Troll post

Twist - OP is the ugly man. The friend is a female friend. OP is a disgusting perv.

"will happen" phrasing is a good example of a mindset Op, you should work to change - that things "happen to you." Instead, take charge and take responsibility for your decisions. Know what you want, plan, and live more empowered. Right you, you aren't.

OP, just because you are offering a free-stay to a broke-ass 40 yr old married man (he is certainly not a millionaire), please don't make him retch. Seeing your naked body is too harsh a punishment for him.

OP are you horny? How's your current sex life? It seems to me that you are looking for someone who can rearrange you guts.

So, thanks everyone for offering their perspective.
As I think about it, I think nothing is going to happen. First, he is a bit clueless (awkward engineer type). Second, he is just much better looking than me at this point. Third, he is married
I understand him wanting to save money, $2500 worth of hotel stays is a lot. I wouldn’t call him cheap for that, we both come from modest means.
The only thing that can maybe happen is that he still has that decades old view of me, and he doesn’t sleep with his wife.
I have no idea what his married life is like and I am not going to ask.
Finally, it’s not a matter of self respect for me.
I don’t want a relationship and I don’t want to run around looking for hookups. This is a “thoroughly vetted” good looking guy who would leave in a week and would be easy to avoid if needed.
I find it quite unlikely that he would *want* to make a move but would also be too shy. So I’ll just behave like a friend and see what happens.

I wish I could get men’s perspective on here but oh well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just out of curiosity, I have a boring life so this event mildly excites me.
Here are the facts.
- a childhood friend is coming to stay with me for a week.
-we will be in my apartment alone
- we had a fling in our 20s and I was his first
-he is athletic and I am not, I am somewhat overweight but not obese. In short he is better looking
- we have stayed more or less in touch and have met briefly a few years ago
-he did not show any romantic inclinations during those meetings
- he is married
-I am not going to flirt with him (obviously)
- he was the one who asked if he could “crash on my couch”
- we are both in our late 40s

What does DCUM think? Is he going to try to sleep with me or no?

That guy is sketchy. And i wouldn’t be happy with the situation if I were his wife. Why not stay in a hotel and have dinner one night?

Honestly I think a week worth of hotel stays is too expensive for him. Nothing mysterious about his motives.

Anonymous wrote:Assuming that you are a Female OP, I would say it is not a good idea for this friend to sleep in your home considering he is a.) a Male and b.) a former fling.

By inviting him into your home in such an intimate manner will only invite disaster.

Does his wife know that he will be “crashing on your couch??”
Does she know you two had a fling years ago??! 🙂‍↔️

He asked and I said why not. I don’t know his wife and I don’t intend to meet her or deepen my friendship with the guy in any way. He lives far away and we sometimes talk over chat and we meet if we are in our childhood city at the same time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just out of curiosity, I have a boring life so this event mildly excites me.
Here are the facts.
- a childhood friend is coming to stay with me for a week.
-we will be in my apartment alone
- we had a fling in our 20s and I was his first
-he is athletic and I am not, I am somewhat overweight but not obese. In short he is better looking
- we have stayed more or less in touch and have met briefly a few years ago
-he did not show any romantic inclinations during those meetings
- he is married
-I am not going to flirt with him (obviously)
- he was the one who asked if he could “crash on my couch”
- we are both in our late 40s

What does DCUM think? Is he going to try to sleep with me or no?

What do you think and what do you want? Is this a desire for you? What is in your best interest? How might it impact your friendship if this happens?

You are more important than what strangers on here think.

I don’t want a relationship and our friendship isn’t that close. It would be a great out of sight out of mind situation and he lives far away so that would be perfect. However! I will never ever show him I am even thinking about it.
It’s not a high stakes situation for me, but rather as I said a mild excitement in my boring life

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No he won’t try, and if he does you won’t take him up on it because you have self respect and integrity.

And girl, I bet you’re better looking than you think! Stop telling yourself that being a little overweight is automatically terrible. I am and I can tell you that my dh can’t keep his hands off me.

It’s because he is American and you’re his wife

There are plenty of American men who don’t touch their wives. There are hundreds of threads about it on this forum.

Yeah yeah, what I mean is - being overweight and not good looking is more acceptable to American men than to men from many other countries

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be an adult. Set the boundaries you want to set. Communicate. If it gets flirty, decide what you want to do but accept it would be just sex with nothing else.

Unless he has other business in town, then yes he would likely enjoy being invited into your bed. If he is coming just into see you and hang out with you, he is hoping for Netflix and chill

He does have other business in town (not just coming to see me or the area).
I won’t say no if he makes the move, but I am not going to make the first move because he is so much better looking I feel self-conscious, plus I don’t want to hear the “but I’m married”.

You sound like you want to be his sloppy seconds.

Sloppy seconds to a guy who won't pay for a hotel in his late 40s.

Ew, op, have some self respect.

They both sound like losers. There is a reason OP is hoping to sleep with a married man. She has no other options.

You sound very nice.
I am sure I’d have other options but not as good looking, plus I don’t want a relationship, plus I don’t want to hook up too close to home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No he won’t try, and if he does you won’t take him up on it because you have self respect and integrity.

And girl, I bet you’re better looking than you think! Stop telling yourself that being a little overweight is automatically terrible. I am and I can tell you that my dh can’t keep his hands off me.

It’s because he is American and you’re his wife

There are plenty of American men who don’t touch their wives. There are hundreds of threads about it on this forum.

Anonymous wrote:Look is very important in your culture. You are overweight and not good looking. There is no way he will try to sleep with you.

Thanks for the logical answer not going into impertinent stuff

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay so my question wasn’t whether to say yes or no.
My question is - will he make the move?
Honestly I don’t think so but I am curious
-OP

Do you WANT him to make love to you in your apartment?

Not sure.
But him making a move would be an ego boost for sure

Anonymous wrote:No childhood friend would excite me. Not even my first boyfriend who is single now and would make a great friend.
Wait til he shows up, has changed, is nothing like you imagined, and has Ed.

I’ve seen him a few years ago and he looks good