Anonymous wrote:I personally think the obsession these days with "no child" weddings to be ridiculous and the height of curated crap. I went to a wedding over Christmas that did invite children and it honestly made it feel so joyful and fun. To each his own, but I think it's shortsighted and stupid. And just wait until those "no children" brides pop out a couple of kids and see how it feels. It's fine if a family chooses to leave the kids at home (so the married couple can have a childfree night) but to be forced to exclude the kids is just sad IMO.

Anonymous wrote:I traveled from Seattle to Princeton NJ for my first cousin's wedding. We actually lived together as kids for a few years. My mother had money, his did not, so we took them in so we were more like brothers than cousins

I only learned we werent invited to the rehearsal dinner about 3 hours before it started.

So, my wife and I traveled 2386 miles, and three time zones, to literally sit in our hotel room while the dinner went on.

We went to the wedding the next day and took the first flight back the next morning. I sent them some towels and never spoke to them again. That was 2000.

They did reach out about 6 or 7 years ago asking if their son could stay with us while touring UW. I never answered him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I traveled from Seattle to Princeton NJ for my first cousin's wedding. We actually lived together as kids for a few years. My mother had money, his did not, so we took them in so we were more like brothers than cousins

I only learned we werent invited to the rehearsal dinner about 3 hours before it started.

So, my wife and I traveled 2386 miles, and three time zones, to literally sit in our hotel room while the dinner went on.

We went to the wedding the next day and took the first flight back the next morning. I sent them some towels and never spoke to them again. That was 2000.

They did reach out about 6 or 7 years ago asking if their son could stay with us while touring UW. I never answered him.

You expected to be invited to your cousin’s rehearsal dinner (even though you had no role in the wedding) because your mom had helped his mom out when you were young? Some of you really need to get some help for your pettiness and main character syndrome.

Not PP, but I have usually been invited to rehearsal dinners when I have traveled far for the wedding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand why you're upset, but you're majorly overreacting.

You're centering yourself and your experience, which is natural, but they aren't! They're planning an event for probably 100-200 people. They decided no children. Maybe because that's the vibe they want, maybe because there are some children (of friends, of her family) that would be really poorly behaved, maybe as a cost cutting measure. There are many totally understandable reasons for not inviting kids, and making exceptions can create major problems for the couple. You're seeing it as one extra person - but it could easily mean 20 extra guests, between your family, her family, and their friends. It's not about you or your son!

I think that what this is really about is this:

"My son is an only child and I had hoped he would have strong ties with his cousins, though they are all a bit older than him."

The reason you're upset is that you've realized that hasn't happened. They don't have an amazing, special, sibling-like bond as you'd hoped. He's just... their much-younger cousin. And it's TOTALLY reasonable to be really, really disappointed about that, and for this wedding to be the catalyst that makes you realize that what you'd hoped for (despite your efforts and financial support) has not come to fruition. We all have hopes, some spoken, some unspoken, some realistic, some not, that don't come true. And accepting that they haven't can be really hard and can even sometimes shatter our worldview in a way that's really hard to move past. But, especially when your hopes include expectations of other people that they haven't agreed to, or maybe haven't even known about, you need to let go and move on. There's an aspect to getting past those hopes that can include anger and grief. And I think that's where you are. And if you need a little time to fully get past it, that's okay.

But during that time, don't do anything that you'll regret down the line, or anything hurtful toward people who haven't done anything wrong. Figure out, via pure logistics, what makes the most sense as far as the wedding (Son comes with and hangs in the hotel? Stays with a friend? You go and he stays home with his dad?), put on a happy face for the wedding, give a normal amount as a gift (no need to go overboard, especially if you're feeling stung, but don't be stingy).

+1

Anonymous wrote:I personally think the obsession these days with "no child" weddings to be ridiculous and the height of curated crap. I went to a wedding over Christmas that did invite children and it honestly made it feel so joyful and fun. To each his own, but I think it's shortsighted and stupid. And just wait until those "no children" brides pop out a couple of kids and see how it feels. It's fine if a family chooses to leave the kids at home (so the married couple can have a childfree night) but to be forced to exclude the kids is just sad IMO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I traveled from Seattle to Princeton NJ for my first cousin's wedding. We actually lived together as kids for a few years. My mother had money, his did not, so we took them in so we were more like brothers than cousins

I only learned we werent invited to the rehearsal dinner about 3 hours before it started.

So, my wife and I traveled 2386 miles, and three time zones, to literally sit in our hotel room while the dinner went on.

We went to the wedding the next day and took the first flight back the next morning. I sent them some towels and never spoke to them again. That was 2000.

They did reach out about 6 or 7 years ago asking if their son could stay with us while touring UW. I never answered him.

You expected to be invited to your cousin’s rehearsal dinner (even though you had no role in the wedding) because your mom had helped his mom out when you were young? Some of you really need to get some help for your pettiness and main character syndrome.

Anonymous wrote:I traveled from Seattle to Princeton NJ for my first cousin's wedding. We actually lived together as kids for a few years. My mother had money, his did not, so we took them in so we were more like brothers than cousins

I only learned we werent invited to the rehearsal dinner about 3 hours before it started.

So, my wife and I traveled 2386 miles, and three time zones, to literally sit in our hotel room while the dinner went on.

We went to the wedding the next day and took the first flight back the next morning. I sent them some towels and never spoke to them again. That was 2000.

They did reach out about 6 or 7 years ago asking if their son could stay with us while touring UW. I never answered him.

Anonymous wrote:Why would you need a sitter? 9 year olds can stay in locked hotel rooms, eat pizza and watch movies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slightly off-topic but your poor sister. Imagine not being able to afford sending your kid to college, accepting help from your sibling to do so, and then your kid treats the sibling like a B list invite. She must be so embarrassed.

I didn't read it that way- he's not on the B list, he isn't invited because he's under 16. No need to make it any bigger than that.

Anonymous wrote:I personally think the obsession these days with "no child" weddings to be ridiculous and the height of curated crap. I went to a wedding over Christmas that did invite children and it honestly made it feel so joyful and fun. To each his own, but I think it's shortsighted and stupid. And just wait until those "no children" brides pop out a couple of kids and see how it feels. It's fine if a family chooses to leave the kids at home (so the married couple can have a childfree night) but to be forced to exclude the kids is just sad IMO.