Former deb here, and I agree. Yuck. There is no way I would submit my two daughters to the kind of ridiculous preening and pretension that is exhibited at debutante balls. It took me years to get over my undeserved feelings of superiority.

Anonymous wrote:I have been tracking this thread for sometime, and felt it time to throw in my own two cents. Mrs. Simpson's etiquette classes are a longstanding DC tradition, and though some may find them old-fashioned and elitist, the children who participate grow to be no more elitist or snobby than their counterparts who do not attend. My oldest daughter participated in Mrs. Simpson's classes when she was nine, and years later after completing her first year of college, had a deb ball at our club. Did we do this to be elitists? No, she participated, as will her younger sister, because it is a family tradition. Every one of the women in our family has been a Debutante-- and our youngest (only 4) asked when she was going to "get to dress like Barbie and go to the fancy party" (my older daughter was certainly not pleased with being compared to Barbie- but it was cute nonetheless). My point is, my daughter doesn't have a superiority complex, and in some cases is immune to the fact that she comes from a family with money. She has college classmates whose parents throw money at them, and it shows in their actions and words. If you raise your children to be well-mannered, well versed in social graces, and well educated-- it will not matter what school they attended or extracurricular programs they were able to participate in. Money is not the source of class or social graces--it may help but is not the end all.

Yuck.

I have been tracking this thread for sometime, and felt it time to throw in my own two cents. Mrs. Simpson's etiquette classes are a longstanding DC tradition, and though some may find them old-fashioned and elitist, the children who participate grow to be no more elitist or snobby than their counterparts who do not attend. My oldest daughter participated in Mrs. Simpson's classes when she was nine, and years later after completing her first year of college, had a deb ball at our club. Did we do this to be elitists? No, she participated, as will her younger sister, because it is a family tradition. Every one of the women in our family has been a Debutante-- and our youngest (only 4) asked when she was going to "get to dress like Barbie and go to the fancy party" (my older daughter was certainly not pleased with being compared to Barbie- but it was cute nonetheless). My point is, my daughter doesn't have a superiority complex, and in some cases is immune to the fact that she comes from a family with money. She has college classmates whose parents throw money at them, and it shows in their actions and words. If you raise your children to be well-mannered, well versed in social graces, and well educated-- it will not matter what school they attended or extracurricular programs they were able to participate in. Money is not the source of class or social graces--it may help but is not the end all.

Anonymous wrote:I just think people need to take more responsibility for their children's behavior before they are in 4th grade and then send them off to "a school" for it. Its lazy and detrimental to society at large.

You GO girl! How did people miss this part? I thought the original point was crystal clear and had nothing to do with author's socio-economic status. This whole issue is WHY people do things like cotillion when they haven't covered the basics of human descency. My kids ride the public bus and we don't belong to clubs, but they STILL know to address a bus driver with the same respect as their parents, a teacher, a doctor or anyone else on the planet for that matter. Class is how you act, not what you own. Regardless of how many forks appear on your table, if you're not a generous and polite host it doesn't matter if you serve lobster or a Big Mac. PP is right. Cotillions can't make your children better people. As for dance lessons, they teach ballroom at the YMCA.

When, oh when is the Zumbatillion! That just sounded like so much fun! I have this picture of Zumbamama in my head and she is kind of my ideal, cool mama!

Thank you 10:21 and 11:17. That was me. I did feel awfully misunderstood. I guess I explained my position poorly. I was just saying that I take responsibility for bringing up nice, well-mannered children who treat everyone s/he come across with an equal level of respect and courtesy. Yes, we are well off, my children have lots of lovely things and advanatges, as did I , and I want to make sure they are nice people, too. My parents made sure we were. I think that is my job as a parent. I know we are extremely fortunate. I thank God for my life all the time. Yes, we have had nannies and au pairs and maids the childrens' entire lives. My children have always been expected to speak to these people the same way they would address my husband or me. My dismay is at the friends of my children who are also in private school and priviledged and come over and are really rude to these people, and sometimes to me, too. I think it is appalling and sad. I tell them that behavior is not acceptable in our house, and have told our au pair/nany/maid to do the same. If they do not stop, they are not invited back. Truly though, its not the childrens' fault, its the parents. It just seems to me that these are often the parents who send their children off to Mrs. Simpsons or Cotillion to "learn" manners, like the parents quoted in the article. I do believe that true manners are taught at home. Cotillion and Mrs. S's are for, like I said, the finishing touches (e.g. dancing, bowing, sipping punch, learning a receiving line, etc..). I, for one, learned which fork/spoon/knife to use by having formal family dinners (yes, sometimes at clubs or nice restaurants) and by setting the table for those dinners at home. I just think people need to take more responsibility for their children's behavior before they are in 4th grade and then send them off to "a school" for it. Its lazy and detrimental to society at large.

Anonymous wrote:We're waiting with "baited" breath.

I was waiting to see whether someone would take a slight poke. Though I'm not sure Cotillion teaches spelling or word nuances. Will anyone else take the bait?

That's been bothering me, too. What in the world is the basis for criticizing a woman who teaches her children to treat all others with respect, including people who work as maids, nannies, and waiters?

1. Love the idea of Zumbatillion.

2. Wondering why the 5/19 poster who is taking it upon herself to teach her children to be kind and courteous to everyone, got so slammed? I thought she had a very good point. Is it just because she has an au pair and her family has a club membership? Is the idea that it is not possible to be both wealthy/fortunate and kind and considerate too?

Anonymous wrote:Wow! That is great. Where does your child go to school? Did other children from your child's class get invited? If you go, I am sure we would all appreciate some unbiased feedback.

To be honest, I'm afraid to ask around, because I don't want to come across as well . . . a cotillion mom. We have a few private school kids in our neighborhood, although I have no idea if they participate, but if I had to guess some "well meaning" neighbor probably put our name on the list.

We're waiting with "baited" breath.

Wow! That is great. Where does your child go to school? Did other children from your child's class get invited? If you go, I am sure we would all appreciate some unbiased feedback.

I just got an invitation, and we're not enrolled at Beauvoir!! I wonder if the Capital Cotillion folks are reading this thread?! We're practically commoners for goodness sake (i.e., in public school). Now, should we accept? Our heart was set on the Zumbatillion.

Last time I checked, DCUM is not a court of law But... I hear what you are saying.

I still am waiting for some facts to change my opinions. Without additional facts, we will all be left to make our own judgments. I do think it is factual to say that this is "invitation only" and it is a fact that I don't personally know anyone who went to public school who was invited, but I am waiting to hear facts to the contrary.

Zumbatillion aside, it seems to me most of the responses to OP are based on hearsay and speculation. I seem to remember in law school that was objectionable in a court of law. I think the objection applies here.

To the mom who wants to experience it to presumably separate out fact from fiction, more power to you.