When I was a junior at a small private high school circa early 90’s, the students and parents were told that the college application process is our first step towards independence and adulthood, and that it wasn’t the parents’ responsibility to book college tours, keep track of deadlines, read essays, etc. Obviously these are different times and while I didn’t see or proofread my kid’s applications, I did my share of nagging/reminding about deadlines and went onto college websites to see when tours are available. Many of us are struggling with this cultural shift, and it’s hard to strike that balance between nurturing/supporting and helicoptering.

I knew where my daughter applied and when because she needed my credit card. Other than that, parents at our private were strongly encouraged to stay out of the actual application process, so I did. (Parents filled out a brag sheet, gave a budget, etc. junior year so everyone was on the same page.) She got into 7 of 8 schools and withdrew from the last one after she committed to another school before receiving that decision.

Checking your kid's common app is common sense and not helicoptering. Most info sessions at schools recommend having a trusted adult proofread. It's always good to have someone review an important document to catch spelling or even format issues. Or making sure the right boxes are checked. When my kid copied and pasted the essay and activities, sometimes words got cut off. Viewing the pdf was very helpful to see how it looks to admission counselors. My kid rolled his eyes at me when I insisted on reviewing and I didn't care. Luckily, we caught several small errors before he submitted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine having the kind of relationship where my kid wouldn't ask for input or insight from us on probably the biggest thing they had ever submitted. People don't turn in research papers or work proposals or legal briefs without having multiple people review them. Why would a college application be different?

I had a fine relationship with my parents, but I didn’t ask for any upper or insight because I was smarter than them.

+1. My parents didn't proofread my applications, because they wouldn't have any idea how they were supposed to look.

We have a great relationship, but once I started applying to selective colleges they were out of their depth.

Nobody cares what you did on your Smith Corona typewriter decades ago when it was dead easy to get into the best schools. Things are different now. A smart parent will make it their business to know exactly how college applications work now so that they're not "out of their depth" and can provide useful feedback.

"People don't turn in research papers or work proposals or legal briefs without having multiple people review them."

Why are we pretending that high school seniors can write research papers, work proposals, or legal briefs? They can't. You need experience to do that, and they don't have that experience.

🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁

I know someone whose kid submitted without filling in all the sections for one school, but also submitted a bunch of other apps EA all perfectly filled out. When the kid realized her mistake, she made her mom check every app after that one. Mistakes happen. But I might not chance it with an ED app.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine having the kind of relationship where my kid wouldn't ask for input or insight from us on probably the biggest thing they had ever submitted. People don't turn in research papers or work proposals or legal briefs without having multiple people review them. Why would a college application be different?

I had a fine relationship with my parents, but I didn’t ask for any upper or insight because I was smarter than them.

+1. My parents didn't proofread my applications, because they wouldn't have any idea how they were supposed to look.

We have a great relationship, but once I started applying to selective colleges they were out of their depth.

Nobody cares what you did on your Smith Corona typewriter decades ago when it was dead easy to get into the best schools. Things are different now. A smart parent will make it their business to know exactly how college applications work now so that they're not "out of their depth" and can provide useful feedback.

"People don't turn in research papers or work proposals or legal briefs without having multiple people review them."

Why are we pretending that high school seniors can write research papers, work proposals, or legal briefs? They can't. You need experience to do that, and they don't have that experience.

I never saw my kid's application. They got in ED at a Top 10 college and are happy there now.

At some point, I did look at her draft summary of ECs, and provided my thoughts on how she could fit more content in within the very small word count. I don't know if she used my suggestions or not.

We did have someone we paid to look at her essay at some point, but I have no idea if she took any of the suggestions that the woman gave, or if she even showed the woman the last version of it, or even if it underwent multiple drafts.

My child was really resistant to my being involved. But with a different kid, I might have a different approach.

Anonymous wrote:All three my kids never looked at an application.

Your kids never looked at applications?

Or you never looked at the applications for your three kids? If that’s what you meant to say, that’s probably for the best.

All three my kids never looked at an application.

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone been in this situation? Our child think he will send in their ED app without us seeing it.

Good for him. Why do you need or even want to see it?

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t look at any of my kid’s application when they submitted. I knew they were submitting only when they asked me for credit card information for the fee.

I didn’t look at any of my child’s applications. All done at school via the college counselor.

Now, my child did ask me questions to make sure they had the information correct. And I do know where they applied since they had to use the credit card to pay for the applications.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aren’t they supposed to do that? I have not seen any of their applications.

Same, no applications, no essays, just the charge on the bank statement.

this was us a few years ago. DS was deferred in ED from a T10 (legacy). We reviewed the app and saw a bunch of things that could be tighter, tell a more compelling story, reordering of ECs, and more.

Spent winter break working with DS: Got into multiple Ivies with a revamped Common App. Was rejected from that T10 in RD.

Anonymous wrote:Aren’t they supposed to do that? I have not seen any of their applications.

Same, no applications, no essays, just the charge on the bank statement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine having the kind of relationship where my kid wouldn't ask for input or insight from us on probably the biggest thing they had ever submitted. People don't turn in research papers or work proposals or legal briefs without having multiple people review them. Why would a college application be different?

I think it dpends on the colleges you are applying to.
If you are applying to Iowa or Missouri, no needfor me to review.

If you are applying to a private T20, where I am paying 90k yes, I am taking a brief look. Those schools expect a POLISHED application.

DP. It is kind of ironic, though. A kid with the right stuff for a T20 should be capable of presenting a polished application on their own.

This is not the flex you think it is. Quite the opposite. Apparently, a certain level of maturity is required to understand how easy it is to miss one's own typos.

There are many professions where adult professionals review each other's work, for this very reason, before the work is submitted to a client, court, government office, etc. Maybe a college application doesn't rise to this level, fine, but that doesn't mean that skipping outside proofreading is in any way a sign of maturity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine having the kind of relationship where my kid wouldn't ask for input or insight from us on probably the biggest thing they had ever submitted. People don't turn in research papers or work proposals or legal briefs without having multiple people review them. Why would a college application be different?

I think it dpends on the colleges you are applying to.
If you are applying to Iowa or Missouri, no needfor me to review.

If you are applying to a private T20, where I am paying 90k yes, I am taking a brief look. Those schools expect a POLISHED application.

DP. It is kind of ironic, though. A kid with the right stuff for a T20 should be capable of presenting a polished application on their own.

I hope you’ve never had anyone proofread anything for you since the day you turned 18. You should be capable of doing it one your own.

A proofread is nice to have. But if they’ve typed their content out first in a Google doc or Word, spelling and grammar mistakes will be easy to catch.

This is my approach to resumes and cover letters, too.