My kid at 10 will not gift something gross like this. At this age, the boyfriend is either cheap, low EQ or lack of common sense/lack of role model in the family. Either way, I won’t want my daughter to be associated with someone like this. If this is not the time for lessons, when is it the time? After she leaves for college? It’s a great example of identifying red flags.
One reason your daughter is not concerned could be that she has low self-esteem. If you cannot tolerate a boyfriend like this, then you will not marry one like this. I don’t think this is being materialistic at all. I want my dd to date someone intelligent, high EQ, and kind, because she is an equal partner to that.

OP could you describe the bottle. While it had something inside, did it look new? Or used on the outside with teeth marks on the spout or dents or light scratches etc.

I bought a two pack from Costco one. Looked new but it had liquid in one of the two thermoflasks. Someone did a return and they must have just put it on the shelf because they packed it back in quite well. It was wet inside too but had no visibled damage outside.

That could have happened with the poor boy who maybe didn’t check inside when he bought it.


The other scenario is your kid really liked him and maybe he got a new bottle and she said. Ooh so cute. I would have love those and since it was her birthday. He gave it to her right there. She definitely wouldn’t mind if he was the one using it and even drank from the bottle. That’s why she won’t find it gross. It’s like getting a sweater of your boyfriend.

Your daughter is probably insecure to stay with such a guy. Help her work on her confidence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is a senior in hs and recently had a birthday.
She’s been dating her boyfriend for about three months. First time being in a relationship for both of them. He seems nice enough. I don’t know him well.
She showed me the gift he gave her, a water bottle. Then she opened it to find it had remnants of liquid inside. It was used and he hadn’t even cleaned it out.
I didn’t say anything but it does make me question him. I understand not having a lot of money, but being thoughtful is key.
DD doesn’t seem bothered by the gift. She’s not materialistic at all.
As her mother should I say something or ask any questions. I don’t want to make her feel bad but this gift does make me question him. I realize some people are terrible gift givers, but this gift really seems to lack effort.
What does DCUM say?

Nice to see that particular trait has skipped a generation.

OP is not materialistic to suggest that the gift is a weird one. I would rather get a hand made card or nice note than a used water bottle with leftover tea/juice in it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe she had noticed one and liked it, maybe it was his moms and he asked if he could give it to her etc. Who knows.

I think jumping to the conclusion of bad intent or bad character is a pretty sexist view. That males shouldn't be understood or given the benefit of the doubt - but should just be assumed to be bad people with bad intentions without even exploring the situation.

If OPs daughter had seen something used that she thought her boyfriend had really liked and gave it to him, I doubt the thread would be people accusing her immediately of being a horrible person with bad intent.

Thank you! It's mind-boggling how many grown women are bashing a 17 year old boy with zero knowledge of his character or intent.

Uh it was a dirty used water bottle. What kind of knowledge of character or intent is needed?

You really believe the mother?

+1. Didn't happen. This poster is always making up posts about her teenaged daughter's boyfriend.

Anonymous wrote:DD is a senior in hs and recently had a birthday.
She’s been dating her boyfriend for about three months. First time being in a relationship for both of them. He seems nice enough. I don’t know him well.
She showed me the gift he gave her, a water bottle. Then she opened it to find it had remnants of liquid inside. It was used and he hadn’t even cleaned it out.
I didn’t say anything but it does make me question him. I understand not having a lot of money, but being thoughtful is key.
DD doesn’t seem bothered by the gift. She’s not materialistic at all.
As her mother should I say something or ask any questions. I don’t want to make her feel bad but this gift does make me question him. I realize some people are terrible gift givers, but this gift really seems to lack effort.
What does DCUM say?

Nice to see that particular trait has skipped a generation.

I would definitely rather get nothing than a used, uncleaned water bottle with leftover tea or juice in it. Good lord, this kid is clueless! Hopefully he will learn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say anything. BUT, giving someone a used water bottle as a gift is gross. I highly doubt he rinsed it out before giving it to her, if it were in fact new.

Maybe it was new but it was a "return" at the store and he did not open it and checked.

So, I would tell my DD to let him know so this can be returned at the store.

Maybe DD can tell him gently and privately - that they should not exchange gifts in the future.

I disagree that your DD should keep her mouth shut. Why should she be a doormat and passive in her relationship? What a stupid advice.

Agreed. She can be discrete and kind but she shouldn't accept this gift.

BS

Refusing the gift is not kind.

OP said her DD doesn’t care. Why not respect the girl’s view of the matter? Why impose your own?

Waaay too involved.

A young woman needs the involvement and guidance of her family (as does a young man) so that she can develop her voice. Otherwise an outsider will groom her in being subservient and a victim. Some boy gives her a used, unwashed bottle as her birthday gift and you tell her to go with it? I am sorry. Just no. She does not have to take that gift from him. Don't raise her to be a simp.

This!

Anonymous wrote:Also, a 3 month relationship is a big deal for HS students. That’s a pretty long relationship, equivalent to like almost a year in adult dating time.

Anonymous wrote:You've somehow raised a child who is a better person than you. Don't mess that up.

This. I’m shocked by the idea that the daughter should express that this gift is not good enough. If I were the boy and heard that, it would be an immediate dump situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say anything. BUT, giving someone a used water bottle as a gift is gross. I highly doubt he rinsed it out before giving it to her, if it were in fact new.

Maybe it was new but it was a "return" at the store and he did not open it and checked.

So, I would tell my DD to let him know so this can be returned at the store.

Maybe DD can tell him gently and privately - that they should not exchange gifts in the future.

I disagree that your DD should keep her mouth shut. Why should she be a doormat and passive in her relationship? What a stupid advice.

Agreed. She can be discrete and kind but she shouldn't accept this gift.

BS

Refusing the gift is not kind.

OP said her DD doesn’t care. Why not respect the girl’s view of the matter? Why impose your own?

Waaay too involved.

A young woman needs the involvement and guidance of her family (as does a young man) so that she can develop her voice. Otherwise an outsider will groom her in being subservient and a victim. Some boy gives her a used, unwashed bottle as her birthday gift and you tell her to go with it? I am sorry. Just no. She does not have to take that gift from him. Don't raise her to be a simp.

You are SO gullible. Talking about a voice and subservience and victimhood!. FFS the daughter did not run to her mother to open up a water bottle to show her. Unbelievable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe she had noticed one and liked it, maybe it was his moms and he asked if he could give it to her etc. Who knows.

I think jumping to the conclusion of bad intent or bad character is a pretty sexist view. That males shouldn't be understood or given the benefit of the doubt - but should just be assumed to be bad people with bad intentions without even exploring the situation.

If OPs daughter had seen something used that she thought her boyfriend had really liked and gave it to him, I doubt the thread would be people accusing her immediately of being a horrible person with bad intent.

Thank you! It's mind-boggling how many grown women are bashing a 17 year old boy with zero knowledge of his character or intent.

Uh it was a dirty used water bottle. What kind of knowledge of character or intent is needed?

You really believe the mother?

Ha! My DH if 20+ years still gives me gifts my dear mother routinely turns her nose up to. Good luck lady.

Why is there a gift being given after 3 months is my question.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say anything. BUT, giving someone a used water bottle as a gift is gross. I highly doubt he rinsed it out before giving it to her, if it were in fact new.

Maybe it was new but it was a "return" at the store and he did not open it and checked.

So, I would tell my DD to let him know so this can be returned at the store.

Maybe DD can tell him gently and privately - that they should not exchange gifts in the future.

I disagree that your DD should keep her mouth shut. Why should she be a doormat and passive in her relationship? What a stupid advice.

Agreed. She can be discrete and kind but she shouldn't accept this gift.

BS

Refusing the gift is not kind.

OP said her DD doesn’t care. Why not respect the girl’s view of the matter? Why impose your own?

Waaay too involved.

A young woman needs the involvement and guidance of her family (as does a young man) so that she can develop her voice. Otherwise an outsider will groom her in being subservient and a victim. Some boy gives her a used, unwashed bottle as her birthday gift and you tell her to go with it? I am sorry. Just no. She does not have to take that gift from him. Don't raise her to be a simp.