Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow! A lot of feelings on this thread.

A lot of people seem convinced I (1) don't volunteer or contribute to my school, (2) don't understand the nature of the events I'm complaining about. Let me disabuse you of these notions.

I am very active at our school and volunteer a ton. Every field trip, school event, clean up day, etc., I will volunteer my time. I've been a room parent several times. I also give a lot of money to the school. Previously, I gave money pretty much every time it was solicited, including to fundraising for the PTA general fund. I've done this for years. I also give money to support individual teachers and classrooms via Donors Choose, give money specifically to fundraisers for sports and activities including ones my kids don't participate in. I'd say in an average year, our family donates around 2-3k to the school and school-related fundraisers.

However, the longer I've been at the school, the more I see how PTA funds are sometimes used in what I consider to be strange ways. I'm not talking about thank you breakfasts for volunteers (we don't do that but I wouldn't have a problem with it even though I could not attend) or pizza at PTA meetings (we do that and I think it's good, the PTA also provides childcare during the meetings which I think is valuable for encouraging participation).

I'm talking about a series of adult-focused events and activities that happen throughout the year that yes, the PTA pays for (I've seen the line items in the budget) and that amount to socials for parents at the school at local bars and restaurants. I initially didn't think anything of it but over time I've come to think of these as a really inappropriate. They are usually not kid friendly, which means they are not accommodating to single parents, parents who can't afford childcare, or parents whose kids have special needs that can make it hard for them to socialize on a random Thursday night. The events are pushed by a small faction on the PTA, which includes a former president and two board members, and whenever it is suggested that we stop or reduce the number of these events, those three fight hard to keep them. Unsurprisingly, these events tend to be heavily attended by these members and people they are close friends with. I have never personally attended (I have a kid with SNs and this is not a realistic way for me to spend a weeknight) but have been told by others that they only went once because it felt exclusive and unwelcoming.

So with time, I've come to feel this is a way for the PTA to funnel general funds to enable a small group of parents to socialize for free. Which, since everyone in that group is UMC, is not even something they need -- they could do these events without any PTA involvement at all. I am baffled as to why these events came to be and cannot believe how hard they fight when any of us (and there are several of us who have become bothered by the events) suggest cutting back on them or suggest there are better ways to spend the general fund.

As a result, I no longer give money to the general fund, which means I also will not be contributing money via the annual auction this year, the PTA's biggest fundraiser. But I'm really bothered by this. We're going to channel are contributions to teachers and specific projects so we know where our money is going and that it is going to help actually support the kids and the school.

If your PTA doesn't have events like this, I'm not talking about you or trying to call you out. But our PTA does, I am increasingly bothered by it, and my post was an expression of my frustration.

Hopefully this clarifies things for people who were upset about the lack of detail in my original post.

I would go to every PTA meeting and question the budget, and also propose alternatives and better things they could use with that money.

"Oh, for the $1000/year that you spend on parent socials, we could buy two laptop charging carts, this would mean that the first graders wouldn't have to bring home their laptops to charge every day."

"Alternatively, we could give every teacher in the school a $20 gift card to help with classroom supplies. I don't know about you guys, but I had to send in tissues and paper towels twice this year!"

Finally, I would review the PTA bylaws because it's entirely possible that this is not allowed by the PTA's governing organizations. Any org that calls itself a PTA has to follow the rules of the National PTA.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very invested in the PTA as a way to support the school, the students, and the teachers. Money that goes to classrooms or enrichment events for students (and, if appropriate, their families) is great and I'm happy to donate to that. Community events that are linked to academics or social-emotional learning at the school, and focused on the kids, are great --we will participate and donate time and money for those.

PTA events that are primarily about adults socializing with one another away from the school should not be PTA events unless they are fundRAISING events. PTA money should not be spent on those activities.

If you want to socialize with other parents at the school, that's great, do so. But it shouldn't be PTA sponsored. No one should be donating money to a PTA to facilitate adults social events. Especially when these events have little to do with building community, and more to do with ensuring people who are already friends can get free food or entertainment, paid for by the PTA, while they hang out.

You sound jealous OP. They are already friends because they are working hard together volunteering for their kids’ school. Not because they are a clique and you weren’t invited. Give it a try and you might make some friends too.

You are either one of the people OP is talking about or you are hilariously naive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our PTA had a thank you breakfast for all volunteers last year. It was at 10:00am on a Tuesday. I think that should tell you everything you need to know about MY kid's school's PTA.

If it was in the evening, people would grumble about having to get a babysitter. (And the OP would chime in that this is a social event between adults that shouldn’t happen). They did it during school so you’d have childcare. But people will always look for a reason to take out their frustrations on the PTA and the people who do volunteer to justify not volunteering or doing so less in the future.

Most adults are WORKING at 10:00AM on a Tuesday, but then, you already knew that.

Indeed. The choice is between asking people to take an hour off of work or hire a babysitter if the event is outside of school hours. People will complain about both things. Lots of people do not want to volunteer but don't want to admit that to themselves or others so they justify it by complaining about the PTA not being welcoming, the PTA being cliquey moms, the PTA not scheduling things at a time that is specifically convenient for them, etc. It's all a cop out. Admit you would rather free ride on the volunteer work of other people.[url]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow! A lot of feelings on this thread.

A lot of people seem convinced I (1) don't volunteer or contribute to my school, (2) don't understand the nature of the events I'm complaining about. Let me disabuse you of these notions.

I am very active at our school and volunteer a ton. Every field trip, school event, clean up day, etc., I will volunteer my time. I've been a room parent several times. I also give a lot of money to the school. Previously, I gave money pretty much every time it was solicited, including to fundraising for the PTA general fund. I've done this for years. I also give money to support individual teachers and classrooms via Donors Choose, give money specifically to fundraisers for sports and activities including ones my kids don't participate in. I'd say in an average year, our family donates around 2-3k to the school and school-related fundraisers.

However, the longer I've been at the school, the more I see how PTA funds are sometimes used in what I consider to be strange ways. I'm not talking about thank you breakfasts for volunteers (we don't do that but I wouldn't have a problem with it even though I could not attend) or pizza at PTA meetings (we do that and I think it's good, the PTA also provides childcare during the meetings which I think is valuable for encouraging participation).

I'm talking about a series of adult-focused events and activities that happen throughout the year that yes, the PTA pays for (I've seen the line items in the budget) and that amount to socials for parents at the school at local bars and restaurants. I initially didn't think anything of it but over time I've come to think of these as a really inappropriate. They are usually not kid friendly, which means they are not accommodating to single parents, parents who can't afford childcare, or parents whose kids have special needs that can make it hard for them to socialize on a random Thursday night. The events are pushed by a small faction on the PTA, which includes a former president and two board members, and whenever it is suggested that we stop or reduce the number of these events, those three fight hard to keep them. Unsurprisingly, these events tend to be heavily attended by these members and people they are close friends with. I have never personally attended (I have a kid with SNs and this is not a realistic way for me to spend a weeknight) but have been told by others that they only went once because it felt exclusive and unwelcoming.

So with time, I've come to feel this is a way for the PTA to funnel general funds to enable a small group of parents to socialize for free. Which, since everyone in that group is UMC, is not even something they need -- they could do these events without any PTA involvement at all. I am baffled as to why these events came to be and cannot believe how hard they fight when any of us (and there are several of us who have become bothered by the events) suggest cutting back on them or suggest there are better ways to spend the general fund.

As a result, I no longer give money to the general fund, which means I also will not be contributing money via the annual auction this year, the PTA's biggest fundraiser. But I'm really bothered by this. We're going to channel are contributions to teachers and specific projects so we know where our money is going and that it is going to help actually support the kids and the school.

If your PTA doesn't have events like this, I'm not talking about you or trying to call you out. But our PTA does, I am increasingly bothered by it, and my post was an expression of my frustration.

Hopefully this clarifies things for people who were upset about the lack of detail in my original post.

So they have events at bars where the PTA pays for booze?

Yeah what do you mean by the events “amount to” socials for parents at local bars? Is the PTA paying for a few shared appetizers for the group or picking up a $500 booze tab? Seems very different to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our PTA had a thank you breakfast for all volunteers last year. It was at 10:00am on a Tuesday. I think that should tell you everything you need to know about MY kid's school's PTA.

If it was in the evening, people would grumble about having to get a babysitter. (And the OP would chime in that this is a social event between adults that shouldn’t happen). They did it during school so you’d have childcare. But people will always look for a reason to take out their frustrations on the PTA and the people who do volunteer to justify not volunteering or doing so less in the future.

Most adults are WORKING at 10:00AM on a Tuesday, but then, you already knew that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our PTA had a thank you breakfast for all volunteers last year. It was at 10:00am on a Tuesday. I think that should tell you everything you need to know about MY kid's school's PTA.

If it was in the evening, people would grumble about having to get a babysitter. (And the OP would chime in that this is a social event between adults that shouldn’t happen). They did it during school so you’d have childcare. But people will always look for a reason to take out their frustrations on the PTA and the people who do volunteer to justify not volunteering or doing so less in the future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree - some schools do a great job of community building with family-focused events. Our current ES doesn't do any of that and I'm not sure where the money is actually going. I loved our old ES with it's welcome picnic, fall fair, and spring fling - it was so fun for the kids!

Right, family-focused events. OP's position is that any event that is not family focused should be for fundraising only, and that you shouldn't spend PTA funds on adult-only socializing. She's specifically saying the money should go to the kinds of events you are praising, since adults can get together and socialize without the PTA sponsoring the event.

Oh, her post was so long I merely skimmed it. Yes, I'm not sure what kind of events people are having that are adults only that aren't fundraisers. Our ES used to have a silent auction that was adults only but it raised a LOT of money for the school and all of the food, wine, and auction items were donated by local businesses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very invested in the PTA as a way to support the school, the students, and the teachers. Money that goes to classrooms or enrichment events for students (and, if appropriate, their families) is great and I'm happy to donate to that. Community events that are linked to academics or social-emotional learning at the school, and focused on the kids, are great --we will participate and donate time and money for those.

PTA events that are primarily about adults socializing with one another away from the school should not be PTA events unless they are fundRAISING events. PTA money should not be spent on those activities.

If you want to socialize with other parents at the school, that's great, do so. But it shouldn't be PTA sponsored. No one should be donating money to a PTA to facilitate adults social events. Especially when these events have little to do with building community, and more to do with ensuring people who are already friends can get free food or entertainment, paid for by the PTA, while they hang out.

You sound jealous OP. They are already friends because they are working hard together volunteering for their kids’ school. Not because they are a clique and you weren’t invited. Give it a try and you might make some friends too.

At the first elementary school PTA I volunteered for, I had the distinct impression there was a clique of old friends who were set in their ways and not incredibly welcoming of new faces. Then their kids graduated, the atmosphere changed, a bunch of new people came in who didn't know each other, and it became a warm and friendly place! I never attended the end of year happy hour, which is perhaps what OP is talking about, but I can tell you we worked hard for that school, and became friendly from working together, as PP explained. Most people in all the PTAs I've volunteered for are full-time working parents and don't have time to socialize or chit-chat too long. I have often been the only stay-at-home parent on the board.

Honestly it sounds like you were friends with the new crew and not the old crew, since you were part of it. And I can guarantee you outsiders to your clique felt the same way you once did. They aren't stupid and can see that the group is "friendly" and they just naturally talk to each other not the new faces as much.

This dynamic will always exist. Parents of the older kids who have been volunteering longer are all friends because of the time they have spent together. To newer parents, this could seem cliquey, especially if you are insecure and think that way. But they won’t bite and I have gotten close with folks like that many times. And then the parents moving up and volunteering over the years become closer, and this just keeps repeating itself. Just volunteer and be open to making friends. It’s not about you and they aren’t excluding you unless you’re being a jerk. I promise.

Sometimes people are cliquey. I am a parent of an older child and have been volunteering consistently for five years. Most of the PTA clique people still don't know my name. Some of them have children in class with my eldest and they also don't seem to know this, which is wild to me.

Sometimes people suck.

I'm always highly suspicious of posters like this who just default to "people suck". I'm an introvert with social anxiety. I'm not going to be the life of the party. I accept that people may not warm to me immediately. But I work hard when I volunteer, contribute ideas and am a good team player, so people have generally been friendly and welcoming. My youngest is in high school now, I've been doing this for many years in different schools with different PTAs. Some groups are harder to break into than others, but that's on YOU, the volunteer, to make the extra effort. It's a cop-out to just blame everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very invested in the PTA as a way to support the school, the students, and the teachers. Money that goes to classrooms or enrichment events for students (and, if appropriate, their families) is great and I'm happy to donate to that. Community events that are linked to academics or social-emotional learning at the school, and focused on the kids, are great --we will participate and donate time and money for those.

PTA events that are primarily about adults socializing with one another away from the school should not be PTA events unless they are fundRAISING events. PTA money should not be spent on those activities.

If you want to socialize with other parents at the school, that's great, do so. But it shouldn't be PTA sponsored. No one should be donating money to a PTA to facilitate adults social events. Especially when these events have little to do with building community, and more to do with ensuring people who are already friends can get free food or entertainment, paid for by the PTA, while they hang out.

You sound jealous OP. They are already friends because they are working hard together volunteering for their kids’ school. Not because they are a clique and you weren’t invited. Give it a try and you might make some friends too.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow! A lot of feelings on this thread.

A lot of people seem convinced I (1) don't volunteer or contribute to my school, (2) don't understand the nature of the events I'm complaining about. Let me disabuse you of these notions.

I am very active at our school and volunteer a ton. Every field trip, school event, clean up day, etc., I will volunteer my time. I've been a room parent several times. I also give a lot of money to the school. Previously, I gave money pretty much every time it was solicited, including to fundraising for the PTA general fund. I've done this for years. I also give money to support individual teachers and classrooms via Donors Choose, give money specifically to fundraisers for sports and activities including ones my kids don't participate in. I'd say in an average year, our family donates around 2-3k to the school and school-related fundraisers.

However, the longer I've been at the school, the more I see how PTA funds are sometimes used in what I consider to be strange ways. I'm not talking about thank you breakfasts for volunteers (we don't do that but I wouldn't have a problem with it even though I could not attend) or pizza at PTA meetings (we do that and I think it's good, the PTA also provides childcare during the meetings which I think is valuable for encouraging participation).

I'm talking about a series of adult-focused events and activities that happen throughout the year that yes, the PTA pays for (I've seen the line items in the budget) and that amount to socials for parents at the school at local bars and restaurants. I initially didn't think anything of it but over time I've come to think of these as a really inappropriate. They are usually not kid friendly, which means they are not accommodating to single parents, parents who can't afford childcare, or parents whose kids have special needs that can make it hard for them to socialize on a random Thursday night. The events are pushed by a small faction on the PTA, which includes a former president and two board members, and whenever it is suggested that we stop or reduce the number of these events, those three fight hard to keep them. Unsurprisingly, these events tend to be heavily attended by these members and people they are close friends with. I have never personally attended (I have a kid with SNs and this is not a realistic way for me to spend a weeknight) but have been told by others that they only went once because it felt exclusive and unwelcoming.

So with time, I've come to feel this is a way for the PTA to funnel general funds to enable a small group of parents to socialize for free. Which, since everyone in that group is UMC, is not even something they need -- they could do these events without any PTA involvement at all. I am baffled as to why these events came to be and cannot believe how hard they fight when any of us (and there are several of us who have become bothered by the events) suggest cutting back on them or suggest there are better ways to spend the general fund.

As a result, I no longer give money to the general fund, which means I also will not be contributing money via the annual auction this year, the PTA's biggest fundraiser. But I'm really bothered by this. We're going to channel are contributions to teachers and specific projects so we know where our money is going and that it is going to help actually support the kids and the school.

If your PTA doesn't have events like this, I'm not talking about you or trying to call you out. But our PTA does, I am increasingly bothered by it, and my post was an expression of my frustration.

Hopefully this clarifies things for people who were upset about the lack of detail in my original post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very invested in the PTA as a way to support the school, the students, and the teachers. Money that goes to classrooms or enrichment events for students (and, if appropriate, their families) is great and I'm happy to donate to that. Community events that are linked to academics or social-emotional learning at the school, and focused on the kids, are great --we will participate and donate time and money for those.

PTA events that are primarily about adults socializing with one another away from the school should not be PTA events unless they are fundRAISING events. PTA money should not be spent on those activities.

If you want to socialize with other parents at the school, that's great, do so. But it shouldn't be PTA sponsored. No one should be donating money to a PTA to facilitate adults social events. Especially when these events have little to do with building community, and more to do with ensuring people who are already friends can get free food or entertainment, paid for by the PTA, while they hang out.

So building community is not important to you?

DP. Adults can build community on their own. Schools and by extension PTAs are for kids.

You actually need to bring the adults together to make that happen. It doesn't just happen out of thin air.

Again PTAs are not adult social groups. Adults get together in the normal course of PTA activities. If you want to go out for happy hour after that is your business.

What rule does this violate?

The rule of common sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very invested in the PTA as a way to support the school, the students, and the teachers. Money that goes to classrooms or enrichment events for students (and, if appropriate, their families) is great and I'm happy to donate to that. Community events that are linked to academics or social-emotional learning at the school, and focused on the kids, are great --we will participate and donate time and money for those.

PTA events that are primarily about adults socializing with one another away from the school should not be PTA events unless they are fundRAISING events. PTA money should not be spent on those activities.

If you want to socialize with other parents at the school, that's great, do so. But it shouldn't be PTA sponsored. No one should be donating money to a PTA to facilitate adults social events. Especially when these events have little to do with building community, and more to do with ensuring people who are already friends can get free food or entertainment, paid for by the PTA, while they hang out.

So building community is not important to you?

DP. Adults can build community on their own. Schools and by extension PTAs are for kids.

You actually need to bring the adults together to make that happen. It doesn't just happen out of thin air.

Again PTAs are not adult social groups. Adults get together in the normal course of PTA activities. If you want to go out for happy hour after that is your business.

What rule does this violate?