Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sat my husband down for a serious conversation about all of my shortcomings. Informed him that she, as his mother, could tell that he was unhappy when I was around. (He was previously unaware of this "fact".) And the worst part is, he thinks she walks on water, so he took her very seriously, and sat ME down for a conversation about all of my shortcomings. Again, none of these complaints were his. He just takes everything she says to be gospel truth. If she said that he looked miserable when I walked into a room, well, he must be miserable. And so it's on me to make a change.

You married this guy?

Yes. That is why I refer to him as my husband.

Didn't you ever hear the sage advice to watch how a potential husband treats his mother, to gauge his respect for women? I was thrilled to see that he treated her like a queen. And in fairness, he has always treated me with great respect and affection, never pulled any macho bullshit, always done more than his share of the housework and parenting. It just turns out that her opinion still matters to him more than pretty much anything else. And this would be fine, if she hadn't taken against me at some point. We're fine now, but I will never trust her like I did in the early years.

I think that advice should be clarified, if man treats his mom like a queen the wife is going to have a hell of a time. The mother/son relationship should be warm but not too close.

"You ruined your life by marrying DH".

Oh wait that was my mother! Just when we were in the throes of DH's unemployment and I had just given birth to DC2. Accused us of crazy things like tampering with her fridge when we last visited. No, she doesn't have dementia, it's just her.
She also thinks the children and I are fat (we're slim), but that we should eat more butter. She's racist and homophobic and classist. Feels this urge to criticize everybody to everybody else. Loves to play the martyr unappreciated Grandma. I just limit contact.

My MIL had plenty of time to learn how to the perfect MIL since I arrived on the scene much later than her other DIL's, wives of her older sons. She is a lovely, smart and strong woman. I wish I saw more of her, but she lives far away.

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't allowed to be in the wedding photos at my BIL's wedding. It was four weeks before our own wedding, and my DH's six brothers and their wives were in the family photo, but MIL didn't think her son was actually going to go through with the marriage to me, so she arranged to have me busy with the cake cutting while the family photos were taken. DH was looking all over for me, and MIL said that they would get everyone back together for another photo later. Of course they didn't. Sad thing is, I felt so honored to be asked to cut the cake. It really hurt me to know why I was given this task.

This makes me sad. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gasped in horror when my husband announced we were expecting our first baby (we were both in our early thirties), responded only with "WHEN?!?", and then visibly did the math in her head to determine whether I'd been pregnant at the wedding.

Oh, and when he years later announced we were moving to my home state, she declared "that's been her (my) plan since the beginning." Yes, MIL, it's a diabolical husband recruiting scheme. We're programmed to live in Other Location for years, develop a career and social circle there, find an unwitting husband, buy a home, have a child, and then BOOM - bring them back to The Motherland.

Ha! My now MIL gasped in horror when DH told her (on speakerphone with me there, but before he could tell Her I was on the line too) that he had asked me to marry him. "[gasp!!!] Oh, Peter, no! Did you talk to your therapist about that?"

We never told her I was on the line, and I've never forgiven her. I can't stand when she's in my house.

On top of that, she's a chain smoker whose entire house is smothered in artificial air fresheners, so she pollutes me baby with carcinogens every time she is near him.

Other than that she's almost tolerable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Told my relative at my wedding that she hopes this marriage lasts.

What a monster.

+1

OMG. I am so sorry you have to have that negativity around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gives our son wrapped framed pictures of herself as gifts. Just of her. No one else in the pictures.

Awful. Ok, I laughed at this, but only because I'm guessing you have a very young DC? I am imagining the framed photos, too - huge, mall-created glamor shots of grandma at her most glamorous, to include holding a rose in her mouth. Ugh. Stuff of nightmares. What do you do with these pictures? Tell me that your dc doesn't have to sleep in a room filled with framed grandma photo collages like a portrait gallery?

They are pretty funny...MIL in a fire helmet, getting cozy with an orchid. The pictures are all kept in a drawer and when she visits some, but not all are brought out.