Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the responses yet but I did reach out.

First I tried to call, no answer. Then I texted

“Hey! I just saw the invite for your 4th of July party and wanted to check in. I wasn’t sure if you remembered that we’re hosting ours that afternoon too, since you’d RSVP’d a while back. I figured I’d reach out in case there was some mix-up with dates or times”

I got a response within a minute.

“No, no mix up.”

So clearly she’s upset and I was talking to my husband all night to see if either of us did anything else to make her angry. I am going to ask her point blank but feel like some space is needed.

But if she’s that angry, why would she still invite us?

Regardless we both feel like she’s angry we didn’t attend her Memorial Day party which seems a little silly.

But to answer other questions.

- We do have friends outside of this social group. But the majority of our friends are mutual. Again, we’ve been here for two years and because we all have similar aged children who are friends we see each other more often.

- I cannot think of anything else my husband, myself or my children did to upset her but I may ask.

- I guess I like drama as much as anyone would. I like reality tv. I like gossip to an extent. I truly don’t like being involved in drama, or at the very least the cause or making anyone angry.

So weird. I would follow up with. Ok are you still joining us as well?

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the responses yet but I did reach out.

First I tried to call, no answer. Then I texted

“Hey! I just saw the invite for your 4th of July party and wanted to check in. I wasn’t sure if you remembered that we’re hosting ours that afternoon too, since you’d RSVP’d a while back. I figured I’d reach out in case there was some mix-up with dates or times”

I got a response within a minute.

“No, no mix up.”

So clearly she’s upset and I was talking to my husband all night to see if either of us did anything else to make her angry. I am going to ask her point blank but feel like some space is needed.

But if she’s that angry, why would she still invite us?

Regardless we both feel like she’s angry we didn’t attend her Memorial Day party which seems a little silly.

But to answer other questions.

- We do have friends outside of this social group. But the majority of our friends are mutual. Again, we’ve been here for two years and because we all have similar aged children who are friends we see each other more often.

- I cannot think of anything else my husband, myself or my children did to upset her but I may ask.

- I guess I like drama as much as anyone would. I like reality tv. I like gossip to an extent. I truly don’t like being involved in drama, or at the very least the cause or making anyone angry.

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the responses yet but I did reach out.

First I tried to call, no answer. Then I texted

“Hey! I just saw the invite for your 4th of July party and wanted to check in. I wasn’t sure if you remembered that we’re hosting ours that afternoon too, since you’d RSVP’d a while back. I figured I’d reach out in case there was some mix-up with dates or times”

I got a response within a minute.

“No, no mix up.”

So clearly she’s upset and I was talking to my husband all night to see if either of us did anything else to make her angry. I am going to ask her point blank but feel like some space is needed.

But if she’s that angry, why would she still invite us?

Regardless we both feel like she’s angry we didn’t attend her Memorial Day party which seems a little silly.

But to answer other questions.

- We do have friends outside of this social group. But the majority of our friends are mutual. Again, we’ve been here for two years and because we all have similar aged children who are friends we see each other more often.

- I cannot think of anything else my husband, myself or my children did to upset her but I may ask.

- I guess I like drama as much as anyone would. I like reality tv. I like gossip to an extent. I truly don’t like being involved in drama, or at the very least the cause or making anyone angry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she forgot about your party. Text her and say you can’t make it to her fourth party because you are already hosting yours and hope she can still make it to yours.

The drama maybe just in your own head.

Don’t do this if you want to keep friends in your new town. Yes, I’d cancel. She’s a B too and not a friend.

No, assume she forgot. Remind her directly. How she responds will tell you what you need to know about her going forward.

Unless you prefer all this guessing and sniping and drama. Which, it seems, some PPs do.

What is with people thinking she forgot? How do you RSVP yes to a party and not put it in your calendar? Are you people animals?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume she forgot about your party. Text her and say you can’t make it to her fourth party because you are already hosting yours and hope she can still make it to yours.

The drama maybe just in your own head.

Don’t do this if you want to keep friends in your new town. Yes, I’d cancel. She’s a B too and not a friend.

No, assume she forgot. Remind her directly. How she responds will tell you what you need to know about her going forward.

Unless you prefer all this guessing and sniping and drama. Which, it seems, some PPs do.

Anonymous wrote:Do not reach out to her. Queen Bees feed off drama. As long as you have friends coming outside the neighborhood group, host your party and have fun with those who show up. If you live near the Queen Bee, I agree that people will likely hit both parties, especially those who already RSVP'd to yours.

Anonymous wrote:There’s a special place in hell for emotionally stunted UMC white women.

That is all.

Anonymous wrote:There’s a special place in hell for emotionally stunted UMC white women.

That is all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that no one will attend your party OP??
Have your invited guests cancelled their RSVPs?

Because that would be the only good reason to cancel a party that you have already sent invites for as well as accepted RSVPs for (I am assuming.)

If this friend is truly upset w/you ➕ your husband for not attending her Memorial Day party then she is nuts & you do not want to be friends w/someone who has placed “conditions” on your friendship.
It is very unlikely that she is miffed that you didn’t attend her party - - could she be mad at you for something else perhaps?

OP, do not cancel your party >> unless of course no one can attend.

Good luck!

I don’t. I assumed the mutual group would attend hers over mine out of loyalty. I was catastrophizing a bit. There’s actually plenty of time to attend both we live 4 miles away from one another and it’s like a 6 hour block of time.

Once this all rolls over I’m going to ask her if we upset her. She did invite us so I’ll probably go over to hers for an hour to save face.

I wouldn't. You'd be feeding into her narcissism/queen bee-ism and look like you're groveling to get back into her good graces. See how the parties play out and then move on. You've already apologized for missing her Mem Day party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

You sound like a QB yourself! OP can only host a party if she also attends the QB's party??? Grown adults can have a social life outside of their neighborhood or immediate suburb!

+1. It’s super weird to be upset about someone missing your MD party, because tons of people travel on that weekend.

We have attended many of her events and parties. Halloween, New Years etc.

We’ve hosted birthday parties but never a holiday and felt like we should since we’re one of the few people with the large patio and pool. Our living space is smaller so an outdoor summer party makes the most sense.

We gave her plenty of notice we could not attend a month in advance. It wasn’t personal we had planned to see old friends far earlier on the year.

I don’t want to be iced out but if it happens it happens. I’m a grown up.

I do worry about my kids. My son and her son are on the same soccer team and friendly enough. He has plenty of other friends in school as well. As does my daughter, but she’s VERY close with another little girl in the group whose mom is very close to this woman so I would be very sad it this affected that friendship.

Ok, OP - I see several potential things that you have "done" to the QB to cause her to feel as though you are encroaching on her turf. Mind you, none of these are bad at all, but QB women are often deeply insecure and vindictive.

1.) You dared to host a non-birthday party event, and encroach on her territory of hosting on holidays. If you have a pool and she doesn't - something for her to be jealous of. Also, by hosting the 4th of July party, you took control of the guest list, not her. Trust me, before this issue with you, she had other targets, women like her always do.

2.) You mention your daughter is very close the daughter of her close friend. When kids are that young, play dates typically involve the parents hanging out as well. She's worried that you may get close with one of her close friends. She's going to try to stop that from happening.

I live very near a woman like this, and these women are not well. However, like other PPs have said - you lose a lot of respect for those who are in their vicinity and see their exclusionary behavior and do nothing to stop it, even when it's negatively impacting kids. I would host your 4th of July party, expect a lot of your mutual friends to come early and then head over to the QB's party. Try to expand your guest list if possible, although I understand this may be tough, given that you mentioned your social circle is primarily mutual friends. You can't win with a woman like this, your best hope is to try to expand your social circle.

1) But it seems like many people in our group host holiday parties, not just her.

For example other families hosted Friendsgiving & a Holiday party. Someone even hosted a massive Easter Egg hunt.

So it’s not always just her hosting parties.


My biggest fear is this affects my kids friendships. My husbands biggest fear is he buys too many burgers and hotdogs lol.

We have expanded the guest list a bit to friends farther away and more coworkers just in case we have low attendance.

I hope that the people who have RSVP'd will let you know if their plans change...secondly, wouldn't a normal person find it totally psycho to get a second invitation from the same friend group for a party at the exact day and time as another party in the group? What is wrong with people who think that this is ok???

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that no one will attend your party OP??
Have your invited guests cancelled their RSVPs?

Because that would be the only good reason to cancel a party that you have already sent invites for as well as accepted RSVPs for (I am assuming.)

If this friend is truly upset w/you ➕ your husband for not attending her Memorial Day party then she is nuts & you do not want to be friends w/someone who has placed “conditions” on your friendship.
It is very unlikely that she is miffed that you didn’t attend her party - - could she be mad at you for something else perhaps?

OP, do not cancel your party >> unless of course no one can attend.

Good luck!

I don’t. I assumed the mutual group would attend hers over mine out of loyalty. I was catastrophizing a bit. There’s actually plenty of time to attend both we live 4 miles away from one another and it’s like a 6 hour block of time.

Once this all rolls over I’m going to ask her if we upset her. She did invite us so I’ll probably go over to hers for an hour to save face.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t seem like something someone would do because you didn’t attend their party. It sounds like something else happened.

Are your kids good friends with her kids? People get weird when kid stuff happens.

Yes it does sound like it could be because of MD party. So, weeks before Memorial Day weekend, OP sent out 4th of July invites and got people, including QB, to rsvp yes. Then she proceeds to sleep QB’s party. So insecure QB is doing what she does to reclaim her territory.

If OP wanted to play by QB rules, she could have skipped QB’s party and gone to her 4th party OR gone to QB’s MD party and thrown her own 4th party. She shouldn’t have done both.

You sound like a QB yourself! OP can only host a party if she also attends the QB's party??? Grown adults can have a social life outside of their neighborhood or immediate suburb!

+1. It’s super weird to be upset about someone missing your MD party, because tons of people travel on that weekend.

We have attended many of her events and parties. Halloween, New Years etc.

We’ve hosted birthday parties but never a holiday and felt like we should since we’re one of the few people with the large patio and pool. Our living space is smaller so an outdoor summer party makes the most sense.

We gave her plenty of notice we could not attend a month in advance. It wasn’t personal we had planned to see old friends far earlier on the year.

I don’t want to be iced out but if it happens it happens. I’m a grown up.

I do worry about my kids. My son and her son are on the same soccer team and friendly enough. He has plenty of other friends in school as well. As does my daughter, but she’s VERY close with another little girl in the group whose mom is very close to this woman so I would be very sad it this affected that friendship.

Ok, OP - I see several potential things that you have "done" to the QB to cause her to feel as though you are encroaching on her turf. Mind you, none of these are bad at all, but QB women are often deeply insecure and vindictive.

1.) You dared to host a non-birthday party event, and encroach on her territory of hosting on holidays. If you have a pool and she doesn't - something for her to be jealous of. Also, by hosting the 4th of July party, you took control of the guest list, not her. Trust me, before this issue with you, she had other targets, women like her always do.

2.) You mention your daughter is very close the daughter of her close friend. When kids are that young, play dates typically involve the parents hanging out as well. She's worried that you may get close with one of her close friends. She's going to try to stop that from happening.

I live very near a woman like this, and these women are not well. However, like other PPs have said - you lose a lot of respect for those who are in their vicinity and see their exclusionary behavior and do nothing to stop it, even when it's negatively impacting kids. I would host your 4th of July party, expect a lot of your mutual friends to come early and then head over to the QB's party. Try to expand your guest list if possible, although I understand this may be tough, given that you mentioned your social circle is primarily mutual friends. You can't win with a woman like this, your best hope is to try to expand your social circle.

1) But it seems like many people in our group host holiday parties, not just her.

For example other families hosted Friendsgiving & a Holiday party. Someone even hosted a massive Easter Egg hunt.

So it’s not always just her hosting parties.


My biggest fear is this affects my kids friendships. My husbands biggest fear is he buys too many burgers and hotdogs lol.

We have expanded the guest list a bit to friends farther away and more coworkers just in case we have low attendance.

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that no one will attend your party OP??
Have your invited guests cancelled their RSVPs?

Because that would be the only good reason to cancel a party that you have already sent invites for as well as accepted RSVPs for (I am assuming.)

If this friend is truly upset w/you ➕ your husband for not attending her Memorial Day party then she is nuts & you do not want to be friends w/someone who has placed “conditions” on your friendship.
It is very unlikely that she is miffed that you didn’t attend her party - - could she be mad at you for something else perhaps?

OP, do not cancel your party >> unless of course no one can attend.

Good luck!