Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol. I’m the person that asks them to check the tag as I bend my body like a contortionist to reach the collar. I don’t care. I have friends that Google my stuff, not to copy but to find out the price. They aren’t trying to copy me, they are trying to sleuth my finances. Yes, it’s odd behavior and not how I think re: others, but it’s important enough for them to go home and research for some reason. I know this because they pretty much told me. They are my friends. We all have our own quirks. No biggie.

I would never allow this.

Ugh. I did this once for a stranger. I felt obligated. I’m embarrassed admitting it. She was like a dog with a bone. I didn’t want to be rude to her. Wish I had kept walking and said thanks and not engaged her.

Anonymous wrote:I went to a party in bk the other night and saw this happen 3 times. One time I complimented someone’s dress and asked if it was Anthropologie and she seemed to not remember and then said she thought it was another designer, and twice more I saw someone ask and get a shrug or an ‘I can’t remember’. I easily googled all 3 items when I got home and they are currently in various stores. What is this weird behavior?

I think it’s weird and rude to ask someone where they got something from. You are in the wrong here. No one is REQUIRED to share.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is BK? Is this Bethesda or some other striver neighborhood?

In my normal neighborhood, when someone compliments your outfit we’re quick to reply it’s from Amazon, it’s on sale, and oh here’s the link, go snatch one up!

op - brooklyn.

I'm manhattan where it's normal to compliment and then share where you got something. It was SO odd.

No, it’s really not the norm. And no one owes other people the details of their clothing’s origin, that’s insane.

I also think it’s a vibe thing. Like if someone comes up and is friendly and compliments and quickly wants to know where I got something, I’m happy to share. Among actual friends this type of interaction usually organically results in an exchange of recommendations, or a sharing of stories or problems they’re trying to solve and it feels collaborative.

But recently I was at a botanical garden with newish friends and our toddlers, and one woman complimented my necklace a bunch of times, asked to know the brand, pulled out her phone, had me spell the brand name multiple times so she could go to the designer’s website and find the exact necklace on the spot. She then started yelling about the dollar amount of it to everyone else, showing her phone to another mom next to her (it’s small and subtle - not some crazy expensive TikTok luxury thing). Then she demanded to know the brand of my sweater and literally reached in and turned the collar of it outward to examine the label and look that up too.

Another newish friend after a party at our house for our toddler, grilled me rapid-fire on multiple details about things in our home, where we got them, what they cost etc. I had actually locked and/or obviously blocked off some of the private spaces in my house beforehand because I didn’t want toddlers wandering around knocking over office papers etc but I was also anticipating that she would try to peek in and that it would make me uncomfortable, since the only other time she’d been over, she wandered all over our upstairs unannounced, at a time we had houseguests. And don’t you know it she was moving decorations to peer into rooms and jiggling the door handles of the ones that were locked, while I was apologizing that I had done all this for the party that had ended an hour and a half ago.

I’ve always been a sharer but these two instances have made me pause. To these women, being forthcoming w info seemed to invite further entitlement to answers about additional items in a way that felt invasive and icky, like I/my home was being inspected so that they could gather up a mental list, while really disrespecting my personal space. I get that it’s probably some form of flattery at heart but it was uncomfortable and certainly didn’t feel like any compliment.

It’s made me start to think about how I might have been able to effectively shut down their questioning before I got to the point where I felt better just cutting the first woman off completely, and deciding never to have the second one over again—I was too caught off guard at the time both times to hold to whatever boundary would match my comfort level.

I’m starting to think that maybe, unless the answer is how I’m excited that I got the thing at a totally lame place for a super cheap price (“$20 from Amazon, can you believe it!?”) , I won’t answer these types of questions unless they are a stranger (bc those are limited-time/contact situations that are brief) or until someone is a close friend. But also none of my close friends would have approached wanting to know about all of the things in quite the same way. I think some of this comes from TikTok culture where it’s accepted to go up to an anonymous stranger, and ask them to name the brand name of every item of clothing / every accessory on their person while filming them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's weird that you asked her where her dress is from, especially when you had an inkling of where it was from already.

I don't offer up where my clothes are from when someone compliments me. If they asked, I guess I would tell them, but that seems weird.

Not OP, but I often get asked where I bought something. I'm happy to share the info.

Ditto. I have a pair of Cherry earrings that I constantly get compliments on and asked where I got them. I happily tell them Amazon.

Well just for the record, I don’t want to be asked this. I think the question is rude and invasive and especially if I don’t know you, I’m going to try to wriggle free somehow.

People can disagree about this and that’s fine. But that’s where I’m at and it’s the “why” if I give you an evasive answer. It’s not because I’m “gatekeeping.”

Anonymous wrote:I complimented a stranger on her dress on Saturday, I absolutely did not expect her to tell me where she got it, I just thought her dress was beautiful and was kind of hoping she'd talk to me because she seemed cool (she just said thank you and went back to talking to her date, which was fine).

That’s a totally different thing. It’s perfectly okay to compliment someone on their dress and they may well volunteer where it’s from. That’s completely different than asking a stranger what their clothing costs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people who ask you where you got something when you don’t know them are the same people who will judge you so hard, sometimes right to your face. Especially if it was expensive.

If I say “Zimmerman” or whatever that woman is going to be like “oh my god, I could never spend that much on a dress” or like “I think they have the same thing at tj maxx.”

Asking where a dress is from is the same thing as asking how much it cost and that’s an invasive question so people dodge it.

Oh please. Everyone knows it's easy to buy them for $200-$300 since they don't sell all that well. Just another self impressed twit.

See this? This is why people don’t want to tell you where their clothes are from. Because people who will ask you that go from 0 to “you’re a twit” in three seconds flat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it such a big deal to share where you bought your clothes? If someone asks I always say the brand, but I buy most of my casual clothes on EBay or Poshmark so they’re not what’s latest in the stores.

Why do you need to know? What is the point in asking?

What’s the point in pretending your clothes are a state secret?

I'm just minding my own business, you're the one interrogating strangers for state secrets.

I complimented a stranger on her dress on Saturday, I absolutely did not expect her to tell me where she got it, I just thought her dress was beautiful and was kind of hoping she'd talk to me because she seemed cool (she just said thank you and went back to talking to her date, which was fine).

My coworker and I had this conversation because she (black) said that white women (me) happily share and black women won't. I have the opposite experience- so we realized that it seemed like if you 'looked enough like' them, they wouldn't share as they don't want competition. She and I had the same taste and at first she was annoyed when we showed up in the same dress (randomly one day- she kept saying she KNEW it would happen some day) then by noon she was like 'u r right- we have styled it totally differently, have totally different heights and shapes- this is not an issue'.

I call bs on anyone who cares enough to have something nice enough to gain a compliment 'not remembering' so it just makes them look like a liar. They need to have a better back story. Conversely if anyone went for my tag, I'd shut that down as well- that's boundaryless.

OP, they did not want to contribute to a mindset, you/other's might have, in what brands people wear.

Anonymous wrote:My family has farmed eight generations. In that community, it's a rude question. Answer will be "we have enough for us" In reality it's all public record and only new comers would ask.

Off-topic and not true of all farmers. PP, get a grip.

Anonymous wrote:I do it when I don't want to admit I bought it on Amazon.

Some lady on line was doing a video where she’s like “My dress is from Hapoy Lady Good Clothes” and my shoes are “123 very good dress” because they are all weird off brand Chinese clothes from Amazon. Kind of making fun of the sorority girls with their dress from Oscar de la renta etc.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Pretend you don't look up what your friends clothes cost. Like you don't look up their cars or homes.

l have never looked up someone’s home, car or clothes to see how much it cost. Jealousy creeps me out I’m glad l don’t suffer from it.