DD must be what early 30s considering she did her Masters 8 years ago. So cut the mommy strings already OP. Is she asking you for a handout? Let her live her life and be thankful she is not living in your basement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as she's not living with you and you're not giving her money, stay out of it.

Why not give her money? I would.

You would give your adult kids in their late 20s $$$, if they have chosen to not "better themselves"?!?!!?

Yikes!

My kids are free to do whatever they want as adults. But along with that comes the common sense that they are responsible for all their bills and future finances. They need to learn to live a lifestyle THEY can support with all their choices.

I'm not supporting a kid who has chosen to take a low paying job that doesn't have much career advancement (yes, you could become a manager, but they don't make that much). Especially after I helped pay for college (in my case, paid so they don't have any loans). If they decide not to use the degree, that's their choice, but then they get to live with that choice.

I only financially support kids who actually need it, not just "want it"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All work is honorable and respectable. She is working 2 jobs and paying her bills. Be proud of her.

I just worry about her longevity. She doesn’t ever ask me for money but lives in a crowded apartment with her girlfriend and band mates. She just had so much potential now it seems like she may as well have dropped out. She’d be in the same place.

I’m sorry but that is the most disgustingly clueless thing you’ve posted OP.

She went to university for six years, no? She matured as a human being and developed her mind - her acquisition of knowledge and critical thinking skills has incredible inherent value, whether she uses it to be a corporate drone or to work in the hospitality industry while she makes music.

If she had the success and bank account of Alanis Morisette or Pink you wouldn’t be whinging on this board about her. Own up to the truth that all you care about is MONEY. And if you keep this up - be prepared to lose your daughter, well deservedly.

Of course she's worried about money. I'm the PP who said OP's DD was just having fun and she shouldn't worry, and ALSO the PP who said she shouldn't cut her off financially. But come on, of course we want our kids to be able to make a decent living. It's hard to have a decent life without money, youthful fantasies aside.

Well then it might interest you to know that the managers of burger joints make more than the average social worker, without tossing and turning all night for thinking of the hellish abuse they’ve seen nor struggling with burnout and suicidal ideation because of same.

You parents with your obsessions about status and what makes a successful career or life. IT IS NOT YOUR LIFE. She isn’t asking you for money. Leave her alone, or risk the day coming when she leaves you alone permanently.

Are you even a parent? Of course parents care -- extremely and uncontrollably -- about their children's lives. That's baked into the role. And of course you could also post, and probably do, about parents who don't care at all about their adult kids.

OF COURSE WE CARE.

What if kid decided to become a priest or nun or monk? After all that education! What a parenting failure, huh? What a disappointment of a kid, huh?

Those are very different roles than being a Whopper Flopper.

How about a musician with a side gig? Sounds industrious to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All work is honorable and respectable. She is working 2 jobs and paying her bills. Be proud of her.

I just worry about her longevity. She doesn’t ever ask me for money but lives in a crowded apartment with her girlfriend and band mates. She just had so much potential now it seems like she may as well have dropped out. She’d be in the same place.

I’m sorry but that is the most disgustingly clueless thing you’ve posted OP.

She went to university for six years, no? She matured as a human being and developed her mind - her acquisition of knowledge and critical thinking skills has incredible inherent value, whether she uses it to be a corporate drone or to work in the hospitality industry while she makes music.

If she had the success and bank account of Alanis Morisette or Pink you wouldn’t be whinging on this board about her. Own up to the truth that all you care about is MONEY. And if you keep this up - be prepared to lose your daughter, well deservedly.

Of course she's worried about money. I'm the PP who said OP's DD was just having fun and she shouldn't worry, and ALSO the PP who said she shouldn't cut her off financially. But come on, of course we want our kids to be able to make a decent living. It's hard to have a decent life without money, youthful fantasies aside.

Well then it might interest you to know that the managers of burger joints make more than the average social worker, without tossing and turning all night for thinking of the hellish abuse they’ve seen nor struggling with burnout and suicidal ideation because of same.

You parents with your obsessions about status and what makes a successful career or life. IT IS NOT YOUR LIFE. She isn’t asking you for money. Leave her alone, or risk the day coming when she leaves you alone permanently.

Are you even a parent? Of course parents care -- extremely and uncontrollably -- about their children's lives. That's baked into the role. And of course you could also post, and probably do, about parents who don't care at all about their adult kids.

OF COURSE WE CARE.

What if kid decided to become a priest or nun or monk? After all that education! What a parenting failure, huh? What a disappointment of a kid, huh?

Those are very different roles than being a Whopper Flopper.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All work is honorable and respectable. She is working 2 jobs and paying her bills. Be proud of her.

I just worry about her longevity. She doesn’t ever ask me for money but lives in a crowded apartment with her girlfriend and band mates. She just had so much potential now it seems like she may as well have dropped out. She’d be in the same place.

I’m sorry but that is the most disgustingly clueless thing you’ve posted OP.

She went to university for six years, no? She matured as a human being and developed her mind - her acquisition of knowledge and critical thinking skills has incredible inherent value, whether she uses it to be a corporate drone or to work in the hospitality industry while she makes music.

If she had the success and bank account of Alanis Morisette or Pink you wouldn’t be whinging on this board about her. Own up to the truth that all you care about is MONEY. And if you keep this up - be prepared to lose your daughter, well deservedly.

Of course she's worried about money. I'm the PP who said OP's DD was just having fun and she shouldn't worry, and ALSO the PP who said she shouldn't cut her off financially. But come on, of course we want our kids to be able to make a decent living. It's hard to have a decent life without money, youthful fantasies aside.

Well then it might interest you to know that the managers of burger joints make more than the average social worker, without tossing and turning all night for thinking of the hellish abuse they’ve seen nor struggling with burnout and suicidal ideation because of same.

You parents with your obsessions about status and what makes a successful career or life. IT IS NOT YOUR LIFE. She isn’t asking you for money. Leave her alone, or risk the day coming when she leaves you alone permanently.

Are you even a parent? Of course parents care -- extremely and uncontrollably -- about their children's lives. That's baked into the role. And of course you could also post, and probably do, about parents who don't care at all about their adult kids.

OF COURSE WE CARE.

What if kid decided to become a priest or nun or monk? After all that education! What a parenting failure, huh? What a disappointment of a kid, huh?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she is doing ok OP. She's probably making more money than she would be using her MSW.

but how long can a person play in a punk band, or pay your bills just by flipping burgers.

Pretty long. A lot of waitresses/bartenders in DC are in their 40s/50s.

but how long can you enjoy it? How long can you deal with serving someone half your age? Or having someone sidle up to the bar while your back is turned then do a double-take when you turn around and they see your middle aged face? That is a young person's game, PP. Vericose veins, etc.

Are we really doing a double take when we realize a bartender or server is middle aged? I certainly wouldn’t.

Anonymous wrote:I once had a dream about a burger joint requiring a master's degree at the minimum.

My brother worked jobs like this while building his career, and is now a very successful musician.

LOL

I once had a dream about a burger joint requiring a master's degree at the minimum.

My brother worked jobs like this while building his career, and is now a very successful musician.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she is doing ok OP. She's probably making more money than she would be using her MSW.

but how long can a person play in a punk band, or pay your bills just by flipping burgers.

Pretty long. A lot of waitresses/bartenders in DC are in their 40s/50s.

but how long can you enjoy it? How long can you deal with serving someone half your age? Or having someone sidle up to the bar while your back is turned then do a double-take when you turn around and they see your middle aged face? That is a young person's game, PP. Vericose veins, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All work is honorable and respectable. She is working 2 jobs and paying her bills. Be proud of her.

I just worry about her longevity. She doesn’t ever ask me for money but lives in a crowded apartment with her girlfriend and band mates. She just had so much potential now it seems like she may as well have dropped out. She’d be in the same place.

I’m sorry but that is the most disgustingly clueless thing you’ve posted OP.

She went to university for six years, no? She matured as a human being and developed her mind - her acquisition of knowledge and critical thinking skills has incredible inherent value, whether she uses it to be a corporate drone or to work in the hospitality industry while she makes music.

If she had the success and bank account of Alanis Morisette or Pink you wouldn’t be whinging on this board about her. Own up to the truth that all you care about is MONEY. And if you keep this up - be prepared to lose your daughter, well deservedly.

Of course she's worried about money. I'm the PP who said OP's DD was just having fun and she shouldn't worry, and ALSO the PP who said she shouldn't cut her off financially. But come on, of course we want our kids to be able to make a decent living. It's hard to have a decent life without money, youthful fantasies aside.

Well then it might interest you to know that the managers of burger joints make more than the average social worker, without tossing and turning all night for thinking of the hellish abuse they’ve seen nor struggling with burnout and suicidal ideation because of same.

You parents with your obsessions about status and what makes a successful career or life. IT IS NOT YOUR LIFE. She isn’t asking you for money. Leave her alone, or risk the day coming when she leaves you alone permanently.

Are you even a parent? Of course parents care -- extremely and uncontrollably -- about their children's lives. That's baked into the role. And of course you could also post, and probably do, about parents who don't care at all about their adult kids.

OF COURSE WE CARE.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as she's not living with you and you're not giving her money, stay out of it.

Why not give her money? I would.

No. That would give her an unrealistic sense of the lifestyle her choices can produce.

She’s still trying to figure it out. That’s OK some last bloom later, and become quite successful in our own way. As long as she can support herself and is mentally well it sounds like she’s doing just fine.

You have to let kids make their own mistakes.

I get it op and I might feel the same.but basically you are saying she is happy and pursuing her dream. That's success

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as she's not living with you and you're not giving her money, stay out of it.

Why not give her money? I would.

Because she can get a better job, and she's choosing not to.

She still deserves help even if she's not doing what her parents want. I assume they paid for college because she was pursuing something they approved of. Don't burn your bridges now, OP.

This is called enabling and creating an expectation.