I'm an ACPS parent, and I'm torn. I often find myself feeling this way. But then I fear that I'm shortchanging my kids if they AREN'T exposed to kids who "intimidate others and model aggressive, in-your-face, unkind behavior..." Isn't that what they'll find constantly in the grown-up world? Why not introduce them to these tough situations now, with the benefit of adult supervision.

These are really tough decisions. Talk to other parents and learn from their experience. Think about each of your kids' needs indvidually (no two are the same). In the end, don't be swayed by judgmental attitudes expressed by strangers on the internet.