Anonymous
11/14/2025 07:28
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
Anonymous wrote:I have one kid but grew up in a family with four kids.
I think 3 or more is a lot. But I do think families that have plenty of support from extended family and who can afford nannies, au pairs, or other help, can handle it better than I could with none of those things. In my MC family growing up, four was too many, my parents were very overwhelmed, and I think all of my siblings and I experienced neglect of some kind (including medical neglect -- several of us have chronic health issues that can be traced to undiagnosed childhood problems). So I was very wary about keeping my own family small enough for me to handle, especially without a big support system.
Was it that your parents were too overwhelmed to notice?
Anonymous
11/13/2025 10:35
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
I have one kid but grew up in a family with four kids.
I think 3 or more is a lot. But I do think families that have plenty of support from extended family and who can afford nannies, au pairs, or other help, can handle it better than I could with none of those things. In my MC family growing up, four was too many, my parents were very overwhelmed, and I think all of my siblings and I experienced neglect of some kind (including medical neglect -- several of us have chronic health issues that can be traced to undiagnosed childhood problems). So I was very wary about keeping my own family small enough for me to handle, especially without a big support system.
I think 3 or more is a lot. But I do think families that have plenty of support from extended family and who can afford nannies, au pairs, or other help, can handle it better than I could with none of those things. In my MC family growing up, four was too many, my parents were very overwhelmed, and I think all of my siblings and I experienced neglect of some kind (including medical neglect -- several of us have chronic health issues that can be traced to undiagnosed childhood problems). So I was very wary about keeping my own family small enough for me to handle, especially without a big support system.
Anonymous
11/13/2025 10:12
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
What do we mean by "large" family? I used to think 3 kids was above average and got a few reactions when we had our third, but at this point I think a plurality of my kids' friends are 3-kid families. The 2 kid families keep announcing pregnancies! We are at a Silver Spring public elementary, for context. We know quite a few 4 kid families as well, although they are certainly a minority. 5 kids is when I'm officially surprised.
Anonymous
11/13/2025 09:58
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
I thought 3 was a lot...then I had twins. Jokes on me!
Anonymous
11/13/2025 09:15
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
OP- you are misinformed. 4 is definitely a large family.
Anonymous
11/10/2025 19:01
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
Anonymous wrote:I’ve got 7+ kids. The biggest difficulty isn’t the actual number you’re parenting, it’s that you inevitably end doing it while in your 40s or older. Running around after toddles starts to get really hard in comparison.
I’m guessing that it’s just a typo, and I have 5 kids and know and love a lot of families with more, but it cracks me up that you said that you have 7+ kids. Like you aren’t sure how many kids you have, but you know it’s at least 7.
Anonymous
11/10/2025 18:12
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Curious about this viewpoint for families you meet with 4 and with 5. Pregnant with number 4 now fwiw. I’ve heard this many times over the years.
Is four just more common? I haven’t looked at the numbers.
Family with more than 1-2 kids is considered a large family in educated circles.
Highly educated women are the demographic where 3 kid families are on the rise, countering downward trends elsewhere.
I’m highly educated, so is DH, and we have 4 kids. But most of our peers have 2 kids, with a few who have 3.
I think 4 kids is a big family (I feel it a lot when we go on vacation), but we all got easily into a minivan and can squeeze into most SUVs. I feel like if we had 5 kids the logistics would get trickier with cars, restaurants, and even our house. And I know a few families with 4 kids but not any with 5, so for that reason I would consider 5+ to be an unusually large family.
You don’t have to answer, but I’m curious about your kids’ age range and how old you were when you had number 4. I have a 5 year old, 3 (almost 4) year old, and 19 month old and am about to turn 36. I really, really want one more child, but my husband (a few months from 40) isn’t fully on board. I worry that we’re running out of time / will run out of energy!
Pp here. I had my first at age 35 and my last at 40. No twins, just 6 years of being pregnant and nursing. DH is 7 years older than me. Compared to me you are a young mom! In my peer group (my kids’ friends’ parents) I’m pretty much in the middle, age wise, even with my youngest.
I still feel like I have a lot of energy for my kids, although will happily admit that I’m glad we are through the baby and toddler years which are just a lot of physical labor.
DH needed a bit of convincing to have #4 but is very happy we did.
Anonymous
11/07/2025 09:34
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
*incredibly wealthy
Anonymous
11/07/2025 09:33
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Curious about this viewpoint for families you meet with 4 and with 5. Pregnant with number 4 now fwiw. I’ve heard this many times over the years.
Is four just more common? I haven’t looked at the numbers.
Family with more than 1-2 kids is considered a large family in educated circles.
Highly educated women are the demographic where 3 kid families are on the rise, countering downward trends elsewhere.
I’m highly educated, so is DH, and we have 4 kids. But most of our peers have 2 kids, with a few who have 3.
I think 4 kids is a big family (I feel it a lot when we go on vacation), but we all got easily into a minivan and can squeeze into most SUVs. I feel like if we had 5 kids the logistics would get trickier with cars, restaurants, and even our house. And I know a few families with 4 kids but not any with 5, so for that reason I would consider 5+ to be an unusually large family.
I agree with this. I have 3, which elicited the “oh wow you went for the third” response when we first announced. We are where families with 2 drew the line, but also maybe considered going. There are enough of us that it’s fairly unremarkable.
4 is like oh wow you’re committed to the big family thing. But the handful of people I know who have 4 tend to have easy, neurotypical kids and at least 1-2 are calm girls. They felt ok going for the fourth because parenting is going well for them.
5+ I assume it’s a religious thing. I know 2 families IRL who have 5 and 7 (a childhood friend and a second cousin) and they are religious, homeschool, Trumpy, (the one with 5 is a military family), etc. and are incredibly dependent on family members for money and childcare help. They have a “it takes a village” mentality but will brag on social media as if they’re doing everything on their own. I see behind the scenes so I know the online presentation is leaving out a lot. I’m sure there are exceptions (e.g. incredibly people with 5 who can afford to outsource and aren’t doing it because the bible). But in general 5 is the line where the families are outliers in some way (whether money or religion).
Anonymous
11/07/2025 09:12
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
I’ve got 7+ kids. The biggest difficulty isn’t the actual number you’re parenting, it’s that you inevitably end doing it while in your 40s or older. Running around after toddles starts to get really hard in comparison.
Anonymous
11/07/2025 07:23
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
The new governors of Va and NJ have 3 and 4 kids respectively. I don’t know how they do it! I feel so busy with 2.
Anonymous
11/07/2025 07:21
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Curious about this viewpoint for families you meet with 4 and with 5. Pregnant with number 4 now fwiw. I’ve heard this many times over the years.
Is four just more common? I haven’t looked at the numbers.
Family with more than 1-2 kids is considered a large family in educated circles.
The new governors of Va and NJ have 3 and 4 kids respectively. I don’t know how they do it! I feel so busy with 2.
Highly educated women are the demographic where 3 kid families are on the rise, countering downward trends elsewhere.
-1
Anonymous
11/07/2025 07:02
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
All this nonsense about car issues — of course minivans and Suburbans and the like accommodate families with five children, normal set up is for 7-8 occupants.
Anonymous
11/06/2025 22:39
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I do feel like there is a trend to have large families as a show of wealth. Kind of a humble brag that you can afford to. It's a rich big family thing that I think comes from rich influencers? This perfect family image with matching outfits? Maybe it is a Mormon influencer thing?
I do think a lot of what is big is dependent on how close the kids are spaced. Having 4+ kids back to back gives Duggar family. If you have 4 with a wide age gap the oldest is often basically an adult.
This. I think this is a trend for people now in their late 20s to mid 30s, though. I am mid-40s, and I don't know almost any parents my own age with more than 3 (and 3 is considered large among my peers). But the younger cohort in our well-off neighborhood appear much more like to have 3 or often more. The are also very blasé about it -- I have learned that such people do not want to have the size of their family noted in any way, even a complimentary way, and the wives in particular tend to sort of hand waive any implication that having more kids might be difficult in any way. They are often very confident in their parenting even when they are young parents with young kids, so different from the parents my own age who tended to be more neurotic and vulnerable at that stage. It definitely seems like a flex.
Also true where I live, 3 appears to be the new 2.
Anonymous
11/06/2025 22:33
Subject: Why is having 4 kids not considered a large family but 5 kids are seemingly where it becomes a large family?
Anonymous wrote:I do feel like there is a trend to have large families as a show of wealth. Kind of a humble brag that you can afford to. It's a rich big family thing that I think comes from rich influencers? This perfect family image with matching outfits? Maybe it is a Mormon influencer thing?
I do think a lot of what is big is dependent on how close the kids are spaced. Having 4+ kids back to back gives Duggar family. If you have 4 with a wide age gap the oldest is often basically an adult.
This. I think this is a trend for people now in their late 20s to mid 30s, though. I am mid-40s, and I don't know almost any parents my own age with more than 3 (and 3 is considered large among my peers). But the younger cohort in our well-off neighborhood appear much more like to have 3 or often more. The are also very blasé about it -- I have learned that such people do not want to have the size of their family noted in any way, even a complimentary way, and the wives in particular tend to sort of hand waive any implication that having more kids might be difficult in any way. They are often very confident in their parenting even when they are young parents with young kids, so different from the parents my own age who tended to be more neurotic and vulnerable at that stage. It definitely seems like a flex.