Anonymous
Post 12/30/2025 03:20     Subject: Re:Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:
Op, this is how it’s been with my dad since I was a teen. I’ve had to detach myself so as not to feel immense sadness. But he married someone who is hostile to his kids and grandkids, is extremely controlling, at times outright abusive to him (he admitted it once a few years ago after a particularly nasty rage filled blowup). My sibling and I have had a tenuous relationship with him ever since, we try to maintain contact but it’s limited and especially now that he is elderly and frail, she is in control. Over the years she has isolated him from family and friends, he walks on eggshells around her so as to not ignite her rage (and he is dependent on her now to drive etc). I make an effort to stay in contact but I’ve had to let go of hope that my dad will ever be capable of a genuine relationship with his kids or grandkids. He has shut himself down emotionally over the years as a strategy to avoid conflict and as a result he cannot connect with anyone. A brilliant and incredibly successful person with no inner life. At least, not with family.

He’s currently in the hospital and I have to work around her to see him this week. I will attempt to get him alone to see if he still want her in charge: I worry with his infirmity she will become more abusive (she is angry at his illness and acts like he’s faking) and that he might prefer assisted living but I doubt he will be able to make that call. I have a feeling he is going to die soon and it breaks my heart but he has made his choice, over and over. My only advice is that you keep lines of communication open but establish your boundaries as well.

As for inheritance, it’s fine to ask your dad if he’s made plans to put his estate in a trust and who is the executor, but I have come to expect nothing (even though my stepmom is independently very wealthy and has no kids). I of course, it’s one more blow, emotionally, not really about the money at all but the idea that we could mean so little to this man, who once loved us so dearly, and that he could choose , over and over, a woman who has been consistently nasty to his children, grandchildren (who blows up at a 7 year old?), brother and nephew….anyone with a connection threatens her. Sorry for the diatribe, realized this was much more about me than OP but this ksbhownitbstaryed with my dad (albeit when he was in his 40s not 70s).


So it's not about the money, except it is definitely about the money.

I wonder how many of you wouldn't even try from the beginning if not for the hope of a payday.


You are responding to me and you have absolutely no idea how wrong you are. You have no idea how painful it has been to see my dad disappear emotionally, to see him shrink into himself, unable to connect, and for me to long for a connection that I once had, to see my kids wonder why their grandparents are so distant. You have no idea about the therapy I’ve done over years to work through grief and find a way to maintain some connection to my dad while also protecting myself. It’s really telling that you can read my post and only see money, maybe because *you’re* unable to imagine why else I would keep trying. (And frankly the amount of money he personally has —since his wife is the rich one—-would not be worth the effort if that’s what I was doing. If you want to see this in transactional terms, I probably have spent more than 50k paying for our trips out here last 10 years….flights hotels etc…just to try to maintain a connection, esp for my kids who have no other living grandparents now. I have actually dialed back, didn’t visit last summer, based on the realization (in part from a post here about a terrible thing they did to my kid) that I’ve been chasing him my whole life and I really need to focus on my own family.

What will pain me, and what I’m bracing myself for, is the fact that in death, as in life, my father will have made it clear that my sibling and I (and his only grandkids) just didn’t matter enough. There is no amount of money that makes up for parental love.

My advice to OP still stands: it’s fine to ask about plans but brace yourself for his decision (or lack of one, passivity is how my father avoids conflict). Keep open lines of communication but prepare yourself.


Anonymous
Post 12/29/2025 09:32     Subject: Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Confront him before it’s too late.

You have nothing to lose. Take the high road and you’ll be watching all his stuff go to her kids, and you’ll be begging for th photo albums.



lol. Yeah, going after the inheritance is definitely the way to rebuild a relationship.


This is very, very common when the man, often widowed, gets a new wife or girlfriend.

The women move vry quickly to cut him off from his kids and especially grandkids, while lavishing his money and attention on her family.

Drop the rope and focus on your inlaws.

My dad dumping our family and the grandkids resulted in all of my siblings and I to create stronger bonds with the inlaws, even if we didn't have tge best relationship with them prior.

It is 20 years now in my rear view mirror, and thanks to my inlaws stepping up to the plate and filling the grandparent basket to the brim, I can say with certainty that it was a huge loss for my dad to miss out on all those moments with all of his (now teen and adult) grandkids, for her 2 grandkids and 1 daughter.

Every friend I know whose mom passed first, went through the exact same thing with their dad and the new woman cutting them off.


There are so many sociopaths in this thread. I was wondering if the posters here would cut off their parents if not for the expectation of inheritance, and then you came along and confirmed it. Thanks!


NP. You have poor reading comprehension. Did you miss the part that the new wife already cut them off so she instead focused on her kids and inlaws? You have to take that grief and anger/frustration and put it somewhere- it may as well be energy extended toward people who care about you and prioritize building/continuing a relationship.

To the PP who wrote about her mother working to pay off her home- you are not alone- this just happened to a coworker of mine. It is a crazy juicy story- but apparently not uncommon.

Apparently, after he passed, her and her siblings learned that her father had suddenly married someone in the last few weeks. No one had ever met her, heard of her or heard her name mentioned by him- he was a recent widower- not even dating as far as they knew and no evidence of it later- and he had recently been ill in hospital after a fracture. But it was a legal marriage- they confirmed at the courthouse. This was after they showed up at their dad's home to grieve, clean up for and plan the funeral and decide on a plan for the home/split the mementos- and she answered the door-with the marriage licence literally in hand and a nasty proud attitude. She told them to 'clean up this mess' and left. She wouldn't answer any of their questions but they found out later that she was apparently a care tech/lower level caregiver and he had been a patient she targeted when he was in rehab for a week before returning home after a fracture) and passed away very soon after.

The background: He never worked a day in his life- her mother did it all- all her life- and she set him up with a paid-off home after she received a terminal diagnosis- as she knew he couldn't manage money.... this new person now owns the home and all belongings. She is selling the home/clearing it out to get it listed. She hired a junk truck and haulers to move all the belongings (aka childhood memories) out and so all his daughters (my coworker and her sisters) found out this person was even there-when neighbors called them- they showed up and wept their way through picking through the junk in the rented bin- for cherished belongings/photo albums they wanted. And had to be thankful this woman didn't call the police to boot them off the property- she could have. Right now our coworker and her sisters are processing their grief and anger- at this woman- but also at their dad for being so consistently foolish, but also at their mother for not avoiding this and just simply 'hoping for the best'- as she KNEW he was such a lout he'd run through the money- they wish in retrospect that she had set up a trust for the the three daughters, an allowance for the dad, put the house in the girls name and then this person would not have been entitled to anything.

On the up side, they are using their anger as fuel to catch this woman before she strikes again. It's become kind of a hobby now and they post updates on their facebook. They can do nothing now- as it would be hard to even set about proving that he was manipulated because they did not have POA or documentation of severity of dementia. The sisters have been advised that as there was not a lot in the estate, this woman will likely strike again- as this appears to be her main source of income based on other deceased husbands- if you can believe it. They have paid an investigator to uncover who this woman even is, and the story is getting crazier and crazier.


Don't kid yourself. The pp was clear his actions were inheritance-motivated. It's disgusting. And it's disturbing how many people here seem to share the view that their parents are only good for their inheritance.

Inheritance has awful effects at both an individual level and a societal level. We really need to make dramatic changes to the practices and laws around it.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2025 00:33     Subject: Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Confront him before it’s too late.

You have nothing to lose. Take the high road and you’ll be watching all his stuff go to her kids, and you’ll be begging for th photo albums.



lol. Yeah, going after the inheritance is definitely the way to rebuild a relationship.


This is very, very common when the man, often widowed, gets a new wife or girlfriend.

The women move vry quickly to cut him off from his kids and especially grandkids, while lavishing his money and attention on her family.

Drop the rope and focus on your inlaws.

My dad dumping our family and the grandkids resulted in all of my siblings and I to create stronger bonds with the inlaws, even if we didn't have tge best relationship with them prior.

It is 20 years now in my rear view mirror, and thanks to my inlaws stepping up to the plate and filling the grandparent basket to the brim, I can say with certainty that it was a huge loss for my dad to miss out on all those moments with all of his (now teen and adult) grandkids, for her 2 grandkids and 1 daughter.

Every friend I know whose mom passed first, went through the exact same thing with their dad and the new woman cutting them off.


There are so many sociopaths in this thread. I was wondering if the posters here would cut off their parents if not for the expectation of inheritance, and then you came along and confirmed it. Thanks!


NP. You have poor reading comprehension. Did you miss the part that the new wife already cut them off so she instead focused on her kids and inlaws? You have to take that grief and anger/frustration and put it somewhere- it may as well be energy extended toward people who care about you and prioritize building/continuing a relationship.

To the PP who wrote about her mother working to pay off her home- you are not alone- this just happened to a coworker of mine. It is a crazy juicy story- but apparently not uncommon.

Apparently, after he passed, her and her siblings learned that her father had suddenly married someone in the last few weeks. No one had ever met her, heard of her or heard her name mentioned by him- he was a recent widower- not even dating as far as they knew and no evidence of it later- and he had recently been ill in hospital after a fracture. But it was a legal marriage- they confirmed at the courthouse. This was after they showed up at their dad's home to grieve, clean up for and plan the funeral and decide on a plan for the home/split the mementos- and she answered the door-with the marriage licence literally in hand and a nasty proud attitude. She told them to 'clean up this mess' and left. She wouldn't answer any of their questions but they found out later that she was apparently a care tech/lower level caregiver and he had been a patient she targeted when he was in rehab for a week before returning home after a fracture) and passed away very soon after.

The background: He never worked a day in his life- her mother did it all- all her life- and she set him up with a paid-off home after she received a terminal diagnosis- as she knew he couldn't manage money.... this new person now owns the home and all belongings. She is selling the home/clearing it out to get it listed. She hired a junk truck and haulers to move all the belongings (aka childhood memories) out and so all his daughters (my coworker and her sisters) found out this person was even there-when neighbors called them- they showed up and wept their way through picking through the junk in the rented bin- for cherished belongings/photo albums they wanted. And had to be thankful this woman didn't call the police to boot them off the property- she could have. Right now our coworker and her sisters are processing their grief and anger- at this woman- but also at their dad for being so consistently foolish, but also at their mother for not avoiding this and just simply 'hoping for the best'- as she KNEW he was such a lout he'd run through the money- they wish in retrospect that she had set up a trust for the the three daughters, an allowance for the dad, put the house in the girls name and then this person would not have been entitled to anything.

On the up side, they are using their anger as fuel to catch this woman before she strikes again. It's become kind of a hobby now and they post updates on their facebook. They can do nothing now- as it would be hard to even set about proving that he was manipulated because they did not have POA or documentation of severity of dementia. The sisters have been advised that as there was not a lot in the estate, this woman will likely strike again- as this appears to be her main source of income based on other deceased husbands- if you can believe it. They have paid an investigator to uncover who this woman even is, and the story is getting crazier and crazier.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 23:47     Subject: Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:With that attitude, I can't imagine why she doesn't want to spend time with you.


You win the thread.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 23:46     Subject: Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Take him to lunch and talk honestly with him. Tell him it’s up to him, not her, whethyhe has a relationship with you, but he’s giving her that power.


This. Have lunch. Phones off. Tell him how you feel about not seeing him, about your kids not seeing him, etc. Ask him how he sees it.

Unfortunately, he’s an adult and can choose what life he wants.

I seriously don’t understand people like his GF who want so much control over others. Must be the money.




It doesn't work.

Ask anyone who has been through it with their dad and a new woman.

Even the most doting grandpa will cut out his original family in a heartbeat if the new woman wants.


What kind of woman would want that?
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 23:46     Subject: Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If she’s already preventing him from seeing his children and grandchildren at Christmas, the war is over and you lost. The inheritance is gone. There’s nothing you can do at this point.


Agree.

She got my mom's house, that was paid off the month after she died, by her earnings while my dad spent, spent, spent.

That one stings tge most. Not because the house has a lot of value, but because it was the house we grew up in and our mom paid for, working even when her health was failing so the house would be paid off.

2nd wives suck.


So you're mad your father didn't pay for enough of the house?

How much did you pay for? Or were also a source of "spend, spend, spend"?
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 23:41     Subject: Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Confront him before it’s too late.

You have nothing to lose. Take the high road and you’ll be watching all his stuff go to her kids, and you’ll be begging for th photo albums.



lol. Yeah, going after the inheritance is definitely the way to rebuild a relationship.


This is very, very common when the man, often widowed, gets a new wife or girlfriend.

The women move vry quickly to cut him off from his kids and especially grandkids, while lavishing his money and attention on her family.

Drop the rope and focus on your inlaws.

My dad dumping our family and the grandkids resulted in all of my siblings and I to create stronger bonds with the inlaws, even if we didn't have tge best relationship with them prior.

It is 20 years now in my rear view mirror, and thanks to my inlaws stepping up to the plate and filling the grandparent basket to the brim, I can say with certainty that it was a huge loss for my dad to miss out on all those moments with all of his (now teen and adult) grandkids, for her 2 grandkids and 1 daughter.

Every friend I know whose mom passed first, went through the exact same thing with their dad and the new woman cutting them off.


There are so many sociopaths in this thread. I was wondering if the posters here would cut off their parents if not for the expectation of inheritance, and then you came along and confirmed it. Thanks!
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 23:27     Subject: Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:If she’s already preventing him from seeing his children and grandchildren at Christmas, the war is over and you lost. The inheritance is gone. There’s nothing you can do at this point.


Agree.

She got my mom's house, that was paid off the month after she died, by her earnings while my dad spent, spent, spent.

That one stings tge most. Not because the house has a lot of value, but because it was the house we grew up in and our mom paid for, working even when her health was failing so the house would be paid off.

2nd wives suck.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 23:24     Subject: Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Take him to lunch and talk honestly with him. Tell him it’s up to him, not her, whethyhe has a relationship with you, but he’s giving her that power.


This. Have lunch. Phones off. Tell him how you feel about not seeing him, about your kids not seeing him, etc. Ask him how he sees it.

Unfortunately, he’s an adult and can choose what life he wants.

I seriously don’t understand people like his GF who want so much control over others. Must be the money.




It doesn't work.

Ask anyone who has been through it with their dad and a new woman.

Even the most doting grandpa will cut out his original family in a heartbeat if the new woman wants.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 23:22     Subject: Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Confront him before it’s too late.

You have nothing to lose. Take the high road and you’ll be watching all his stuff go to her kids, and you’ll be begging for th photo albums.



lol. Yeah, going after the inheritance is definitely the way to rebuild a relationship.


This is very, very common when the man, often widowed, gets a new wife or girlfriend.

The women move vry quickly to cut him off from his kids and especially grandkids, while lavishing his money and attention on her family.

Drop the rope and focus on your inlaws.

My dad dumping our family and the grandkids resulted in all of my siblings and I to create stronger bonds with the inlaws, even if we didn't have tge best relationship with them prior.

It is 20 years now in my rear view mirror, and thanks to my inlaws stepping up to the plate and filling the grandparent basket to the brim, I can say with certainty that it was a huge loss for my dad to miss out on all those moments with all of his (now teen and adult) grandkids, for her 2 grandkids and 1 daughter.

Every friend I know whose mom passed first, went through the exact same thing with their dad and the new woman cutting them off.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 22:41     Subject: Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:With that attitude, I can't imagine why she doesn't want to spend time with you.


What’s wrong with OP’s attitude? I think OP sounds more than reasonable. Are you dad’s GF?


Read the post again. Does that sound like someone who is pleasant to be around? You don't think that's going to come out other ways?


She is fine. You, on the other hand, sounds like a gold digger.


You're the one that wants to control your parent's money. That sounds like a gold digger to me.

Looks like dad’s GF got triggered.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 22:17     Subject: Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:With that attitude, I can't imagine why she doesn't want to spend time with you.


What’s wrong with OP’s attitude? I think OP sounds more than reasonable. Are you dad’s GF?


Read the post again. Does that sound like someone who is pleasant to be around? You don't think that's going to come out other ways?


She is fine. You, on the other hand, sounds like a gold digger.


You're the one that wants to control your parent's money. That sounds like a gold digger to me.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 21:30     Subject: Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:With that attitude, I can't imagine why she doesn't want to spend time with you.


What’s wrong with OP’s attitude? I think OP sounds more than reasonable. Are you dad’s GF?


Read the post again. Does that sound like someone who is pleasant to be around? You don't think that's going to come out other ways?


She is fine. You, on the other hand, sounds like a gold digger.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 21:29     Subject: Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Confront him before it’s too late.

You have nothing to lose. Take the high road and you’ll be watching all his stuff go to her kids, and you’ll be begging for th photo albums.



lol. Yeah, going after the inheritance is definitely the way to rebuild a relationship.


OP. So for inheritance, I don’t necessarily care about the money itself. If he chose to leave everything to my siblings and nothing to me, I’d be fine with that because it’s staying in the family and I trust my siblings not to squander it.

But I do have a real problem if he leaves everything to her and her kids. She doesn’t work, so it’s a very real possibility she could convince him to leave her our childhood house so she has a place to stay, leave her money for her kids’ college tuition (they are high school age), etc.

I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

But more importantly, I want to be able to see my dad. I want him to be able to see his grandkids without it being an issue with her.


That is why it should be written into the will that when one spouse dies, the other gets half, and children get half.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2025 18:59     Subject: Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
Anonymous wrote:With that attitude, I can't imagine why she doesn't want to spend time with you.


Yuck you.