Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your list is deranged. Living in California will be a major, major down side if your kids end up on the East Coast. I think you are imagining your adult children as toddlers who love water play and pets and need to run around. You might have grandkids like that, but your adult kids are going to be adults.

Here's what makes a difference for me:
*** Stay married!!! NO new partner trying to work his way in. NO step"siblings". NO pressure to play fake happy family with people you barely know! This is a huge deal.

*** When you have grandkids, thoroughly baby-proof your house so your kids aren't on guard for toddler safety the whole time. Get up-to-date baby stuff so that your kids don't have to bring it all with them. Have the right size diapers, a non-expired car seat, etc.

*** Make yourself aware of modern parenting trends so that you don't accidentally do something that is no longer okay. Be apprised of food rules, the latest thinking on discipline, etc. You will think all this is crazy, but it will really help you in getting along and being a relaxing and happy place to visit, rather than a place where your children feel judged and feel like if they turn their head for a moment you'll do something unsafe. And don't be judgmental if your grandchildren have special needs that affect their social behavior. Accept it. Be the accepting person in their lives, not the critical, blaming person.

*** Get a hearing aid when you need one! It's so tiresome to have to repeat myself because of my dad's vanity and denial. He can't understand what his grandchildren say, at all, and he doesn't care. It makes me so sad.

*** Don't move somewhere remote and expect them to visit because it's pretty or has skiing or whatever. They only have so many vacation days and if it's hard to get to, you'll get less visit, period.

*** Have good sleeping arrangements so that people get a good night's sleep, or don't pitch a fit when they get a hotel. I hate coming home from "vacation" more tired than I was when I started out. Have a good enough water heater for everyone to shower.

*** Be flexible about scheduling. Don't insist on Christmas or whatever on the actual calendar day. Be the easier and more flexible person in their lives and it will make it easier for them to visit you.

*** Allow them to go out and enjoy the area and see their childhood friends, do not pout if you don't get 100% of their time and attention during the visit. These social connections will help them motivate to come to your area. Similarly don't insist that everyone stand on ceremony in the living room the whole time. Let people take breaks, rest, nap telework, whatever.

*** Food should be good but you shouldn't be spending a lot of time stressing out in the kitchen or making your cooking timeline dominate the schedule. My mom is great with this-- all dinners are pre-made by her (like, a lasagna that she made and froze), and all lunches are good quality bread and cheese and charcuterie plus a soup and salad. Not a lot of actual cooking during the visit.

First Place response.

OK. PP wants her parents to do all of these things for her. Is she prepared to also do these things when she is the grandparent and is trying to please the children and grandchildren?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My widowed friend sold her large house, and jointly bought largish homes with her two kids in a good school district. She has an independent suite in these houses and name on the deeds as co-owner. She takes turns living in each of these homes. She does not have to care about the maintenance of the home, grounds, utilities etc. She has become a minimalist. She has her own space, she has enabled her kids to buy homes in good school district which they could have not done on their own at a young age, she is close with her grandkids, and she has given her children their inheritance and a leg up while she is still living.

What happens when your widowed friend starts deteriorating physically and mentally? How minimalist is her home care going to be since the money is locked in the kids’ houses?

One of my mom’s friends did something like that. It was great until she needed help with basic daily living. Surprise, neither of the kids wanted to do it, and they didn’t feel like giving back part of their “inheritance” to pay for an aid either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your list is deranged. Living in California will be a major, major down side if your kids end up on the East Coast. I think you are imagining your adult children as toddlers who love water play and pets and need to run around. You might have grandkids like that, but your adult kids are going to be adults.

Here's what makes a difference for me:
*** Stay married!!! NO new partner trying to work his way in. NO step"siblings". NO pressure to play fake happy family with people you barely know! This is a huge deal.

*** When you have grandkids, thoroughly baby-proof your house so your kids aren't on guard for toddler safety the whole time. Get up-to-date baby stuff so that your kids don't have to bring it all with them. Have the right size diapers, a non-expired car seat, etc.

*** Make yourself aware of modern parenting trends so that you don't accidentally do something that is no longer okay. Be apprised of food rules, the latest thinking on discipline, etc. You will think all this is crazy, but it will really help you in getting along and being a relaxing and happy place to visit, rather than a place where your children feel judged and feel like if they turn their head for a moment you'll do something unsafe. And don't be judgmental if your grandchildren have special needs that affect their social behavior. Accept it. Be the accepting person in their lives, not the critical, blaming person.

*** Get a hearing aid when you need one! It's so tiresome to have to repeat myself because of my dad's vanity and denial. He can't understand what his grandchildren say, at all, and he doesn't care. It makes me so sad.

*** Don't move somewhere remote and expect them to visit because it's pretty or has skiing or whatever. They only have so many vacation days and if it's hard to get to, you'll get less visit, period.

*** Have good sleeping arrangements so that people get a good night's sleep, or don't pitch a fit when they get a hotel. I hate coming home from "vacation" more tired than I was when I started out. Have a good enough water heater for everyone to shower.

*** Be flexible about scheduling. Don't insist on Christmas or whatever on the actual calendar day. Be the easier and more flexible person in their lives and it will make it easier for them to visit you.

*** Allow them to go out and enjoy the area and see their childhood friends, do not pout if you don't get 100% of their time and attention during the visit. These social connections will help them motivate to come to your area. Similarly don't insist that everyone stand on ceremony in the living room the whole time. Let people take breaks, rest, nap telework, whatever.

*** Food should be good but you shouldn't be spending a lot of time stressing out in the kitchen or making your cooking timeline dominate the schedule. My mom is great with this-- all dinners are pre-made by her (like, a lasagna that she made and froze), and all lunches are good quality bread and cheese and charcuterie plus a soup and salad. Not a lot of actual cooking during the visit.

Great list, PP. I would like to add to it -

- Don't have a home which is hoarded, cluttered, needs repair. This is extremely stressful to grown kids.

- Maintain your physical, mental and social health. Adult kids want you to be self-sufficient, healthy and happy. Be a source of strength and support for them. Don't make them feel guilt, fear and anxiety when they see you. Have your own life, friends, travel plans etc.

- If you travel a lot. Share your travel calendar and itinerary with your kids. My AC have visited us at our vacation locations when we rented accomodation/car there. If we stay at a location for a longish time - my kids, relatives, friends will come and stay for a few days.

- Get your legal and medical papers in order. Be equal and equitable with all kids. Discuss your will with all kids together and keep on improving it for a long time until everyone feels satisfied. You want the siblings to like and support each other. This will happen if all your children feel equally loved by you and one part of it is to get equal inheritance. What does it mean? Whatever your children agree to after much discussion and debate.

- Have your boundaries very clear. I don't have pets and I don't like pets in my house. My adult kids know that and they also decided not to keep pets. If you are ok with pets then you need to understand that there maybe a grandkid or SO who don't like pets, allergic to pets or scared of pets.

- Don't get into bean counting with your DIL or SIL side of the family. Especially during holidays. Don't go creating drama.

- At least be open to listening to your kids concern about your eldercare and think of creative solutions before you are in a dire strait.

To summarize the two posts above:

1. Have lots of money
2. Spend lots of money on your grown children and bend your life to their preferences
3. Don’t ever show that you may need something from them. Only they are allowed to take.

The life of my dreams!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's more about how much fun you and your kids have together OP, along with having enough to space to live comfortably.

Also, decorate your home in a cozy warm way, stay away from all the whites and grays.

😂😂😂 @ Whites and Gray

When I made decisions about whether to visit my mother or MIL, the color palette was my number one concern. I used to visit mom, because her bathroom was Behr Watery, but when my MIL painted the entire guest bedroom Benjamin Moore Beach Glass, we started going there for Christmas. When I explained this to my mother, she acted hurt. Boomers are SOOOO dramatic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your list is deranged. Living in California will be a major, major down side if your kids end up on the East Coast. I think you are imagining your adult children as toddlers who love water play and pets and need to run around. You might have grandkids like that, but your adult kids are going to be adults.

Here's what makes a difference for me:
*** Stay married!!! NO new partner trying to work his way in. NO step"siblings". NO pressure to play fake happy family with people you barely know! This is a huge deal.

*** When you have grandkids, thoroughly baby-proof your house so your kids aren't on guard for toddler safety the whole time. Get up-to-date baby stuff so that your kids don't have to bring it all with them. Have the right size diapers, a non-expired car seat, etc.

*** Make yourself aware of modern parenting trends so that you don't accidentally do something that is no longer okay. Be apprised of food rules, the latest thinking on discipline, etc. You will think all this is crazy, but it will really help you in getting along and being a relaxing and happy place to visit, rather than a place where your children feel judged and feel like if they turn their head for a moment you'll do something unsafe. And don't be judgmental if your grandchildren have special needs that affect their social behavior. Accept it. Be the accepting person in their lives, not the critical, blaming person.

*** Get a hearing aid when you need one! It's so tiresome to have to repeat myself because of my dad's vanity and denial. He can't understand what his grandchildren say, at all, and he doesn't care. It makes me so sad.

*** Don't move somewhere remote and expect them to visit because it's pretty or has skiing or whatever. They only have so many vacation days and if it's hard to get to, you'll get less visit, period.

*** Have good sleeping arrangements so that people get a good night's sleep, or don't pitch a fit when they get a hotel. I hate coming home from "vacation" more tired than I was when I started out. Have a good enough water heater for everyone to shower.

*** Be flexible about scheduling. Don't insist on Christmas or whatever on the actual calendar day. Be the easier and more flexible person in their lives and it will make it easier for them to visit you.

*** Allow them to go out and enjoy the area and see their childhood friends, do not pout if you don't get 100% of their time and attention during the visit. These social connections will help them motivate to come to your area. Similarly don't insist that everyone stand on ceremony in the living room the whole time. Let people take breaks, rest, nap telework, whatever.

*** Food should be good but you shouldn't be spending a lot of time stressing out in the kitchen or making your cooking timeline dominate the schedule. My mom is great with this-- all dinners are pre-made by her (like, a lasagna that she made and froze), and all lunches are good quality bread and cheese and charcuterie plus a soup and salad. Not a lot of actual cooking during the visit.

Great list, PP. I would like to add to it -

- Don't have a home which is hoarded, cluttered, needs repair. This is extremely stressful to grown kids.

- Maintain your physical, mental and social health. Adult kids want you to be self-sufficient, healthy and happy. Be a source of strength and support for them. Don't make them feel guilt, fear and anxiety when they see you. Have your own life, friends, travel plans etc.

- If you travel a lot. Share your travel calendar and itinerary with your kids. My AC have visited us at our vacation locations when we rented accomodation/car there. If we stay at a location for a longish time - my kids, relatives, friends will come and stay for a few days.

- Get your legal and medical papers in order. Be equal and equitable with all kids. Discuss your will with all kids together and keep on improving it for a long time until everyone feels satisfied. You want the siblings to like and support each other. This will happen if all your children feel equally loved by you and one part of it is to get equal inheritance. What does it mean? Whatever your children agree to after much discussion and debate.

- Have your boundaries very clear. I don't have pets and I don't like pets in my house. My adult kids know that and they also decided not to keep pets. If you are ok with pets then you need to understand that there maybe a grandkid or SO who don't like pets, allergic to pets or scared of pets.

- Don't get into bean counting with your DIL or SIL side of the family. Especially during holidays. Don't go creating drama.

- At least be open to listening to your kids concern about your eldercare and think of creative solutions before you are in a dire strait.

Counterpoint, if you don't allow pets in your house and your children have pets, except shorter and less frequent visits. Your boundaries are fine, but you have to understand the realistic consequences too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your list is deranged. Living in California will be a major, major down side if your kids end up on the East Coast. I think you are imagining your adult children as toddlers who love water play and pets and need to run around. You might have grandkids like that, but your adult kids are going to be adults.

Here's what makes a difference for me:
*** Stay married!!! NO new partner trying to work his way in. NO step"siblings". NO pressure to play fake happy family with people you barely know! This is a huge deal.

*** When you have grandkids, thoroughly baby-proof your house so your kids aren't on guard for toddler safety the whole time. Get up-to-date baby stuff so that your kids don't have to bring it all with them. Have the right size diapers, a non-expired car seat, etc.

*** Make yourself aware of modern parenting trends so that you don't accidentally do something that is no longer okay. Be apprised of food rules, the latest thinking on discipline, etc. You will think all this is crazy, but it will really help you in getting along and being a relaxing and happy place to visit, rather than a place where your children feel judged and feel like if they turn their head for a moment you'll do something unsafe. And don't be judgmental if your grandchildren have special needs that affect their social behavior. Accept it. Be the accepting person in their lives, not the critical, blaming person.

*** Get a hearing aid when you need one! It's so tiresome to have to repeat myself because of my dad's vanity and denial. He can't understand what his grandchildren say, at all, and he doesn't care. It makes me so sad.

*** Don't move somewhere remote and expect them to visit because it's pretty or has skiing or whatever. They only have so many vacation days and if it's hard to get to, you'll get less visit, period.

*** Have good sleeping arrangements so that people get a good night's sleep, or don't pitch a fit when they get a hotel. I hate coming home from "vacation" more tired than I was when I started out. Have a good enough water heater for everyone to shower.

*** Be flexible about scheduling. Don't insist on Christmas or whatever on the actual calendar day. Be the easier and more flexible person in their lives and it will make it easier for them to visit you.

*** Allow them to go out and enjoy the area and see their childhood friends, do not pout if you don't get 100% of their time and attention during the visit. These social connections will help them motivate to come to your area. Similarly don't insist that everyone stand on ceremony in the living room the whole time. Let people take breaks, rest, nap telework, whatever.

*** Food should be good but you shouldn't be spending a lot of time stressing out in the kitchen or making your cooking timeline dominate the schedule. My mom is great with this-- all dinners are pre-made by her (like, a lasagna that she made and froze), and all lunches are good quality bread and cheese and charcuterie plus a soup and salad. Not a lot of actual cooking during the visit.

First Place response.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your list is deranged. Living in California will be a major, major down side if your kids end up on the East Coast. I think you are imagining your adult children as toddlers who love water play and pets and need to run around. You might have grandkids like that, but your adult kids are going to be adults.

Here's what makes a difference for me:
*** Stay married!!! NO new partner trying to work his way in. NO step"siblings". NO pressure to play fake happy family with people you barely know! This is a huge deal.

*** When you have grandkids, thoroughly baby-proof your house so your kids aren't on guard for toddler safety the whole time. Get up-to-date baby stuff so that your kids don't have to bring it all with them. Have the right size diapers, a non-expired car seat, etc.

*** Make yourself aware of modern parenting trends so that you don't accidentally do something that is no longer okay. Be apprised of food rules, the latest thinking on discipline, etc. You will think all this is crazy, but it will really help you in getting along and being a relaxing and happy place to visit, rather than a place where your children feel judged and feel like if they turn their head for a moment you'll do something unsafe. And don't be judgmental if your grandchildren have special needs that affect their social behavior. Accept it. Be the accepting person in their lives, not the critical, blaming person.

*** Get a hearing aid when you need one! It's so tiresome to have to repeat myself because of my dad's vanity and denial. He can't understand what his grandchildren say, at all, and he doesn't care. It makes me so sad.

*** Don't move somewhere remote and expect them to visit because it's pretty or has skiing or whatever. They only have so many vacation days and if it's hard to get to, you'll get less visit, period.

*** Have good sleeping arrangements so that people get a good night's sleep, or don't pitch a fit when they get a hotel. I hate coming home from "vacation" more tired than I was when I started out. Have a good enough water heater for everyone to shower.

*** Be flexible about scheduling. Don't insist on Christmas or whatever on the actual calendar day. Be the easier and more flexible person in their lives and it will make it easier for them to visit you.

*** Allow them to go out and enjoy the area and see their childhood friends, do not pout if you don't get 100% of their time and attention during the visit. These social connections will help them motivate to come to your area. Similarly don't insist that everyone stand on ceremony in the living room the whole time. Let people take breaks, rest, nap telework, whatever.

*** Food should be good but you shouldn't be spending a lot of time stressing out in the kitchen or making your cooking timeline dominate the schedule. My mom is great with this-- all dinners are pre-made by her (like, a lasagna that she made and froze), and all lunches are good quality bread and cheese and charcuterie plus a soup and salad. Not a lot of actual cooking during the visit.

Great list, PP. I would like to add to it -

- Don't have a home which is hoarded, cluttered, needs repair. This is extremely stressful to grown kids.

- Maintain your physical, mental and social health. Adult kids want you to be self-sufficient, healthy and happy. Be a source of strength and support for them. Don't make them feel guilt, fear and anxiety when they see you. Have your own life, friends, travel plans etc.

- If you travel a lot. Share your travel calendar and itinerary with your kids. My AC have visited us at our vacation locations when we rented accomodation/car there. If we stay at a location for a longish time - my kids, relatives, friends will come and stay for a few days.

- Get your legal and medical papers in order. Be equal and equitable with all kids. Discuss your will with all kids together and keep on improving it for a long time until everyone feels satisfied. You want the siblings to like and support each other. This will happen if all your children feel equally loved by you and one part of it is to get equal inheritance. What does it mean? Whatever your children agree to after much discussion and debate.

- Have your boundaries very clear. I don't have pets and I don't like pets in my house. My adult kids know that and they also decided not to keep pets. If you are ok with pets then you need to understand that there maybe a grandkid or SO who don't like pets, allergic to pets or scared of pets.

- Don't get into bean counting with your DIL or SIL side of the family. Especially during holidays. Don't go creating drama.

- At least be open to listening to your kids concern about your eldercare and think of creative solutions before you are in a dire strait.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your list is deranged. Living in California will be a major, major down side if your kids end up on the East Coast. I think you are imagining your adult children as toddlers who love water play and pets and need to run around. You might have grandkids like that, but your adult kids are going to be adults.

Here's what makes a difference for me:
*** Stay married!!! NO new partner trying to work his way in. NO step"siblings". NO pressure to play fake happy family with people you barely know! This is a huge deal.

*** When you have grandkids, thoroughly baby-proof your house so your kids aren't on guard for toddler safety the whole time. Get up-to-date baby stuff so that your kids don't have to bring it all with them. Have the right size diapers, a non-expired car seat, etc.

*** Make yourself aware of modern parenting trends so that you don't accidentally do something that is no longer okay. Be apprised of food rules, the latest thinking on discipline, etc. You will think all this is crazy, but it will really help you in getting along and being a relaxing and happy place to visit, rather than a place where your children feel judged and feel like if they turn their head for a moment you'll do something unsafe. And don't be judgmental if your grandchildren have special needs that affect their social behavior. Accept it. Be the accepting person in their lives, not the critical, blaming person.

*** Get a hearing aid when you need one! It's so tiresome to have to repeat myself because of my dad's vanity and denial. He can't understand what his grandchildren say, at all, and he doesn't care. It makes me so sad.

*** Don't move somewhere remote and expect them to visit because it's pretty or has skiing or whatever. They only have so many vacation days and if it's hard to get to, you'll get less visit, period.

*** Have good sleeping arrangements so that people get a good night's sleep, or don't pitch a fit when they get a hotel. I hate coming home from "vacation" more tired than I was when I started out. Have a good enough water heater for everyone to shower.

*** Be flexible about scheduling. Don't insist on Christmas or whatever on the actual calendar day. Be the easier and more flexible person in their lives and it will make it easier for them to visit you.

*** Allow them to go out and enjoy the area and see their childhood friends, do not pout if you don't get 100% of their time and attention during the visit. These social connections will help them motivate to come to your area. Similarly don't insist that everyone stand on ceremony in the living room the whole time. Let people take breaks, rest, nap telework, whatever.

*** Food should be good but you shouldn't be spending a lot of time stressing out in the kitchen or making your cooking timeline dominate the schedule. My mom is great with this-- all dinners are pre-made by her (like, a lasagna that she made and froze), and all lunches are good quality bread and cheese and charcuterie plus a soup and salad. Not a lot of actual cooking during the visit.

My mom sounds like OP and desperately wants me to cling to her. As I've told her many times, I'm not comfortable being in their house with my mentally ill and abusive dad who refuses to get therapy. She is devastated but will do absolutely nothing to make time to see me without him present. If she wanted me around, the very best thing she could ever do is divorce. So I disagree with PP here. It depends on the situation.

Okay but if you were still spending time with your dad, that would come out of your vacation time. And if your mom got a new partner who was also awful, divorce wouldn't have made anything better for you or her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's more about how much fun you and your kids have together OP, along with having enough to space to live comfortably.

Also, decorate your home in a cozy warm way, stay away from all the whites and grays.

😂😂😂 @ Whites and Gray

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your list is deranged. Living in California will be a major, major down side if your kids end up on the East Coast. I think you are imagining your adult children as toddlers who love water play and pets and need to run around. You might have grandkids like that, but your adult kids are going to be adults.

Here's what makes a difference for me:
*** Stay married!!! NO new partner trying to work his way in. NO step"siblings". NO pressure to play fake happy family with people you barely know! This is a huge deal.

*** When you have grandkids, thoroughly baby-proof your house so your kids aren't on guard for toddler safety the whole time. Get up-to-date baby stuff so that your kids don't have to bring it all with them. Have the right size diapers, a non-expired car seat, etc.

*** Make yourself aware of modern parenting trends so that you don't accidentally do something that is no longer okay. Be apprised of food rules, the latest thinking on discipline, etc. You will think all this is crazy, but it will really help you in getting along and being a relaxing and happy place to visit, rather than a place where your children feel judged and feel like if they turn their head for a moment you'll do something unsafe. And don't be judgmental if your grandchildren have special needs that affect their social behavior. Accept it. Be the accepting person in their lives, not the critical, blaming person.

*** Get a hearing aid when you need one! It's so tiresome to have to repeat myself because of my dad's vanity and denial. He can't understand what his grandchildren say, at all, and he doesn't care. It makes me so sad.

*** Don't move somewhere remote and expect them to visit because it's pretty or has skiing or whatever. They only have so many vacation days and if it's hard to get to, you'll get less visit, period.

*** Have good sleeping arrangements so that people get a good night's sleep, or don't pitch a fit when they get a hotel. I hate coming home from "vacation" more tired than I was when I started out. Have a good enough water heater for everyone to shower.

*** Be flexible about scheduling. Don't insist on Christmas or whatever on the actual calendar day. Be the easier and more flexible person in their lives and it will make it easier for them to visit you.

*** Allow them to go out and enjoy the area and see their childhood friends, do not pout if you don't get 100% of their time and attention during the visit. These social connections will help them motivate to come to your area. Similarly don't insist that everyone stand on ceremony in the living room the whole time. Let people take breaks, rest, nap telework, whatever.

*** Food should be good but you shouldn't be spending a lot of time stressing out in the kitchen or making your cooking timeline dominate the schedule. My mom is great with this-- all dinners are pre-made by her (like, a lasagna that she made and froze), and all lunches are good quality bread and cheese and charcuterie plus a soup and salad. Not a lot of actual cooking during the visit.

Great list, PP. I would like to add to it -

- Don't have a home which is hoarded, cluttered, needs repair. This is extremely stressful to grown kids.

- Maintain your physical, mental and social health. Adult kids want you to be self-sufficient, healthy and happy. Be a source of strength and support for them. Don't make them feel guilt, fear and anxiety when they see you. Have your own life, friends, travel plans etc.

- If you travel a lot. Share your travel calendar and itinerary with your kids. My AC have visited us at our vacation locations when we rented accomodation/car there. If we stay at a location for a longish time - my kids, relatives, friends will come and stay for a few days.

- Get your legal and medical papers in order. Be equal and equitable with all kids. Discuss your will with all kids together and keep on improving it for a long time until everyone feels satisfied. You want the siblings to like and support each other. This will happen if all your children feel equally loved by you and one part of it is to get equal inheritance. What does it mean? Whatever your children agree to after much discussion and debate.

- Have your boundaries very clear. I don't have pets and I don't like pets in my house. My adult kids know that and they also decided not to keep pets. If you are ok with pets then you need to understand that there maybe a grandkid or SO who don't like pets, allergic to pets or scared of pets.

- Don't get into bean counting with your DIL or SIL side of the family. Especially during holidays. Don't go creating drama.

- At least be open to listening to your kids concern about your eldercare and think of creative solutions before you are in a dire strait.

Anonymous wrote:My widowed friend sold her large house, and jointly bought largish homes with her two kids in a good school district. She has an independent suite in these houses and name on the deeds as co-owner. She takes turns living in each of these homes. She does not have to care about the maintenance of the home, grounds, utilities etc. She has become a minimalist. She has her own space, she has enabled her kids to buy homes in good school district which they could have not done on their own at a young age, she is close with her grandkids, and she has given her children their inheritance and a leg up while she is still living.